A frankish chronicler said:
Frankish Propagantainment Department
presents
A Carloman Run
Chapter I - Rise of the Franks
Bourgogne, Anno 769:
During a hunt in the forrest of Bourgogne Carloman Karling, King of Middle Francia found a mysterious book, the so called 'The book'.
When the King returned to his capital in Besançon he immediately began to study his curious discovery.
It transpired that it contains peculier conditions guarantee the one who fulfils goes down in annals of history. Unfortunately The book was accursed and so from that day forth every Karling ruler of Carlomans bloodline was bound to it and compelled to do everything conceivable to reach mentioned conditions.
It wasn't long before the Kings mother Bertrada died under suspicious circumstances. According to rumours the King himself was involved but Carloman did not care about hearsay evidence and there has not been a clear proof. Those who spread these rumours or as the King used to say; alternativ facts, were never seen again.
In 772 his elder brother Carl, King of West Francia marched southward attacking the infidels in north-east Iberia so Carloman seized the extraordinary opportunity and used special Casus Belli mentioned in The Book.
Only one day after declaration of war Carlomans army invaded West Francia, fought some minor battles and started with the siege of the west francian capital while his brothers army was involved in some heavy battles in the north of Iberia.
The King won the war and only 3 months later his humiliated brother Carl died during a battle against infidels in the region of Pyrenees and the agreeably surprised Carloman inherited the Kingdom of West Francia and thus the King united Francia. To gain more prestige for the Karling dynasty the King conquered Saxony in 774. Following this, Carloman declared a holy war over Mecklenburg and was successful again.
Anno 776 the King gained enough prestige and reputation and acclaimed himself emperor of Francia.
However,it was from short duration, just two weeks after ceremonial coronation Carloman died. The cause of his death was nebulous. The Realm was shocked. During the investigation some courtiers stated that they have seen a strange man in a black habit with a scythe carrying a chessboard under his arm leaving emperors apartments. The guards searched him in vain.
And thus it took place that the 8-year old Pepin, named after his grandfather took over the freshly formed Empire. Turmoil and diseases streaked the realm. Many vassals were discontent due to new heir and the fact that the murderer of Carloman wasn't caught yet. First peasants started revolting. With the age of 9, young Pepin had to struggle with a huge vassal revolt. His early military focused education helped him to handle that revolt. Subsequently he established loyal vassals and started an reformation of the education system.
The Realm recovered and a few provinces began to prosper. At the age of 13 in 781 Pepin and his regent convinced the council to declare war on the Kingdom of Bavaria and press Pepins Cousin's claim to Bavaria and so the Karling dynasty obtained one more important and powerful title. He arranged a betrothal with the lombardic King and got betrothed with a lombardic princess and also invited 2 nobles with claims to the lombardic Kingdom.
When Pepin became 16 he got married and was divorced only few days later, cause The Book says so. He arranged a new marriage with a more appealing decent frankish noble lady. Also Bretagne became part of the rising frankish Empire. Under Pepins leadership saxon rebellions were totally defeated and Christianization moved on.
Besançon became an important cultural and economical center in western europe.
Anno 796 after a glorious war the Duchy of Barcelona became part of the realm and the Emperor performed an army reform and first troops were trained in Bourgogne to build up 1st imperial retinue.
During the turn of the century the Empire of Francia experienced a period of bloom with many investments which promoted the economic and military growth. Together with Pepins Cousin, King of Bavaria the Karling dynasty got stronger and few family members gained new titles.
Due to internal affairs, diplomatic and strategical talent and also some little happy circumstances the Emperor merged the Duchy of upper Burgundy and Duchy of Burgundy so he strengthened his position and developed his power further. From then on ten of twelve counties in merged duchies were controlled by the Emperor himself.
In 813 with the age of 47 Pepin pressed his counts claim to the Kingdom of Lombardy, whom he once invited to the court and married him matrilineally to one of his daughters. The war lasted nearly two years but with the Emperors victory the frankish Empire gained tremendous strength and even more wealth.
While Pepin helped the King of Asturias to defend his territories against some infidels emirs, he focused on Iberia and attacked the Umayyad Empire to conquer the Duchy of Aragon.
Pepin's reign was a true stroke of luck for the whole frankish Empire and the Emperor was liked by the vast majority of his vassals very much. Some of them had managed to gain some new territories, Pepin's grand cousin obtained some minor counties in Britain.
823 the Emperor conquered the Duchy of Valencia.
When his daughter died childless, the Emperor waited patiently for the opportunity to arrest the lombardic King and take control of his king title himself.
Nevertheless, with increasing age Pepin became more impatient and also got stressed. Some years later the lombardic King tried to get a claim on a bavarian county, so Pepin reacted immediately and tried to imprison his King vassal which failed and it came once more to a war and Pepin realised that this was the most important one in his long powerful reign. However, Pepin operated once more with foresight cause he stationed the imperial retinue right in the lombardic capital before he tried to arrest the King. With this advantage and help of his loyal vassals the Emperor was successful and impriosned the lombardic King who once was his former son-in-law.
