Oh joy, what a wonderful task Blackadder is faced with. Guess we'll see if he is up to the task of joining the Champions of the Empire by succeeding in this task, eh? 
Welcome back, DW!
Welcome back, DW!
-
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It appears you certainly do have a bit of time at present, and thankful we are for it. Fun stuff, DW. But I fear there shall be more of the same with these dimwits trying to build your powerful navy. It should be grand watching it.
Hear ye, hear ye. The Master has returned.
What master?
Well the master of comedy about violence, sex, sex with sheep, bad body odour and lots more.
This was the broadcast of the Royal Broadcasting Service (which is much better than the Bucket Regiment).
Deus
PS! Good to see you back in action.
What master?
Well the master of comedy about violence, sex, sex with sheep, bad body odour and lots more.
This was the broadcast of the Royal Broadcasting Service (which is much better than the Bucket Regiment).
Deus
PS! Good to see you back in action.
Great with an update, I wanted a few laughs and you do not disapoint.
And working with a law? Which would mean that you are in politics. No wonder you are rotten to the core.
And working with a law? Which would mean that you are in politics. No wonder you are rotten to the core.
Welcome back DW, great to see you back in action.
I have to go now, as they have just started scraping me off the walls, following the explosion you so accuratly predicted.
I have to go now, as they have just started scraping me off the walls, following the explosion you so accuratly predicted.
Great update DW! The inclusion of Blackadder into this AAR makes me all tingly in my funny bone.
Ah, sequel means continuation. I didn't know.Dead William said:
This is great stuff, absolutly hilarious. :rofl: Although I am a bit confused with some things. I understand that you are meant to have read the CK AAR before. I might do that, although I'm not sure I will succed in reading all. I am very bad at catching up on AARs or reading finished ones.
Holy! And the prequel was utterly hilarious!
Though too much sheep jokes float around...
I'm sure WC is teh easy for an Empire of your magnitude: Europe is already yours truly! That is, if you keep it tight from the rebellious bastards...
Though too much sheep jokes float around...
I'm sure WC is teh easy for an Empire of your magnitude: Europe is already yours truly! That is, if you keep it tight from the rebellious bastards...
Sulking William's life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own SATANIC HERD!!!
No Major_Rawne, not your fault at all. Don't worry. I will ntoe that there will be a lsight change in the main character of this AAR, since the current hero is too restrictive. See below for further information, not, I am afraid an update.
Ehem. Well, where to start. I can't post, or at least, I can't post under the name Dead William. This, I find annoying. I can't send a PM to a moderator, because the forum says I lack the right to do so. I have now opened a new account under the name DWR (Dead William Really)
I was on holiday for a week or so and I have a considerable amount of updates and I can't update or even post! I am really getting withdrawal symptoms here. I thought the registration was IP linked, but apparently it isn't so here I am, but I want my handle back .
If there hasn't been a change in my condition in one week, I will start updating my AAR's with DWR, and continue to sulk. You don't want to see me sulk. It is not a pretty sight.
My heartfelt apologies to all readers who are massively disappointed. I am not too happy about it myself.
Feedback later, once I am certain this works. My apologies to the moderators for having two handles, and if I am banned, can someone tell me why?
DW (R)
No Major_Rawne, not your fault at all. Don't worry. I will ntoe that there will be a lsight change in the main character of this AAR, since the current hero is too restrictive. See below for further information, not, I am afraid an update.
Ehem. Well, where to start. I can't post, or at least, I can't post under the name Dead William. This, I find annoying. I can't send a PM to a moderator, because the forum says I lack the right to do so. I have now opened a new account under the name DWR (Dead William Really)
I was on holiday for a week or so and I have a considerable amount of updates and I can't update or even post! I am really getting withdrawal symptoms here. I thought the registration was IP linked, but apparently it isn't so here I am, but I want my handle back
.If there hasn't been a change in my condition in one week, I will start updating my AAR's with DWR, and continue to sulk. You don't want to see me sulk. It is not a pretty sight.
My heartfelt apologies to all readers who are massively disappointed.
I am not too happy about it myself. Feedback later, once I am certain this works. My apologies to the moderators for having two handles, and if I am banned, can someone tell me why?
