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Storey-

I do have to take issue with your protest. I believe that an honorable suicide was the best option for an old mercenary like Carmagnola at that point. The last bit of glory he could win for himself was by ending his life- and denying anyone else the ability to claim they'd defeated him at the last.

That was my thinking, anyway. :)
 
I have to agree: some excellent work from all four authors. Congratulations to you all!

Since I haven't ssen any response to my (hopefully constructive) critique, I must have been right (or so wrong no-one wants to mention it :eek:o :D ). Seriously, I'd like to stress that my comments were intended to be taken kindly. I know I did heed my own remarks and look back over my recent writing with - shall we say - less than approval.

I particularly like your 'Recommended Reading' for each author by Hajji Giray I. Nice touch! Very classy!

This is an excellent way to revive the 'Guess the Author'. I look forward to the next installment.
 
:)

The next topic is

*tries to think of something that isn't military related and picks a topic out of a hat*

Oooh! Fun fun fun! A diplomatic insult!

The deadline is Monday, March 22

We have one author already...if you're reading this, sir, consider this to be "Go!"
 
Prufrock451 said:
Storey-

I do have to take issue with your protest. I believe that an honorable suicide was the best option for an old mercenary like Carmagnola at that point. The last bit of glory he could win for himself was by ending his life- and denying anyone else the ability to claim they'd defeated him at the last.

That was my thinking, anyway. :)

Hi Prufrock451 :)

Here’s is what I used to built the character of Carmagnola in my mind.

"He'd known his share of betrayal over the years, and dealt it out as well."

"They'd turned their backs on their blood, on their land, on God Himself."

"Carmagnola paused to plunge his sword into the back of a fleeing man."

"He allowed himself a sour grin - at least the Turkish puppet that sat on St. Peter's throne would not have him excommunicated."

"He'd worn that look in a hundred fights across the long decades of murder and thievery."


So what’s my image of him? He’s a no nonsense mercenary who works for whomever will pay him the most. He’s killed on the battlefield and off it. He wouldn’t think twice about killing someone with a knife in the back. Betrayal was a way of life and he didn’t shed any tears about it. Even his religion doesn’t stop him from earning his pay as a mercenary from the heathen Turk. So where is there an indication of his honor that would lead to an honorable suicide? My image was of someone who would take as many of the peasant bastards with him to hell as he could.

Anyway that’s why I said that I didn’t know if I could believe that Carmagnola would kill himself.

By the way I did say your story was my favorite. :cool:

Joe
 
WOW! That was fast! In only TWO hours-

We have our four authors!

:)

P.S. To the people who have PMed me today about being an author (you know who you are :D) - you're all in! Submissions to columbus@surfy.net
 
Wow, that's fast. Too bad I missed it :p

Maybe next time ;)
 
One of our writers - Valdemar - is going on a vacation, so the next person to PM me will become our fourth writer. If the PM bounces back saying my inbox is full, that means a fourth person has been found already. :)
 
And I promise to try and critique this time!
 
Well, unfortunately, one of our original authors, the great MrT, failed to make the deadline; however, an excellent replacement came in at the last minute and we have our regular quota of 4 authors this week!

The topic: diplomatic insult

Four very...

*cough cough*

...interesting submissions...

:D
 
Author #1

March 24

The castle of Dietrich I of Oldenburg

The last day of the old year was fast closing and the festivities of the day had lasted into the evening meal as well. Oldenburg had prospered during the past year. The harvests had been good, and raider activities off the coast had been sharply curtailed as well. Only the continued border dispute with Hannover marred the good of the entire year.

Just a two months earlier a gift had been received from Wilhelm IV of Hannover just prior to Christmas. Two goats with the names of Dietrich and his wife shaved into the flanks of the animals, they had caused an uproar in Oldenburg and a vow from Dietrich that there would be a response after the Christmas holidays.

Dinner was a fine affair with various viands prepared in the traditional manner. Music began playing from the minstrels sitting upon a stage nearby. A man dressed as a swine swaggered into the hall. Draped about the ‘shoulders’ of the pig was a cloak in the traditional colors of Hannover and bearing the family crest of Wilhelm IV.

