Chairman Mao's Little, Completely Incorrect, Red Book.
First off how are things in the Middle East
Hmmm, not really going as badly as we'd hoped. Sill plenty of time for things to get worse for our always late puppets.
Meanwhile, in China, the Imperial General Staff has hit upon our strategy for dealing with the Communists; Taking the quotations of Mao and proving them wrong. We begin;
Mao said:
We shall support whatever our enemies oppose; and oppose whatever our enemies support.
We check this statement and it appears Communist China is allied with neither the Saudis nor the Mongolian-Whatstheirnameistanians. Thus we prove, using logic, Mao is a lying git.
That said we begin psychological warfare by dropping leaflets saying we support free beer and hookers for all soldiers, naturally Mao's troops are not happy at having to be ideologically opposed to this concept and morale collapses.
Mao said:
Power comes from the barrel of a gun.
No, power is work over time and, as a general rule, gun barrels don't do any work no matter how much time they have. It is in fact the propellant in the projectile being firing that does the work not the barrel. Mao: Rubbish at even basic physics. That said it does explain a few things.
Field Marshal Guotao being strafed by the RAF. As you can clearly see he is very annoyed the gun barrels on the RAF aircraft are firing bullets and shells not 'power'. To make matters worse his hat is considerably less jaunty than his RAF opponent leaving him very depressed and feeling deeply inadequate. And rightly so because his hat is frankly rubbish.
Moving on, our ground forces engage and we check the next saying of the increasingly wrong Chairman;
Mao said:
The revolutionary war is a war of the masses; it can be waged only by mobilizing the masses and relying on them.
Mao relies on the masses. We rely on insanely tough Nepalese with massive knives.
Field Marshal Guotao is getting increasingly disillusioned with Maoism. And his men are getting increasingly dead. Frankly we think the second problem is more important, but then we are just imperial running dog lackey paper tiger reactionaries. Or something.
As this tense battle reaches it's conclusion we are confident our way will be proved best.
And reality agrees. Anyone who wishes to point out the vast armada of bombers may have had more impact than Nepal's finest is instructed to take up the matter with the gentlemen with the Kukri blades personally.
With the last mountain stronghold mullered we're prepare to move in and test another of Mao's words of alleged wisdom.
Mao said:
Be resolute, fear no sacrifice and surmount every difficulty to win victory.
It's a fine sentiment we freely admit. However it's also not one Mao appears to actually agree with himself.
So you should surmount any difficult except the difficult ones. Then it's OK to ignore victory and try to give up. It may be a less snappy quote but it would at least be true.
With that final hypocrisy we decide it's time to put the Communist Chinese out of their misery.
It's a mercy annexation really. With no ideology and no morale the country had no quality of life, or indeed any decent hats. We're dispatching emergency milinery aid to from Saville Road, frankly the entire country is a satrotial disaster zone from the neck up. And the neck down actually. And the neck region is that hot either if we're honest.
With our work done in the Orient we head back to the Middle East, any guesses on what we will find there?
Will anyone guess? Did anything even happen to guess about? Can the poor hat choice based emergency in China be solved? Will the Chinese get annoyed at being made part of Greater Tibet? And forced to use the Tibetan flag at all times, even on the toilet roll? These questions will get this AAR banned in Communist China, but we'll still be back next time!
