Eylinn's Lullaby
“Mum?” Eylinn was pulling at her mother’s blouse. The fever was oozing the room with uncertainty, and her faint breathing was worrying her further.
“Don’t worry, dear. Your sister will be coming soon. It’s not long now.” Her hair was lank from sweat, and her face had an unhealthy gloss from weeks spent bedridden. Eylinn usually came in during the afternoons to wipe her with a cloth, but the priests were quick to intervene the moment they found out she was there. “Do not disturb!” they would chant, “She needs her rest, not your grooming!” they would add. But she didn’t care. Whenever they weren’t looking, she was there to keep her company. All signs were showing that her mother would give birth today, and she’d be damned if she would miss it just because some grumpy old preachers told her to.
“You feeling better, mum?” Eylinn took another hard grasp at the bedside and pulled herself up. “I brought some snacks.” She held the shaved meats she had stolen from the kitchen in front of her mother’s face, seeing if it could raise any appetite. They were certainly raising hers.
“You’re too sweet. But you keep them. Save them for later, or eat them now.” Her mother swiped the curls away from Eylinn’s eyes and smiled. “I insist. I’m not hungry.”
“You need food. The cook said girls don’t grow unless they finish supper.” Eylinn was not dumb. She could see her mother had lost weight, even though her belly was growing. It made her worried, but her father had assured that’s what happens when women get pregnant, that the child needs all the energy. But something was wrong. It definitely was.
“You again!” It was the head priest of the Chasm, here to chase her away. Again.
“I’m not going!” She yelled. “Mum needs to eat first!”
“Don’t worry, Eylinn.” Her mother responded. “You wait outside. I’ll tell them to fetch you once the baby is coming. Go to your father.” The young girl gave her mother a suspicious look, before returning her frown towards the priest.
“Yes, mum...” She jumped off the bed and marched out with rebellious pacing. To her surprise, her father was standing right outside the door. She shrunk and fettered her gaze to the floor, bracing herself for the imminent scolding.
“Come sit with me.” Galimon said. He didn’t seem angry at all. She obeyed, but as she sat right next to him, he lifted her and placed her in his lap instead. “You need to learn some patience. In just a few hours, you’re going to be a big sister. You need to set an example for her, just as much as you have to for your future subjects.”
“Yes, father...” She rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She could see through his facade. He was just as worried as she was. “Is mum really going to be fine?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course she will be. You’ll know when you have children of your own. Bearing them is very straining for our kind.” Eylinn didn’t know what our kind really meant. He kept reiterating it from time to time during his long sermons.
“She seems so weak. And she smell. She smell very bad.” Galimon chuckled.
“That’s not very nice. Make sure she doesn’t hear you say that.” He rubbed at her hair. “And it’s smells. Not smell.” She had finished her lessons for today. Was he really going to start them already? The sun hadn’t even set, even less so rise.
“Master.” One of the medicos’ was signalling for Galimon to come closer. He rose and placed Eylinn in his chair, hinting with his finger for her to stay put. They walked down the hallway, and started to whisper. Little did they know that she had exceptional hearing. Every word ushered in silence was as clear as if they had shouted right into her ear. “Master Galimon, the child has turned in the womb. We need to start aligning it immediately if the child is to live, but it may trigger your wife’s labour early. She’s already weak... I fear we cannot guarantee her survival anymore.” Her father’s face melted, but he kept his posture.
“Do we have time to say good bye?” Eylinn didn’t understand. Survive? What kind of word was that? And what did he mean with good bye? She was right in there, and she wasn’t going anywhere.
“I’m afraid I must insist it be quick. Ten minutes at most or it may be too late for us to save either of them. I’m sorry.” Galimon slowly turned back and entered her mother’s chambers without even as much as offering Eylinn a look. It was clear something was wrong. She nibbled at one of the meat chips she had brought, hoping to find comfort from it, but the taste was as absent as ash from a burnt out stove. She nervously struck her dress, looking around, grasping at the wood of the chair, waving her legs. Be patient. It wasn’t as easy as he made it sound. She wanted to go in, but she didn’t want to catch her father’s ire needlessly. Grim thoughts were invading her mind.
“You may enter.” The mean tone of the priest’s voice was gone as he beckoned for her to come back in. Her father was holding her mother’s hand, and they were looking at Eylinn. Their smiles were so insincere that it hurt. Eylinn started to cry as the cruel realisation washed over her.
