• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Hyena Dandy

Captain
11 Badges
Jan 1, 2011
324
36
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Victoria 2
  • 500k Club
Alrigt, guys. Remember

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

Okay, Aegon VI...

Take it away
 

Attachments

Last edited:

kvk

Colonel
74 Badges
Oct 20, 2012
810
134
  • Crusader Kings III
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Crusader Kings II: Jade Dragon
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Stellaris
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Colonel
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Field Marshal
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Tyranny: Archon Edition
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • Tyranny - Bastards Wound
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Imperator: Rome Sign Up
  • Imperator: Rome Deluxe Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Victoria 2
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • 500k Club
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Mount & Blade: With Fire and Sword
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Tyranny - Tales from the Tiers
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Europa Universalis IV: Third Rome
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
Haha that's awesome.
 

Mathrafalovich

Major
65 Badges
Sep 21, 2012
581
291
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Stellaris
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Cities: Skylines - Snowfall
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Magicka
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III: Chronicles
  • Divine Wind
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Cities: Skylines - Natural Disasters
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Crusader Kings III
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
So, wait... Jon got killed in a duel for his son's regency? If the entire kingdom erupts into war now it will be just like something that would happen in the books.

Oh no... Is Rickon Heir to both titles now? Or is Joffery still up for the big seat?
 

ekorovin

Lt. General
6 Badges
Jun 30, 2013
1.537
29
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Victoria 2
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
That was on the next level. Can I have next installment in form of marble statue, please?
 

Hyena Dandy

Captain
11 Badges
Jan 1, 2011
324
36
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Victoria 2
  • 500k Club
Game of Chair Things delayed for 10 years while I gain a mastery of marblework.

Or alternately maybe a couple hours while I battle with my newly discovered concentration issues and try to get the screencaps. I'm planning on making a third AAR and having a Monday-Wednesday-Friday update schedule for each. Today was just hell and I haven't had time to try to find all the screenies I took.

Edit: Encountering technical difficulties in re: The comp with screenshots may not actually be here. SHould I not be able to find them, I will arrange a re-enactment for the visual element of the next post.
 
Last edited:

Hyena Dandy

Captain
11 Badges
Jan 1, 2011
324
36
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Victoria 2
  • 500k Club
Good (probably) news, I was able to get the screencaps. Bad news is you have all missed out on a collection of toy trains, My Little Pony characters, and pro wrestlers acting out the events of this adventure.


So, wait... Jon got killed in a duel for his son's regency? If the entire kingdom erupts into war now it will be just like something that would happen in the books.

Oh no... Is Rickon Heir to both titles now? Or is Joffery still up for the big seat?
Joffrey remains the Iron Throne heir... At least for now.

Haha that's awesome.

This. This thread is made of win. Please, by all means, sir or madam, do continue. I will watch with intrigue and with an accent no one can quite place.
Huzzah, thank you!

Every time I play as a Stark Rickon kills any possible heirs I have, a giant pain
Rickon is a douche.

What an amazing comedy you have made good sir or madam. thank you for all the effort you put into this.
Ah, yes, 'effort.' :p

In all seriousness, thank you. :3




Well,

So, here we are. Last time we left off, Jon was looking to marry Jynny to someone. Well, good news, he found someone, a guy named Rodrik Cassel, who was apparently her secret lover without marriage, because she popped out a bastard named Walton Snow. Wally’s father is officially unknown, but unofficially, there’s really only the one option.



No, not you.

Jynny and Roddy got matrilineally married quick, and accepted the traditional Stark wedding gift of “Way too little” before they worked on getting a LEGIT heir.

I’m the 11 year old Aegon VI, and my regent is the head of the Kinsguard, Marlon, while I’m being educated by my cousin, Jynessa. Domeric Bolton of the Dreadfort alerts me to the fact that The North’s ruler is currently me. I consider whether or not to give him the North, but decide against it. Last time I gave a Bolton anything to do he turned my brother into a douchebag, so I'm not looking for a repeat. Instead, I’m turning the North over to a Stark. With both my Aunt’s children bastards, I decide the title should go to Rickon. Until I notice that Rickon’s eldest son, Eddard, is Lord of the Red Watch. I don’t want too much power in one place, so instead I hand over Winterfell and the North to his younger son, Jeor.

