Ged's Existential Nightmare

[alscon]

Actually, I have a very good explanation for Brian Jr's typhus: Urraka. Annoyed that someone dared accuse someone else than her of witchcraft, she set herself to work to eliminate any pretender to the throne who doesn't descend from her.
In order not to completely get on the new pope's bad side though (as that wouldn't look good for Ged), she decided to do it in secret.

The alliance was definitely a good idea. Now the Normans know that if they want to beat up the Celts, they can pick their target and fight both at once (Wales doesn't matter for know). And Scotland is easier to access - not to mention stronger - so Ireland may be fairly safe right now.

The Essexian Paulicians will surely cause some trouble in the future. Ged certainly couldn't join the heretics, what with him depending on papal gifts and his children apprentice preachers.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Actually, I have a very good explanation for Brian Jr's typhus: Urraka.

My query was that typhus of all kinds spreads like wildfire from various ticks and fleas. You can't just have one case of typhus in the whole court. So magic probably is the best solution.

Annoyed that someone dared accuse someone else than her of witchcraft, she set herself to work to eliminate any pretender to the throne who doesn't descend from her

It was very funny that the Irish actually do follow the concept of witches being bad...at least, sometimes.

In order not to completely get on the new pope's bad side though (as that wouldn't look good for Ged), she decided to do it in secret.

Ah yes, because she does love Ged. Weirdly.

The alliance was definitely a good idea. Now the Normans know that if they want to beat up the Celts, they can pick their target and fight both at once (Wales doesn't matter for know). And Scotland is easier to access - not to mention stronger - so Ireland may be fairly safe right now.

In a way, Ireland is very well protected. It's so far away from everyone else that no one really bothers, and in any case has much weaker neighbours to attack first. If I could, keeping the other much weaker celtic nations around as buffers might work, but alas they are too weak and get torn up in the next few years.

The Essexian Paulicians will surely cause some trouble in the future. Ged certainly couldn't join the heretics, what with him depending on papal gifts and his children apprentice preachers.

Ged already is a secret heretic since he follows the insular faith in secret. And so are all of his children except for John-Paul. Only third generation start being born into the Catholic faith, or at least that was the case in this family.

Essex is actually surprisingly relevant to Irish history. And wider history too I suppose, because of that.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Ok, time to look properly at the next patch list, now they've had time to properly fix various aspects of the game. I'm sure it works fine now.

# Free Features

...seriously?

Added a Ruler Designer where you can customize the ruler you’ll start with before the game starts. This works with achievements - but under certain restrictions.

I most certainly will make a special update on what you can do here.

Added the functionality to attach your armies to another allied army located in the same province in order to follow the other army

Actually helpful.

Mercenary companies of cultures that have Camel Riders unlocked will no longer include tons of camels for no reason

Apparently this was an issue with elephants too. The middle east was awash with camels and elephants. I don't think this is a problem so much as a feature but apparently...

Cats and dogs now live a bit longer, appear slightly less often, and trigger events less frequently

Still have not seen any evidence of either mammal. Now looks like I never will.

Economically-inclined AI's now somewhat prefer upgrading Economic buildings

Good?

Halved the impact of Fervor on the speed of the Convert Faith of County councilor task, converting a high-fervor faith as a low-fervor one should no longer be impossible (but still hard, of course!)

Now this one will have a definite impact on our game. Scotland especially is full of heresy.

It's now easier to divorce openly incestuous spouses

But what if you're both doing it? And what if the marriage itself is incestuous?

Landless religious heads not of your religion can no longer be invited to court and married.

I'd be more worried about them being targeted for torture and horrible murder things.

Only the holder of a holding can cancel construction now. No more canceling your vassals' constructions to get money

You could do that???

Wandering characters no longer get absurd stats should they have immense amounts of gold to spend

Wandering characters of the player's dynasty no longer spend money on self-improvement, to prevent an exploit where you would

Lol

Children can become more inclined to drink later in life if their guardians are a poor influence

Children get beat up a lot in these patch notes.

Significantly slowed down Fabricate Claim task when targeting vassals

Shit. I liked that option.

To make a holy order it is now enough for the Pope to not simply dislike the AI, rather than needing 60+ opinion. The 60+ opinion requirement still persists for the player since we like to see the player grovel

We may have found where PTM moved to.

Toggling nudity is now a setting rather than a game rule.

Woo!

No Beard' is now the top option in the barbershop

Pfft. Everyone knows you go to a barber to get more hair.

Ugly characters now have significantly more varied looks, and look more believably ugly

Ugly characters now look more ugly, to a reasonable extent, by distorting specific facial features more than before

Why was this a priority???

Moved the Norfolk holding to a more accurate position

Misplacing Norfolk is a little embarising. Especially as it ends up as England's capital.

