• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Dasfubar

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Glory adn Poor Spellign: The Story fo Brandenburg
By Dasfubar
EU3 v1.1

Brandysberg-1.jpg


Brandenburg, the land covered in orangey red carpeting, was a moderate power in The Holy Roman Empire. Bordering Poland, Saxony, and the much-feared Anhaltians she had much to fear and hope for in the mid fifteenth century. Unfortunately she was lead by Friedrich II, the most stupidest and laziest king in all of Europe.

It was May 30th, 1453 and the King had been forced to take care of his children for the day.

“Why the **** do I have to take care of these little ****reds? None of them are really even mine!” The king whined as he sat on his throne watching the tapestries. “Nothing but repeats. I cant wait til Saturday Night Liveth comes on. What day does it go on Gilles?”

“I believe its on Saturday, Sir.” Replied the advisor.

“But that’s not soon enough!” moaned Friedrich.

“Daddy, you have to give the workers a break, making a tapestry live like that is awfully hard on the hands.” Commented Gertrude.

“Stuff it,” retorted the King, “I say when the workers get breaks and I will give them one on the 32nd of Nonever!”

“You’re a big meanie head!” the princess yelled and ran to her room.

Friederich turned to Gilles. “You’d think she’d act more responsible for a twenty year old…” and stopped to think.

Two days later….






“Gilles I’ve decided to sell Gertrude to the circus!” the King announced.

“Sir, wouldn’t it be better to arrange a marrage between her and another royal family? Perhaps to Pomerania?”

“But I wanna see monkeys”, the king started to pout.

“If you want we can pass through Poland on the way there Sir.” Said Gilles

“Yay! Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys!” the king started to jump up and down. “You know, I bet I could get rid of Helga the same way!” the king turned to Gilles with a dopey smile on his face.

“Very well sir, while we’re out would you mind if we met with some of my family in Saxony and Luneburg?”

“Ok Gilles,” the king responded, “as long as we can see monkeys.”

Sneekyville-2.jpg
 
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:rofl:

Wow, that was fun!

Monkeys in Poland! :rofl:

Do write more!
 

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Thanks to the many fan that posted thier support for my AAR, we apreciate all the support you've given!

Also, to any Polish people out their, I don't think you are actually monkeys, or as stupid as them. However I can say you ARE as harry as them. In fact:

The Polish Harry factor is as follows:

Polish Men= Italian men * Mennonite Men * Russian Men ^ a French Armpit

Anyways, I have some bad news....
 
Last edited:

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Gilles: (to King Friedrich) "Sir, I have some bad news...."

King: "Oh No! Don't tell me the Tapestries are broken again!"

Gilles: "Even worse, it appears that that stooge you hired to write your life story can't get Photobucket or ImageShack to work!"

King: "You mean..."

Gilles: "Yes your magesty, this AAR wont have any pictures"

King: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111"
 

unmerged(83622)

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Haha, this seems fairly crazy. :D

What's the problem with Imageshack/Photobucket?
 

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Snugglie: Crazy? By the time I'm done this thing will be insane!

About the Photobucket situation: I've been sort of able to fix it, but at least 75% of the time it freezes trying to load up images... :confused: I don't know what's going on with it really... maybe it hates me?

Gilles: "Your Highness, it seems the oaf has been able to use the photo bucket!"

King: "You know what this calls for Gilly?"

Gilles: "Not in the faintest Sir."

King: "It's time for the happy dance!"

Gilles: "As you wish Sire..."

happy-dancer.jpg
 

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Alright Everyone I know this AAR has seen alot of interest, in fact the number of readers has doubled just today! (A total of 2!) However I'm going to have to leave on vacation for a few days. Because of this I'm going to post another update.

Remember kids: The more demands for updates the more updates will come!
 

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23rd of June, 1453

King Friedrich was again watching the tapestries when Gilles entered the room.

King: “Hey Gilles watch this!”, pointing to a picture of a knight on a horse jumping over a rock. “I wish I could go to war…. Could you work on something Gilly?”

Gilles: “As you wish Sir, by the way, we’ve been sent a letter, apparently some merchants want us to join their ‘Hanseatic League”

Hans-1.jpg


King: “Cool, is it like a club or something?”

Gilles: “Yes Sir it’s a…”

King: (interrupting) “are there girls allowed?”