Now there’s the next issue. Lady Paramount Shireen “The Delicate Stag" Baratheon hates me. I mean, HATES me. She’s ambitious and is out for my title, and unfortunately not much I can do about it. Can’t revoke, can’t imprison (too tyrannical) and I’m basically a monkey’s uncle, or, at the very least, an asshole’s nephew

Shireen’s my biggest problem, so I’m looking for answers on dealing with that..


...Good answer.

Well, winter is coming. Good thing I’m not in the North, eh? That’s someone else’s problem now. What’s my problem is that this guy is a horrible, horrible tactician. He has 4,000 troops, and they just besiege Galemont Fort while he lets Shireen gather her forces.

I finally get around to firing the High Septon from my council because, well, look. I’m not actually Faith of the Seven. Mom never told me about that shit, I’m still an Old Godser, like my cousin Jynny here.



“Like, totally. Old Gods rule”

I also, however, consider myself a valid continuation of the lineage of Aegon Tagaryen. So I pause for a second, and switch my culture to High Valyrian, and change my house name to Stark-Tagaryen, keeping a dire wolf as the sigil, but making it a red on black like the Tagaryens. “Gules wolf courant sable” I’d say, if I were particularly pretentious, but as I’m already writing in English when I’m supposed to speak “High Valyrian” and I’m not sure I want to mix Norman into the pot.

As I understand it, the Kingsguard, hypothetically, are the king's most loyal, honorable, and trustworthy guards.



I did say hypothetically.

So I want to select only the most trustworthy, but on the other hand, I’m just a kid. I want the noble houses to be buddy-buddy with me. So I better go with choosing someone from the houses. Unfortunately, that choice is... Just one guy. So, congratulations to you, Colmar Frey

I need a new Master at Arms as well. I decide to go with Jynny’s husband, Rodrik Cassel. Seems like a cool dude, plus he’s even older than the last one. So might as well make the old man happy before he dies, he’s got 22 martial.



Well, looks like that’ll be it for my hopes of a white-haired Stark family, I am a roleplayer, and unless Aly kicks it, I’m going to marry my teenage crush. This is your fault for educating her and me together, Jynny.

Now I need a Warden of the North. Seems to me the Lord of the North is probably pretty qualified for that, so hey, five year old. Go Ward something.

The West needs one as well, and with Tyrion “Peter Dinklage” Lannister still ruling, I can’t give it to him ‘cause he’s not my vassal. Now, I’d very much like to change that, but that’s a story for another day.

Now, I’m a dumb 14 year old, and thus, I am sure this will last forever! We marry!

...And she’s bossing me around before the feast finishes, demanding I fire one of the Lord Paramounts off my council in exchange for some douchebag I barely know. This is not giong to be a happy marriage, is it...

Well, at least I finally have an excuse to lock Shireen in the slammer, sicne she wants to do... Something. I’m not sure, because the reason imprisoning her was okay got eaten by a dire wolf. And with someone whose opinion of me is -100, I’ll take anything I can get.

Shireen asks me to put her in nicer dungeons. Shireen, baby, you ever hear of an oubli-

Oh, apparently I’m too kind for that. YOU GET AWAY THIS TIME. To the house arrest.



Well, I’m warning you Aly... This one better have the lovely white hair. That looks niiiice



And now I age up! Fortunately, I’m pretty hot. Hey, Aly, I meant it about the white hair. Seriously.

On the bright side, she DOES get the white hair right. On the downside, she doesn’t get the, “Live Birth” right, so I get depressed. W

My and Tyrion’s armies meet at Stoney Sept. It goes well. But then two more stacks of 14k come after me. And since my crown authority is too low to appoint generals, that goes less well.

See, this is what bothers me in this game, which courtesy of update (that I can’t apply to the AAR) no longer need apply. I don’t mind if my vassals can’t be unappointed as generals once they’re there, but it just pisses me off that if I raise all the levies at once, I end up with a generalless Doomstack.

