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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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Originally posted by Judge
This AAR is brutal: D

Just as long as Jiriz is around. He's a... few cards short of wool. Or something like that.

Just wait until Vladislav II is around. Things might get very interesting...
 

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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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Severed Hands: Stories of the Bloothirsty Knights of Bohemia

[OOC: That title is a slight adjustment of another AAR around here. But I'm sure you've guessed that already.

Yes, I know Machiavelli wasn't born until the late 1460s in real life. But this isn't real life ;) ]

With Nicholas von Machavel, the First Minister of the late Jiriz Podebrad, King of Bohemia, Brandenburg, and Slovakia.

You must be the man whom both Ludwig von Magdeburg and our late Majesty spoke to. Odd, that your first interview was nearly thirty years ago—but you don’t look a day over forty, and you must have been older than ten.

Ah, I see you are more interested in the story of the Kingdoms than in that small talk.

First, we should go through my story. I am Nicholas von Machavel, Viscount of Breclav. I was born, the year of that being 1441, in Firenze with the name Niccolo Machiavelli. My family is fairly well-to-do, but not especially conspicuous. I was sent to Bohemia in 1457 to learn the basics of politics. And King Jiriz was a very good teacher.

Soon after I arrived the Carpathian War began. You likely need no description of that conflict. Even a blind and deaf Tatar with his head in the sand would know much about that war. I learned quite a bit from that. The year after the war ended—1461—was the great Ruthenian revolt. Nasty affair, but they were dealt with accordingly. I needn’t bore you with the details, I am sure you are quite able to picture what happened.

King Jiriz was quite the diplomat. I even hear many calling him “Jiriz the Silver-tongued” for his ability to persuade anyone to do anything. Despite the… not sizable gifts we gave to Poland, Jiriz made sure they went a long way. By 1462 relations with Poland were higher, likely, than with any other country.

As an interesting note: in November of 1462, upon the death of Vlad III of Wallachia, called the “Turk Impaler” for his ability to fight off the heathens, Radu II cel Frumas, an anti-Hungarian noble, came to power. Hungary promptly relieved him of Transylvania forcefully.

Early 1463 saw another revolt. Two revolts, actually. They were put down, and the results were the same as usual. You have noticed the large number of people missing fingers lately, haven’t you?

In 1465, another Ruthenian revolt. Guess what happened next.

It was in 1466, after my excellent handling of the duties of the realm, that King Jiriz made me his first minister. That was also the year I became Viscount of Breclav.

In the south, the Ottoman giant was stirring, and pushing everything out of its way. Wallachia and Albania fell quickly. We can only be glad that they have lain dormant these last few years.

1468: Ruthenian revolt. Put down bloodily.

Also a Carpathian revolt, same year. More severed body parts. I’m surprised there is anybody with hands left in Slovakia right now.

I guess sometimes we are very lucky. 1469 showed that. For that year—likely through some machination of Jiriz, though we can never be sure—the Duchy of Prussia reappeared. Lithuania promptly sent troops, but Poland, Hungary, and the Teutonic Order refused. We had been waiting ten years for a chance like this. We brought Poland into an alliance and declared war upon Hungary. I forget the reason we gave, something like they seized a border fort or something.

Oh, have you seen all the Hungarians lacking something on their arm? Either fingers, or a hand… depends upon which battle they lost. Not surprisingly, by the end, Matyas Corvin, the one-handed (thanks to the last war) king of Hungary was begging for mercy. We left him Hungary as a fief to King Jiriz.

Wise decision. Hungary could not hold off Bohemia single-handedly (especially considering many people in Hungary are, in fact, single-handed).

Unfortunately, the war did not come off cleanly. During the siege of the city of Pest, King Jiriz was struck by an arrow from the city. He died ten days later, on 23 March 1471. It was not until 19 July 1473 that the Hungarians finally surrendered.