DW (R)
Dead William, check the character writer award thread in AAR general
Hope you get your problems fixed. If it's any help, your title does not say "Banned".
I don't suppose you use Zonealarm Pro as a firewall? I had this annoying problem with it ages ago. It kept logging me out of a certain forum every time I loaded a page; since a guest can't post, PM or access hidden forums I kept getting "Your account doesn't have permission!" messages. I had to log in between every single page load! I can't remember how I fixed it, but if this sounds like it might be your problem I'll try and do some digging to find out.
Hope you get your problems fixed. If it's any help, your title does not say "Banned".
I don't suppose you use Zonealarm Pro as a firewall? I had this annoying problem with it ages ago. It kept logging me out of a certain forum every time I loaded a page; since a guest can't post, PM or access hidden forums I kept getting "Your account doesn't have permission!" messages. I had to log in between every single page load! I can't remember how I fixed it, but if this sounds like it might be your problem I'll try and do some digging to find out.
Right. A program I use for studying law texts apparently interferes with the software of various forum programs. ( I deduced this might be the problem after my DWR account failed to work after I reinstalled that program.) I have since received a patch from the manufacturer, which they say is available on their website. It is, in a Douglas Adams sort of way. Anyway, I should now be back on a more or less permanent basis. I hope. I would like to thank everyonme for their patience and here are some updates! ( A short one, for now, I must admit I was stuck with this until very recently and then did not like my first solution. This hopefully works.)
Feedback later, once I get this out of my system!
Blackadder Hall, Blackadder sur Ickle, Essex, England.
Bishop Lord Melchett: “Think of the damage to history and unscrupulous man might do! It must be an enormous temptation!”
Blackadder looks thoughtful. “Well, yes. Obviously. I suggest that you go upstairs and try to enjoy the vomit, err, desert that Baldrick prepared for you. I have some things to do.
A short time later, the Time Machine.
“Baldrick, we shall go back in time and become rulers of England. If we do it well, we shall live in the lap of luxury for all time.”
“Won’t that be a bit cramped, milord?”
There was a short silence, followed by a deep sigh. “Baldrick, the whole concept of metaphors passed you by did it not?”
“Yes milord, just now on the road, towing a dung-wagon.”
“Never mind Baldrick, we have work to do. First a visit to Winchester in the middle ages in is in order.”
After re-entering the time machine, Baldrick started to manipulate the levers and handles, while Blackadder sat on the built in toilet, formulating a plan. Unbeknownst to both, they were being watched. And in one case, “unbeknownst” would have been incomprehensible anyway.
“Interesting. I think we have found our man.”
“Oh. I thought it was a talking monkey.”
I meant the Blackadder, not the disgusting servant. Pay attention.”
“Well, pardon me! It wasn’t my idea to go gallivanting across time and space to find the man to save the Empire. Why this one anyway?”
“Because he can travel across time and space. He will be ideal. And he is greedy. That means we can manipulate him.”
“We can travel across time and space and we are greedy too. So are our unfortunate descendants. That and inbred.”
“And whose fault is that? I was the first in the line, I had to do all the hard work. I started with nothing but clothes on my back!”
“You forget the Duchy of Normandy, a near sovereign nation which was one of the mightiest feudal states in the world.”
“A pittance compared with what I left to my heirs!”
“Yeah, England and Syphilis!”
“I DO NOT HAVE SYPHILIS!! IT IS JUST A RASH!!”
“Ehem. Gentlemen! Far be it from me to break up this father-son moment, but don’t you think that if we wish to involve this untrustworthy social climber in our plans to revive the Empire, we should act now?”
“Oh, very well. All concentrate, make the monkey move the levers just right…”
There was a thud. The time machine came to a juddering, shuddering halt. Edmund Blackadder rose from his commode and opened the door. “Baldrick, somehow I think you missed Winchester. Possibly you missed England and probably you missed the Middle ages. Well done.”
A large, sprawling construction of marble, stone and fine wood rose before the two men, guarded by tough looking men in chain mail. A small group of men on horseback was riding closer, one of them richly, if foppishly dressed and with a rich, if foppish face.
“Ah! Blackadder! How is my floot coming along?”
“Urr. Floot?”
