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"Guess-the-Author" Analysis and Critiques

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Author 1: I agree with Rensslaer here, in that some dialogue would have been nice. However, the writing is good and the alternative history intriguing.

Author 2: This was good. I liked the little details like the songs playing on the radio, as well as some of the insights into the relationship between Al and Renny.

Author 3: The idea of a modern day research crew's discovery of the ship combined with the attempted discovery of the Island by the ship I found worked well, especially as it meant this piece contained two discoveries in one. The diary parts were well written, and conveyed some of the initial excitement and later despair vividly.

Author 4: This I thought was outstanding. The switch in viewpoints from the protagonist to Petersen and then back again was well done, and the part where Petersen is narrating works for two reasons; it is written in such away that you get a sense of it being told by a person, rather than an unseen narrator, and because there is the feeling of genuine emotion from him.


I'm not going to guess at the authors this time as I have no idea about any of them. :)
 
Author #1 I quite liked the inversion of story here - worrying about British subs and the Germans providing the anti-submarine weapons. I very much enjoyed the progression of the story from relative calm to hurried battle. First the island, then the new gun, and then action. There was a nice amount of background information, enough to get a sense of what is going on but not too much.

My main gripe is one of reptition - the word 'sub', though integral to the episode, seems overused. There were one or two occasions where I thought the fuller 'submarine' would have done better, and other occasions where it might have been better to refer to the dastardly little vessels more obliquely.

Rather dangerously, I am going to guess that this author is either one of the younger forum members, or that English is not his/her native language. I guess that because some of the phrasing is a little awkward. Regardless, a very enjoyable little tale.

Author #2 I found myself smiling all the way through as I read this one. It is such an atypical subject, a road accident. We don't really get to know much of what is happening in the wider war, but in some respects the wider war is irrelevant. The descriptive work was very nice. Quite spare, allowing plenty to the imagination, but clear enough that there is little doubt about what is going on.

The thing I liked best about this one was the radio - a truly inspired little item that set off what else was going on and allowed that wonderful last line.

Author #3 I initially found this one quite difficult to get into, and the reason I think is the initial section before the diary begins. While reading the actual diary itself I got a sense of wondering whether they were actually going to find the island or not, but a great deal is taken out by already knowing the ship is wrecked/lost.

I do think you do a good job of crafting the character of Julius FitzStagg from these journal entries. There is a well-worked road to despair that comes out very well, as the difficulties mount and as hope fades. I feel quite sorry for him by the end.

The final entry by the Midshipman is the culmination of this, and is really very poignant.

The last passage then sets this off. The Tudor failed in all respects, making the sacrifice and duty pointless. One almost feels there is a Greek Tragedy here about the Captain's pride.

Author #4

Like Rensslaer I am afraid that my thoughts on this also excellent entry will have to wait. Not enough hours in the day!!!
 
1. Shorter than the others, it leaves out a great deal of what the invention is. Anti-Submarine weapons in WW2 if I am guessing correctly. The alternate history portion is obvious, Dutch allied with the Germans. Good short description of the event and the fight, but not much on the character you focused on, a lot of his detail was left out.

2. Good interaction between the characters, it feels as though the reader knows the men in the vehicle. Though the history of this one is a bit lost on me, I did enjoy it. How the characters reacted to the discovery was good, the author developed a good amount of time thinking about the individuality of his characters. I also liked how he linked the American (Dorris Day, Nat King Cole) with the Austrian. It would be interesting to see the background to this one.

3. The first of our depressing discoveries. I always enjoy a good captain's log style AAR, so I enjoyed reading this one. I felt we got to know the characters, even through just the short posts. I enjoyed it a great deal. Though I wasn’t certain what they were looking for till I went back and re-read the beginning.

4. The final one, wow. The entry was amazingly written and well developed. I really have few critiques. I guess my only real one is, it was a bit long.
 
#1 - The Germans and the Dutch versus the British, eh? I too find that interesting. We don't really need to know what the Japanese are up to, but I'd have liked the author to drop us a teaser.

Given the high noise factor, what with construction and explosions and all, I'm not surprised the author skipped the dialog. Use of dialog would have made the character more vivid and made us more involved in his actions and fate and the author might take note of that for future reference. Minor characters don't need dialog but major characters usually benefit from speech.

I suspect this author is not native to English but speaks and/or writes it well. My advice would be to set this one aside for a day or two and read it with fresh eyes. That always helps me smooth out some rough spots.

