"Guess-the-Author" Analysis and Critiques

[Director]

#1
The plot is well planned and developed, and the romantic tensions that drive the story are finely balanced. Antoine is loyal to the revolution even though it costs him the life of his lover; ironically - and paradoxically - it his her death that frees him to commit the acts that would have preserved her life.

Not a man who makes up his mind quickly, our Antoine.

Excellently plotted and paced, neither dragging nor rushed. We arrive at the denoument exactly on time and with the message we were meant to have.


#2
The staccato sentences. The short paragraphs. Such tension. A hurried pace.

Technically well done and a useful technique, allowing the form of the sentences and the choice of words to impart a jittery, nervous tension to the scene. This isn't actually fiction as far as I can tell, more fictionalized history, but it is no less well written for that.

Nice work. Good writing. Very tense. Why do I feel like I'm channeling Hemingway?

#3
At first I was going to label this Orwellian satire, but on second read I'm not so certain. Then I was going to mention 'The Guns of Navaronne', which the author must have read or seen (the book is a pot-boiler, the movie infinitely worse).

One thing is for certain, this doesn't take place in any Paradox game on Earth as we know it. No nation ever succeeded in casting a rifled steel cannon larger than 18.1", at least none that I know of. The technical issues of 48" guns are... well, technical, so I won't go into them here except to say they'd either be very short (and inaccurate) or droop like an elephant's trunk.

Aside from my technical quibble, the writing is good but - pardon me - uneven. The pacing feels like the author felt the size limit creeping up on him, so the ending seems rushed. Also the many jumps in topic and time are revealing of the narrator's unsettled frame of mind but a little hard to follow in such a short piece. This may be only a personal issue, and I think the technique would work better if you could begin with longer paragraphs and shorten them (And the sentences. For urgency. ) as the climactic point approaches.

We are told the battery is wrecked but... I'd have preferred something more direct, some info passed from a guard or such.

#4
For myself, this carries 'tell don't show' a little too far to be effective. I applaud the author for casting the secton as dialog, and also for including enough detail (lifting the bottle, moving the chair) to anchor us in the scene. Still, while this would work well as part of a larger work it does not have much power as a stand-alone scene.

Thomas nodded. “Comte Rochefort spent some time as an aide to the French emissary in London this past year. He knew everyone close to the king. Rochefort identifies him as Sir Laurence Cumberland.”

“Damn Charles to hell!” Henry’s whispered oath seemed loud in the still office.

Charles? Who is Charles? i thought we were talking about Laurence. Is this King Charles?

Quibbles aside this is a nicely crafted piece that could have benefited from greater length and increased tension. There is treason here of a sort but no tension-and-release.

 

[J. Passepartout]

Why do I feel like I'm channeling Hemingway?

It seems like whenever I sign a Hemingway book from the library, the comment on the back invariably contains the same sentence, which is something like "Hemingway wrote in short, declarative, sentences." THE EXACT SAME SENTENCE! BOOKS NOT EVEN FROM THE SAME PUBLISHER! It was strange.

 

[Rensslaer]

"Hemingway wrote in short, declarative, sentences." .

Hemingway wrote. In short. Declarative. Sentences.

 

[Storey]

Author #1

I knew early on that this story wasn’t going to end with a happy ending. My least favorite type of short story is one that manages to get you involved in the characters and then kills one or more of them. This could have easily turned into a maudlin soap opera in the hands of a less skilled writer but luckily the author knew what he was doing. To give you an idea how much I was caught up in the story I was yelling at the hero as the story ended “All you said was that you’d return with the traitor. Your honor was satisfied as soon as you returned with her so why let her die? Spring her out of jail and have your new revolution. Damn stiff necked heroes!”

Alas sad stories never end like that do they? Very well done.

Author #2

Another excellent story. Yep Hess sprang to mind early of but I don’t have a problem with that. I found myself thinking that this is probably just how it happened. I liked the tension you created in the story and thought the ending with the soldier’s reaction to who they found right on.

Author #3

Was he really a born bastard or was he forced to become one? Who knows? With his hell of an upbringing you could certainly make excuses for him. In either event he was a bastard. Any doubts of that were removed by the last paragraph. The only minor problem I had was that there might be a ‘too much’ aspect to the story. His father and siblings hate him, his wife leaves him, and he’s betrayed and loses his business, the army takes his money. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see someone poisoning his dog next.
In reading some of the reviews Orwell is mentioned as a possible influence and that would explain the general tenor of the story. It will be interesting to see what the Author says.