“Mummy...” Galimon took her in his arms, and then placed her beside her mother in bed. She crawled up beside her. Eylinn didn’t dare look into her eyes when she started to caress her cheek.
“There, there...” Her mother’s strokes were soothing, like silk brushing every worry away. Eylinn cuddled closer, letting herself be enveloped in a final embrace. “Thank you for keeping me company every day. I know it gave you a lot of trouble.”
“I missed you.” Her father wasn’t the best at telling stories. She appreciated when he tried, but it was just not the same. Her mother had a different passion when she read from those old tomes.
“I missed you too. But look at you, you’ve managed fine. And you will continue to do so.”
“No...” Her lips were trembling. The very thought too hard to bear.
“Yes, you will. You’re my little girl, and that says it all, doesn’t it?” Her father’s sobs were faint, but audible still. “I’m not really going, you know.” Eylinn looked up.
“Really? You promise?”
“Of course. Whenever you’re scared, whenever your sorrows are too hard to bear, I’ll be there to make it all go away. As long as you live, I’ll help in any way I can.” She pulled Eylinn’s head towards her chest. Her heart was weak, but pounded still. “I’ll be in here.” It was no great comfort, but it was something. “When I was a little girl, my mother taught me a song. She used to say, that whenever the pain was too great, when it was too overwhelming, whenever you think there’s no escape, if I sung it she’d appear. Out of thin air if needed be, and she would make it all better. Would you want to learn it, so I could do the same?” Eylinn nodded.
She was coughing with a wheezing, almost gurgling sound. It had been a day since they left Vlad’s castle and the sealing of her fate had been set. It was no escaping it. Her back stung, and her feet were getting numb. The world was in a constant spin as the illness was taking its last grab of her. Eylinn could barely ride anymore, and she probably should have stopped doing it a long time ago. But she insisted they’d keep riding, heading north. Or at least somewhere that wasn’t here. These wretched lands with their molten corpses and fields of blood. Where Men had died to gruel beasts tainted with Dark. Glory, gold, death, all over.
Ecclestius ran rank with their selfish ideals and needless hunger for power, and in his very last moments, Vlad had tried to lecture her, Her, what a gift she’d been bestowed. Her mind was venomous. Every thought, how small it may have seemed, was fully focused on the disgust she felt towards everyone else. She didn’t want to think that way, but she couldn’t help it. During their approach to the castle, they’d done everything in their power to make her look like a helpless fool. A helpless child. A helpless girl. And it hadn’t changed a goddamn thing but making her feel even more worthless when they congregated in the old count’s throne room. The pain shot like flashes of lightning through her spine, ebbing out into her every extremity. She stopped her horse.
“Alvon... I don’t feel so good...” Her speech was thick. She made another violent cough and stained her steed’s mane with a splatter of her own blood. “By the Light... It’s gruesome.” Alvon kept his calm, rode back and stopped by her side. She could feel his gaze studying her. “I’m so sorry...”
“You should have told me.” He spoke short.
“I know. I’m so sorry.” She looked up at him, wondering if he felt hurt. It wasn’t her intention, but it ought to have seemed like she hadn’t trust him. “I just wanted someone I cared about to stay the same. You know, treat me as if all was normal.”
“What will your sister think?” Eylinn had forgotten to send any letter for at least a month. The constant travel offered much time to dwell on many things, but no thought had ever reached her to tell Evhana about her condition, or her plans. Or even to ask how she was doing. She felt terrible.
“She’ll be fine.” The wind was turning cold with the changing season. The long, careful voyage through Wallachia, and the nights among frosty leaf beds had reminded her of the intended destination since her departure from the Light Army. Her sister hadn’t even met Freyr, not even known they had been travelling to the Pale to get married before everything changed. It struck her. She was not going to see them again. “What have I done...? I should have brought them! Evhana will have no one left. She’ll be the last Mindrilla!” In the corner of her eye, she could see him, like so many times before since they separated in Coal. At first, it had startled her. But as the nights grew longer and the cold became her only blanket, it had been her only source of peace. But now, it was just a fountain of sorrow. She lost all control for a moment, planting her face into the stained hairs of her mount.
“Therain!” Alvon grabbed at Eylinn’s dress, keeping her from falling off. “We need to raise camp. There’s no time to find an inn.” She just stared at him.
