Habsburga la vista, baby! - A 1914 Austro-Hungarian AAR

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Beat the shite outta the Eyties, push through the soft underbelly of France right on to Paris!!!


Just kidding, maybe you could stop at the French border, it's unsportmanlike to beat on a Frenchman.

 

[Winner]

Krush ze Italians! Forwards nach Rome! Der Kaiser deserves to have the city!

 

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Bastard italians! You'll show them!!

 

[Lord Finnish]

Its so bad that A-H has so many border provinces with Italy, while they have only two.

 

[safferli]

Its so bad that A-H has so many border provinces with Italy, while they have only two.

Multiple points of attack! Don't forget, every problem can be solved as long as you throw enough bodies against it. An the Austrian high command uses the most tested, tried and true strategy the world has ever seen.

 

[Nikolai]

So how long until Germany sends a certain train into Russia, I wonder?

 

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jerard: I like your thinking, sir, I like it very much. They shall not have a finger's breadth of our dual-monarchical soil!

Griffin.Gen: Yes, those Italian thieves. How dare they steal from me provinces inhabited by Italians? Have they not understood the point of a multinational empire?

germanpeon: :rofl: I hadn't thought of that, but I'll definitely use it. How dare they impose their Italian metanarrative?

Maj. von Mauser: It depends on whether the French decide to annoy me, I suppose.

Winner: We shall have it! After all, the Habsburgs used to be Holy Roman Emperors!

Elidioemperor: I shall! Well, they haven't declared war yet, but we'll see.

Lord Finnish, safferli: Exactly, that's what I call positive thinking. But of course any tactic that smells of encirclement or any sort of offensive that isn't a frontal assault the Austrian generals heartily disapprove of.

Nikolai: I hope they will - not before 1917, though.

 

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Chapter XXI: Moral Reformation​

April 27 - May 7, 1915​

On May 4, strange news reach our government in Vienna. The RMS Lusitania has been sunk by a German under-the-sea-boat, killing 1,198 people! If further proof had been needed to confirm the utter immorality and depravity of under-the-sea-boats, it has now been furnished. In fact, we detect a very dangerous trend here. Those wicked under-the-sea-boats have begun preying on proper boats and sinking them: clearly, they're trying to take over control of the seas, and wipe out all that is fine, true and right about shipping.

The RMS Lusitania

It's not like those passengers weren't warned, but who would expect those Bolshevik pig-dogs to heed the warnings generously supplied by the Imperial German government?

The warning

The Austro-Hungarian government has sent an official note of protest to Berlin. 'We ask you', the Emperor has written, 'to see at last that great evil that you have unleashed upon the earth. It is your duty to civilisation that you cease to employ under-the-sea-boats in our most sacred crusade against the enemy. We ask earnestly that you reform yourselves, destroy these vessels of wickedness, and return to using ordinary boats.' Unsurprisingly, this appeal to German consciences has worked wonderfully well.

Restricted under-the-sea-boat warfare

They may claim the American protests did it, but you know those Germans. Always scheming to get a better deal for us, their dear allies. In fact we're sure we saw William II wink. It'll all be okay. It's great to have allies who always listen to us. - In the meantime, we continue advancing against the Russian pig-dogs in the east. It is only a matter of time until we seize the Crimea now.

Offensives in Ukraine

On May 7, we decide to review the European situation. Generally, the Central Powers are doing exceedingly well. The Germans are stuck in the east and the west, but then they have two fronts to fight on, poor chaps. We, however, continue to defeat the Russians wherever we meet them.

The European fronts, May 1915

 

[safferli]

I love those in-period image you use. That poster of the Cunard line is awesome! Is there any particular site you use to find the pictures or how do you find them?

 

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Haha, funny update.

 

[unmerged(80599)]

I love those in-period image you use. That poster of the Cunard line is awesome! Is there any particular site you use to find the pictures or how do you find them?

Wikipedia (and Wikimedia) is a really good resource, actually. Also, the links at the bottom of the page in Wikipedia articles often take you to really good sites with lots of pictures. It's amazing how much can be found on the web

 

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Will you try and knock out Italy fast of will you stay on the defence until the Russia is no more??

 

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Maj. von Mauser: Thank you, sir

Middelkerke: The current strategy is to push the Russians quite hard and stay on the defensive in Italy until the situation in the east is such that I can transfer divisions. In practice that means a push to the Don and Volga (this year), then halt and redeploy west.

