oh ok and how do i get papal controller? (i still of course fight nonbelievers [

] anyway but my current duke was zealous when he was a child [but he lost the trait while his person matured] and anyway i want to bring good old times up again by crusading some heathens

)
During a Crusade the PC is the Catholic ruler with the highest piety. This is recalculated when the Pope dies, the Papal Controller dies, or you reload the game.
The rest of the time the PC is the Pope's closest relative.
lol and my duke of venice always dies before he can get an mature child.. its now like the second time .. what can i do about it?
Not much in-game. Your trouble is your starting Duke is old:
Code:
character = {
id = { type = 10 id = 7800 }
name = "Domenico"
gender = male
dynasty = { type = 12 id =516 }
country = VENE
religion = catholic
culture = Italian
score = { gold = 50 prestige = 100 piety = 100 }
birthdate = { [b]year = 1018 month = january day = 1[b] }
deathdate = { year = 1070 month = january day = 1 }
dna = "16426565176721"
attributes = {
martial = 4
diplomacy = 7
intrigue = 6
stewardship = 5
health = 7
fertility = 6
}
traits = {
tough_soldier = yes
}
In 1066 he's a week shy of his 48th birthday. Which means that if he instantly got a legitimate son on the first day of the scenario he'd have to live to the ripe old age of 64 to prevent a regency. And he can't have a legit son on the first day because he's single at the start of the scenario so add another 9 months.
You could mod him pretty easily. His health and fertility scores aren't great, so you could change them both to 10. That would make him live longer, and give him more kids too. You could change his birthday from 1018 to a later date. He's in the 1066_scenario_characters.inc file in your scenarios folder.
and can i do something about getting annexed by navarre all the time (while playing aragon) even though 5 seconds before we were allies?
What do you mean "annexed?" Do they declare war on you, siege your castles, and force you to give up all your titles?
If so they think you'll be an easy conquest. And apparently they're right. If you can quickly vassalize Barcelona you might be able to change that. by adding a whole mess of troops to your total.
The gamey way around that problem would be to wait until the declare war, hit F12, type byzantine, and hit enter. Then they have to accept whatever diplomatic stuff you want, so you offer white peace. They accept, you type byzantine and hit enter to turn the cheat off, and then ctrl-F12 to get rid of the cheat-screen.
Nick