If Life Were Like Victoria.....

[TheMel]

China conquered and unified India in 1860, and made it a protectorate under Tibet 100 years later, as a token of their alliance. They then invaded Russia for the third time, and were finally able to satellite a complete Ukraine.

No lives were lost in the Mexican-American wars. Instead, the American soldiers sat comfortably at the Canadian border until being informed that Mexico had ceded everything up to the Rio Grande.

Many wars were fought between the native Yankee and Dixie tribes of the North American continent. Strangely, the Dixies would never move north of Kentucky, and the Yankees would never move south of Pennsylvania. Historians have concluded that they are two completely races of human, or at least were until the Sino-American War of 1882, when they were annexed, and promptly emigrated to Midway.

 

[Gothmog]

Rifles and artillery would require a lot of ammunition to be manufactured, but once made, they'll never have to be reloaded...

Ships of any kind can merrily sail around the globe without ever having to stop for refeuling.

 

[Curwen]

“Our mutual value is for us the value of our mutual objects.
Hence for us man himself is mutually of no value.
On the other hand Machine Parts; well they have limitless value ” Karl Marx

You gaze across your empire
And wonder what to do.
Why, hang around the forums
And wait for 1.02.

These posts were SO funny!

 

[Xyrix]

All the world's surplus production would bought by a shadowy cabal and stored under the earth's crust.

All industiralized countires would only import tropical wood and silk.

And, of course, Sweden would be a superpower.

 

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90% of the world's population would be liberal athiests

Every time there's a fire at the local luxury cloths factory hundreds of thousands of people would be out of work.

 

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Iraq would lose 300 prestige points.

 

[Duritz]

The next US Supercarrier would be sunk by a group of Man o Wars!

[Please hurry 1.02 ]

Cheers,
Duritz.

 

[ShrineGuard]

Providence would be the busiest port in the world.

 

[Voshkod]

Providence would be the busiest port in the world.

But only if it's controlled by the US; if some splitter group, like New England, controlled it, it would never, ever, ever, see another immigrant.

V.

 

[ShrineGuard]

Oh, and the United States would grant statehood to the different states of its African empire.

And then 1.02 would come, and that would end that.

 

[Aragos]

All economists would have index fingers the size of polish sausages. Comes from holding down the 'shift' key and the left mouse button while repaying national loans of 3.5M or attempting to buy technology.

World War I would have ended sometime in later August 1914 as the 6 million men of the BEF finally get to France. What took them so long was walking across the bridge of man-o-wars streched across the Dover strait.

Russia would control a strip of land somewhere in the Ural Mountains, east of Greater Austria. Germany would be an outer province of said country, along with France, any Italian state, the still-existing Ottoman Empire, and China.

China wouldn't own a single factory, but would have a fleet of man-o-wars.

 

[cpappa]

Mexico would still own California, Nevada, Utah, New Mexico, Arizona, and Texas. Also Spanish would be the dominant language in the region....wait a minute.

 

[Dark Knight]

Just as a cautionary note, politics belong in the OT forum.

 

[Dinsdale]

The 1.02 Update

History exams would deal exclusively with testing students's ability to memorize and distinguish the events surrounding the 32 Franco Prussian Wars between 1871 and 1873.

We would each own a single shirt, and dream of the day when it would be made out of cotton, rather than the regular woolen kind.

Bill Gates would own two shirts.

Furniture was so scarse that Grandparents bore their relatives with tales of discomfort, being forced to sit on piles of worthless diamonds, gold bullion and platinum during hard times.

On reaching the age of 13, all societies would adapt their coming-of-age rituals to include basic and advanced partisan warfare. The child's gift would be a newly manufactured rifle, though no one would know exactly who made it or how it was manufactured.

Pikes replaced muskets/rifles as the standard weapon issued to troops in 1836.

We would all feel an instant, and uncontrollable desire to merge with other groups with the same profession.

The first Nobel Prize was awarded to a mathematician who calculated tarrif income with tax levels set above 100%. Quantum theory was thus born.

Bank notes would be made of gold leaf.

"The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire," Gibbons seminal work was written and distributed on clay tablets. Readers marvelled at the Roman's ingenuity of using the mysterious substance known as paper.

Unemployment benefits would include full pay and access to the secret markets where needed goods were easily affordable. Those unfortunate to have a job would instantly go bankrupt, lose their education and find themselves ploughing fields.

 

[HolisticGod]

Dinsdale,

"God is dead.
But we get another chance to choose religious options next election”

My new signature.

A few of my own:

-The Swiss, perhaps under the pressure of their What Would Jesus Do? banking policies, would be forever remembered as the Off White Horde

-Walmart would be a shadowy underground cabal, indiscriminately arming, feeding and clothing tens of thousands of peasents under enemy occupation for reasons and by means not merely unclear, but apparently painted black, vacuum-sealed and buried in a New Jersey landfill.

-African schoolchildren would be the most put upon in the world, forced to read Cerventes and Tolstoi.

-Struggling with overpopulation (167,570,000 and 155,213,000 respectively, in 1870), the Ottoman Empire and Russia would launch 47 brutal, meaningless wars by 1920 in a vain attempt to thin their herds a bit, while the rest of the world watched on helplessly... Or even, it sometimes seemed, with a glint of hope for their own brutal, meaningless, herd thinning wars. But alas, with all the gang rapes and war wives, even the ugly girls started getting knocked up.

-The halls of academia and the rags of the popular press would come alive with the brilliant Dixie-Mexican scientist Thomas Edison's invention of the "Idealism" and the "Romantic Classicism." At his acceptance of the 1889 Nobel Peace Prize in Stockholm, Austria, his tearful eulogy to the NIS grant that "got me away from all that wire and glass and those little needles" and "to the important work of state-sponsored philosophy" would go down as among the most moving in history.

-Quite unlike Abraham Lincoln's first inagural address, in which he looked pointedly accross the river, where Robert E Lee marched troops back and forth and occasionally onto ships, and said in his booming echo, "A house divided against itself cannot stand. So, uh, if you folks want to move out, that's cool. Meanwhile, we're going to keep an eye on those shifty bastards in Canada."

 

[SecondReich]

France would have lost World War I in about a year.

The worlds best scientists would do calculations for years in order to figure out how a country could have "negative" manpower.

 

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If life were like Victoria, you could reload or start fresh whenever you wanted.

 

[Moltke]

Some of us would wonder how 250,000 labourers employed by the J.Crew clothing factory would toil day after day only to produce .18 shirts.

 

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100 cavalrymen could capture Atlanta in about a month.

The "Charge of the Light Brigade" would consist of the British army charging at each other in mock battle drills in Malta, with their whole navy docked outside.

Belgium and the Netherlands would be engaged in a furious colonial war in the East Indies, not bothering to watch their home provinces since they were in no danger from the other.

Democracy would alleviate the social tension from abolition of the minimum wage, 40-hour week, overtime, Social Security, Medicare, the free press, and conscription.

 

[Dunderdon]

governments would be glad to have different cultures in one province