Fixed so that the hunt event theme SFX only plays during hunts and not during pilgrimages

We hunt for GAWD

Fixed a mix-up in the event "Information Brokering" which could claim that a woman was fathered by her own son, instead of correctly saying that her son was fathered by another man

Nice.

Fixed assorted localization-issues reported by Betas

YOU HAVE BETA TESTERS? AND YOU'RE ONLY NOW RESPONDING TO THEIR FEEDBACK???

Added four new murder outcomes

Of course.

Added 2 more child-murder outcomes, you monsters!

See what I mean?

Added two additional game concepts for Hostages and Prisoners of War.

I don't know what this is.

Karen is now a vassal to the Tahirid in 867.

Memes!

The Cucumber King is no longer unintentionally a kinslayer, due to a wrongly assigned father.

...what?

Added age trigger for becoming a drunkard event

Too late for the current Ned kids but good to know!

Characters are no longer angry at their new friends

Unrealistic.

Charlemagne is now lustful - the dude sure got around

He spilt the blood of the saxon men.

Excommunicated characters can no longer become Pope

Good...

Executing an independent ruler will no longer give them an opinion penalty towards you since, you know, they'll be dead.

Also good.

Fixed a bug that caused Irish characters to be able to Revoke False Conversion when starting a game with the tutorial enabled

Interesting.

Fixed a child's favorite toy crashing the entire game

Fixed the game in rare cases completely erasing members of your family from existence after their death. Look, we all hated uncle

We do all hate Uncle.

Former Heads of Faith now keep their clothes on, presuming they held the HoF title at the time of their death

Still got issues with that, huh? (See last patch notes)

Good things now happen to good chancellors

In this economy?

Intelligent women no longer confront their pregnant lesbian lover to ask if they are the father of that child. Stupid women however, still have a chance to ask that question.

Lol

Physicians can now treat themselves, and they're also more likely to "mess up" your treatment if they're trying to murder you

Rather sinister.

Spouses and lovers will only act as your wingman if they're ok with you bedding someone else

Urraka will not be helping us then.

The Earl of Desmond will now slip your net and avoid capture in combat during the tutorial

Why? It was a good tutorial feature about imprisonment???

You can

You can!

You cannot confide in friends you do not have

You now have to actively scheme to convert someone to witchcraft to discover that they're already a witch

Awkward...

Your friend will no longer support your scheme to claim their throne

What are friends for, if not that?

...

As you can see, the game is now perfect.

 

[DensleyBlair]

Why was this a priority???

Making ugly characters “ugly”… Yes, what an excellent use of everybody’s time

Misplacing Norfolk is a little embarising. Especially as it ends up as England's capital.

Partridge will be pleased I suppose.

 

[El Pip]

YOU HAVE BETA TESTERS? AND YOU'RE ONLY NOW RESPONDING TO THEIR FEEDBACK???

It's a quirk of the Swedish language, they have the same word for "Beta Testers" as "Paying customers".

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Making ugly characters “ugly”… Yes, what an excellent use of everybody’s time

So nice they did it twice. As one of the future rulers is Ugly/Homely, I will see what exactly that means change-wise when the game updates.

I must also find out who the Cucumber King is. This is a classic example of a descriptor probably promising way too much but we must know more!

It's a quirk of the Swedish language, they have the same word for "Beta Testers" as "Paying customers".

Still, earth shattering news that they do have them, they do play the game and updates first, nr paradox could listen to what they say.

Except they don't, because I'm fairly sure this note is not in the first patch notes.

It is also interesting that they are still struggling to get the religious figures to keep their clothes on.

 

[DensleyBlair]

I must also find out who the Cucumber King is. This is a classic example of a descriptor probably promising way too much but we must know more!

Yes please do report back. Pure bewilderment prevented me from properly registering this note earlier.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Imma gonna do some painting now. People are my canvas. Any requests? So far I'm thinking:

1. Best/ideal statted stud person.
2. Worst possible combination.
3. Funny combinations that would make life hell.
4. The ugliest we can go.
5. Anything utterly nuts like making a wookie or other alien.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Yes please do report back. Pure bewilderment prevented me from properly registering this note earlier.

I do hope they are still alive but alas it has been 80 years since game began. Maybe I can find the corpse?

 

[El Pip]

Yes please do report back. Pure bewilderment prevented me from properly registering this note earlier.

For once history is stranger than Paradox. Actual nickname of a King of Pagan (Burma);

Nyaung-u Sawrahan - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Yes please do report back. Pure bewilderment prevented me from properly registering this note earlier.

Oh my god, it is a real historical title nickname.