#2 - At first I thought this was a Victoria piece, perhaps set late in the game. And I admit I was a bit surprised to see Austrians motoring around Texas in a combat car! But no, the song definitely sets the date - written by Nat King Cole and Irving Mills in 1944 - and the distinctive use of 'Austro-Hungarian' rather than Austrian tells us these are soldiers of the Dual Monarchy and not Austrians serving in the post-Anschluss German Army.

The piece has a nicely humorous tone that gives it a wry twist. This is the kind of story you'd tell your grandkid when he asked you, "What did you do in the War, Daddy?" The juxtaposition of song and what's going on while it is playing makes for nicely subtle bit of fun.

Since the point of the story is the wreck and not the canyon, we don't really need to know anything about the canyon except that it is there. Still, I'd like to know just what that was!

Austrians in Texas! There is a story that needs telling!

#3 - I can't tell you how many times I've sailed a ship up and down a coast trying to discover any place I could build a colony! So this one rang all-too-true for me.

The structure of the piece gives away the punchline, though. This is just my personal taste and may not reflect what the author was trying to do, but I would have tried to mis-direct the audience's attention a bit more and then revealed that what the modern explorers were searching for was the ship the ancient explorers had used. The strength of the idea is that it uses a trait of EU2 that every player knows about and, by pretending a ship would literally do such a thing, raises it to humor. Would this be parody or satire, I wonder? Hmmmm.

Well written but tentative as if the author wasn't quite sure which way he wanted to go, farce or factual.

#4 - I can't believe you guys are going to skip talking about one of the entries!

It's technically well-written, and I liked the use of two nested discoveries - Petersen helps discover the New World and in the process discovers something about himself.

It is long, and I saw a sign or two of the author trying to cram too much into too little space. Another case where the author might benefit from putting it aside for a few days and then re-reading it.
 
Director said:
#4 - I can't believe you guys are going to skip talking about one of the entries!
Click to expand...
This is simply a realization on my part (and Stnylan, too, I suspect) that besides being last in a series of thoughtful stories, this one also will require more reflection than some of the others. ;)

I have 8 hours at work tonight to do nothing else, so... I'll be back!

Renss
 
Mea culpa. But give me a break. England did win the Ashes. ;)
 
#4 - Wow. I am in awe!

The mood and atmosphere are so well set. And the reader is instantly engaged in this man's story, then drawn in further and further. These are fishermen, yes? We're either on a hook or in a net. But caught, we are!

Naturally, stories such as this are best written by someone who knows their subject. I'm a big fan of the Patrick O'Brian naval chronicles, which are like that. It's obvious the author has done diligent research -- sailing, the Hanseatic League, etc. That's always what spices up my favorite AARs.

There is such emotion that you capture in this. This man's story is a gem, wrapped tightly in gentle cloth and held closely as a deeply personal memory. Every once in a while the old sea hand might -- or might not -- open it up for someone else to see. And our young friend was fortunate enough to have witnessed its luster!

For the first issue of my newspaper, I interviewed a 94 year old gentleman -- Herb Berner -- who fought in WWII and had some most remarkable experiences. FBI informant in the '30s, Attu & Kiska, D-Day, the Bulge... I devoted 2 or 3 pages to the interview, because I just couldn't exclude any of the story! I mention this for two reasons -- 1) this story reminded me of how involved a listener can become when there is an amazing story related, and 2) I was informed just today that he passed away over the weekend. We can only know these stories by asking, and it's good when we ask. We must before it is too late.

I cannot begin to guess who the author of this one is, but thank you for the experience. You put some huge degree of thoguht and emotion into this one. I'll have to look up your stories!

Rensslaer
 
No 1

Pretty good though I was a bit confused sometimes of what kind of discovery it was. Perhaps the story could have been a bit more vivid to really catch the readers attention but in all a solid work. Well done

No 2

Nice descriptions of the environments, easy to visualize the settings. The story itself was perhaps a bit confusing and strange but the strength of this story is the nice descriptions and the good dialogue. Nice stuff

No 3

A nice diary and a good idea. I must say I at first suspected that the diary arrangement would turn out to be quite boring but the atmosphere of the story proved me wrong. The ending was a bit abrupt though. However in all a very good story.

No 4

The beginning was most promising though I felt that the quality declined a bit after a while. I agree with Director that a review might have sharpened the quality of the story even more. The author might apply the “less is more” approach next time. Nevertheless the actual writing indicates that this author, when keeping the focus, can produce a top-notch story any day.
 
Author #4
Well, sorry it took a while to come around to comment on this piece.

