It was 1969 and I had just watched the US land a man on the moon on the TV screen in the hotel lobby. I was brimming with pride!
On the other hand, US Senator Edward Kennedy had driven his car off a bridge in a drunken stupoer that same month. But never mind, I was 11 and I would live forever and I found the reason for immortality at Jesolo that summer of 1969.
I was a virgin 11 year old and I had just met this most tantalizing English lass who happened to live in the Tottenham District of London (her name was Julie and she had me spell-bound). I was vacationing at a resort in Jesolo across the Venice Lagoon with my mom, aunt, and 3 cousins for a week. Julie was there with her parents - upright British citizens with the most proper and polished manners. Her fathers voice bellowed with authority in that aristocratic English manner and her mother was a veritable giant of a woman compared to my demure mother of North Italian descent. My the English people had extraordinary stature!
I would sneak away any time I could so that I could be with my Julie(tte) and allow her English musings to stimulate my cochlea (that is not what you think!). And so here I was awash with visions of forbidden intimacy while pubescent hormones raged through my innocent body. Julie, the object of my desire had so impressed upon me how wonderful I could feel in the company of a woman. This was not just enthusiasm for a new playmate. No! These feelings were unique - secretive longings that conjured up images I could not share with my mother, aunt, and cousins. It was lonely to keep these thoughts to myself and I became very introspective as I struggled to make sense of this new stimulation I experienced. It was the dawning of a new understanding. It was an epiphany! Through Julie I came to truly appreciate what made Britain Great!
She was to be my destiny! Yes, her fancy talk and dignified manners had charmed me. But oh! she was pretty! I hadn't imagined before that summer that a girl could be so fun to be with. I took every moment to be a gentleman and impress her with my maturity for she was a matronly lass of 12 years and I did not wish to disappoint. I knew that sophisticated women of the court could be demanding and had high expectations for their suitors. I did not unduly stare at her or make jokes about how girls throw or brag about how tall a tree I could climb. I did not wipe my mouth with my sleeve nor utter any cursed word before her. No, this was to be a refined and delicate courtship.
[edited here so as to not insult the sensibilities of more prurient members of the audience - Sap]
Alas as you may imagine, seven days pass quickly and Julie was about to leave with her parents. I was asked ever so politely by her father (who towered a full 8' 10' over me.. OK, so maybe he was just 6 foot tall) to take a suitcase and place it in the boot.
I responded confidently and raised the suitcase with nary a strain and marched off to the... boot? What boot could hold this massive suitcase? Is this a riddle? Perhaps if I slowed down a bit and let them lead I will figure this out. But no, I was left to carry the luggage myself to the 'boot.' Where is this infernal godforsaken boot! Am I to suffer humiliation before my prescious Julie for the sake of some boot?
I stood there in the parking lot and the others come up to me. Her father rests his hand on my shoulder and asks if I have something the matter. I respond honestly that 'Sir, I don't know if this suitcase could ever fit in a boot.' And they look at me puzzled and he takes the suitcase and places it squarely in the trunk of the car!
What an imbrogglio (cheat)! I am devastated and I must apologize for not knowing what a boot is! They are laughing and Julie is giggling and smiling. My face glows a bright crimson as I am introduced to the vagaries of the (Great) British vernacular - English.
Julie and I would correspond for some 5 more glorious pubescent and adolescent years before we grew apart. Alas, there was never a finer @ss.
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~ Salve ~