“Yes, you know, all the big floaty things that go bob-bob on the water with men on them?”
“Ah. A fleet. Of ships. Uhm, forgive me, I have had a very long, arduous encounter and my memory is a bit addled, who are you?”
One of the men with the fop gave Blackadder a thump with the but end of a spear. “That is no way to address the Emperor of All, swine! On you knees and beg forgiveness!”
The fop laughed. “Ah, never mind, the joys of wine and good company can hurt a man’s brain.”
The mention of good company drew the groups gaze to Baldrick, then thoughtfully back to Blackadder. “Good company yes, but he would need an awful lot of drink to forget that!”
Blackadder had recovered his poise. “My point exactly. Now if his majesty can advise me in the manner of hiring a new, more fit, servant?”
“Oh, I’ll do better than that for my Master of the Kings Ships! I will lend you one of my finest, oldest servants, a man whose family has served mine for generations! Sir Osbert! “
A man rode forward, wearing a skirt and a sword and far too little in between to cover far more flesh than was pleasant or wholesome to behold. “Hoots Kingy! Osbert Farquaharson, at yer serveece! “
“Isn’t he a droll fellow! Well Sir Edmund, now you have the service of a true knight, I expect that the ships can be finished a bit quicker, what?”
Blackadder, on his knees in the mud sighed. “No doubt, sire, no doubt.”
“Splendid! I am certain you will get on like a house on fire! Cheerio!”
Blackadder was left to gaze at the Emperor’s horse’s behind. “Woll, since I am to be yer servant for noo, I suggest ye get yar fat arse oop oot a’ the moodd and start a choppin’ doon the trees! The Emperor, he wants one of them floaty things yesterday!”
“Somehow, Osbert, I doubt that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
“Ach, that’s all reet, them things gae me the gas something awefool.”
Feedback later, once I get this out of my system!
Blackadder Hall, Blackadder sur Ickle, Essex, England.
Bishop Lord Melchett: “Think of the damage to history and unscrupulous man might do! It must be an enormous temptation!”
Blackadder looks thoughtful. “Well, yes. Obviously. I suggest that you go upstairs and try to enjoy the vomit, err, desert that Baldrick prepared for you. I have some things to do.
A short time later, the Time Machine.
“Baldrick, we shall go back in time and become rulers of England. If we do it well, we shall live in the lap of luxury for all time.”
“Won’t that be a bit cramped, milord?”
There was a short silence, followed by a deep sigh. “Baldrick, the whole concept of metaphors passed you by did it not?”
“Yes milord, just now on the road, towing a dung-wagon.”
“Never mind Baldrick, we have work to do. First a visit to Winchester in the middle ages in is in order.”
After re-entering the time machine, Baldrick started to manipulate the levers and handles, while Blackadder sat on the built in toilet, formulating a plan. Unbeknownst to both, they were being watched. And in one case, “unbeknownst” would have been incomprehensible anyway.
“Interesting. I think we have found our man.”
“Oh. I thought it was a talking monkey.”
I meant the Blackadder, not the disgusting servant. Pay attention.”
“Well, pardon me! It wasn’t my idea to go gallivanting across time and space to find the man to save the Empire. Why this one anyway?”
“Because he can travel across time and space. He will be ideal. And he is greedy. That means we can manipulate him.”
“We can travel across time and space and we are greedy too. So are our unfortunate descendants. That and inbred.”
“And whose fault is that? I was the first in the line, I had to do all the hard work. I started with nothing but clothes on my back!”
“You forget the Duchy of Normandy, a near sovereign nation which was one of the mightiest feudal states in the world.”
“A pittance compared with what I left to my heirs!”
“Yeah, England and Syphilis!”
“I DO NOT HAVE SYPHILIS!! IT IS JUST A RASH!!”
“Ehem. Gentlemen! Far be it from me to break up this father-son moment, but don’t you think that if we wish to involve this untrustworthy social climber in our plans to revive the Empire, we should act now?”
“Oh, very well. All concentrate, make the monkey move the levers just right…”
There was a thud. The time machine came to a juddering, shuddering halt. Edmund Blackadder rose from his commode and opened the door. “Baldrick, somehow I think you missed Winchester. Possibly you missed England and probably you missed the Middle ages. Well done.”
