• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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Nov 13, 2005
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AAR - For the pope

- Hear! Hear! Robert Guiscard, the conqueror of Italy has pledged allegiance to the pope! Year 1070 of our lord, the Norman voluntarily gave himself to the Pope, and now Papal State shall be known as the Papal Kingdom!

I am running with:
- 1.05 with enchantment pack
- Some graphics mods
- playing on Easy/Medium
- Start out at Apulia

Houserules:
- Pledge loyalty to pope after S-Italy is united. (Edit: So the fat bast-- err.. his holiness didnt want my loyalty, i edited myself under hes rule.)
- Using bridefinder should be avoided, and if used nontheless, a monetary sacrifice must be given to either Pope, or someone that wont affect the local part of game.
- Whenever i am excommunicated by the papal controller, i may launch event 9124 (The Pope offers you a chance to purchase indulgences to regain his blessing.) by hand while i am vassal of the Pope.
- Getting excommunicated by my own mistake cannot be 9124'ed, but naturally coming events may be used.
- Must try to stay under the command of pope, unless game throws a curveball, or something other strange happens.

Now, i am not a comedian, or a writer, so i prefer to use minimalistic picture-scroll with some supposed-to-be-funny comments in between.
-- End of header --

April 1070, Southern Italy is under Norman control, whom now directly answer to the pope, after the pious act of Robert Guiscard.

The taking over of S-Italy has emptied my coffers, and becoming loyal to the pope has made me a laughing-stock with other nobles, whom see me trying to buy my place to heaven. Maybe so, but now i know that my children can live in their land without fear of having to leave. My work here is done.
start.jpg

27 Sep, 1071. Robert Guiscard died while sleeping. He's son Roger Borsa inherited the Southern Italy.

Oct, 1072 - Daddy's debt is now paid for, finally i get some money of my own!
Dec 1075 - The weird old man Anselm died during hes sleep, and Hildebrand is the new pope. What an uptight wrinkleface.
Aug 1076 - I made Camillo, my former marshal, a count of apulia. Less paperwork, you know? Oh, and the Hildebrand -guy died, and some Rodolfo -guy is the pope. He's bald. I dont like bald.
Feb 1077 - I am 16 now, my brother says i should go find myself a girl.

helie.jpg

- Hey, i like your-- nose... marry me?

disturb.jpg

Hey, dont you disturb me while i am talking to a girl here!
Oops, they rebelled.

helie2.jpg

.. now that wasnt so hard, was it. .. and what am i supposed to do with a girl?

schoolsover.jpg

Jan 1078 - School is over!

a_kid.jpg

- Umm, honey, where did that come from? What?

go_away.jpg

Oct 1078 - Yeah, whatever, just go away or something, i am busy.

kid2.jpg

- I told them i was busy!

revolt_end.jpg

Jul 1079 - Yeah yeah, ill improve your conditions (whatever..)

raised.jpg

Apr 1081 - Ill grow him up myself, what could go wrong?

Nov 1081 - The Bald pope-man throws a crusade to Jerusalem, i wonder if thats a party or something.
 

unmerged(50489)

Corporal
Nov 13, 2005
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nudge.jpg

- That was a nice evening, you know what i mean, nudge nudge.

pope_party.jpg

July 1082 - Popeye puts the party to Jerusalem up! I gotta join!

lucia.jpg

Sep '82 - Yes, i promised you may name the next child, but that doesnt mean i like the name.

ofcourse.jpg

Aug 1085 - Why do you think we are ruled by the pope?

education.jpg

Mar 1086 - Ill teach him myself, its not that hard.

May 1086 - The bald-popey got hit with arrow in Jerusalem, and this new pope guy named Sylve-- Salva-- Salvestro is the pope. He strangely has a bastard kid, i guess he couldnt hold himself when visiting nunnery, nudge nudge.

elective.jpg

Oct 1087 - You want elective? Elective, elective.. Pope is elected too, yeah! Ill look good if i allow elective! ..whatever it is..
 

unmerged(50489)

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Nov 13, 2005
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rule.jpg

Mar 1088 - Of course you will my child, just dont say that to the mean pope, ok?

Sep 1090 - Sylves-- whatever calls for crusader to Alexandria.
May 1091 - Hey, the pope got another bastard, i think i like this guy, pope that is not a tightass.

rag.jpg

Feb 1092 - Such a mess about some old rag, its worthless!

