Chapter 6: Much ado with courtiers
Hello, as we return to our tale of high adventure and glorious vassalage to English traitor-Kings, let me introduce you to the newest product of my court school (which employs half the people of my court, if the number of kids in there is any indication):
Despite being, you know, excommunicated, I still manage to have these children in my court turn out to be something useful, instead of bullies, brats, monsters, and little pint-sized slashers. Unlike some places in Asia Minor, I hear. Or does that only happen later in the story? Who knows, it's Asia Minor, like on the other side of the continent.
Meanwhile, the Duke of Gwynedd has apparently decided ruling two counties is too much work (I have 3, and i'm not even a duke), and given the County of Ynys Môn to his brother... Wait, not his brother? His sister-in-law? Oh, Rhiryd, what did you do to make him so mad that he wanted to rid you of the last shreds of your masculinity?
Falconry is really fun, you should try it.
... Aaaaand my Spymaster (I think he may have been Diocese Bishop at some point too, or maybe i'm getting ahead of myself) goes crazy. Maybe I should have taken those two theology degrees as a sign of a split personality. This is Not Good, so I replace him with the really disloyal horny 42-year-old, remember her? I must be asking for trouble...
I think he's my second cousin once removed. I don't expect that family tree tapestry to help much with figuring it out, I don't think the weavers can keep up with the amount of children. I also need to stop stopping to explain what education I give to who, or we'll never get anywhere with the Rise to Glory (tm) stuff. The main trends: girls are taught at court, same with boys unless they show some promise for the army, or are my own first-born son (court is good enough for those cousins). Maybe a few boys to church so I have some family members available to serve as Bishops, Diocese or maybe otherwise.
I was just about to say I might make Diocese Bishop a hereditary position for the Llancarfans, when the current one decided he's had enough with all those kids, the stress, and his crazy father.
I make the wounded, worm-infested Rhys my advisor on spiritual matters. I figure he's pretty close to God already, and besides, has a lot of time to think about things.
Hey, because 5 kids clearly aren't enough for second cousin Iestyn here, I get him a new wife.
A nice Irish lass, like my wife. There's plenty of woman in those women from Ireland it seems. I'm a bit put off by the name myself, though. Reminds me of wormflesh or something. I've heard there's a dynasty somewhere that call themselves Sexkittens. Much more enticing.
The former King of Scotland with Long and Cool Name is officially fired from the CNC, for being lame despite having a cool name. He was ousted by an 8-year-old schoolkid, and is now just the Count of Atholl.
Seriously, what has this guy been drinking, get me some of that! Drinking binge, here I come! Everyone knows it was my great-great-grandfather who first united these lands under one rule. One day my rule will shine brighter than even his!
Herewald goes even more crazy. Still Not Good.
The lustful old lady thinks about faith and God and how being sceptical about the teachings of the bible resonates with good and her chances at heaven, and decides it's all good, she doesn't need to change.
Which apparently stresses Rhys the Bed-ridden. But not in the good way, or at least that'd be quite unhealthy for him. Knowing his wife she's asking him for some anyway.
*Bangs on door* Oh come on, Herewald! You can't stay in there forever you know! I'm making you my new Spymaster!
His lunacy has made him so paranoid he's become a better Spy Master than ever before. Until he tries to stab me, but I think we'll be fine. I'm alive to tell you the story, aren't I? And so I now have a crazy man as my Spymaster, a mortally wounded, worm-infested guy as my Diocese Bishop, and I even let my wife handle my money. The Marshal is just a nobody, but that crazyness may be hereditary for all I know, yet the crazys son is my Chancellor. Maybe I ought to get my own head checked.
Some happy news for a change: Iestyns oldest son has grown up and gone bald! Well, the happy news is actually that he also got married, to this lovely young lady (and so we conclude this chapter, with hopefully less crazies in the future):