An address from the King of France, the Honourable and Devout Louis-Philippe the First
It was perhaps noticed by all the politically knowledgeable peoples of the civilized world that for quite a long time no statement or official speech was given by any member of the Monarchy or any person who is suitable to represent it. World issues have arisen and fell around us, with not that great deal of a comment from the Crown. Wars have been started and blood was spilt, but France remained silent. We did so because of two main reasons, which we feel fully justify our temporary lack of opinion. Firstly, a quiet man will be able to hear more. Without rushing head on into sometimes scandalous foreign affairs we were able to truly see Europe as it is, and we are not joyful with what we have seen. Secondly, France is a large and populous Kingdom - It is full of events and happenings that are independent of foreign diplomacy, and it was those events that the whole force of the French ruling class was focused on. I am pleased to report that these efforts have barren excellent fruit, and that the French Kingdom is truly on a rapid path to industrialization. The more factories are built on our land the more jobs and wealth are created, thus improving the life of every Frenchman.
But going back to the somewhat chaotic international stage, we must state that the Kingdom of France seeks no quarrel or unnecessary war. We will protect our people and our lands from attacks, and we will also protect our interests across the globe, but we shall not stampede into a pointless war over a scrap of desert somewhere in a distant continent. France also sees no point in choosing sides in conflicts that have nothing to do with the wellbeing of the people – we simply do not have the necessary financial and military needs to wage wars over such trivial matters as South East Asia and the seemingly nonsensical Mexican war with the United States. We would like no nation to drag us into wars that will not benefit the greater being of this Kingdom. This, of course, does not stop us from having an opinion on the matter.
We would also like to kindly remind the so called “Emperor of the Great Qing” and the Lord of the Ten Thousand Years (Of constant self-admiration, perhaps) that his nation does not mean much on the international stage. In fact, it would seem that it means hardly anything at all. A son of some peculiar heaven which the Catholic Faith does not acknowledge, and the descendant of a line of Barbarians and Simple folk, he cannot treat the French King as if he was inferior to him. Such arrogance and egoism will not be tolerated in any person, let alone an uncivilized warmonger from the Far East. This does not mean we are breaking diplomatic relations completely; it is simply a suggestion for the Highest Heavenly Heathen, who seems lost in his ways and blinded by his temporary wealth and prestige.
Europe also seems to be filled with rulers who simply cannot grasp enough land and wealth. The recent alliances and treaties, nearly all of them signed by France’s immediate neighbours, seem rather threatening. The partitioning of Luxembourg and other states is simply unlawful and undiplomatic – not so long ago the Dutch were defending the Balance of Power with all their prowess and diplomatic means, but now they seem overly joyed to disturb it. The destruction of Luxembourg seems wholly unjustified and designated at provoking France.
Another thing that strongly worries both me and the average Frenchman is the aggressiveness and madness displayed by the despotic rulers of Mexico. They have not only continued their efforts to enslave the free people of Texas, but they have also desperately tried to grow their puny empire by the cost of the United States of America, whom they have thoughtlessly and ruthlessly attacked. We are sure that the Mexican armies shall soon shatter – with their current leadership being half mad, they have no chances of victory against the organized and motivated armies of the United States of America.
The last issue I shall refrain to is the most minor of them all – Viet Nam. The French simply do not care about the business of the Qing and their even less civilized neighbours, and we do not see it beneficial to us to get involved in feuds over such undesirable and foreign lands. We therefore will not be breaking any diplomatic relations with Viet Nam, and any envoy from that nation is welcome to France, as long as he does not seek to disturb our peace by trying to pull us into pointless wars.