Almost immediately afterward the Archduke of Austria declared war upon Serbia. Vladislav II, who was elected King of Bohemia, Brandenburg, and Slovakia after Jiriz’s death, signed an agreement with Poland to remove Austria from the alliance, and to substitute the duchy of Pommerania, who was only too glad to accept.

[Another Screenshot: Get't right here! ]
 
Last edited:

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Colonel
Apr 20, 2002
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Judas, the screenshots are magnificent! Please continue, this is definately the best AAR I have read in a long time! :)
 

Director

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Bohemia's done well!

Bohemia is now long and skinny, so it is good that you have Poland as an ally to protect one side. I love your 'evil machinations' to get Poland as an ally - I hope they prove dependable. :)

Is Hungary in the alliance now? Not that you could diploannex them, I think, unless you grow much larger. Still, the money from that vassal must be nice to have (and not having it keeps them out of trouble as well!) :)

That hand-chopping thing has got to stop! :) Recruit the rebels and defeated enemies into your armies and send them off to fight someone else, that's worked for Empires since Rome! :D Remember, 'the enemy of my enemy is someone else's problem".

I'm enjoying your tale a great deal. :D
 

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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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First time there have been successive posts in this thread by somebody other than me. We can't allow that, now can we? :D

Director: Yes, Hungary is in the alliance. However, I'm likely going to be filled with quite a bit of anger around 1526 (curse that forced history, I'd rather the Poles inherited the country ;) )

Ladislav: Actually, I chose to go with the names Paradox used. That, and I hadn't found that information out until yesterday while doing some research on Bohemia. Rest assured that the information on Vladislav/Ladislav/Uladislav (@#$% sources won't agree) II is going to be more accurate (well, as accurate as the AAR will allow ;) )
 

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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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More on the reign of Jiri z Podebrad

Records of this period as pertains to Bohemia are sketchy. Many official ones were destroyed in a fire, and other accounts are few and far between. Here are a couple of them:


From the journal of a servant to Jiri

15 May 1460

We have just made it back to Praha. People are cheering in the streets. Jiri himself seems quite happy. Egomaniacal fool. Who knows? With his near madness, he likely set up this whole war to make himself more popular.

...

13 July 1461

Nicholas once again ordered a fearful slaughter of all those involved in the Carpathian revolt. I can understand why he would want to punish them, but his complete bloodthirst--he and Jiri are most certainly insane!

...

14 February 1469

Ah, I see you have been keeping a journal. Insane, am I? "This hand chopping thing has got to stop?" Perhaps you shall see a different version of events soon.
--Jiri

I agree. Perhaps we should test those new racks we just had made?
--Niccolo

- - - - - - - -

From the writings of Friedrich von Finsterwalde

17 February 1469

It turns out King Jiri needs a new servant (his last one disappeared three days ago). I have applied for the position.

20 February 1469

While they rejected my application, they did ask what skills I had. I showed them a few maps I drew--maybe they have need of a cartographer.

23 February

No, they don't. Not with a new war against Hungary coming up.

Friedrich was finally made court cartographer in early 1473

- - - - - - - -

[New screenshots up.]
 

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Obsessive Beancounter
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Looks like you're well on your way to throwing a monkeywrench into the Emperor's plans. Y'know, once Poland inherits Lithuania you'll have a real strong ally ... strong enough to do something really silly, like say, ejecting the Turks from the Balkans. :D
 

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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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Originally posted by Crimson King
strong enough to do something really silly, like say, ejecting the Turks from the Balkans. :D

Actually, I was planning on getting around to that. The real Jiri (or was it Vladislav?) tried to organise a crusade, but it never got off the ground.

It will this time. ;)

Of course, I have to deal with another inheritance before that: Austria inheriting Hungary. I might make an event involving a Polish inheritance of Bohemia-Hungary instead. Of course, they would only be vassalized. ;)
 

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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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The Fall of Burgundy

The fate of whole countries--nay, the fate of all mankind itself--can rest upon the actions of one man. Thus it was with Charles the Bold of Burgundy.