A large, sprawling construction of marble, stone and fine wood rose before the two men, guarded by tough looking men in chain mail. A small group of men on horseback was riding closer, one of them richly, if foppishly dressed and with a rich, if foppish face.
“Ah! Blackadder! How is my floot coming along?”
“Urr. Floot?”
“Yes, you know, all the big floaty things that go bob-bob on the water with men on them?”
“Ah. A fleet. Of ships. Uhm, forgive me, I have had a very long, arduous encounter and my memory is a bit addled, who are you?”
One of the men with the fop gave Blackadder a thump with the but end of a spear. “That is no way to address the Emperor of All, swine! On you knees and beg forgiveness!”
The fop laughed. “Ah, never mind, the joys of wine and good company can hurt a man’s brain.”
The mention of good company drew the groups gaze to Baldrick, then thoughtfully back to Blackadder. “Good company yes, but he would need an awful lot of drink to forget that!”
Blackadder had recovered his poise. “My point exactly. Now if his majesty can advise me in the manner of hiring a new, more fit, servant?”
“Oh, I’ll do better than that for my Master of the Kings Ships! I will lend you one of my finest, oldest servants, a man whose family has served mine for generations! Sir Osbert! “
A man rode forward, wearing a skirt and a sword and far too little in between to cover far more flesh than was pleasant or wholesome to behold. “Hoots Kingy! Osbert Farquaharson, at yer serveece! “
“Isn’t he a droll fellow! Well Sir Edmund, now you have the service of a true knight, I expect that the ships can be finished a bit quicker, what?”
Blackadder, on his knees in the mud sighed. “No doubt, sire, no doubt.”
“Splendid! I am certain you will get on like a house on fire! Cheerio!”
Blackadder was left to gaze at the Emperor’s horse’s behind. “Woll, since I am to be yer servant for noo, I suggest ye get yar fat arse oop oot a’ the moodd and start a choppin’ doon the trees! The Emperor, he wants one of them floaty things yesterday!”
“Somehow, Osbert, I doubt that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
“Ach, that’s all reet, them things gae me the gas something awefool.”
Huzzah, it's back! *does little happy dance* Though I hope that even though Baldrick's been fired he might still appear from time to time.
Ah, the triumphant return... I think.
Great to have you back, DW! Can't wait to find out how things work with dear Blackadder.
Great to have you back, DW! Can't wait to find out how things work with dear Blackadder.
great to have you back DW!! Waiting for more, more, more MOREEEE.....
/Falls off the Chair/
/Falls off the Chair/
Annus Horribilis
Episode II: Ship
In the meantime in a smelly hovel the port of London.
Edmund, lord Blackadder, the one who is native to this time. “BALDRICK!”
Baldrick: “You bellowed, milord?”
Blackadder: “It is time to go visit the shipyards. The Lord High Admiral assures me they have crafted a vessel of great strength, that is watertight and with a high freeboard.”
Baldrick: Yes milord.
Blackadder: So. Lets go then.
Baldrick; Yes, Milord
Blackadder: Not much of a conversationalist, are you, Baldrick?
Baldrick: No milord, I think all badgers should die.
Blackadder: This is going to be a very long day. Come on Baldrick, it is only a small distance.
Click. Click. Click. Click. Click
Blackadder: What is that infernal clicking noise?
Click. Click. Click. Click.
Blackadder: Baldrick?
Click. Click. Click. Click
Baldrick: Yes, Milord?
Blackadder: When was the last time you cut your toenails?
Baldrick: Cut my toenails milord?
Blackadder: Never mind.
Click. Click. Click.
A large tent had been set up at the port, surrounding the work site where the top secret new design of the transport and warships of the Empire was being effectuated. Armed guards surrounded the tent and the Grand Admiral’s banner was billowing in the wind.
(The Banner of the Grand Admiral is of course, A man, proper, throwing up over the English Lion, surprised, Proper. In an old version, the reverse of the banner showed a Lion proper, outraged, tearing apart a man.)
The_K: Ah! Lord Blackadder! The Master of the King’s ordinance and I have a fine new design to show you.
Blackadder: I am delighted to hear it.
The_ K: Well, step into the tent and be surprised, delighted and amazed!
