• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.

unmerged(140338)

Captain
6 Badges
Apr 23, 2009
344
0
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Divine Wind
  • Rome Gold
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Pillars of Eternity
How Does This Work? A Poland AAR.​

Hello EU3 AAR land, i stumbled upon my father's copy of EU3 and said, "hey, lets do a polish AAR with this!" then i realised i dont know how to play EU3. i figure that adds to the challenge.

I'm Playing 1.3 on easy settings, and this will be a humorous comedy of errors of a bored expansionist line of kings HEROICALLY CONQUERING THE WORLD!!!

FOR THE WHITE EAGLE!!!
 

unmerged(140338)

Captain
6 Badges
Apr 23, 2009
344
0
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Divine Wind
  • Rome Gold
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Pillars of Eternity
Chapter 1: The beginning of an empire

The Year is 1453, and in the east a new power is rising. The time of the old orders is at an end, and the time of the eagle has come. In the court in Krakow, King Kasimierz IV was sitting upon his throne. he decided to obey the little flags that people were sticking into his map. the first one said that he should probably pick some advisors. He drew up a schedule.

11am: Hiring the first advisor
12pm: Lunch
1 pm: After Lunch nap
2 pm: Vodka hour down at Pavel's
3 pm: Hire the other 2 advisors

Kasimierz was a very organised king, but one that lacked common sense. so at 3:30 the list was drawn up and the king had three new advisors.



The king thought to diversify, so that Poland could be more then one kind of awesome.

A few days later the king proclaimed "HEY! LETS START AN ARMY!" and so a shift towards land doctrine was made.


Around the same time, the king decided that it would be cool to have a sea side resort. he also decided in a drunken stupor that he didn't like the Teutonic Knights. The army marched to Plock, it was time for a jolly good war.


The Mazovians decided that it would be a good time to marry off one of their daughters to us. The king thought that would be fine, so that there would be many royal sons... to kill germans.



The people of Cyprus offer an alliance to the king. The King accepts because he hears that the people of cyprus dont like germans much either.



The proles happened to give a petition to the king one day, he liked the peasants and decided to hell with what other people thought of him.



The King got excited. He was preparing for a jolly good war. and a jolly good war it would be.
 
Last edited:

Daan Riaste

Corporal
12 Badges
Nov 5, 2006
45
4
  • Hearts of Iron II: Armageddon
  • Deus Vult
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Divine Wind
  • For The Glory
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Victoria 2
  • 500k Club
Great! A Poland AAR. Have fun and please let a little (semi) independant blue midget to the west, perhaps as a vassal to your glorious empire.
Niech zyje Polska
 

unmerged(140338)

Captain
6 Badges
Apr 23, 2009
344
0
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Divine Wind
  • Rome Gold
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Pillars of Eternity
Spies, Battles, And Polish Pwnage

In early February the spies of Poland ordered by the king began to infiltrate the Danzig/Gdansk area and incited desertion among the Teutons. This... worked and brought down the troop numbers in the Danzig area, where the 1st polish army was set to attack.



As the treasury grew small, time was growing short, so in August of 1954, war was declared between the falling Teutonic Order, and the new Kingdom of Poland. the people of Cyprus did not join the Polish king, mostly because they were an island in the Mediterranean, and really couldn't get to the Baltic where all the action was happening. This disappointed the King greatly, but he was also disinclined to have a war with people he didn't really know all that well.
The Lithuanians decided to pitch in though.



The first battle was in Plock, where the 2nd Polish Army of 1000 Cavalry and 1000 Infantry were bested by 2000 Cavalry, a siege was laid and several more battles were fought. the king was not pleased when Plock was eventually captured.



On the plus side the seige of Gdansk/Danzig was going well, even though there were trade embargoes from Riga as well as some of the Knights closer friends. nevertheless the Poles fought on, but the treasury ever dwindled.



The war dragged on and it wasn't until 1455 that the Polish 2nd Army, with new and improved cavalry mercenaries attacked Plock and Reclaimed it from the Germans of the sea (thats what the king called them, cause they were all crushed up on the border like.) It was around the same time that Kasimierz's sea side resort was repossessed from Germans who defaulted on their mortgage and had a nasty 2 year court battle, in which the Poles won by getting barrels of vodka, and setting them on fire. the Germans all died because they drank the burning vodka, because wasting good vodka is a sin in any country.



Somehow the Germans laid seige to Danzig again though, forcing the pulling of forces from Warmia to break the siege. The king said this time would have better been spent in his sea side fort, until the Germans kicked his sand castle over.



Several back and forth battles continued in Ostpreusen, but the king had thought the war had gone on long enough, and that it was time to build a sand castle. The teutons were forced to give up Danzig and pay 50 Ducats in reparation for polish suffering.




But peace would only last for so long...