Playing as Switzerland in the grand campaign
Very hard / Furious - And best of all, no reloading!
Again, I freaking forgot to take notes, so I will concentrate on Good Ole Helvetia for the first part of this AAR and note more of the happenings of Europe in the next part...
Ah, I crack me up.
--------------------------------------------
I write these documents, knowing that they will be read by few, and none of them will know who the author was, yet still I feel pride about it. This will, if I am successful, be used in the teaching of apprentices of the Way, and thus I will finally contribute something worthy to the Cause.
For reasons unknown to me, the grand master of the Illuminatii has decreed that Switzerland shall be the base of our operations in Europe in times to come. That is why I was placed as advisor to the fat and obnoxious monarch of Helvetia, his royal majesty Tagsazung (what kind of a name for a king is that, anyway?). The goal was to expand Switzerland enough so that we would have enough manpower to further the Cause, and this within 20 years of the beginning of my meddling. I sent my private envoys to France, and since we have people of high rank in the French court, it was only a matter of time before we had persuaded Louis XII to allow us into his great alliance. With the might of France, Poland-Lithuania and Savoy to back us up, few would dare attack us, and fewer would be able to stand up to 'Das Schweizige Schweinhunde', as his majesty Tagsazung was often derisively called in the courts of the german citystates. Well, as history shows, they would not sneer for long.
Within months of the word from France, our troops were mobilized and sent to wage war on Baden, our first unfortunate victim. Fifteen thousand foot and ten thousand horse was enough to crush the army of Baden and take the fortress of Rastadt within six months of campaigning. Her allies, Thuringen, sent forces to aid their brethren, but to no avail, Baden ceased to exist as an independet state in the year of our lord, 1499. Thuringen was next, having spent her armies on fruitless skirmishes with the more motivated and better equipped Swiss soldiers. In december, '99, Erfurt fell to the Swiss Horde.
Annexing Baden and Thuringen was only the beginning however. Europe was not yet aware of the growing power of Zurich, but many a monarch would soon realize his mistake!
France declared war on England in 1502, seeking to retake Calais and humiliate the English bastards in the field. Since we could do nothing to aid our friends I decided that the army was in need of strengthening. Levies from our newly annexed territories swarmed to our flag, in need of more victorious leadership than their previous masters could provide. Unfortunately, my masters did not see it fit in their wisdom to provide me with a competent general. Ah well. I managed anyway, as you my dear reader know by now, facts in hand.
As a sidenot to the French-Anglo peacetreaty of 1504, one can only sneer at the fact that the new member of our alliance, Tunis, made a landing in southern Ireland and took Cork as their price. The English are indeed weaklings! The French spoils from the war consisted of Calais and Bristol. The indemnities also generously handed over by English nobles more than willing to end the war, were evenly distributed among our alliance, and immediately went into the coffers of the army.
This influx of money to the capital did not go unnoticed among the populance and a group of wealthy citizens decided to build a Museum of Art, to commemorate the glorious conquests of the Swiss armies.
To give you a feel for the sentiments in Zurich, I have added this entry from my diary:
Friday, 24th of March, In the year of our lord, 1505
Whispered rumors from trusted friends tell me that the peasants are beginning to call me 'The Victorious One', and this causes me some distress, as our king is a jealous and petty man. Ah well, if all goes as it must, I need not worry about that particular ass of a man.
During a dinnerparty somewhere in Hessen, 1506, the king of Hessen, His Royal Highness Philipp I, was said to have dropped some careless remarks about the looks of princess Brunhilde the daughter of Georg I, king of Saxony. This reportedly made the Saxon king so furious, he immediately ordered his troops into combat readyness and to 'kill, plunder and rape, until that (illegible german obscenity) begs my daughter's forgiveness'.
This could not please me more, as I was looking for a north-german province to add to our domains. As the Saxon troops and those of their ally, Hannover, marched on the capital of Hannover, Kassel, I chose to invade Munster. Slipping by the Saxon armies in smaller groups, we managed to enter Munster without unnessesary clashes. Within four months of bloody assaults in which more than six thousand brave Swiss were lost, we managed to take the fortress and accepted peace with Hessen, Philipp I being more than relieved to get off so lightly and with his head still firm on his neck!
When winter came, the Saxons decided they had had enough, and settled for indemnities and a written apology from the now totally humiliated Philipp I.
Two years of peace followed the exciting events in northern germany, and we used this time to improve the infrastructure of the empire. Unfortunately, we hade to take huge loans to do this, and it would take 10 years before we could repay them, meanwhile inflation got an ugly grip on our economy and the rent paid on the loans was pure usury. A royal decree stated that the Colognian merchants were to blame, and widespread riots started, where many of the aforementioned merchants were lynched. When the regent of Köln, Philipp II (incidentally, a cousin of that pathetic Hessian weakling) declared that Zurich would be burned to the ground and he would be there to watch it. Damn The Obece One for being so rash! Köln's major ally was Spain! In 1508, A full score thousand men, previously stationed in Franche-Comte, laid siege to Zurich!