Blackadder steps into the tent. After some time he exits the tent. “This amazing new design, would that be the item standing upon the table?
The_K: Yes! Marvelous isn’t it? Completely watertight, proven design, hard to sink and with a very high freeboard.
Blackadder: And this design was contributed by?
The_ K: It was discovered by a young officer in the Royal Mounted Poltroons, Major Rawne.
Blackadder: Not a naval officer then?
The_K: No! I am a great believer in Combined arms exercise and training.
Blackadder: And where did this young, talented officer discover this design?
The_ K Mrs. Miggins Pie Shop.
Blackadder: Ah, yes, that fine institution of classical naval design.
The_ K: Apparently it is also used by the Amphibious Battalion of the Royal Marienburgers.
Blackadder: The Marienburgers. Yes, they would use that.
The_K: Forgive me, but you do not seem very excited.
Blackadder: Well, yes, I am not very excited, or rather, I am very excited, but not in a very good way.
The_K: Something wrong with the design.
Blackadder: Not with the design per se. I think however, it is more fit for the use it has been traditionally used for rather than for the movement of large numbers of men and goods across large bodies of water.
BBBD: UCHEHEHEHEHEHEH!! What’s wrong with it then?
Blackadder: It’s a bucket.
BBBD: A bucket? What’s a bucket?
Blackadder: It’s a device for the carrying of water and other moist substances, allowing the working class to do so without having to carry it in their hands.
BBBD: “UCHEHEHEHEHEHHE!!! Sounds a bit technical to me!!”
Blackadder: No doubt. The use of water seems to me to be highly technical to you.
The_K: My word! I did think it seemed a bit familiar.
Blackadder: Right. So. The only item which we have which we know will float was no doubt generously donated by Mrs Miggin’s pie shop’s scrubwoman.
The_K: Actually, Major Rawne was forced to steal it, the woman refused to give it up.
Blackadder: I hesitate to ask, but are we already building ships according to this design?
BBBD: UCHCHEHEHEHEHEH!!! 200 keels have been laid.
Blackadder: Life is going to get very interesting when his majesty finds out about this.
Episode II: Ship
In the meantime in a smelly hovel the port of London.
Edmund, lord Blackadder, the one who is native to this time. “BALDRICK!”
Baldrick: “You bellowed, milord?”
Blackadder: “It is time to go visit the shipyards. The Lord High Admiral assures me they have crafted a vessel of great strength, that is watertight and with a high freeboard.”
Baldrick: Yes milord.
Blackadder: So. Lets go then.
Baldrick; Yes, Milord
Blackadder: Not much of a conversationalist, are you, Baldrick?
Baldrick: No milord, I think all badgers should die.
Blackadder: This is going to be a very long day. Come on Baldrick, it is only a small distance.
Click. Click. Click. Click. Click
Blackadder: What is that infernal clicking noise?
Click. Click. Click. Click.
Blackadder: Baldrick?
Click. Click. Click. Click
Baldrick: Yes, Milord?
Blackadder: When was the last time you cut your toenails?
Baldrick: Cut my toenails milord?
Blackadder: Never mind.
Click. Click. Click.
A large tent had been set up at the port, surrounding the work site where the top secret new design of the transport and warships of the Empire was being effectuated. Armed guards surrounded the tent and the Grand Admiral’s banner was billowing in the wind.
(The Banner of the Grand Admiral is of course, A man, proper, throwing up over the English Lion, surprised, Proper. In an old version, the reverse of the banner showed a Lion proper, outraged, tearing apart a man.)
The_K: Ah! Lord Blackadder! The Master of the King’s ordinance and I have a fine new design to show you.
Blackadder: I am delighted to hear it.
The_ K: Well, step into the tent and be surprised, delighted and amazed!
Blackadder steps into the tent. After some time he exits the tent. “This amazing new design, would that be the item standing upon the table?
The_K: Yes! Marvelous isn’t it? Completely watertight, proven design, hard to sink and with a very high freeboard.
Blackadder: And this design was contributed by?
The_ K: It was discovered by a young officer in the Royal Mounted Poltroons, Major Rawne.
Blackadder: Not a naval officer then?
The_K: No! I am a great believer in Combined arms exercise and training.