Of all the entries this was probably the one I found easiest to read. It just slipped by, was a true delight. I did find it went a little soft in the middle - it just seemed to lose focus (though this might be Petersen going dreamy-eyed at paradise) before tightening right back up in those last couple of paragraph's of Petersen's spiel. The final remarks from our narrator is, I think, the best passage in the piece. Short, sharp, and to the point. However, they depend entirely on what went before to make sense. Petersen is marvellously realised in the opening remarks and through the mode of his speech.

While reading this I was somewhat reminded of MrT, and I would not entirely discount the idea that worthy has dipped his toe into the writing-pot again. But, thinking it a little unlikely I am going to suggest Storey instead.
 
Thank you for the critiques thus far. I will be revealing this round's authors on Sunday (probably late) so there is still time to offer up your two ducats before then.
 
And it's now Sunday, and you know what that means (if you read the previous post.) Yes, it's time to divulge who our brave and brilliant writers were:

* * *

AUTHOR #1: Estonianzulu

  • Recommended Reading:
The Death of the Spanish Empire EUII

War Without End (Bronze VictAARian Cross Winner for Best Completed AAR (November 2003-June 2004) Victoria

* * *

AUTHOR #2: Rensslaer

  • Recommended Reading:
Fire Warms the Northern Lands -- A Prussian AAR Victoria

* * *

AUTHOR #3: coz1

  • Recommended Reading:
For the Glory of Persia (Gold VictAARian Cross Winner for Best Completed AAR (November 2003-June 2004) Victoria

Into the West Victoria

* * *

AUTHOR #4: Director

  • Recommended Reading:
History Park: Who Wants To Be Napoleon! (Gold OscAAR Winner for Best AAR January 2003 - June 2003) EUII

HistoryPark: Here There Be Dragons EUII

- - - - - - - -

And those are our writers. Please give them a huge hand for putting their work out there for critique, and a wonderful set of scenes they were. And a note on the AARs I selected to highlight. For Estonianzulu who has been with us since seemingly the beginning (certainly since EUI) I had no idea which to pick so I settled on his two completed works. And for Director, he has two others that you should certainly check out lest you think all he writes are History Park AARs. But I wanted to include Napoleon and his current one, thus it was a History Park Highlight. ;)

Writers, you may now respond to feedback and I hope discussion will follow through the week. I will do so myself for my own work at a later time. I will suggest that I was a last minute stand in for one of the original group, but I appreciate and agree with pretty much all comment made thus far on mine own.

A very special thanks to Rennslaer, Fiftypence, stnylan, Estonianzulu, Director and Judge for giving critques! You may notice something about that list, and more on that at a later date as well. For now, let's allow the writers to respond to their feedback and allow for more of that same feedback if people are so inclined.

Congrats to all of our writers. You are brave, indeed. I hope you will come back for more. Write on, and comment on!
 
Hiya!

This is my second Guess the Author attempt, my first being many pages ago. I have been around, as Coz put it, since EU1, and although my ability to write has grown, I'm not one of the great writers of the forum. I am American (not Estonian). I didn't really like the topic, but felt it was appropriate to write about a topic I didn't care too much about. So, I went with the technological discovery.

Its been a while since I have written, so thats my excuse for the impression of non-English background. I didn't edit it as much as I would have liked, and wasn't really happy with how it came out. I felt the other writers did much better.
 
Mine was set in the background of my 'Building a Better Bremen' but is an original work. I'm delighted at the response it received but also a little puzzled as I didn't see it as exceptional at all.

I doff my hat to all the contributors and commentors, especially coz1 for hosting us (and for writing a nifty little piece under severe time constraint).
 
Thank you, everyone, for your kind comments and astute critiques and observations! I have been poking through the "Historypark" stories, and was almost ready to venture a guess that #4 was Director's, but alas I did not... :) Good job, Estonianzulu and Coz! I would not have guessed that as yours, Coz. But very good.

My scene was based upon a real experience I had (thankfully, minus the squealing tires and berm hopping!) while on a trip through Texas. While I am a native Coloradan, most all of my family is from Texas. I’ve made countless trips down there, and I’ve developed a habit of taking a different route each time I drive. I see some really neat things that way, including “Route 66”, tornadoes (almost got tossed by one!), quaint 2-lane roads, etc.

But one time I was driving through flat-as-can-be rural Texas, dipping just south of Highway 287, and I passed one of those signs with the semi-truck at an angle. One of those, “Steep grade next 2 miles” warning signs. And I’m thinking, “What the hell?” I peer around at each point on the horizon, and I see nothing but flatness. But sure enough, I turn a corner and the road disappears! Suddenly I’m looking into a close cousin to the Grand Canyon! In the middle of Texas!