He was, as his name said, quite bold. A dangerous, calculating opponent, he could defeat armies much larger than his with little effort. As the Duke of Burgundy, he was a sly fellow--much like Jiri of Bohemia nearly a decade before.

He took advantage of a sudden rash of revolts in France and invaded. Finally, defeated, with Paris, Orleans, and many other large cities flying the Burgundian flag, the King of France submitted and gave large territories to Charles. Of course, the people of those provinces didn't like it, but it was likely a simple matter to put them down.

But some things are not meant to be. While fighting the rebels, on 4 June 1476, Charles was run through with a pike. He died immediately.

His only heir was his daughter, Mary. She was married to Phillip Habsburg. Thus, Austria practically came to control Burgundy.

Of course, France got the lands they had lost in the peace back, plus some other French Burgundian lands. But even with this, Austria nearly doubled its territory.

King Vladislav of Bohemia was furious. He did not want a stronger Austria nearby. When he heard that Hungary had a secret agreement with the Habsburgs, he immediately began rounding up allies for an attack against the Habsburgs. He even got the ear (if not the help) of the Ottoman Sultan, who considered the offer very seriously.

The War of the Burgundian Succession was about to begin.
 

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Ooooh, this is just getting better! :)
 

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Alien Space Bat
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On the War of the Burgundian Succession and the Treaty of Brandenburg.

Bohemia was quick to mobilise. However, they found out, only too late and to their horror, that the King of France was in league with Austria. That was why Austria had not done anything when France took some of the Burgundian lands.

Fortunately, Hungary refused to fight with the Habsburgs and soon joined the war on Bohemia’s side. Very quickly, Bohemian, Hungarian and Polish armies were pouring into Austria. Cities fell in rapid succession. Bohemian armies scoured the countryside, preventing any small bands of Austrians from joining together. Within four years all of Austria was under some other country’s control. Even part of the newly acquired Burgundian lands was taken, by a large contingent of Pommeranian troops.

Another stroke of luck came from the fact that France never truly committed to the war, and quickly dropped out after King Vladislav offered him a mere 5000 ducats. With his territory overrun, Archduke Friedrich V submitted to the Treaty of Brandenburg. The terms were:

  • Freedom to the entire former Burgundian territory as the County of Flanders.
  • 20,000 ducats paid to Bohemia
  • No Habsburg was ever to take the throne of Bohemia or Hungary†

- - - - - - - -
†Through all sorts of strange circumstances normal in those days, the Habsburgs were next in line to the thrones of Bohemia and Hungary should those countries’ royal lines end.

[OOC: The first part was implemented through events, while the last one just means I have to fiddle around with the monarch files and event files, maybe the leader files... This is going to be medium-hard work, but at least it keeps me interested.]
 

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General
Apr 5, 2001
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I decided to try my hand at Bohemia recently. (Clean 1.05)
My game developed in a slightly different direction.

The hussite option really got me into trouble. Even after returing to the Mothyer Church I had a very bad reputation and Austria kept DOWing me every five years.

The catholic option has succeded, albeit in a rather strange direction. With Zizka on hand, allied to Austria and Bavaria and no CBs I intervened in the Great Northern War of 1435. Norway, of all countreis, had annexed Mecklenburg. That was an opportunity too tempting to ignore...

I did not get Mecklenburg and the CoT, but I got all the Norwegian colonies and TPs - as well as Vorpommern from Denmark.

In the 1460s I finally wrested Mecklenburg and Gander(!) from Denmark - which of course has a CB on me on account of the Norwegian provinces.

Bohemia is now set for colonial domination in North America - providing I get a conquistador.
 

