- Jul 1, 2008
I'm not sure about #4. Again I think too many sub-themes are introduced and there is too much description (that takes my attention away from the narrative). As with #3 there are lots of good strong images and ideas in there, it just needs a lot more careful knitting together to produce a coherent narrative. I'd be tempting to strip the intro right down and start with the concept of an unexpected visit and the resulting narrative.