When I read the story the second time I picked up on the fact that there were two bombs instead of one but the first time I read it I was confused. Well done over all.

Author #4

I am not sure but I took Charles to be the King of Scotland but I could be wrong. The Author assumes the reader has enough knowledge of the era to put two and two together, which may be a mistake. However I enjoyed the story and style used to tell it. The conversation flowed naturally and I felt that the two men’s personalities came through. An enjoyable story.

 

[Director]

Hemingway wrote. In short. Declarative. Sentences.

Hemingway.

Hemingway wrote.

Hemingway wrote in short sentences.

Short declarative sentences.

Much like Dashiel Hammett.

Or Kirk. James T Kirk.



Help! Now I'm hearing William Shatner read the Maltese Falcon! Get out of my head!

 

[Amric]

Oh, that is indeed bad. But it could be worse. As soon as I read that I had a flash of Shatner doing Shapespeare! "To be.....Or not to be.....That.....Is the Question."

 

[coz1]

Sorry for being a bit late. I had wanted to post these yesterday, but a combination of a birthday dinner (which I shared with my beautiful four year old neice) last night and some sort of cold like illness kept me from it. However, I am feeling far better today and so let's get to those authors.

They were:

* * *

AUTHOR #1: stnylan

• Recommended Reading:

In memory of France EUII

Learning Protestantism with Livonia EUII

* * *

AUTHOR #2: Rensslaer

• Recommended Reading:

Fire Warms the Northern Lands -- A Prussian AAR Victoria

Castles in the Sky (or The Wild, Wild West) – A Colorado AAR Victoria

* * *

AUTHOR #3: Fenwick

• Recommended Reading:

Pain in the neck: A Wallachian AAR Victoria

Karpov Doctrine HoI II

* * *

AUTHOR #4: fj44

• Recommended Reading:

Dawn in the East--A Japan AAR Victoria

* * *

First I would like to thank each and every one of them for putting their work out there and going through the sometimes harsh process this can be. I hope it is worthwhile for the writers, even with the seeming lack of attention paid by the larger AARland group.

And I also want to give a huge THANK YOU to the following: Amric, Nil-The_Frogg, J. Passepartout, Mettermrck, Judge, Rensslaer, Fenwick, Director and Storey!!! You guys make this process worth it for the writers. There is frankly not enough thanks in the world to let you know how appreciated you are! But you always stop by and show your support and thus, you have my everlasting thanks!

Finally, as regards this session's writers, I should point to a few things to do with the suggested reading. There is a nice cross section from all the games. For stnylan, at least, I could have picked his CK AAR as well, but chose to go with his current ones. And his Memory of France got it's start in these very pages! As for Renss, his AAR just passed 2,000 posts! Quite a milestone so I encourage anyone that has yet to read it to start pouring through it now lest you find 3,000 posts to move through. Seriously - it is well worth the time spent reading it! Fenwick, of course, has a few AARs in progress, and you won't be disappointed in either of the selected readings. It is impressive to see him move easily between Vickie and HoI. And lastly, I would like to thank fj44 for joining in the fun as he is currently working on his 1st AAR. Stop by and take a look.

And now to a bit of business as concerns this project. I am of two minds at present - to continue or not to continue. As Hamlet so eloquently suggested, "That is the question." Recognizing that we may simply be suffering from a convergence of some very busy folks, some absences due to RL, a slow forum most likely due to recent patchs and new games and the usual lack of awareness and sure apathy of some, I am hesitant to stop. I think this is a useful project and I certainly have much fun seeing what our authors come up with. However, as I stated above, I hate that they get a lack of replies. It makes it less likely that we will be able to continue with enough eyes focused on the screen and critiques offered.

I don't have any vested interest in seeing replies for myself. After all, I am not putting material out there. I want it for those that put forth the effort. But I do get frustrated seeing a lack of excitement and care for this project (and other projects, for that matter.) Those great people listed above are a wonderful group that make sure to show both this project, and AARland as a whole, the love it deserves. They make this place a great place to be. I wish more could discover that and share the love, as it were.