However, the fortress held the spanish invaders long enough for relief forces to start pouring in from France. French forces battled the spanish in the lowlands for two years before peace came again. Meanwhile an army of fifteen thousand men from Köln assaulted my previously captured province of Munster, yet my army numbering five thousand brave Swiss managed to elude the germans and assault their capital!
As the daft germans realized their mistake, they turned about, only to be routed in a series of ambushes along the Cologne-Munster border.
The siege took a year, but in 1509, Köln fell to my forces. I did not accept peace yet, however, since my armies in Lothringen had not yet made sufficient headway for a profitable peacetreaty.
While the spaniards bled against the walls of Zurich, a joint French-Swiss force invaded Lorraine and Alscase. Since I had to divert a penal expedition to the rebellious peasants in Baden however, I could not commit all my forces in a war against Lothringen. Much to my dismay this inadvertently caused Louis XII to decide he had had enough of this fruitless war, and the death of his men. In the fall of 1509, France declared peace with Lothringen, and sent their forces south, to deal with the spanish threat in Gascogne. This was only a minor setback however, as the french had destroyed enough of the fortress in Metz to make it easier to take than finding a whorehouse in a spanish city. 1511 saw the annexation of Lothringen into the Swiss Emipire, and peace with the spaniards, paying only 9 ducats in indemnities (all that was left in our coffers; nonetheless, the weary spanish settled for it.)
The rest of Europe was finally coming to realize that Switzerland was now a force to be reckoned with, and for once, the diplomats were coming to us, instead of us sending them far and wide!
The king of Milan, claiming kinship with the peasant who ruled Lothringen, and wanting revenge for his death, sent a declaration of war to Zurich in 1512. At that point, I remember rubbing my hands togeather in glee, as we had just months before, through my envoys in Rome, added the Papal state to our alliance. Relations with the pope was especially good, and he reacted with lightning speed, sending the bulk of his army, sixty thousand men, to besiege Milan. We got there first, however, and in a copy of the manouever against the Colignians in 1508, Twenty thousand men laid siege to Milan while the intrepid italians vainly attempted to take Zurich. Annexing Milan was not a question to be taken lightly. Relations with most of catholic europe was at an all-time low. On the other hand, we had very good relations with Poland and the Pope, and Milan IS a very rich province, so I decided on annexation.
As I write this, I can feel the weariness in my bones. I have already selected my sucessor. May he be as successful as I have been, and may the Illuminatii reign true for all eternity!
VP so far:
Spain 466
Turkey 326
Me (Woohoo) 258
France 216
Russia 154
Very hard / Furious - And best of all, no reloading!
Again, I freaking forgot to take notes, so I will concentrate on Good Ole Helvetia for the first part of this AAR and note more of the happenings of Europe in the next part...
Ah, I crack me up.
--------------------------------------------
I write these documents, knowing that they will be read by few, and none of them will know who the author was, yet still I feel pride about it. This will, if I am successful, be used in the teaching of apprentices of the Way, and thus I will finally contribute something worthy to the Cause.
For reasons unknown to me, the grand master of the Illuminatii has decreed that Switzerland shall be the base of our operations in Europe in times to come. That is why I was placed as advisor to the fat and obnoxious monarch of Helvetia, his royal majesty Tagsazung (what kind of a name for a king is that, anyway?). The goal was to expand Switzerland enough so that we would have enough manpower to further the Cause, and this within 20 years of the beginning of my meddling. I sent my private envoys to France, and since we have people of high rank in the French court, it was only a matter of time before we had persuaded Louis XII to allow us into his great alliance. With the might of France, Poland-Lithuania and Savoy to back us up, few would dare attack us, and fewer would be able to stand up to 'Das Schweizige Schweinhunde', as his majesty Tagsazung was often derisively called in the courts of the german citystates. Well, as history shows, they would not sneer for long.
Within months of the word from France, our troops were mobilized and sent to wage war on Baden, our first unfortunate victim. Fifteen thousand foot and ten thousand horse was enough to crush the army of Baden and take the fortress of Rastadt within six months of campaigning. Her allies, Thuringen, sent forces to aid their brethren, but to no avail, Baden ceased to exist as an independet state in the year of our lord, 1499. Thuringen was next, having spent her armies on fruitless skirmishes with the more motivated and better equipped Swiss soldiers. In december, '99, Erfurt fell to the Swiss Horde.
Annexing Baden and Thuringen was only the beginning however. Europe was not yet aware of the growing power of Zurich, but many a monarch would soon realize his mistake!
France declared war on England in 1502, seeking to retake Calais and humiliate the English bastards in the field. Since we could do nothing to aid our friends I decided that the army was in need of strengthening. Levies from our newly annexed territories swarmed to our flag, in need of more victorious leadership than their previous masters could provide. Unfortunately, my masters did not see it fit in their wisdom to provide me with a competent general. Ah well. I managed anyway, as you my dear reader know by now, facts in hand.
