Okay, I've never messed around in here, but I read GtA in the AARLander and read through the last entries, so, while I doubt I could guess who wrote what, I will take a stab at some commentary (plus, I like voting for stuff)
I'm going to try and be critical (although I am still uncomfortable doing so on this forum), but I want to say right off I liked all three, they were all very original and clever takes on 'a moment of horror,' and I enjoyed each offering. (but since I have to vote for a favorite, I'm going with author #3 on this round)
Author 1 -
Okay, this make me think of Lovecraft's Dream Cycle stories, which I like a lot, on the second reading it all made sense, but the first time through I admit it, I was totally lost.
On the first time through I thought the moment of horror came at the very end when Mattius is killed, but on the re-read, I've decided that it is when Marcellus realizes he is a monster and that, while his mind is still his own, his body is moving on it's own.
While I liked the tone and the very original concept, I think you might have given away too much in the first scene by mentioning that Mirian Hills was totally overrun. That kind of fortold Marcellus' moment of horror a bit early and I think you might have been better served with a more ambiguous report about the goings on at Mirian Hills and maybe ending it with something like "well, Marcellus is in charge up there, he always finds a way to survive."
I like the way you switched back and forth with the perspective, that did set up Marcellus' realization quite well and on the first reading, I was very surprised (in truth, maybe it was the second reading that spoiled the surprise rather than the tell in the first scene, but I still stand by that recommendation).
Author 2 -
Okay, I liked this story, although I thought it was more 'sad' than 'horror,' I mean, I felt sorry for the protagonist but there wasn't any single moment I would call 'horror.' You can tell you are struggling a bit with dialogue, the monologue of the sergeant flow much better. There were a few obvious typos and you clearly love commas as much as I do but nothing that really broke up the story.
The moment off horror wasn't really a moment, since it was spread out over about 2/3 of the piece (and I don't think you had to actually use the phrase 'moment of horror,' but again, I don't think it hurt things.
Francis was an odd name choice. I don't know, maybe it is a common French name, but it kept making me think of Francis from the movie Stripes.
I liked the odd details, like the felt coats and cardboard boots and I even liked the contradictory nature of the protagonist's monologue (ie: he talks about being too cowardly to kill himself, but also claims to be unafraid of death) just because people really are contradictory in nature. I don't know - it seemed realistic to me.
Author 3 -
Okay, I like the internal monologue. The opening line sets the scene up rather well and the story flows well right into the ending. Giles thinks he is off to heaven or will be rescued in life by the devil and instead he winds up a minion of Hell, which is a good twist.
There was a good presentation of the mindset of, not just Giles, but medieval nobility (after all, he was only arrested after he held a Bishop hostage - he'd been suspected of the peasant murders for years without anyone of note caring).
Since he is such an awful monster, I would have liked his moment of horror to have been more, I don't know? Horrific? He describes it all with the same intensity one might describe a well enjoyed turkey sandwich.
I didn't quite understand the Joan of Arc references. I couldn't decide if he was claiming to have won her to Satan, deflowered her, driven her insane or was involved in her capture by the English. (or some combination)
Granted, it is clearly implied in the end that this isn't stream of conciousness, but rather he is reflecting on his 'betrayal' by the Church, so the detached air is explaned once I reached that point.
I thought it was interesting that he doesn't blame Barron, who also betrayed him...but then...it is also natural that he would target his bitterness at the ones he will get to hurt (at armageddon) rather than at the devil he is forced to serve.
I'm going to try and be critical (although I am still uncomfortable doing so on this forum), but I want to say right off I liked all three, they were all very original and clever takes on 'a moment of horror,' and I enjoyed each offering. (but since I have to vote for a favorite, I'm going with author #3 on this round)
Author 1 -
Okay, this make me think of Lovecraft's Dream Cycle stories, which I like a lot, on the second reading it all made sense, but the first time through I admit it, I was totally lost.
On the first time through I thought the moment of horror came at the very end when Mattius is killed, but on the re-read, I've decided that it is when Marcellus realizes he is a monster and that, while his mind is still his own, his body is moving on it's own.
While I liked the tone and the very original concept, I think you might have given away too much in the first scene by mentioning that Mirian Hills was totally overrun. That kind of fortold Marcellus' moment of horror a bit early and I think you might have been better served with a more ambiguous report about the goings on at Mirian Hills and maybe ending it with something like "well, Marcellus is in charge up there, he always finds a way to survive."
I like the way you switched back and forth with the perspective, that did set up Marcellus' realization quite well and on the first reading, I was very surprised (in truth, maybe it was the second reading that spoiled the surprise rather than the tell in the first scene, but I still stand by that recommendation).
Author 2 -
Okay, I liked this story, although I thought it was more 'sad' than 'horror,' I mean, I felt sorry for the protagonist but there wasn't any single moment I would call 'horror.' You can tell you are struggling a bit with dialogue, the monologue of the sergeant flow much better. There were a few obvious typos and you clearly love commas as much as I do but nothing that really broke up the story.
The moment off horror wasn't really a moment, since it was spread out over about 2/3 of the piece (and I don't think you had to actually use the phrase 'moment of horror,' but again, I don't think it hurt things.
Francis was an odd name choice. I don't know, maybe it is a common French name, but it kept making me think of Francis from the movie Stripes.
I liked the odd details, like the felt coats and cardboard boots and I even liked the contradictory nature of the protagonist's monologue (ie: he talks about being too cowardly to kill himself, but also claims to be unafraid of death) just because people really are contradictory in nature. I don't know - it seemed realistic to me.
Author 3 -
Okay, I like the internal monologue. The opening line sets the scene up rather well and the story flows well right into the ending. Giles thinks he is off to heaven or will be rescued in life by the devil and instead he winds up a minion of Hell, which is a good twist.
There was a good presentation of the mindset of, not just Giles, but medieval nobility (after all, he was only arrested after he held a Bishop hostage - he'd been suspected of the peasant murders for years without anyone of note caring).
Since he is such an awful monster, I would have liked his moment of horror to have been more, I don't know? Horrific? He describes it all with the same intensity one might describe a well enjoyed turkey sandwich.
I didn't quite understand the Joan of Arc references. I couldn't decide if he was claiming to have won her to Satan, deflowered her, driven her insane or was involved in her capture by the English. (or some combination)
Granted, it is clearly implied in the end that this isn't stream of conciousness, but rather he is reflecting on his 'betrayal' by the Church, so the detached air is explaned once I reached that point.
I thought it was interesting that he doesn't blame Barron, who also betrayed him...but then...it is also natural that he would target his bitterness at the ones he will get to hurt (at armageddon) rather than at the devil he is forced to serve.
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