So, I guess the best thing to do at this point is go back to the beginning. We would be slated to start a new round on April 1st. Rather than do so, I think we should take stock of where this project is and gauge interest in seeing it continue. If enough people suggest they would like to see that (and please don't say you do if you are not willing to then participate once it gets going again), then I will start a new round in May. Maybe by then, there will be a new freshness or excitement. If not, then we can surely allow this thread to drift to page two and beyond until another brave soul decides to pull it from the dust heap, brush it off and start anew.

The floor is now open the the authors to respond to their feedback. And further, it is open to suggestions as to where to go in the future with this project. Let me hear your voices, AARland. Without them, this place is less than what it could be.

 

[Amric]

Well, I for one, believe this is a project that should be continued. It showcases not only new talent, but older talent in the hopes of inspiring others to not only write, but to critique. I feel that some are leery of critiquing due to the idea that they might feel that they are being harsh or negative. We've always managed to keep that from happening in the Guess the Author. Nitpicks should be expressed. There are always nice ways to say that there was such and such wrong with a story. Or that for some reason you didn't like it. Not everyone likes everything.

The fear of writing something to be critiqued can be an issue as well. I know the first time I wrote for this I was worried that nobody would like it. I've done a few more since then and I have received good feedback from it. Even the justifiable nit picks were useful. I know it can be a tad scary to put yourself out there. But remember if you are already writing an AAR you ALREADY are out there! Doing this doesn't put you any further out. But it CAN draw new readers to your efforts!

Critiquing also allows you to discover new talent that is out there. Or 'old' talent that you haven't noticed before. Plus you can practice for the comments you make in the AARs that you are reading! It is a win win situation for all!

I've noticed that there have been a couple times where there has only been three writers due to someone back out at the last moment. It happens. I WOULD suggest that there is a fifth writer who has something written and that one could be 'plugged' in if one of the original four can't finish the deal. That way we always have four writers to enjoy and critique.

I had submitted something for this last round, and I informed Coz1 that if someone dropped out that he could use it to round out the writers to the appropriate four. Fortunately it wasn't necessary, and we got four wonderful stories. In fact, mine ALSO happened to be in a gaol and the protaganist also dies. A long letter is written. So it was good that mine wasn't needed. But if it had been, it was there for Coz1 to use.

So decide if you want to really be involved in this project. If so, and I hope that you do, say so!

 

[Nil-The-Frogg]

You sound pretty bitter Coz1!

Ouch seems like I have discovered this thread both at the good time (to add a reader to the lot) and the bad time (I might see it vanish so soon).

Of course, interest and participation are the core of anything, on this forum, on the net or anywhere. I wouldn't blame anyone though. Hey, RL is harassing me so badly these days that I can hardly find time (and will) to read this small handful of AARs I'm usually following, not to mention writing mine. I think that I just don't feel so good at the moment

...

Although that's very personal, I suppose everyone around has personal concerns as well. My vote here would be: "go on and see if new readers can come in or others come back". Let's have another round.

[EDIT]Oh, and I found you Stnylan!

[/EDIT]
.
.

 

[coz1]

Thank you for those words, Amric. All of it, very true. Especially in terms of practicing your commenting. There are added bonuses on both sides of the coin.

And Nil - fortunately, or unfortunately, the more you see me around here, the more you will notice that at times I let my frustrations show. I really, really love this place and wish to see it thrive as much as possible. When it does not, I often cannot help myself but let it be known. There are certainly those that dislike it. I cannot help that. But I would hope that for most, they recognize why I say the things I do. Not so much bitter - just frustrated. Were I bitter, I doubt you would see me around here any more.

And I realized that I should also thank a few more people that maybe were not mentioned above. Since this was re-started late last year, there have been a great many people that offer their comments time and time again. They are:

Amric
CatKnight
Director
Fiftypence
J. Passepartout
Judge
Mettermrck
Rensslaer
stnylan
Storey
The Yogi

These people are what make not only this project tick, but AARland as a whole. I would be remiss if you were not mentioned, and most of you were above. Those not mentioned just happened to have some RL stuff that got in the way this time.

And a special award should be given to Rensslaer and Judge, and also J. Passepartout. The first two have never missed commenting in a session, and J. Passepartout only missed one. That is beyond commendable! Especially someone like Judge who rarely has the time to stop by these grounds anymore these days. As I said above - to all of you - THANK YOU so much for giving AARland your tireless efforts!!!