Nyaung-u Sawrahan - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

But this led me on a little journey through the unused titles (I.e. they're in the game for use but not by anyone in the 1066 start date). There's all sorts from the obvious Lionheart, to the classic Blackadder, to the frankly insane Flash (aaah!).

Have a look for yourselves here:

Nickname - CK3 Wiki

ck3.paradoxwikis.com

 

[DensleyBlair]

For once history is stranger than Paradox. Actual nickname of a King of Pagan (Burma);

Nyaung-u Sawrahan - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Oh my god, it is a real historical title nickname.

Majestic.

But this led me on a little journey through the unused titles (I.e. they're in the game for use but not by anyone in the 1066 start date). There's all sorts from the obvious Lionheart, to the classic Blackadder, to the frankly insane Flash (aaah!).

These are great. Lots of fun to be had.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Looking through the character creator, I can confirm that it is very good at human design. Unfortunately, that means little to no disgusting monster options as standard. However, once I finish going through the first time, I'll pick the ugly options and see what weird proportions we can get. I do like the height and weight variations, and the option for asexuality. Finally I can role-playing myself as an immortal god emperor, untouchable and unbreakable. I also like that they've expanded hair and beard options again. And given a frankly ridiculous number of cultures and religious options in game, as it really stands out when presented with the full list for characters.

Have just got to the nose section. If any area has weird options, it'll be here.

Edit: Yeah, pretty easy to make a human. What the ugly stuff in the patch notes was referring to is essentially this...having an ugly trait takes the brakes off the character creator and let's you run wild. The sliders get more extreme. The sickness gets worse etc. Etc.

Some truly horrible characters can be made this way.

Edit: including alien ged. Can't do lycanthropy stuff yet though, so no werewolves, vampires or wookies.

 

[Fiftypence]

Well that could have gone better

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Now then.

Well that could have gone better

It takes another 80 years and several wars for the Irish to deliver a proper smackdown to England. Even then, despite by that time expanding the Irish Colonies extensively, the English remain our equals in size and manpower.

If I do get to the fourth ruler, readers should like him. A very rich mix of spectacular defeat and glorious success, lots of internal angsting about fate and power, all while establishing a proper Irish State on the main island of Great Britian. Almost certainly going to write that one as a Shakespeare history now.

 

[Bullfilter]

Still on catch-up. On ‘Iron Fist’:

power projection, profit and pain

Ah, the Four Ps. Very alliteratively important.

Slaughtering rebels is God's work

And Ged’s work. The two are becoming difficult to distinguish in Ireland these days.

Fortunately, authorities do find these unfortunate souls, but alas, alack, they have so far all been found to have committed suicide in the throes of madness.

they all also take their own lives in their cells.

Lots of ‘killed whilst trying to escape’ happening these days. Grim.

lighten her hair to Neddish ginger so she won’t forget her roots

Very important to remember the roots while dyeing the hair: it won’t become fashionable to let them grow out until Madonna makes it a thing.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

And Ged’s work. The two are becoming difficult to distinguish in Ireland these days.

Ireland builds quite the cult of personality around Ged, even after he's gone. He changed and introduced so much, that even his own descendents move his shadow.

Ah, the Four Ps. Very alliteratively important.

The Irish have a problem with the Ps through the years. They get power projection. They get pain. But profit is a little...issue. Given how the economy works in CK3, there's not much reason to have a colonial empire. Hence the Irish sort of develop one by accident, and rhenium have to deal with the expense of not only defending it but expanding it (because each ruler has to have their impact, right?).

Lots of ‘killed whilst trying to escape’ happening these days. Grim.

At a certain point, the Family Ned get through this stage and just lock people away forever. Because of how good the game is at letting you know who is ransomable without ever going into the prison menu, I genuinely forget who I have in there. It got to the point that I had 80 people in the dungeon...

Very important to remember the roots while dyeing the hair: it won’t become fashionable to let them grow out until Madonna makes it a thing.

Ah yes...who?

 

[Bullfilter]

Ah yes...who?

Oh, c’mon, Madonna isn’t a boomer thing, surely?

 

[DensleyBlair]

Oh, c’mon, Madonna isn’t a boomer thing, surely?

One of my earliest memories involves me and my brother sneaking downstairs having gone to bed one night to put on the Music album on the hi-fi. Must’ve been 2001/2. We were maybe 3 years old so we didn’t really know how the hi-fi worked, but we got it playing – only at an incredibly loud volume. Scared the bejesus out of our parents in the other room; they thought someone had broken into the house to play Madge!

 

[El Pip]

Oh, c’mon, Madonna isn’t a boomer thing, surely?

I believe TBC is studying the law, so this is part of his training - the pretence of being utterly ignorant of any post 1950s popular culture.

In reality of course he is doubtless a massive fan, because he is a man trapped in the 1980s.