The swine rooted among the rushes, pretending to eat the scraps left over from people tossing them to the hounds. The hounds had left a few measly morsels, and the swine eagerly pawed the ground and snaffled down the stringy bits of meat and gristle. A bowl of beer was set upon the floor and the swine lapped up the contents. Numerous other bowls appeared, full of beer as well. The swine lapped them all up, soon swaying somewhat to simulate drunkenness.

In spite of the legendary status of a swine’s reproductive unit, it was patently obvious that this swine had an amazingly tiny apparatus. Swinging his hips provocatively he swaggered over to the door and pushed it open with his nose. The guests, curious about where he was going, followed along behind him.

Finally, even thought the evening was bitterly cold, with a slight drizzle, the swine made a beeline for a pigpen and immediately began wallowing in the muddy filth, oinking in obvious pleasure. Rolling this way and that, his cloak was soon covered in gloppy filth that began obscuring the crest of Hannover.

A lovely female swine sashayed along, causing the swine of Hannover to sit up and take notice. He struggled out of his muddy environment and shook himself. Splatters of mud flew all over the place. With a smirk, the swine made his way toward the lady pig, who continued to ignore him.

With oinks of obvious displeasure and eventual distress as the lady pig continued to ignore the ongoing and ever more desperate attempts to court the lady pig. This continued for some time until a third pig appeared. Wilhelm pig moved back to his comfortable and familiar wallow and ignored the lady pig. He appeared to have fallen asleep. Another male, again in the colors of Hannover, but this time with the personal crest of Wilhelm’s brother.

The new male pig approached the female with confidence and finally, using a truly impressive male member began to simulate the act of copulation. Finishing the male trotted off, a satisfied smirk on his face. Wilhelm swine noticed none of the interaction between the lady pig and his ‘brother’. The lady pig moved off to a nearby space near the stables. Soon afterward, small piglets appeared and clustered around the female pig.

She trotted along with her piglets and presented herself to the Wilhelm pig. The male, seeing the piglets, seemed pleased. He had apparently forgotten that he had not actually copulated with the female and believed the piglets were his own spawn. The Wilhelm male made much of them and the ‘family’ moved into the wallow and seemed happy.

The crowd laughed and clapped their hands wildly. Dietrich had indeed answered the insult from Wilhelm IV, and had done so with a rude style and grace that appealed to his dinner guests. The returned to the warmth of the hall and continued with their feast.

The tale of his New Year’s Eve bash soon made its inevitable way to Wilhelm IV of Hannover. His response was predictable. In his rage, he declared war on Oldenburg.
 
Author #2

Alfonso was a good King. He ruled over Sicily with a firm and compassionate hand. His people loved him. His neighbors respected him. His army is well trained and motivated. His traders had some of the best routes in all of the Italian peninsula. Nobody crossed his traders and nobody was ever disappointed with his goods.

Alfonso had three daughters. No sons. But three lovely daughters. All across the Mediterranean, musicians sang of the Bourbon sisters and their ravishing beauty. Nations from Aragon to Venice vied for the right to claim one of the lady’s hands in marriage. Alfonso denied them all. He was waiting for the right union; one that was the best fit both socially and economically.

After months of hard work, Alfonso had found the perfect match. The King of Castile had a single son. The boy would one day inherit all the Iberian Peninsula and the great trade fleet that Castile had built.

Negotiations began. Months of hard wrangling and hard talk led to a satisfactory deal being arranged. Papers were signed; money was exchanged.

The wedding was held in St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome. The Pope himself consecrated the Holy Union. Leaders from all over Europe were in attendance. The ceremony was glamorous and extravagant. The bride, covered in a silk veil, was led down the aisle by Alfonso himself.

Vows exchanged and the two were united in a way that no man could break.

Reception finally over, late that night the couple retired to the bedchamber to consummate the union. The bride, blushing, asked the groom to stay in the closet while she prepared herself. The groom, nervous and scared, waited. Finally, she called out.

“Dearest, come and get what you deserve.”

Heart bursting, he almost ran out of the closet and over to the bed.

Waiting for him was the head of a horse and a note.

“Thus we treat those who cross us in trade.”

It was signed Alfonso, the Godfather.
 
Author #3

Duke Baldwin stormed into the parlor, followed closely by his chancellor, Sir Stephen.

"What an absolute disaster of a state dinner! Why do you keep inviting that cretin, Count Louis, to these things?"

"He is, after all, the cousin of King Charles, and his minister to your court, Your Grace."