I then get a letter. Ooh, invite to plot. I like being invited to plots. I wonder what. I decide to open it quick-like as the dire wolf looks hungry...

"Dear King Aegon VI. Would you like to join my plot to help free Shireen from her imprisonment"

What. WHAT.

WHY WOULD I DO THIS. She is in MY PRISON. If I wanted her out, I would LET HER OUT. What type of idiot sent me thi-



JOFFREY.

JOFFREY.

WTF. WHAT. SERIOUSLY. WHAT.

JOFFREY.

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. JOFFREY. WHAT. WHY.<

You know, I’m not sure about taking her out of prison. How about I do this the other way around?

Well, Joff’s in prison now, and somehow I assassinated an impisoned Shireen on the road. It’s time for Lord Joffrey’s trial. And despite the incompetence of my Hand of the King, he’s found Guilty. TO THE WALL, JOFFREY! Because while I'd love to send you to the Window, I don't think King's Landing has one high enough!

And then Tyrion declares war on me, for some guy. Darnit, Tyrion, I don’t like to go to war with you. And at the battle of Cedrictown... He’s kicking my ass. Well, darnit, Tyrion. You’re getting on my last nerve. Fine, let’s your guy can have it. I’ll just have my own county. With Blackjack. And hookers.

A rebellion’s been going on, but it was kind of boring. However, the woman who started it and her heir are now dead, and this three year old has finished. Oddly enough, I decide not to blame the three year old for something his grandmother started, and let him be my vassal again.

I also learn the vital lesson that “Imprisoning Small Children” is apparently Bravery, because I’m not brave anymore.

Jynny alerts me to a plot by Lord Bryen of Farring Cross to get a claim on the High Lordship of King’s Landing. Which, I would have thought, was obviously the property of the King. Not the kingdom itself, just this one part, which I feel shows a stunning lack of ambition. I mean, if you’re going to lie that obviously, at least make it INTERESTING. “I, Lord Bryen, am the rightful god of ALL THE THINGS!” I go to imprison him... At this point, the game crashes, perhaps The Old God’s way of telling me I ought to log off for the night.

Well, very well. But just you watch. NEXT TIME, BRYEN! I WILL BE VICTORIOUS! And as I have the Proud trait, I will proclaim here tonight, that I intend to be the greatest Egon who ever lived!



Sorry, there was supposed to be an A in there.
 
Last edited:

Henry v. Keiper

Copyist
70 Badges
Dec 13, 2003
4.653
200
  • Crusader Kings III
  • Imperator: Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Europa Universalis IV: Third Rome
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Stellaris
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Hearts of Iron IV: La Resistance
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • Hearts of Iron III: Their Finest Hour
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
White hair is underrated. Or at least silver. Or something.
 

Hyena Dandy

Captain
11 Badges
Jan 1, 2011
324
36
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Victoria 2
  • 500k Club
Underrated? Ah, yes, I see, I may not have been clear enough about my opinions on white hair... :p

(In all seriousness, I'll be back to this AAR as soon as some things settle here.)
 

Enlil

WTWSMS - Lead Designer
62 Badges
Oct 8, 2013
3.919
457
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Rome: Vae Victis
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Rome Gold
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Europa Universalis IV: Golden Century
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • Europa Universalis IV: Dharma
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cradle of Civilization
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Stellaris: Digital Anniversary Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Crusader Kings III
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
As having never read or watched the series either, I pose a question: What House did the Sorting Hat put Stark in?

Also, great AAR, hilarious to read!
 

Dr.Livingstone

His Most Majestic and Royal Comrade
55 Badges
Jan 29, 2014
1.846
448
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Magicka
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Semper Fi
  • Sengoku
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • Rome: Vae Victis
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife Pre-Order
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Crusader Kings II: Jade Dragon
  • Cities: Skylines - Green Cities
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Stellaris
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Prison Architect
  • Victoria 2
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Hearts of Iron III Collection
  • Hearts of Iron III: Their Finest Hour
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
This is hilarious! Subscribed my good sir! ;)