Gilles: “I’m not sure sir….”

King: “Because I’m not going unless there are no girls allowed. Oh and I want to wear paper hats!”



Gilles: “…As you wish sir…”
 

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King: “Cool, is it like a club or something?”

Gilles: “Yes Sir it’s a…”

King: (interrupting) “are there girls allowed?”

Gilles: “I’m not sure sir….”

:rofl:

This king must not like "cooties" eh? :D
 

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This king must have some sort of personality disorder. :p
 

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Thursday 24th, February 1455

King Friedrich is playing outside in the snow making a fort with Ulrich and Joachim, his two other advisors when Gilles comes outside.

Gilles: “Your highness Saxony just declared war on Anhalt!”

cf3ee1ae.jpg


King: “So?”

Gilles: “Well Saxony is our ally, they want to know if we will follow them into battle.”

King: “Hmmm…. How big is their snow fort?”

Gilles: “Ummm…. Its really small, just the size of a cart wheel.”

King: “Well then, sounds like we can take them. Ully, Joe-Joe, lets get going!”

Gilles: “But Sir! The Papal Rangers are on the tapestry in half an hour!”

King: “Really? Well I suppose the army can take care of this one. Come on guys lets head inside!” And with that the King and his three advisors head back to the castle.

King: “Hey Gilly when we get inside can I have some hot chocolate?”

Gilles: “Sure Sir”

King: “With marshmallows?”

Gilles: “Alright.”
 
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*On vacation again... won't be back for 3 days.

March 14, 1455

The King is outside behind the Royal Palace. He and a group of soldiers are digging a hole.

Gilles: (who has just arrived) “What are you doing sir?”

King: (throwing a shovel through of sand onto Gilles’ feet) “Digging.”

Gilles: “Ah, digging for anything in particular?”

King: “Ya, I’ve been looking in the ledgers and chinaware is really expensive.”

Gilles: “So why are you digging a hole?”

King: “I’m making a new trade route to the China!”

Gilles: “Oh… That makes… Sense…” After a moment trying to stop his brain from haemorrhaging too much Gilles began talking again. “Sir, the people have been talking and think we should create a national Ideal for our country. What should we choose?”

King: “Millitary Drill of course! Otherwise it’ll take forever to dig this hole!”

Gilles: “I see Sir, coming right up…”

20ac355b.jpg
 

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Enewald: the Poles will be coming, for the moment though we're going west :)


*******************************************************
March 25, 1455

Gilles: “Your highness, Mecklenburg just declared war on our ally Luneburg!”

King: “So?”

Gilles: “Well, are we going to assist our ally?”

King: “Hmmmm….. Na let them handle themselves!”

Gilles: “Sir I doubt they will be able to do that….”

2c4fac0f.jpg


Gilles: “You know Sir, the Mecklenburgers are saying you’re too much of a sissy to fight them!”

King: “A SISSY?!?!?! MEN! TO WAR!!”

4dd7e0b3.jpg


*********************************************************

Later that day King Friedrich was watching his tapestries and sharpening his battle-axe for the war to come when a peasant walked into his throne room and placed a large sign on the side of the tapestry.

e287b589.jpg


“OOOOooooohhh shiny….” Said the King as he walked towards the sign. After an hour reading the poster he began to think:

…Hmmm… Ducat loan… war… troops…

…need troops… war…Troops… Cost ducats…

…need ducats… … …

“Hey peasant, this shiny sign says I should talk to you about a loan.” The King said, turning to the poor wretch.

“Yes sir, well all you need to do is go to the market and talk to the merchant at the north corner stall. He’ll fix you right up with a loan. I’d be glad to show you myself though if you were to remove your axe from my back…”

“Oky Doky!” said Friedrich.

**********************************************************

Laterer that Day:

King: “Hey Gills guess what I did!”

Gilles: “Not right now, it seems Hamberg has declared war upon us!”

King: “Hamburg?

Gilles: “Yes sir, Hamburg. Their armies are marching on Luneburg as we speak.”

9f011caa.jpg

Tee Hee
 
Last edited:

unmerged(83622)

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The pictures of the Hamburgian armies are already close to becoming epic.
 

Dasfubar

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No work today due to excess lightning, so I might be able to add an update... maybe. I have however edited the Hambergian Hoard so that there are no more ugly white lines.