"I know, I know, but the man can not handle his liquor, and he is difficult enough to deal with when he is sober. If only we could have him recalled or transferred."

"I have made inquiries, Your Grace, and while the Count is not very popular with the King, the Duke Leopold has great influence in the court of his Royal nephew. In short, he was sent here to get him out of the King's hair, and he couldn't be sent anywhere less important."

---

Earlier that evening.

A young, florid faced man, clad in expensive but somewhat wine-stained clothing, snatched another goblet of wine from the tray held by a passing servant. Taking a large gulp, he made a face and turned to his host.

"Pfaugh, Baldwin, where do you get thish shwill?"

This earned him an icy glare from the Duke. "That vintage is from my own personal estate, Louis, and is considered the best in the Duchy."

"Well, I guesh I musht make allowanshesh while I'm shtuck in thish provincial backwater."

Gulping down the remainder of the wine, he tried to hand the empty goblet to the lady standing with them.

"Here, my shweet, go freshen thish up a bit, that'sh a dear."

"Well, I never!"

"That's my wife, not a servant, Louis," Baldwin ground out as the Duchess stormed off.

"A lively lassh. Jusht the way I like them. I wouldn't mind a little roll in the hay with her, myshelf."

"I think you've had enough to drink tonight."

"Nonshensh, the night'sh shtill young. Ho! Maid! Another drink here!"

The Count staggered off in search of the jakes.

---

"Is there no way to be rid of him?"

"No way short of mayhem, Your Grace."

"What sort of mayhem?"

"Well, we could have him killed, but killing an ambassador is bad form, and generally leads to war."

"No, we can't do that, tempting as it is."

"Or we could expel him, but expelling an ambassador is generally the last step before a war, especially since he is the King's cousin."

"Tempting, very tempting. To know that King Charles was having to suffer this idiot might almost be worth a war, if it was a short one. Unfortunately, we are ill prepared for a war with the King, and there is no way to guarantee a short war. Anything else?"

"Well, there are a few other options with a greater or lesser risk of war. The least risky is probably a strongly worded note protesting his behavior. It might not accomplish anything, but it does have a small chance of changing his behavior, if not of having him replaced."

Sigh. "Very well, draw up a note along those lines for my signature, and have the household troops expanded and put on a higher state of alert. If he continues to get worse, I may have no choice but war to preserve peace in my bedroom."

"Very well, Your Grace. I'll have a note ready for your perusal by nones tomorrow."
 
Author #4

Konstantinople, Ottoman Empire, 1512

The great ruler of the mighty Ottoman Empire looked out over the great map laid out in front of him, he, and the empire was at the peak of its power, from Kairo in the south, to Wallakia in the north, everyone obeyed him, the empire fielded an army never seen before, and yet, the sultan was not pleased.
- Mehmet! He screamed
- Yes, your worshipfullnes? Mehmed said in a low, obeying voice.
- Summon the commanders of the northern forces
- Yes your worshipfullnes. Mehmed said and scuttled away.

The thin, short man that was Mehmet rushed through the corridors of the palace, outside a canary from one of the many bird houses sang its cheerful tune, the sun flowed in everywhere, Mehmet hated this, he hated sun, birds, trees, everything.
- If they only knew, if they only knew... He said for himself.

The northern forces were divided up in three sections:
1st northern detachment, the second northern detachment and the third northen detachment, there was four commanders:
1st northern detachement: Abdul Herit ibn Sula
2nd northern detachement: Ahmed Gilmeg
3rd northern detachement: Muhammad Fahrk ibn Hert
Overall northern commander: Yussuf Grif ibn Hatt

The overall commander was easiest to find, he was always walking through one of the gardens, “in search of peace” he said, if Mehmet knew the sultan right, he wouldn´t see any peace for a long time.

Planning room

The men sat down and looked at each other – this was not good. Mehemet was hiding in the shadows, he was in fact not there as far as the commanders were concerned, as the sultan entered, all men in the room bowed deeply, then sat down at the pillows.
- Commanders, the sultan began. Today, we will march out towards Hungary,
for the glory of the Ottoman Empire.
- And, your worshipfullness, what are our objectives with this war? Yussuf
said
- We will either annex them or force them to cede three strategic provinces
- Which will these ‘three strategic provinces’ be?
- That, gentlemen will be determined by the outcome of the war. You are dismissed.