 

[Morpheus506]

I also think this should continue. I've never been particularly vocal on this thread, but it's good fun to read and try to develop one's own writing by reading others' submissions and critiques (and I really was going to try to be more active in this after my submission in last month's, but RL intervened and kept me out until now).

I'm sure there are a lot more posters like me out there, who either aren't vocal or haven't become vocal yet, but still get a lot of value out of this project. I hope it can continue.

 

[J. Passepartout]

As suggested by the fact that I am a frequent commentator in this thread, I would be highly interested in seeing this continue. It is a good project and I have been involed in it since way back when The Secret Master was running it. If this thing can be kept going, I would say let's keep it going.

 

[Rensslaer]

Well, my vote (naturally!) would certainly be to keep this going. Having been bereft of anything akin to "school spirit" when I was in school, since then I've become quite enamored with "team spirit", in my jobs, my politics, and these Paradox fora.

But my recommendation is not merely (only partly!) kneejerk reflexivity. The REAL reason why this should continue is that it helps enliven the forum, no matter how tepid the response sometimes seems. How so?

There are a number of ways people in these fora come to read new material. Some of them are obvious, and have been repeatedly recommended by Coz and others:

Advertise your AARs in your .signature
Post your own comments in other peoples' work
If someone posts in your AAR, try to at least poke in and peek at theirs
Word of mouth between writAARs who value the talents of others

But there are some... how to say?... The word in "the biz" is "multipliers" -- there are some multipliers which exist around the forums and have a value beyond the sum of their parts to draw new readers to works of excellence and/or budding potential. Sometimes they don't seem to have much life of their own, but I submit that they have value we often don't see in the threads themselves. We see the results in our AARs, we just don't realize they came from these other threads. These multipliers are:

The WritAAR of the Week
The Weekly AAR Showcase
The Fan of the Week
"Guess the Author" Analysis and Critiques
The various Competitions (VictAARian Cross, ReadAARs Choice, etc.)
(used to be) The BAARs

I know I am missing some, but you get the idea of what these threads are. They are places where a new or old reader can go and find other peoples' recommendations of the very best and most intriguing work on these pages! And, no! The people who take recommendations from these threads DO NOT always POST in these threads, so it's difficult to gauge the impact.

But, emperically, I submit that these threads work for the following reasons:

Amric
CatKnight
Director
Fiftypence
J. Passepartout
Judge
Mettermrck
stnylan
Storey
The Yogi

Each of these folks you mention, Coz, are writers whose works I have read at least part of. Some, like you (you missed YOU, Coz!!! You should be on this list, too!) and Stnylan and Mettermrck I've come to read through other means (like by means of the first list, not the second).

But EVERY OTHER AUTHOR on this list I have read ONLY because I heard someone recommend them in one of the multiplier threads and/or because I saw their work showcased there! Some of these folks (sorry!) have never even received a comment from me, so they wouldn't know I'm lurking. But they owe my attendance to those threads like "Guess the Author" that showcase writAARs whose talent I had not otherwise suspected!

So there!

I'll be back soon to give feedback on the great critiques of my submission! I say "great" not because the critiques were all positive... but because they are all greatly VALUED by me!

Rensslaer

 

[coz1]

Very wise words, Renss. And I appreciate them probably more than you know. Of course, I left myself off of that list as I do not comment on G-t-A due to the fact that I know who has written what before posting. I just think it would not be fair to others that do not know and would defeat the purpose of commenting blindly - actually the only bad thing about running such a project. Were I in the dark as others, I would certainly have offered my two ducats. (And on that topic - you were included in that list. ) Further, I want to make sure it is known, I single those people out because of this project alone. We have many, many others that "pull their weight" and more around here. It was simply that these people offered opinons in this thread.

But you have given me some thoughts to ponder. I admit, my frustrations at times are reactive. There is no doubt that even if a small portion of folks take advantage of these projects, they still serve their purpose. I guess my quandry and frustration is more geared towards why others do not avail themselves of the same. As you show in your thoughts - doing so can not only help your own enjoyment of this place, but in discovering new works and people, one also brings joy to those people that receive fresh comment and attention from learning about them through such multipliers.