“No time, you say?” Alvon was taken back.
“I didn’t mean it like...”
“You’re right. I don’t think I can ride any longer.” With a firm grip of his hand, she dismounted. Her legs felt unsteady, and she channelled her energy to remain somewhat stable. Retaining some dignity, before sinking beside a nearby tree. “I just need some rest, and then I’ll help set it up.” Her head was pounding remorselessly. It was hard to concentrate on anything.
“Stand up.” Alvon commanded. She glared at him.
“I’ve had enough grownups lecturing me for a week. I just need a minute’s...”
“Stand up!” He took a grip of her waist and pulled her to her feet. She clenched at the tree to remain upright. The evening dew had moistened her dress. She already regretted her decision to sit down in the moss. Alvon started to unpack the tent gear from her luggage.
“Fine... I’ll help.”
“You stand right there.” It was just as she feared. Now he was treating her as a child too. Her seemingly perpetuating embarrassment had no end in sight. She opened her mouth to speak, but let it rest. Instead, she spent her time waiting for Alvon to finish by gazing at the stars. It was a dim night, but the moon was clear as the sun was in daytime. She soaked in the moist air through her nose. So calm, so vibrant, so cool. She tried to taste it, but her tongue wasn’t really up for the task. It made her sad.
“I told you I was sorry...”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Well it does to me! I didn’t mean to shut you out. I didn’t want to burden you with it. I thought I could fix it. Be cured. And if not, I could at least have someone beside me that wasn’t going to let me delve into my own misery. I need to hear you understand this. I really need...” Alvon threw a tent rise into the ground and barked at her.
“It doesn’t matter! Didn’t you hear me, girl?!” He wasn’t his usual self. The last dam to his emotions was breached, now venting his since long bottled up frustration. Eylinn couldn’t answer him, but instead grasped at her side with a grip of the pain that kept spreading with unsympathetic speed. Alvon went back to his chores, speaking with his back turned to her. “When did I ever pamper you? Did you ever stop to think that telling me would have made this whole journey easier? You can speak all night of what you need to hear, need to understand, but you won’t hear me offer any comfort in that regard. Your needs have been my only priority for nearly eight years. This was one strange occasion to start doubting it would remain so.” She deserved to hear the hard truth, but it didn’t make it less hurtful. She only never told him because she couldn’t bear to see the same look she’d seen in Freyr and Nienna’s eyes.
“What do you want me to say?” She pleaded. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to...”
“Just stop.” He pounded the last peg into the ground, and started working on bringing in the bedrolls and straw. “You don’t have to say anything, is my point.” Her legs were shaking. In a staggering motion, she walked towards the entrance when they finally caved in. She fell flat to the ground and couldn’t move. Alvon rushed towards her, picking her up in his arms and carried her in.
“Luckily you’re light as a feather.” He smiled at her, and it was painful to see. He carefully sat her down at a foldable stool. Her bedroll was placed on a stack of hay, and he had even found time to light a small lamp in the middle of the tent in a vague attempt to spread some light and warmth. “I’ll prepare a fire. Get into bed.”
“Fine.” She pouted. When he had left, Eylinn removed her wet dress. She was freezing, and her every motion was as tedious as a whole day’s toil. It was an agonizing task, and whenever her hand touched the skin, it felt as if an arrow pierced her flesh. Her chest could barely rise with her breathing, and as a final surge for power, she removed her breast bonds to ease the tension on her ribs. She threw the cotton wraps away and limped towards bed, slowly crawling under the cover and resting her head against the pillow.
She felt nauseous, and prepared for what would likely be another hurl, but it never came. It was just another sign from her curse that it was the stomachs turn to recede. She tried to draw her legs up closer to the body, but then she noticed she no longer could feel the toes or the tip of her fingers.
“Alvon!” She yelled, and he came rushing in. “Alvon, help!” Her heart was filled with terror, no longer steeled. Her legs were pins and needles, slowly making its way up, and in its wake, all sensation was gone. “I can’t move my feet... I can’t move my hands... Alvon, help...” He pulled up the stool beside her bed and simply tucking her in. He raised his cool hand and placed it on her burning forehead.
“Be still, Eylinn. Do you want something to drink? Something to eat?” She made another round of wheezing coughs as a batch of blood sought to exit her mouth. Alvon damped a cloth with his hip-flask and wiped it gently over her face. Eylinn started to chill.