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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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Originally posted by Sytass
Mmm, Bohemia going strong. I guess we know the champion who will halt the Turks and throw them out of Europe. :)

Actually, I'm on good terms with the Turks. I'm more likely to *ahem* persuade them to conquer the Mameluks or Persia instead. ;)

Hardu: Good job, but don't get your BB too high. I'm on "Very Bad" as it is--not what a person worried about their country's reputation would want...

All: Anybody know some Czech? (I'm looking at you, Ladislav ;) ) If so, I could a bit of a guide to pronunciation, and a translation for these new nicknames for Jiri:

"The Great"--from those who liked what he did
"The Mad"--from those who didn't ;)
 

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Apr 26, 2002
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right here ;)

Jiri Veliky (ve[rdun]-li[ttle]-ky[as in 'kee', bee, me etc.)

Jiri Sileny (shee-le[nd]-nee)

how did you get slovakia independent, did you alter the files. i know i had slovakia as a revolter/vassal in my eu2 files. some tags were just sitting around :rolleyes: armenia w/ 2 tags? not any more! :D besides, i really liked armenia minor flag/avatar much more than that hideous blue-red-white one. the flag sucked too :cool:
 

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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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Originally posted by Ladislav
right here ;)

Jiri Veliky (ve[rdun]-li[ttle]-ky[as in 'kee', bee, me etc.)

Jiri Sileny (shee-le[nd]-nee)

Thank you.

how did you get slovakia independent, did you alter the files.

Yes. Was a pain finding the shield for it (I may be able to edit the files, but I'm not rich enough for Photoshop), and couldn't find a flag, so I used a plain red one (Hyderabad's old flag, open because I now use the GUFSM*)

*Grand Unified Flag and Shield Mod
 

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Alien Space Bat
Sep 9, 2002
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On the War of the League of Wurzburg

Yet another period of peace ensued. Over the course of years Bohemia began to grow closer to Poland until it became practically a vassal.

Then, on 5 January 1484, Matyas Corvin of Hungary got word of a plot by most of the German states and their allies to ‘liberate’ Wurzburg, which Hungary had gained from the War of the Burgundian Succession. The group called themselves the League of Wurzburg.

Hungary immediately attacked Austria and Croatia, two of the members. It drew the rest of the allies into the war. This also brought the other League members in: Wurtemburg, Bavaria, Saxony, Mecklemburg, Sweden, Hannover, Hesse, and Mainz. All in all, this made a formidable opponent, but the Jagellonian alliance was formidable itself.

Battles fought back and forth. Bohemia itself mostly kept armies at home. Some excursions were made--to Austria and Saxony, with varying success--but eventually the country signed a status quo peace with various league members. Eventually, it was out of the war altogether. The war began to wind down.

But suddenly, Wurtemburg and Mainz made a large attack on the city of Wurzburg. The city fell, and Matyas Corvin led his army to there. A battle was fought, for many days, stretching into weeks. Many died on each side. Finally, on 7 April 1490, Matyas fell, and the Hungarian army broke. The Hungarians accepted Wurtemburg rule over Wurzburg, and the war ended.

Nobody really won the war. Casualties and monetary losses were great on both sides. The League succeeded in capturing Wurzburg, but it was not truly a victory.

1492 saw the Spanish expel some of the Moors from their country years after the end of the Reconquista. The north African states did not like this, but wisely made no action.

That was also the year a Genoese sailor named Christopher Columbus sailed from Sevilla, expecting to find this "Brazil" the Portuguese discovered. He did run across a new continent, and Spanish colonization began.

Jan Olbracht, the new King of Poland, continued the policy of concessions to the nobility that had been in Poland for many years. He enacted the Statue of Piotrkow, which made the peasants practical serfs, and the power of Poland was practically only in the nobility.

Yet another period of peace came. The dawning of the fifteenth century from the Birth of Our Lord has come. But what will Bohemia have to deal with now? The story of Bohemia is far from over.

[New screenshots here.]
 

Lord Durham

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Ah, look here. Another wonderful AAR by Judas M. I think this deserves more recognition. :)

Good work, JM.