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J. Passepartout

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Austria, GC, version 1.00, no downloads whatsoever.

Normal/normal

Goal: See if I can colonise any part of the new world. No rush, though.

Rules:
I can only declare war once every ten years.
I will take anything the ai offers in peace after 2 stars or tombstones, except white peace, unless I have war exhaustion and they offer white peace. (This has been changed slightly, as IA points out that the AI is quite unreasonable)
Only fight wars with Venice if they declare war, not me.
Don't cheat.
Don't change how fast time is. Keep it at 1 minute =2 months.

Story posts starting tomorrow.
 
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J. Passepartout

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The Early Days of Glory

I hate possessing Kings. But, alas, it was the only way I could get a raise. It was either move to the king department, or stay where I was. There weren’t any other openings.
However, if I do not get on with writing this report for the Boss, he’s going to put me in the unemployed office, and I won’t be able to give him my really great present for his birthday. (Hint, hint, Boss)

My assignment is to Austria, 1492, Earth, 5th dimension. I immediately possess their king, Maximilian, who’s a decent ruler, but no Arkleberry bean. He puts up a very, very big fight, which is why I dislike kings, but I get him. Luckily, this happened late at night, so nobody was around.

I spent the 1st day looking at what I could do at the moment with Austria. The Royal treasury was small, but enough to spend on nine thousand infantry. That’s a type of army they have there on Earth. I also got into an alliance with Hungary, because they are right next to me, and therefore anyone I might declare war on. Also, in STANDARD TIMELINE, Austria inherits Hungary, and I want to be in a good position to do so when the time comes. I'm’ not sure it’ll work, but prepare.

I have forty thousand men already, in the capital, so I move them next to the Austrian-Bavarian border. I built more armies earlier, so I put them on another section of border. Bavaria only has two provinces, and Austria borders on both of them. By coincidence, my smaller army will invade the province with the smallest Bavarian army, and my larger army will invade the province with the larger army. My armies are bigger than theirs, though.

Before I can declare war, I have to grant audience to two foreign diplomats, one from the distant island-nation of England, and one from the nation of Saxony. They both say that their princes wish to marry two of my nieces. I said, “I thought polygamy wasn’t practiced here.” “No, no. My prince will marry that lovely little Wilhelmina, and my English counterpart will bring home Johanna.” “ Well,” I said, “if the girls wish to. No wait, they have to. I hate that idiotic servant of theirs, Adolph Hienkel, and this will get rid of him. Goodbye. If Adolph causes any trouble whatsoever, feel free to torture and kill him.”

On January 1st, 1493, I declared war on Bavaria, and a day later, Hungary joined the fun. For some reason, the peasants disliked this. Come on, why wouldn’t you want more land. I can see the Bavarian peasants disliking it because they want to conquer, not be conquered, but really. I immediately beat up the bigger army, and destroy the smaller one, and siege both provinces. The army that gets away goes to my rather large province of Tyrol. They always try to send an army there, but I kick the out several times. Probably some religious thing. I capture Ansbach, the northern province, first, and send the armies to help in Bavaria. A lot of these countries have provinces with the same names as the countries they’re in. But Bavaria offers peace giving me Ansbach, and, due to my religion, I must accept. The armistice occurs on August 5th, 1494.


Morlac: I just haven't downloaded anything. My little brother will have a fit if I put any new large files on here. That's why I don't have IGC. P.S. thanks for the link in sig help
 

Morlac

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Chuckle... Funny beginning. Seems promising so far!

The 1.10 patch is "only" 2.6 megs, most (all?) of which replaces game files already on your system--so the actual size change should be inconsequential. The differences in play, however, should be huge.

As for the IGC, the zipped file is under 1 meg. Again, most of the files it creates are replacements for ones that already exist.

Neither of these things are anything like the bloated patches and mods required by more action and graphics-oriented games!

Consider that each save game takes as much or more space than either the patch or the IGC...
 

J. Passepartout

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Foolish enemies

As I said in my last report, the former Bavarians were annoyed at being conquered, so I sent my armies to provoke them into rebelling. It worked, too. They rebelled days after the armies arrived. I thought that was a nice bit of fun and there were fewer people to kill my troops. I was saying just the other day how I wished the soldiers wouldn’t die. For some reason he thought I was being humanitarian, but really, if they didn’t die, they could kill more people.

Anyway, as I sat around giving orders, I thought “Hmmm. I can’t declare war until 1503 because the great almighty Himmelmensch commands it. Maybe in a year or so I’ll build troops, to prepare.” Then those idiotic Bohemians declare war, along with Thuringen, The Palatinate, and Hessen. I had enough troops to fight the ^%#*(@!() one at a time, but not all at the same time. I lost Presburg, Ostmarch, Carniola, and money to The Palatinate, and money to Bohemia. I shall be the laughingstock of the company for centuries.

Revenge is pending.
 
