Nobody has said that "they want to be a vassal while simultaneously complaining that things happen that are out of their control." Please stop misrepresenting people's opinions. It doesn't help the discussion forward, and instead stalls it by forcing people to engage in denials (like the one I just wrote).
The issue remains: the liege should make his decision, and we should make our decision on whether to accept it or not. Just like with revoking. Or are you saying that you consider revoking counties to be poorly designed as is, and that vassals should not be able to refuse a revocation? Personally I don't really see the relevant difference between the two.