May 1092 -The kid has been asking stupid questions around, and now people think him as wise? What fools i have to work with!

depression.jpg

Feb 1093 - Hey kid, wake up. Dont play with me, snap out of it! Its time for schooling!

Jan 1094 - My first daughter has grown up, i am so proud of her. Now go married somewhere and dont bother me anymore.

silvester.jpg

Apr 1095 - Silvester, you are a big boy now. Go get yourself a nice girl and ill give you some land of your own.
- Whatever, dad.
- Now son, dont go "whatever" on me, go get a girl and do some with her, nudge nudge.
- If it gets your mouth shut

alessandra.jpg

- Ah, what a catch did the boy get, heres the keys to castle at Napoli, have fun you two.
- If it'll shut him up..
- What did you say, my dear?
- Nothing..

Nov 1097 - Nothing happens around here, nothing i say. The pope fell off a balcony so thats some news, but the new one, Livio or something is a fatso that loves to speak and speak and speak until drool pools at hes legs, not much of a new pope.

beast.jpg

Sep 1098 - A wildebeest to hunt? Some action at last!

Oct 1098 - Lucia has grown up, and what a fine girl she is! I marry him to Bohemond of Aversa, some sort of Bishop that keeps resting around in corners, so that the unfortunate guy gets something better to do, nudge nudge.

Ill post the next 50 years after i have played them. The only kid being depressed shouldnt be a problem with so many Hautevilles around to inherit, though i wish i get to continue with him.
 

LlywelynII

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Nifty. The Normans did pledge themselves to the Papacy, probably with about as much loyalty as you have, too. ;)

Like the image mod you've got, but prolly look a little better indented or centered.
j.
 

noddysseus

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Nice start Mizcu. I'll be following this for as long as you continue to update it.
You may not be a comedian, but some of the lines above got a laugh out of me. :)
 

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Interesting ! I'll tag along for the ride if no one minds XD
 

unmerged(59077)

Tzar of all the Soviets
Jul 17, 2006
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Cool read.

Let's see what the future brings.
 

Kurt_Steiner

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Glad to see that my CK wives are not the only ugly ones :rofl:
 

unmerged(60841)

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Sep 13, 2006
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Silvester is a sad little sack- he ought to borrow soem of hisf ather's apathetic optimism. Good luck.
 

unmerged(50489)

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Jan 1100
- War against the Zirids! I am tired waiting for something to happen.

i_win.jpg

Aug 1100
- They gave a good fight.​

May 1101
- I have a "party" with my wife to celebrate conquests in Africa
Feb 1102
- Its a boy!
Sep 1102
- Already declared war against by 3rd Sheikdom, this is annoying
Oct 1105
- Aftermath of war: i control the whole Tunis, while Pope lost
Rome and Ortobello. Retake will be undertaken soon.
May 1106
- Rome and Ortobello are again in christian hands.
Oct 1109
- New pope has arrived, a german.
Aug 1110
- Silvester must have lost hes dick, i still have no grandchildren.
May 1111
- Pope wants my troops, go ahead, have them. (But dont expect me to pay their wages..)
Jul 1114
- Silvesters wife died, and he married some 17 y-old tart from France, i envy him.

mauger.jpg

May 1115 - Happy dance happy dance! I have a grandson!

controller.jpg

June 1116 - So whos the boss now, eh? Muahahaa!

borsadead.jpg

November 1116 - Every man dies, no matter how great. Silent moment for him.




silv_world.jpg

- This is all that Silvester now rules. (Sorry about the zoom-size, but you can see Pope at the northenmost part if you squint a little)

sheikdom_plzen.jpg

- And now, here is an old joke.​



- I am Silvester of Apulia, son of Roger Borsa. A lot good has happened to me recently, first father Roger died, bless the simpleton, and my bible-thumping wife ran to a monastery. I got a nice french broad much more interested in certain parts.. of marriage. Alas, i am not young anymore, and i need a son of mine to inherit these lands. I have little other choice but to make child a count. I did not plan to grow the kids myself anyway, so its not that big a problem. So its bye to you, Humphrey, hope you like Salerno.