Turko-hungarian border

The wardrums sounded, the soldiers of the Ottoman Empire, dressed in their blue uniforms stepped out of the tents, the Hungarians were to be taken by surprise, the declaration of war was on its way towards Bukarest.

Bukarest

The king opened up the envelope and spread the contents over the table, there was a piece of paper with beautiful letters. The king, not beeing able to read passed the paper over to one of the nobles who read:

Unto the king of Hungary, because of unjustice to fellow Turk farmers,
peasants and workmen living inside Hungary, we, the sultan of the Ottoman
Empire, defender of faith declare you war.


- Was that all? The king asked
- Yes, your royal highness The nobleman asked.
The king began to laugh, between the attacks of laughter he managed to say:
- Was that all he could come up with? Why doesn´t he blame us for snow in the winter as well?
He then began to laugh again, but he shouldn´t, the Ottoman army had, during the time it took the messenger to reach Bukarest beaten a large contingent of the Hungarian army and laid siege to three provinces.

Six months later

The war was over, farmlands lay devastated, houses in ruins, thousands homeless, the outcome was obvious, the Ottomans had made a giant victory over the Hungarians, Hungary was no more.

Konstantinople

The sultan was drinking some coffe when a sweaty messenger ran in.
- Your worshipfulness, he said while gasping for air, a message.
The messenger handed the sultan a paper and then walked away.

The sultan opened the scroll and read:

Unto The sultan of the ottoman empire.

Your recent actions agains our brothers in Hungary will not go avenged, you son of a b***h, may your soul rot in hell!

Highest regards, the king of Austria, who does not sink so low that he shows
his name to lesser humans.


The sultan fell back, desperate to get air, his eyes rolled, and with a loud THUMP! He fell backwards onto some pillows, cause of death: stroke.

It soon showed what a disaster the death of the sultan was, he was the glue that held the empire together, the newly accuired lands of Hungary revolted, Mehmet led a revolt in asia minor, claiming to be the son of a sultan that was previously thought to have died childless. The empire crumbled, just because a simple letter from a king that did not posess the military strength to take on the empire. But now, however, every country tried to get a piece of the cake: Austria, Poland, Persia, Venice... The list was enormous, and after twenty years, the Ottoman Empire had fallen, split up by its neighbours, consumed by internal revolt.

When the empire defeated Hungary, it defeated itself.

[Editor's Note: Capitalized some names, and added a period at the end of the last line; however, no spellings were altered]
 
Hajji Giray I said:
Well, unfortunately, one of our original authors, the great MrT, failed to make the deadline; however, an excellent replacement came in at the last minute and we have our regular quota of 4 authors this week!

The topic: diplomatic insult

Four very...

*cough cough*

...interesting submissions...

:D
Hey! It's still Monday (your previously announced deadline)...

Oh well...it was a busy weekend what with one thing or another so perhaps next time. Now to read the above offerings...
 
While I did not get around to commenting on the last set, I will do it here, and now!

Id like to offer some of what I thought were good points. I probobly wont point out the bad, just because I make many of the same mistakes and allways feel bad pointing out other's mistakes.

Ok... so, Author #1.

It is quite a novel idea for a diplomatic insult, and quite insulting (especially if your a pig!). It is the type of thing that a wealthy land owner with too much time on his hands would do. I liked the fact that it was revenge, and much more insulting then the goats. Over all I thought it was enjoyable, although I kind of want to know what caused the insult in the first place.

Author #2- Its really an insult he can't refuse ;) It was nice and to the point. Nothing too long and extended, not too much detail. You wanted to prove something, and you got it proven. My only point of confusion is to a motive. Why did Alfonso go through months of work to marry off his daughter, just to insult the man he tried to get her to marry? Perhaps we are missing something, and with it, the situation would be explained. Overall I liked it, except for that one point.

Author #3. Very realistic. I felt as though this had actually happened. A drunken moron, sent to a minor state as an envoy merely to get rid of him. This one, to me, is the most realistic. While the act of sending the count was perhaps not meant as an insult, it was taken as one. I also think the slurring is a nice touch.

Authour #4. This insult, though deep into the story, is interesting. The author takes a wide approach to the event, not simply covering a single act (as the others did) but more on the causes and effects of the act. While the insult itself is not very subtle, the reader does get the idea that there was a diplomatic insult. And, in the eyes of the Austrians, a very effective one.