 

[germanpeon]

Whats this? They were warned? So the US did enter the war on false grounds in our timeline.

I said it before and I will say it again. Warmongers!

 

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Chapter XXII: Crossing the Dnieper​

May 8-23, 1915​

The success of our spring offensive in the east hinges on the capture of the Isthmus of Perekop, which is the sole land connection between Crimea and the mainland. In order to seize it, we must cross the Dnieper and capture the town of Melitopol as well as the tiny but rather strategically significant village of Perekop.

Crimea in 1882

The glorious dual-monarchical troops prepare to cross the Dnieper. This is the first major Russian river... but cavalry charges should take care of it. The Emperor has visited the troops at the front and given a long speech on the evils of wrongful technology. After warning them to not use either under-the-sea-boats or in-the-air-ships, he has encouraged them in his customary charismatic (grand-)fatherly fashion.

The Dnieper (not in Ukraine, but hey, it's pretty)

An early opportunistic attack into seemingly-ungarrisoned Melitopol fails because Russian troops actually do turn up. Our assault on Perekop, however, dislodges the Russian defenders, who flee like the Bolshevik pig-dogs they are.

The attack on Perekop

Defenders of the village

We are now set for an all-out assault on Melitopol. Our Magyar horsemen, veterans of many battles, utter their civilised war-cries. The Russian commander, as you can see, sports an expression that looks like a mixture of resignation and despair).

The Battle of Melitopol

Needless to say, none can withstand the charge of our glorious cavalry. Meanwhile, our Italian 'allies', usually mentioned in Vienna only in a tone of gravest contempt, have decided to cease cloaking their hostility.

Italy joins the Entente

Our brilliant, downright infallible generals believe this won't be problem. The French, after all, would never be crazy enough to divert troops from the defence of Paris to a meaningless alpine front, would they?

 

[Griffin.Gen]

Those Italian pigs! CRUSH THEM!!!!!!!

 

[germanpeon]

Doesnt look like youve got enough force to take Italy out. Are you hiding something from us or do you plan on a static front?

Also, can we see what you are producing?

 

[Lord Finnish]

"Our Italian ally has been a source of embarrassment to us everywhere."
- Hitler



Let us hope that they are the source of embarrassment in this war, too.

 

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Griffin.Gen: I'm sort of tied up in the east right now, but crushing there will be!

germanpeon: I wish I was hiding something, that'd be awesome, Austro-Hungarian secret weapons... but I basically am planning on a static front, unless I can score amazing successes through AI idiocy. - I'm currently building two battleships and three parallel runs of infantry. (My IC's in the 80s range...)

Lord Finnish: Let's hope so, they should be. As I quoted earlier, 'Why on earth is Italy demanding territory? Has she lost another battle?' - A Russian diplomat, to Bismarck, 1879

 

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Chapter XXIII: The Bread-Basket of Europe​

May 24 - June 8, 1915​

As the title of this update suggests, there'll be more Ukrainian fun. Three updates in a day, why, you should feel very special

The Cathedral of Saint Sophia in Kiev

The Bolshevik pig-dogs in Italy have declared war upon us! It is time to thwart them by destroying more of their suid-canine brethren in the Russias. We effect another crossing of the Dnieper south-east of Kiev and push back the pathetic remnants of the Russian armies! In the south, note our men are taking over a completely undefended Crimea after the destruction of all the Russian forces in the region during the battles for Perekop and Melitopol.

The Battle of Poltava

We exploit the victory for further assaults on Priluki and Zaporozhye. As before, the Russians flee before us the moment they behold the dreadful sight of our polyethnic hosts! Thus the eastern situation looks more and more favourable at the beginning of June. Italy has so far done absolutely nothing to worry us in any way, shape or form, while the German armies are once more only miles away from Paris.

The European war

Whilst we push forward boldly in the east, Italy takes an equally audacious step with their first action in this war. Diplomatic and military circles in Vienna are stunned at the innovative genius of this move, which, through the energetic forward movement implied therein, may soon have the Italians knocking on the gates of Vienna. Probably.

Italy takes bold action

One is reminded of an old German jokes about the gears of Italian tanks,* but, unlike our propagandists, our generals are incapable of divination. I conclude this rather businesslike update with a quick view at the western front, where victory apparently remains elusive despite the superiority of the German army.

The western front

*Q: How many gears does an Italian tank have? - A: One forward, five reverse.