Anno 834 Pepin who also fell ill with cancer not long ago, revoked the title of Kingdom of Lombardy, traveled to Pope to Rome and became Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. This was certainly the highlight of his long reign.
Back in his capital in Besançon Pepin invited all family members and vassals even the vassals vassals to a huge feast to celebrate the freshly formed HRE. While the Emperor spent hours and hours going through his lists and writing invitations he complained a lot that he had to do this menial job on his own as an powerful Emperor. He wondered why he did not have a secretary for these kind of operations.
In 835 Pepin increased the imperial retinue and invaded and annexed the Duchy of Cordoba, while one of his vassals invaded the Duchy of Toledo. But there was a fight he could not win; The fight against cancer and thus he died at the age of 72 years Anno 840.
After the death of the Emperor, one found a song he had presumably written in childhood during his regency, which shows that he had complained about certain circumstances already in his childhood:
I'm sitting here in a boring realm
it's just another lame month and it's calm
I'm wasting my time I got nothing to do
I mustn't declare war, I'm waiting for you
but nothing ever happens
And I wonder
I'm riding around, with my horse
I'm riding too fast I'm raiding of course
I'd like to change my education focus too
I feel so lonely I'm waiting for you
but nothing ever happens
And I wonder
I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday my regent told me 'bout council isn't shy
and all that I can see,
is a new guy for my regency
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning, turning, turning, turning, turning around
And all that I can see
is a bad stats guy for my regency
Sing
dab dadadadab di dab dah dadada dabn didabdah dabdidndidah
*cling*
I'm sitting here, I miss the power
I'd like to go out, get a duchy in an hour
but there's a heavy faction inside my realm
I feel so tired, try to keep calm,
where nothing ever happens
And I wonder
Seclusion - is not good for me
Seclusion - I don't wanna eat courtiers without a nice tea
I'm stepping around in a desert of joy,
Foolin' the Umayyads and make them my toy
and everything will happen and you wonder
...
it's just another lame month and it's calm
I'm wasting my time I got nothing to do
I mustn't declare war, I'm waiting for you
but nothing ever happens
And I wonder
I'm riding around, with my horse
I'm riding too fast I'm raiding of course
I'd like to change my education focus too
I feel so lonely I'm waiting for you
but nothing ever happens
And I wonder
I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday my regent told me 'bout council isn't shy
and all that I can see,
is a new guy for my regency
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning, turning, turning, turning, turning around
And all that I can see
is a bad stats guy for my regency
Sing
dab dadadadab di dab dah dadada dabn didabdah dabdidndidah
*cling*
I'm sitting here, I miss the power
I'd like to go out, get a duchy in an hour
but there's a heavy faction inside my realm
I feel so tired, try to keep calm,
where nothing ever happens
And I wonder
Seclusion - is not good for me
Seclusion - I don't wanna eat courtiers without a nice tea
I'm stepping around in a desert of joy,
Foolin' the Umayyads and make them my toy
and everything will happen and you wonder
...
Pepins eldest son Karl became Emperor and continued the policy of Karlings and thus he declared war to the Umayyads over the Duchy of Granada on the first day of his reign.
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Chapter II - The new Archenemy
Over time, the HRE had continued to grow in size and strength. In the course of the 9th and 10th century, the entire iberian peninsula, as well as all the italian provinces and large parts of the north african coastal region, were liberated by infidels.
In the middle of the 11th century Wales, England, Iceland and Egypt, as well as large parts of Syria and large parts of Arabia came under control of the Holy Roman Empire.
The larger the frankish empire became, the more questionable were also some measures of the frankish emperors. This, however, was due to the fact that the emperors were still bound to The book.
One Emperor financed the election of a wicked archbishop and made him a pope later on. An other one landed a miaphysite courtier in Abyssinia after the Emperor conquered it, granted him the king title and his independence. Again another Emperor appointed an antipope, after a foreign King also set up an antipope.
Anno 1047 Friedrich the Desert Fox annexed the duchy of Oman, since then there is the saying:
In 1050 Friedrich's son Merek became Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. During a visit to the Pope, who had become a vassal of the Emperor, he was told that Byzantium would try to mend the Great Schism. The Emperor and the Pope were totally shocked. Byzantium was a strong military force and also expanded to north and east. They have sent Basileus a message and wanted to know, whether these rumors were true.
About seven days later, a courier handed out Basileus' reply:
Thereupon the Emperor declared Byzantium an archenemy and commanded all orthodox Christians in realm to convert to catholic faith. Those who refused would be punished with exile. In addition, a papal decree was passed which annulled all marriages between catholics and orthodox, and they were also prohibited in the future. Merek sent his chancellor to fabricate a claim to Constantinople.
Anno 1051 after a short time of recovering from last holy war in Persia, the emperor ordered his special retinue forces to the counties of Lecce and Tarent, declared war to Byzantium and invaded Sicily.