Blackadder: And where did this young, talented officer discover this design?
The_ K Mrs. Miggins Pie Shop.
Blackadder: Ah, yes, that fine institution of classical naval design.
The_ K: Apparently it is also used by the Amphibious Battalion of the Royal Marienburgers.
Blackadder: The Marienburgers. Yes, they would use that.
The_K: Forgive me, but you do not seem very excited.
Blackadder: Well, yes, I am not very excited, or rather, I am very excited, but not in a very good way.
The_K: Something wrong with the design.
Blackadder: Not with the design per se. I think however, it is more fit for the use it has been traditionally used for rather than for the movement of large numbers of men and goods across large bodies of water.
BBBD: UCHEHEHEHEHEHEH!! What’s wrong with it then?
Blackadder: It’s a bucket.
BBBD: A bucket? What’s a bucket?
Blackadder: It’s a device for the carrying of water and other moist substances, allowing the working class to do so without having to carry it in their hands.
BBBD: “UCHEHEHEHEHEHHE!!! Sounds a bit technical to me!!”
Blackadder: No doubt. The use of water seems to me to be highly technical to you.
The_K: My word! I did think it seemed a bit familiar.
Blackadder: Right. So. The only item which we have which we know will float was no doubt generously donated by Mrs Miggin’s pie shop’s scrubwoman.
The_K: Actually, Major Rawne was forced to steal it, the woman refused to give it up.
Blackadder: I hesitate to ask, but are we already building ships according to this design?
BBBD: UCHCHEHEHEHEHEH!!! 200 keels have been laid.
Blackadder: Life is going to get very interesting when his majesty finds out about this.
Sad news, I am afraid.
Due to several causes, listed hereafter, this will in all probability will be the last post in the current AAR.
1) I have split up with my girlfriend of eight years and do not really feel up to writing a humorous AAR at the moment
2) The actual game is about as exciting as watching a dead hedgehog scrape peeled dry paint form a buckling wall. ( It is now 1449 and all of the known world is once more mine. Weehaa.)
3) I find Writing for Blackadder quite difficult. I am afraid I wrote myself into a corner there...
4) I will probably start a new humorous AAR, in EU, from an ordinary scenario.
My apologies to all my remaining readers, few, far between and starved for attention that you are.
DW
Due to several causes, listed hereafter, this will in all probability will be the last post in the current AAR.
1) I have split up with my girlfriend of eight years and do not really feel up to writing a humorous AAR at the moment
2) The actual game is about as exciting as watching a dead hedgehog scrape peeled dry paint form a buckling wall. ( It is now 1449 and all of the known world is once more mine. Weehaa.)
3) I find Writing for Blackadder quite difficult. I am afraid I wrote myself into a corner there...
4) I will probably start a new humorous AAR, in EU, from an ordinary scenario.
My apologies to all my remaining readers, few, far between and starved for attention that you are.
DW
DW - Dude, I'm sorry to read of your breakup. I know how that feels and I know how that can sap the life out of you in the shortterm. But, and you are probably tired of hearing this already, it will get better.
As for the AAR... no problem, you set yourself a difficult task and you have done a good job at it thus far. No need to apologize for casting aside the burden and trying something a tad bit easier.
We'll keep following, no matter where it gets us.
As for the AAR... no problem, you set yourself a difficult task and you have done a good job at it thus far. No need to apologize for casting aside the burden and trying something a tad bit easier.
We'll keep following, no matter where it gets us.
1. Do'h
2. Do'h
3. Do'h
4. Do'h. No, wait. Let me try again. Woohoo. That's more like it. Could you please post a link here when it's up?
2. Do'h
3. Do'h
4. Do'h. No, wait. Let me try again. Woohoo. That's more like it. Could you please post a link here when it's up?
Condolences DW.
As for the game, I can see how it would be boring and provide little inspiration. It's no fun pretending to be on top of the world (I say "pretending because if you actually did rule the world I imagine it could be quite fun. At least until the peasants chopped off your head). I look forward to your next project.
As for the game, I can see how it would be boring and provide little inspiration. It's no fun pretending to be on top of the world (I say "pretending because if you actually did rule the world I imagine it could be quite fun. At least until the peasants chopped off your head). I look forward to your next project.