As a sidenot to the French-Anglo peacetreaty of 1504, one can only sneer at the fact that the new member of our alliance, Tunis, made a landing in southern Ireland and took Cork as their price. The English are indeed weaklings! The French spoils from the war consisted of Calais and Bristol. The indemnities also generously handed over by English nobles more than willing to end the war, were evenly distributed among our alliance, and immediately went into the coffers of the army.
This influx of money to the capital did not go unnoticed among the populance and a group of wealthy citizens decided to build a Museum of Art, to commemorate the glorious conquests of the Swiss armies.
To give you a feel for the sentiments in Zurich, I have added this entry from my diary:
Friday, 24th of March, In the year of our lord, 1505
Whispered rumors from trusted friends tell me that the peasants are beginning to call me 'The Victorious One', and this causes me some distress, as our king is a jealous and petty man. Ah well, if all goes as it must, I need not worry about that particular ass of a man.
During a dinnerparty somewhere in Hessen, 1506, the king of Hessen, His Royal Highness Philipp I, was said to have dropped some careless remarks about the looks of princess Brunhilde the daughter of Georg I, king of Saxony. This reportedly made the Saxon king so furious, he immediately ordered his troops into combat readyness and to 'kill, plunder and rape, until that (illegible german obscenity) begs my daughter's forgiveness'.
This could not please me more, as I was looking for a north-german province to add to our domains. As the Saxon troops and those of their ally, Hannover, marched on the capital of Hannover, Kassel, I chose to invade Munster. Slipping by the Saxon armies in smaller groups, we managed to enter Munster without unnessesary clashes. Within four months of bloody assaults in which more than six thousand brave Swiss were lost, we managed to take the fortress and accepted peace with Hessen, Philipp I being more than relieved to get off so lightly and with his head still firm on his neck!
When winter came, the Saxons decided they had had enough, and settled for indemnities and a written apology from the now totally humiliated Philipp I.
Two years of peace followed the exciting events in northern germany, and we used this time to improve the infrastructure of the empire. Unfortunately, we hade to take huge loans to do this, and it would take 10 years before we could repay them, meanwhile inflation got an ugly grip on our economy and the rent paid on the loans was pure usury. A royal decree stated that the Colognian merchants were to blame, and widespread riots started, where many of the aforementioned merchants were lynched. When the regent of Köln, Philipp II (incidentally, a cousin of that pathetic Hessian weakling) declared that Zurich would be burned to the ground and he would be there to watch it. Damn The Obece One for being so rash! Köln's major ally was Spain! In 1508, A full score thousand men, previously stationed in Franche-Comte, laid siege to Zurich!
However, the fortress held the spanish invaders long enough for relief forces to start pouring in from France. French forces battled the spanish in the lowlands for two years before peace came again. Meanwhile an army of fifteen thousand men from Köln assaulted my previously captured province of Munster, yet my army numbering five thousand brave Swiss managed to elude the germans and assault their capital!
As the daft germans realized their mistake, they turned about, only to be routed in a series of ambushes along the Cologne-Munster border.
The siege took a year, but in 1509, Köln fell to my forces. I did not accept peace yet, however, since my armies in Lothringen had not yet made sufficient headway for a profitable peacetreaty.
While the spaniards bled against the walls of Zurich, a joint French-Swiss force invaded Lorraine and Alscase. Since I had to divert a penal expedition to the rebellious peasants in Baden however, I could not commit all my forces in a war against Lothringen. Much to my dismay this inadvertently caused Louis XII to decide he had had enough of this fruitless war, and the death of his men. In the fall of 1509, France declared peace with Lothringen, and sent their forces south, to deal with the spanish threat in Gascogne. This was only a minor setback however, as the french had destroyed enough of the fortress in Metz to make it easier to take than finding a whorehouse in a spanish city. 1511 saw the annexation of Lothringen into the Swiss Emipire, and peace with the spaniards, paying only 9 ducats in indemnities (all that was left in our coffers; nonetheless, the weary spanish settled for it.)
The rest of Europe was finally coming to realize that Switzerland was now a force to be reckoned with, and for once, the diplomats were coming to us, instead of us sending them far and wide!
The king of Milan, claiming kinship with the peasant who ruled Lothringen, and wanting revenge for his death, sent a declaration of war to Zurich in 1512. At that point, I remember rubbing my hands togeather in glee, as we had just months before, through my envoys in Rome, added the Papal state to our alliance. Relations with the pope was especially good, and he reacted with lightning speed, sending the bulk of his army, sixty thousand men, to besiege Milan. We got there first, however, and in a copy of the manouever against the Colignians in 1508, Twenty thousand men laid siege to Milan while the intrepid italians vainly attempted to take Zurich. Annexing Milan was not a question to be taken lightly. Relations with most of catholic europe was at an all-time low. On the other hand, we had very good relations with Poland and the Pope, and Milan IS a very rich province, so I decided on annexation.
As I write this, I can feel the weariness in my bones. I have already selected my sucessor. May he be as successful as I have been, and may the Illuminatii reign true for all eternity!
VP so far:
Spain 466
Turkey 326
Me (Woohoo) 258
France 216
Russia 154