A few months later the Emperor's trap snapped in, as the Byzantine army with 34.000 men, crossed the seas between Dyrrachion and Lecce and attacked the retinue in Lecce. The 9.000 men offered couragous resistance. Only some days later 57.000 men of the Holy Roman army moved to Lecce and totally crushed the byzantine army. The Holy Roman army immediately began the persecution and defeated the Byzantine army again. After few more sieges in Sicily the war was won.
The Emperor began a conspiracy for the assassination of the Basileus in order to break the truce, but without success. A few years later the chancellor was successful and he tried to fabricate next one to county of Thrakia.
When the truce ceased in 1061, Merek declared war on the county of Constantinople, just three month later he died due to bad health.
His son Merek II took over the rule and waged the war which his father had begun.
Although he was successful, he realized that it might take centuries to significantly weaken Byzantium.
This was also the prevailing opinion of his commanders.
Therefore the Emperor looked for the most talented diplomat and invited him to court.
Meanwhile some of his vassals gained some minor counties in Persia and Danmark, Merek II made Constantinople his capital and converted to archenemy's religion, cause The book says so. After some irretations among his vassals, especially with the pope, he granted the county to one of his family members and Besançon became the realm's capital again. He also switched back to catholicism.
The Emperor was not quite so popular, while is heir was educated by a jewish count,he did not bother himself that the actual coat of arms still was old frankish one.
Anno 1065 due to inheritance, Merek II attacked Basileus and a byzantine revolt at the same time to gain more counties, while one of the Emperor's king vassals attacked the byzantine revolt.
Meanwhile in Besançon the Emperor had to deal with a circumstance that really annoyed him.
While Merek II complained a lot about cultural switching, the absence of cultural laws and enforcement of cultural education among his vassals, he took part in the weekly appraisal of prisoners.
Although other Karling emperors had already complained about this, a royal decree was issued only then:
This imperial decree did not contribute to the popularity of the Emperor.
While several years passed by, some more minor counties were annexed and the Emperor increased his imperial retinue.
In 1089 Merek II died due to bad health. The frankish jewish Augustus inherited the Holy Roman Empire and founded the Kingdom of Israel, cause The Book says so. He thought of staying jewish and use the Holy War Casus Belli against Byzantium, but then he thought that this would be too ridiculous, moreover that wasn't mentioned in The Book.
During he still was jewish, he fought against Byzantium to gain the Duchy of Capua. At the same time his catholic vassal pope called a Great Holy War for Norway. After Capua was conquered, he switched back to catholicism and joined the crusade in 1091.
The Emperor gave the land he won to family members and distributed the new counts to his king vassals.
In 1118 he recognized, the more counties of Byzantium were conquered, the faster Basileus expanded to north-east. He noticed that the cowardly Basileus tried to abscond to somewhere in nowhere.
In the knowledge that Basileus' empire title can only be usurped if he is landless, Augustus had to find a solution.
Therefore the Emperor and his general staff developed a plan, and they call it; the real medieval schlieffen:
.jpg "real medieval schlieffen (Kopie).jpg")
Right after Augustus and his bemedalled commanders discussed first potential and practicable military operations the Emperor became megalomaniac:
And so it came as it had to come, the first operation started on the western flank.
In 1124 the invasion got started, the Emperor declared six wars to different chiefs and invaded their lands.
Anno 1125 the first operation was successful and the second operation on eastern flank started a few month later.
Augustus was delighted in 1126, when the second operation was successfully completed.
Meanwhile his chancellor had fabricated a few claims on Byzantine counties.
In 1127 the truce with Byzantium ended and the Emperor invaded Basileus once more.
Only one year later the Emperor conquered those six counties and was able to create the Kingdom of Greece.
Due to financial crises Augustus stopped moving on with his military plan, but the Duchy of Turkestan remained the next possible war goal. He changed the coat of arms and tried to motivate his steward for a better tax income.
While the HRE was recovering from last strenuous wars, Augustus noticed that only one more county is needed to form the Kingdom of Armenia.
However, the time of recovery was only short-lived. In 1129 the Emperor declared war again and Turkestan was annexed in 1130.
Meantime, many people in Byzantium seem to have noticed what the Emperor planned , some of them thought switching their culture could be helpful when times change.
Augustus was focused on the eastern flank and so two more wars were declared and the next Duchy was annexed in 1134.
In 1135 with the last conquest of the Duchy of Perm the eastern flank was closed, Byzantium was encircled and the cauldron was estabilshed. Basileus was in the trap.
Meanwhile in motherland, the French king apparently misunderstood who in the realm is the one who pretends which entries from The book are fulfilled first.
When the Emperor returned to Besançon, he organized an opulent feast, where even the most famous bard of the empire played his lovely lyrical minnesang; Lord Bizkit - Keep rulin' , rulin' , rulin' , rulin'....
After a short time of 'crownbanging' he kept ruling, focused the western flank of his schlieffen plan and declared three more wars and conquered new counties before last truce with Byzantium ended in 1136.
Anno 1138 at the age of 61, before Augustus could declare war against Byzantium, the Emperor died a natural death.
His son Augustus II inherited the Holy Roman Empire and continued his father's plan.
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