“It’s cold...” He reached for his backpack and pulled out another blanket, placing it over the covers and all the way up to her shoulders. It didn’t make much difference, but she tried on a smile regardless. “Thank you.” He went outside the tent and brought the firewood inside. The sound of him striking the flint loomed in her ears. The crackling sound of the newborn fire was a calm reassurance that she was still alive, but even as the sparks hovered in the air, she could see how they gradually blurred and unfocused. The smell of the burning wood was slowly fading away, and the tingling in her arms grew into unbearable discomfort. “Alvon...” He sat by her once again. She wanted to tell him everything, everything on her mind, from her past, from her present, what she hoped to see in the future. Everything, before it was too late. But she didn’t know where to start. “You have to forgive me. Please, you have to.” She gasped for air, but her lungs hurt. Alvon pulled up the cloth again, carefully moistening her face and wiping the sweat away.
“There’s nothing to forgive, I assure you.” He affectionately combed her hair with his fingers, arranging the tangled mess that had bothered her all day. He was too kind. She couldn’t stand it anymore. She felt guilty, not worthy of his loyalty or care.
“You’ve always been with me, and I’ve always been so mean, and so ungrateful. Why? Why have you stayed for so long?” Alvon’s hard face softened, smiling at her as if it was his natural disposition.
“I never wanted to bother you with this, but there was a time when I had a child of my own. A son. I lost both him and his mother some eighteen years ago. I was never given the chance to raise him, but then your father presented me with another offer.” He turned the cloth and started to wipe the cooling water from her face. “You see now, girl? There never was any condition to my presence here. Every decision you made on your own, just made me more proud, even when it meant hiding all this from me. There is no need for forgiveness on my part. You saved me from myself a long, long time ago.” He didn’t understand. She didn’t want him to care for her. She didn’t want him to sit with her now. The reminders of all she would lose came over her. Everything she had managed to garner the past few years, everything that had enriched her life, and soon she would live no more.
The shadowy figure stepped out of the corner of the tent, making his presence known to them both. They said nothing, didn’t even react. What would have been the point? If he wanted to kill her, someone had beaten him to it. He spoke in his usual low, shrill but calm tongue.
“Very touching.” Eylinn turned away her face from him, having enough of his mockery. She would not stand for it at a time like this. She didn’t want to speak, and wanted to avoid it as long as she could. Alvon decided to speak up in his warden’s stead.
“Here to pay your respects?” The man took a few steps forward to let himself be looked at in full.
“You must be Alvon, I take it?” He responded, seemingly avoiding Alvon’s courtesy.
“Aye.” It felt weird to see him so short with words again, now that she finally had got to know where he was coming from. But her ears were aching, and it was hard to hear. She settled for fewer words, and closed her eyes.
“Pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.” The man responded, drawing his lips into a comfortable smile.
“The Therain deserves some peace, milord. If you don't mind.” Alvon retained his stalwart dismissive attitude. The man was a stranger to him, and it was clear he didn’t feel that he belonged. The Dark in him could be felt by Elves, and she wondered if he was able to tell.
“That she does. But she also knows that peace will not last. Dreagon will not let it be so. Not even in that forest of yours.”
“Alvon will take care of it, Ra'Gru.” Eylinn mustered herself to say, before another roll and stretch of coughs brought flem and blood into her mouth. She tried to swallow it back down, but her throat wasn’t that responsive, and instead it slowly poured out the corner of her mouth down the chin.
"Aye." Eylinn could see Alvon take a soft grab of the sword sheathe hanging from his waist. Ra’Gru curled his lips, seemingly contemplating hard what to say next.
“He does not need to kill you. There are other ways.” Eylinn took a few moments to compose. The memories of Vlad’s headless, standing body. The shock at him knowing nothing of a cure. The ridiculously small comfort that was the amulet...
“You took that chance from me. I can’t even get mad.” She still felt pity for him, but she didn’t know why. She didn’t know if he deserved it, or if he even wanted it. She looked at him and smiled, thinking of the innocents he had bred into this web. “Alvon will take care that Evhana knows to talk to Asharian. Maybe we can take the child to Coal.” She looked into his pale, ice blue eyes. “It was good to see you nonetheless. But now..." She remembered what state she was in, and looked away in shame. "This is demeaning as it is. You shouldn't see me like this. I wanted to..." The head ache was paralyzing. "In peace, so please..." Ra’Gru walked over to the bed and put the amulet on her chest. With a smile, he spoke reassuringly.