 

[Amric]

Unfortunately there are so many people who never leave the AAR fora that the only game they own is...HOI2 folks who own nothing else rarely get out of that AAR forum. Same for others. It seems like EUII people get out a little more than others. But I could be wrong. Vicky people do get out some. So do CK people. But there are so many who NEVER leave those fora and therefore don't even know, or don't bother because it 'supposedly' has nothing of interest for them. Which just proves they ought to get out more..>

 

[Morpheus506]

I think in many cases the EUII folks get out to the other forums more because a lot of the big authors in EUII have probably been around longer than those of other games, since EUII is older. Or, there may be a larger quantity of people in EUII-land who have stuck with Paradox from the day they got EUII or even EUI, and have bought all the other titles--therefore, giving them more to go on in the other game forums.

Just my thoughts...

 

[coz1]

I believe you are right on that fact, Morpheus. Doesn't mean new people can't branch out though, as those very same EU II folks have done after spending enough time here (not to mention, a great deal of others from all the games.)

However, I don't want this thread to become a "state of the forum" type thread. I really just wanted to let the folks know that my enjoyment of running this project has much to do with the amount of feedback the authors get. If they don't get feedback, I am not happy. Simple as that. The folks that write for this project work very hard and when they don't get feedback, I get very unhappy.

We could certainly start a state of the forum thread, but those don't get very far and are generally looked upon as bad form for whatever reason. (Yes, coz is in a state today. -sorry) It's just been slow around here lately, though. So I don't think that is needed. I just want those that are interested in the very same "state of the forum" to know that this project wants to continue but may not if those very same people are not willing to get "on board." And to be honest, that goes for old-timers all the way to the new folks.

If you like the project, let the authors know. Not me...but the authors! After all, they are the ones doing the work, not I. And the best way to let them know is by giving them some feedback.

EDIT - And I should also mention to those perhaps reticent to respond to the the authors, the critique does not have to be as if you were some book pulbisher, or editor. Sure, those comments help quite a bit for those writing here. But even the likes of "great piece" or "I like so-and-so about that submission" can be just as helpful. Letting a writer know he or she has been read equals maybe a thousand comments. Sounds weird, but it is true, either here or in their AAR. But what the folks want in this thread is some critical feedback - what works, what may not work, what could possibly be changed or what is perhaps simply superb. As Amric suggested, this helps one learn how to give good comments as much as it helps writers write. Please don't be afraid to comment. No one will complain, I assure you.

 

[unmerged(23409)]

I'm a casual reader of the AAR forums, and I'm slightly bemused as to why you want to close "Guess the Author" down. Are the AAR Forums in decline? I don't think so, nor do I think that no-one's paying attention to Guess the Author. I'd be very sad if it was closed down.

 

[Mettermrck]

Well, I certainly would love to see this thread continue. I think it caters more to the craft of writing than the basic comments of AARs. I for one have been tempted to submit a piece precisely because this thread allows you to get constructive criticism without preconceptions of the author. As a writer, I love that sort of thing. This is a precious gem that must continue!

 

[coz1]

Gonzo - I don't want to stop it. I'm just not sure that others want it to continue given the seeming lack of interest as of late (only three submissions the next to last round, and a drop in responses to the work as of late.) Thus the question.

However, I have to admit, I have been uplifted by the response to this query so far. So in that feeling, let us look forward to another session starting April 1st (rather than in May.) I would not call the response to this query overwhelming, however the arguments made to continue it regardless have certainly swayed me to press on with it anyway.

And thank you to those that have voiced your opinion. As I said, the words spoken to suggest it should continue have given me reason to stop and ponder why I run this project. And my choice is to keep it up. Even if only a few derive either pleasure or education (and hopefully both) then it is worth it and certainly a valuable tool and project for this area. More comment is certainly appreciated. The more people that see that this is a worthwhile project, the more likely it is that others will respond when the next group of authors comes up to bat.

However, I would like to suggest to those that have expressed interest and those that may not have expressed interest but appreciate the venture - when the next round comes out, PLEASE let the authors know you have read their work and give them some response. As already suggested, this project works on the feedback the authors get. When they don't get such, it begins to break down and thus gives me pause to continue.

With that said, feel free to continue giving feedback on the project as a whole, but more importantly, let's hear from this latest round's authors as they respond to their own feedback, and allow discussion on such to ensue. After all, that's what this is all about.

Thanks again - to all of you! And I am sure our various authors over time agree with that sentiment.