~

Well, thats all, I guess.
 
Author one: I agree with Estonianzulu. I am not sure what caused the goat incident in the first place, but the response was VERY insulting! I know if I had been Wilhelm I would have no choice but to declare war as well!

Author two: Now that is an insult! Would almost have to have a war to expunge the insult. The son would demand the father to do so, and the father would do it, I would think. You gotta love the use of the horse head in homage to the movie...I loved this one!

Author three: A drunken oaf is a terrible thing to have to deal with. I can certainly understand the frustration with being unable to be rid of him. I think he should encounter a 'hunting' accident....

Author four: Although it took awhile to get to it, the insult, while somewhat simple, did the trick to show how the Ottoman Empire could fall apart due to the death of a ruler. Having Hungary rebel and the rest of the empire shatter to pieces really brings home the idea how some empires are built but only last during the lifetime of the builder. Although the Ottoman Empire would have been built by numerous rulers, the last one put his real personal stamp on it and it showed when it fell to pieces.

I will attempt to guess who the authors are at a later time...
 
Another excellent attempt by all involved. I have not yet read the other responses, but here is mine:

#1 - This piece was very original. The "show" was a nice way of explaining the insult and would be very much in keeping with the times. I wonder if the thing was not staged to make Hannover DoW rather than Oldenburg - in other words, who really got the insult? I aprticularly enjoyed the description of the swines activities. Very well done.

#2 - This was an interesting piece. The obvious reference to the Godfather is enjoyed, but I cannot help but think it is slightly unbelievable as the marriage has already been blessed by the Pope. Further, this seemed more of a trade dispute rather than an insult, though again, perhaps this was written as the insulter rather than the insultee. The other thing that struck me was that this was an awful lot of effort to go into an insult - months and months of planning, travel, marriage, etc. just to send a warning. Still, I suppose it got the point across. ;)

#3 - I really enjoyed this piece. I was slightly confused at going back to earlier in the evening at first, but ultimately, I believe it works. The portrayal of the Count is wonderful (and reminds me a bit of Judas Maccabeus's style - could it be?). If anything, I might have liked a bit more of a description of the advances made towards the Duke's wife as he seems to suggest she is actually enjoying them and thus his need to protect his bedroom. On the whole, a great little piece - and "Pfaugh, Baldwin, where do you get thish shwill?" - great line! :rofl:

#4 - I am unsure what the bulk of the piece actually has to do with an insult as it seems to come at the very end. The way I read it, the insult was the letter from Austria, though the final paragraph suggests that the Sultan's letter is what brought the kingdom down. Basically, just a bit confusing for me. I think the writer does a good job with dialogue but the lack of quotes is slightly odd. Still, everyone has their own form and method and it is clear who is speaking generally. Further, even though the earlier scenes may not have been specifically about an insult, they are set well and do follow naturally to the conculsion, character wise and such. I do not grade these as others have done, but this one might get a lower mark from me. It is not poorly written, but I'm not sure it was quite what the assignment asked for. Perhaps it was the replacement piece, and if so this can be forgiven much more.

Once again, excellent job by all involved to put their work out there for scrutiny. I hope you don't think I was too harsh on anyone, and if so - free drink of choice in the Tea Room on me to show no hard feelings. ;) Good work, yet again folks! :)
 
My comments.

First, good writing in all cases :)

1. Good writing and a nice little plot. Entertaining. Some hilarious details in the story. Very nice, Amric?

2. Fine writing but perhaps a bit too shallow to really capture your full interest. The plot was a bit unrealistic too. Still a good story. A younger writer, probably not a native one.

3. Good writing in this case too. When I was reading it I was expecting the story to end with some peak or point perhaps. Funny dialogue. Probably a native writer, not a veteran.

4. Another good story. Great start but I felt that the writer perhaps stretched the story a bit too far after the start. Less is more. Also a new writer, probably one of the younger FC writers judging by the subject?

No hard feelings I hope. I liked all the stories and it is a brave thing to post here:cool:
 
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coz1 said:
#4 -...but the lack of quotes is slightly odd.
Yes; perhaps I should mention English is (I think) the second language in this case. :)
coz1 said:
Perhaps it was the replacement piece, and if so this can be forgiven much more.
It is the replacement. :)