It’s now called Capstone Canyons State Park, though in 1944 it was on private land. My Mom grew up about 140 miles from there, and had never seen or heard of it. She and my father both attended college within 50 miles of it. No idea!

If you’re ever out that way, I advise you to see it. It’s best to approach from the west, because that’s the way that “sneaks up on you.”

Judge, you are correct about the confusion. I think I struggled some with how to describe the growing realization that something was really wrong. It did not flow exactly. I dwelt upon it too much, and something needed to be cut out (some was!). I wasn’t sure what more should go, and ran out of editing time.

For the scene to work, I needed someone to invade the USA. This isn’t based on any particular game. Just an interesting idea. If someone’s going to invade the US, I’d prefer it not be Nazi Germany or Russians, etc. So I picked a kindlier power – Austria-Hungary – that would add an interesting ahistorical twist, and that wouldn’t draw away from the humorous undercurrent of the story. And it’s an alternate history which, thanks to the wondrous flexibility of the EUII/Vicky/HOI game system and worldview, could be possible only in a Paradox game! And yes, Director… I would love to play that game. Perhaps once I have the money to purchase HOI 2 and have played a Vicky game as Austria (which I plan to do!), I will try it.

I’m glad so many of you enjoyed the radio! The idea came to me as a means to establish the date, but developed into something much more as I began writing. And I love ‘30s and ‘40s music! Doris Day and Nat King Cole are two of my favorite singers. I was fortunate to hit upon exactly the right song to fit into the story, to add a bit of nostalgia, context and humor.
 
To comment on the responses to my piece - first thank you for taking the time to do so. And second, most if not all thoughts were spot on.

Director suggested he wondered if the direction might not have been farcical. I admit that in the beginning, I meant to try my hand in that direction. The bit was meant to convey that age old problem of trying to discover land in EUII that just refuses to be discovered. How many times have you sailed past St. Helena or some such and it still would not show itself? Too many times in my experience.

But as I got to writing, it became a bit more tragic. So that may account for some of the weakness. The other being, as suggested, I was a last minute replacement for one of our original writers.

I thought stnylan made a very good point in that I might have left the actual discovery until the end. Knowing that they failed before hand most certainly took some of the sadness out of it. Further, I would have tried to make the ending of the journal more sudden. I attempted to do that but realized after the fact it seems almost a complete sentence without a period at the end. Just didn't quite work.

But thank you all again for responding and giving me and the others some feedback. I was impressed by all the submissions and as always, tip my hat to anyone that submits work blindly like this. And further, a tip of the hat goes to those that took the time to critique blindly (as it were.) That too takes guts. Congrats to all of you.
 
So when shall we get to see the next challenge?

And hopefully we will pick up some additional writers and commenters. This is something that deserves to grow and expand.

Rensslaer
 
To be honest, Renss, I was not very impressed with the level of interest and support that this latest resurgence of this project generated. I have purposely let it sit idle to see how many were still interested and you have been the only person to post here for a week (and thank you for doing so.) That does not bode well for the future.

I think, going forward, we shall try this on a monthly basis. Perhaps absence will keep the heart fond. I'll post a new topic sometime next week at the beginning of October. We'll try that through the rest of the year and see if October, November and December will see added interest. Otherwise, it may have to fall dorment again. We'll just have to see.
 
As today is October 1st, it seems a good time to try and move this project along. Going forward, I think that shall be how I work it. A topic will be tossed out on the first of the month and writers lined up. They will have a week to write and submit their pieces and then readers will have the rest of the month to comment. Perhaps if we only do it sparingly, it will gain a better audience than if it is done too much.

So with that said - the next topic is: A Battle.

Come on all you warriors - here's your chance to write that great battle scene that's been itching to get out. It can be from any of the games and it matters not if you win or lose - just keep it a readable length.

The first four that PM me with interest are in. Once selected, you will have until October 8th to submit the piece to me. Please send it via my e-mail address - coz1 at bellsouth.net.
 
Still room for one more if someone wants in. Hurry up or it might be taken by the time you ask.
 
To help drum up support for this (and perhaps other things), do you think the mods would allow a sticky in the individual game fora to let people know that either 1) this challenge is here, or 2) a general introduction to draw people over to the AARs general discussion board?

Sometimes I get the impression that no one gets over here because either people don't know it's here or don't know to expect anything interesting.

If someone needs to manage the promotional effort, I'd be willing to volunteer!

There's just too much good stuff over here in general discussions to let it wither. I think we'd get more interest if we encouraged people to drop by.

Renss
 
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