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If you're one over, there are a few downsides (random events that pop up in provinces and make it worse) but it's manageable. The more over the limit you go, the worse it gets. You also get tax inefficiency (you don't get 100% of your tax income). If you're a lot over, those events will be popping up like flies, your income will be 0, and rebels will sprout like weeds.
In primo succession for every holding above your limit you get a 10 relationship penalty with all your vassals
It may apply for other succession laws as well but i m not sure(for gavelking it does not apply from the 1st extra holding)
2)You automatically lose a percentage of your demesne income
Go to to economic overview of your primary tittle
If you hover your mouse over your demesne income you will see the income of each your holdings seperately and exatly under it a green(bonus)% that increases your income and a red(penalty)% that reduces your income
3)Vassals might ask you to give away holding and if you refuse you get penalties in opinion
If you think that keeping that extra holding is worth the cost then keep it.I usually keep these extra holding only if there is a special reason(waiting for a claimant to join my court and then give him that extra holding to make him my vassal). Otherwise i give the holding away
I usually give my extra holding to my favored heir.That way the money the prestige and the lands stay in the family.When my current ruler dies i have all of my holdings plus my heir's and i repeat the same procedure.
You will get negative events related to provinces related to thieve dens expanding, bandits attacking. Oh whats that? You are going to hold a feast this month? Well guess what? Your guests were attacked on the way to your feast (true story btw) take an extra opinion hit! Oh whats that (there are factions now, which I like a lot btw (no complaint here I deserve this)) there are factions growing now because of the major opinion hit you are suffering from various things to your vassals?
I personally only save land when I am waiting to give it to one of my sons/grandson or cousins. Otherwise, you have to ask yourself, why am I holding on to this piece of land?
(2 posts while I was writing this ...so dupes unintentional)
To expand on what cryileom wrote, when I went over I had problems with "Thieves Guilds" -- I believe my city income was reduced 25% for being 3 over, perhaps 2 even. I didn't stay over very long as it did seem to worsen with time.
Also, I've seen a faction immediately pop up (and/or dukes change votes in Elective) when I created an extra city (too soon by mistake) that I don't immediately delegate. I suspect the vassals are teetering on the rebellious side already and this was the last straw.
Ever since, I have not ignored the stewardship trait and think I've become OCD about educating people /inviting skilled people. I rarely sway from the legalism tech, too. And the repercussions forced me to to delegate better -- not saying the OP needs too, just reflecting on the mechanic in general.
Aye, being one over isnt a big deal. Ill often find myself in this position if theres a piece of land and Im just waiting for the person I want to give it to come of age, or if Im swimming in cash I might hold on enough to get it some improvements built before giving it to some broke ass vassal.
In addition to all the points already mentioned, being over your demesne limit also noticeably raises your chance of becoming "stressed", which is one of the worst traits in the game.
All in all, I agree with the other posters, though. Being 1 province over, especially temporary, is not a big deal, but apart from a very gamey full direct control game, it's not worth it to really exceed the limit.
I usually give my extra holding to my favored heir.That way the money the prestige and the lands stay in the family.When my current ruler dies i have all of my holdings plus my heir's and i repeat the same procedure.
I sometimes do this too... but sometimes things go very bad. Like if he has a kid and all of a sudden your heir dies, then the kid might get the land and then i am short on counties/baronies and the kid will want MY TITLES!!!