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jeez what was your troop count after the bavarian war? Nice too see someone report that they lost too, a think alot of people just "forget" that.
 

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Somewhere about 20k. The 40k army Austria started with was beaten up from the sieging and fighting the Bavarians, and the other was only about 15k to begin with. I wasn't expecting another war so soon, or I would have built the army back immediately.

One good thing is that the Palatinate is in two unconnected chunks of country, so they can't move troops to and fro. And I think you get lower manpower from conquered provinces.

Update in an hour or so.
 

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Incredibly quiet times

Dear Boss,

I hope you like the elephant I sent you for Christmas. It’s hard to believe I’ve been in this timeline for thirteen years. I’m sorry I didn’t send any messages to you since the Adolph war ended in 1499, which is 6 years ago, if you still haven’t learned the local calendar.

Nothing particularly interesting has happened since the war ended. I’m convinced Adolph Hienkel caused the Bohemians to declare war. I mean, come on, I didn’t force him to leave the country when my nieces left. The only reason we disliked each other was because he tripped me, and I sent him to his room without supper.

Incidentally, a while back England bought 440 Ducats worth of Iron from us to drop on Hienkels head when he wasn’t looking. He caught wind of the plan beforehand, and escaped just before it hit him. I spent the money on 12 thousand calvary. I invited one of my, well, the king’s, relatives to lead it. His name is Ferdinand. Maybe I’ll make him my heir.

You’ll be happy to know that, even though the Palatinate captured three of my provinces in the Adolph war, those provinces are constantly rebelling. Maybe I can reconquer them sometime.

Sincerely,
Your employee,


(The rest of the letter is torn, and the name of the author is still unknown.)
 

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Originally posted by Imperial Army
Nice too see someone report that they lost too, a think alot of people just "forget" that.

Now where's the point in "forgetting"? Win, lose, it's all the same from the point of view of making a good story.

I've been (almost gleefully) reporting major battles lost, casualty figures, provinces ceded (well, there was one, anyway), and enemies paid off. It's all part of the story... :)
 
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Morlac, you are one of the better ones when doing that, you admit you pay off alliances, all your looses and such.

But some of these AAR's, I really think people simply dont report when they have setbacks, Its refreshing too see someone actually admit they lost bad.
 

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The Merry Rebels

The Peasants in Ostmarch, which has been conquered by the Palatinate, have very nicely rebelled. They halved the size of the Palatinate’s army in the region, and those ugly frigvatels didn’t dare come back. The rebels captured Ostmarch, and attacked Presburg for an encore, but lost that battle. The only problem is that the Ostmarchers are too stupid to declare independence, so I can get the province back without fighting a large alliance. They’ve just sat there for three years.

In 1507, just before the Ostmarch rebellion, I granted an audience to the General Manager of the Union of Merchants, Traders, Swindlers, and Loan Sharks, (UMTSLS), and he complained quite unreasonably. “I’ve just gotten back from setting up some boys in Flanders. Remember, the ones you sent back in 1493? Now you tell me to go up to Novgorod, where we’ve just finished putting some chaps. I haven’t even got enough time to spend some time with Mrs. Manager,” he said. I asked him, “What were you going to do with her?” “Oh…well, um… Never mind. The Union of Merchants, Traders, Swindlers, and Loan Sharks (UMTSLS) is going on strike. And we’ll start a riot in Strathclyde. We won’t stop until you give in to our demands!” “Strathclyde isn’t even in Austria.” “Oh. Forget I said that.” “What are your demands?” “We don’t have any now, but we’ll think of some.” And with that he stormed out of the palace. I should have watched him leave, but I had to give orders to build troops. I’ve always wanted to storm out of a room or building like that.

Nothing happened except the foreign rebellion for two years. Then, in 1509, I felt it necessary to ask when my alliance with Hungary expired. “It expired one month ago, Your Most Wonderful Highness.” “FOOLS! WHY DIDN”T YOU RENEW IT! SEND A DIPLOMAT OVER THERE NOW!!!” “That is the Royal Water Closet, Your Most Serene Majesty.” “I AM POINTING TOWARDS HUNGARY, SO HURRY UP.” “Yes, my Lord.” “What about the adjectives?” “The Royal Stock of Adjectives is out, Your Majesty. It shall be replenished.”

That fool Hienkel started two rebellions in Ansbach, in May and October of 1510, but I put them down.

I shall repose now. I must call my maid to escort me to bed.
 

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I like it very much. I especially enjoy your sense of humor when describing things. I just say one word, UMTSLS. :D
 

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Yes, the UMTSLS is a nice touch. In general, the vision of the endeavor as part of a "corporate" structure is a classic gimmick with perennial appeal. I'd encourage you to develop it further. I don't know what level of experience you have with big corporate beauracracies, but as the "Dilbert" comic strip has shown, there is almost endless humor in them. If you can tap into that, I think your audience will appreciate it!