“Take it. But remember, that if a cure is found, I will want it back.” She looked at him in tired awe. She held back the tears, and spoke softly and weak.
“Thank you...” She whispered. Alvon wiped off the goo that had soiled her face, and she let out another tormented cough.
"She needs her peace." Ra’Gru looked down at her but said nothing. He made a nod, and with that, he returned into the shadows from whence he came. She felt the amulet on her chest, but it was not what she had come for. It was his kindness she had come to appreciate. She couldn’t understand his intentions, but it was the thought that mattered.
“You must still do it...” She quivered, her eyes fixed at his sword. Alvon nodded.
“I know what I must do. Don’t speak of such any more.” Just a moment ago, she wished he hadn’t given her such devotion, but now; Eylinn was done lying to herself. She was so happy he was here. She wouldn’t even have made it this far without him. The grief of losing him swirled over her like the tide. She wept like she never wept before.
“I don’t want to go!” She wretched out. “I’m not ready! I don’t want to die...” Alvon leaned over her, placing his forehead against hers and hushed. Her arms were burning, but she turned her shoulders to reach around his back. The smell of him was gone, and her sight was turning murk. It was all striking at her so fast now, that she had no time to brace for the end. “What did I do to deserve this? What did I do? I just wanted to be happy. I didn’t know it was too much to ask. I just didn’t know! I take it back! Dear Creator, the Light, the Dark, please, forgive me. I take it back, just let me live...” Alvon hushed at her again.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Eylinn. It’s not your fault.”
“I take it back!”
“Try to rest. Try to be at peace. Forget the hurt, forget the pain. It will all be fine. You have nothing to fear.” Her breath was wearing out. She made three short inhales before turning her head to cough out the blood that was filling her lungs, the red liquid too thick to be soaked up by the linens. It was such a demeaning way to go. Alvon settled with wiping her lips and continued to soak the cloth with water. He pulled Freyr’s knot out of her hair, and placed it in her hand.
“Tell him I love him. Tell Evhana I love her. Tell Nienna I love her. Tell them all to stay safe.”
“I will.” He reassured her.
“Would you... Bring Evhana to Coal? They’re better defended than the Chasm.”
“I will, you need not worry. Try to relax.” There was no time to relax. There was barely any time left at all.
“I’m scared...” Alvon embraced her.
“I know, I am too. But you needn’t worry anymore. I’ll take care of everything. You’ve done your part, and will have to answer to no one anymore.” She couldn’t move. Her body had given up. It was only a matter of time before the illness would reach her heart, and there was no escape. She spent her last minutes soaking in all the colours of the world before the panic returned. “Isn’t there any thought? Any memory that could calm you down? Make you at peace?” Her mother’s voice reappeared. It was so simple, melancholic, yet so full of hope. In a last attempt to see her again, she was going to do it.
“My mother taught me a song once. The last song she ever sang to me. I guess when all other attempts have been in vain...” She took a deep breath and let the melody fill the room.
Eylinn's Lullaby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOsJ_05qI0o
Sing for me, my voice is failing
Every tune have run its’ course
For when all, gone dark and fading
I will see your face no more
Can you feel it? I hear it
How the silence shroud all sound
I am weary
You are gone, cannot be found
The leaves will burn, from my desire
To not walk this path alone
Yet as my head, now slowly tire
I must brave it on my own
Would you hold me? Then hold me
I can barely feel at all
I am leaving
What was summer turns to f...
Her mother hadn’t appeared, but she felt better. As 8the last breath left her lungs, faltering at the very last word of her song, she was still able to see. She couldn’t close her eyes, but the world was only a dark mist of dampened unsaturated colours at this point. They were no use to her anymore. She tried to close her mouth, but even this was for naught. It was stuck in syllable, and there was nothing she could do to change that. It was surreal. Her body was gone, but her mind was still vaguely awake. She could hint Alvon’s hand reaching over the horizon, closing her lids for her, and everything went dark. Her thoughts rushed in a stream through her head, as they slowly disappeared one by one. Her consciousness was dripping away as it pulled backwards, away from her mind, away from her head. She didn’t hear. There was no pain. She would miss them. First it was all black, then there was nothing left at all.
Eylinn Mindrilla recieves the Amulet from Ra'Gru.
However...