Severed Hands: Stories of the Bloothirsty Knights of Bohemia
[OOC: That title is a slight adjustment of another AAR around here. But I'm sure you've guessed that already.
Yes, I know Machiavelli wasn't born until the late 1460s in real life. But this isn't real life

]
With Nicholas von Machavel, the First Minister of the late Jiriz Podebrad, King of Bohemia, Brandenburg, and Slovakia.
You must be the man whom both Ludwig von Magdeburg and our late Majesty spoke to. Odd, that your first interview was nearly thirty years ago—but you don’t look a day over forty, and you must have been older than ten.
Ah, I see you are more interested in the story of the Kingdoms than in that small talk.
First, we should go through my story. I am Nicholas von Machavel, Viscount of Breclav. I was born, the year of that being 1441, in Firenze with the name Niccolo Machiavelli. My family is fairly well-to-do, but not especially conspicuous. I was sent to Bohemia in 1457 to learn the basics of politics. And King Jiriz was a very good teacher.
Soon after I arrived the Carpathian War began. You likely need no description of that conflict. Even a blind and deaf Tatar with his head in the sand would know much about that war. I learned quite a bit from that. The year after the war ended—1461—was the great Ruthenian revolt. Nasty affair, but they were dealt with accordingly. I needn’t bore you with the details, I am sure you are quite able to picture what happened.
King Jiriz was quite the diplomat. I even hear many calling him “Jiriz the Silver-tongued” for his ability to persuade anyone to do anything. Despite the… not sizable gifts we gave to Poland, Jiriz made sure they went a long way. By 1462 relations with Poland were higher, likely, than with any other country.
As an interesting note: in November of 1462, upon the death of Vlad III of Wallachia, called the “Turk Impaler” for his ability to fight off the heathens, Radu II cel Frumas, an anti-Hungarian noble, came to power. Hungary promptly relieved him of Transylvania forcefully.
Early 1463 saw another revolt. Two revolts, actually. They were put down, and the results were the same as usual. You have noticed the large number of people missing fingers lately, haven’t you?
In 1465, another Ruthenian revolt. Guess what happened next.
It was in 1466, after my excellent handling of the duties of the realm, that King Jiriz made me his first minister. That was also the year I became Viscount of Breclav.
In the south, the Ottoman giant was stirring, and pushing everything out of its way. Wallachia and Albania fell quickly. We can only be glad that they have lain dormant these last few years.
1468: Ruthenian revolt. Put down bloodily.
Also a Carpathian revolt, same year. More severed body parts. I’m surprised there is anybody with hands left in Slovakia right now.
I guess sometimes we are very lucky. 1469 showed that. For that year—likely through some machination of Jiriz, though we can never be sure—the Duchy of Prussia reappeared. Lithuania promptly sent troops, but Poland, Hungary, and the Teutonic Order refused. We had been waiting ten years for a chance like this. We brought Poland into an alliance and declared war upon Hungary. I forget the reason we gave, something like they seized a border fort or something.
Oh, have you seen all the Hungarians lacking something on their arm? Either fingers, or a hand… depends upon which battle they lost. Not surprisingly, by the end, Matyas Corvin, the one-handed (thanks to the last war) king of Hungary was begging for mercy. We left him Hungary as a fief to King Jiriz.
Wise decision. Hungary could not hold off Bohemia single-handedly (especially considering many people in Hungary are, in fact, single-handed).
Unfortunately, the war did not come off cleanly. During the siege of the city of Pest, King Jiriz was struck by an arrow from the city. He died ten days later, on 23 March 1471. It was not until 19 July 1473 that the Hungarians finally surrendered.
Almost immediately afterward the Archduke of Austria declared war upon Serbia. Vladislav II, who was elected King of Bohemia, Brandenburg, and Slovakia after Jiriz’s death, signed an agreement with Poland to remove Austria from the alliance, and to substitute the duchy of Pommerania, who was only too glad to accept.
[Another Screenshot:
Get't right here! ]