Nov 1117
- Hammadids declared war on us. Damn ragheads.
Oct 1118
- Peace was 'hammered' out with the Hammadid. Why they did make the war even though they knew it would cost me only.. say.. 450 gold? And in exchange they only lost land.
Jul 1120
- My brother Abelard has reached 18, i marry him to a girl with pretty eyes, and dump him somewhere in africa.

godfrey.jpg

Jul 1123 - My nephew grew up, someone, quick, give that man some land!

cross.jpg

Jun 1124 - Hey pope, i just helped you conquer a nice piece of africa, i have done my job, ok?


sceptic.jpg

Jun 1125 - I guess he didnt take no for an answer?.

Ok, that was only half of the 50 years i spoke about, but i got enough stuff for a single post anyway.
 

Kurt_Steiner

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Something similar happened to me in my AAR. I was controlling the Pope when my king died and suddenly his son found himself heavily criticized by the Pope and having to go on crusade to the Holy Land, where he died.

I'm planning to imitate what Karl V's Landskenechts did to Rome in the 16th century...

Revenge? Well, you can call it that way :D
 

unmerged(60841)

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Sep 13, 2006
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So the Pope is lord of...is that Trent? Fun update, a shame about Silvester. I think his tone wil have to be a little different? Glad he's taking it all in stride, maybe it was his father making him sad.
 

unmerged(59077)

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The pope doesn't take no for an answer. Bah.
 

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Tsk Tsk ! You should always follow what His Holiness demands of you !
 

unmerged(59077)

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Bah. Tell him NO means aNOther barrel of money, please.
 

unmerged(50489)

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papalrequest.jpg
Aug 1131
- So, the good news is that i get to fight for the pope and christianity.
The bad part is that the opponent is the Holy Roman Empire. I guess someones have been having discussions about whom the power on earth belongs to.


Mar 1132
- First boy, Mauger finished hes schooling. On the bad part, he became a firebrand preacher, with little understanding of the true meaning of religion.

May 1132
- Errmm.. oops. I loaned a bit of money, since the pope's war emptied my coffers, and now i am considered a heretic. Ironic.


death2.jpg

Jul 1132 - My heart! Eg--!


humphrey.jpg

- What? You expect an introduction? Go figure out yourself.


mafalda.jpg

Dec 1132 - You cannot live without me, fall on my arms. Bridefinder was not used when this babe was found.

marriage2.jpg

- The plan worked

education2.jpg

Jan 1133 - I even look like a sneaky bastard. Nyah nyah.


joincrusade.jpg

May 1133 - My father became a heretic just before death, and my grandfather was a crusader of the church. If i say no, everyone will see me as my father, if i say yes, they will see me as my grandfather. To crusade it is, then.

Jul 1133
- Crusade ended, now that was interesting timing.
Dec 1133
- New one is up, but i wont be going to Spain any time soon.
Jul 1134
- Pope requested my troops, still fighting against the big empire, eh?
Aug 1134
- I have a kid! Gianfranco should be good enough name for him.
Jul 1135
- I have a plan, which requires some troops. Mobilizing.
Nov 1135
- Tripolitania is now mine.
Feb 1136
- Offence against the Emirate of Cyreneia is going well.
Jul 1136
- Cyreneia is defeated and i control almost the whole Africa. And even the pope likes me. Gained 300 piety with the war.
I spread the useless titles with various people. Making my
foolish brother a grand bishop serves a double purpose of both lessening the paperwork and getting rid of him.

Oct 1136
- New pope is elected, and i immediately make friends with him.
Feb 1136
- Another pope, but for some reason this one doesnt care about me even with my great reputation.Papal controller twice in a row bug..
Apr 1139
- Pope negotiated peace with the Cyre-somethings.
Sep 1139
- Gianfranco shall study in the court.
Feb 1141
- Some darned African count declared war against us. I let pope take my troops and take care of the business, i have some plans to make.
Oct 1143
- I am now Duke of Tripolitania

plotters.jpg

Sep 1144 - I cannot let plotters plot against the pope. For one, their plans were amateurish and not thought through.

May 1150
- My newest plan is now done, and ready to be used. I shall attack the Cyre-somethings regardless of our peace, the paper means nothing and they will have to bend under my troops regardless.

gianfranco.jpg

Nov 1150 - Gianfranco has come of age, though he seems to be more interested in using hes natural talents than those he could have learned in the court. I feel stressed. Strange.

Jan 1151
- Gianfranco was married to some pretty Italian girl, and sent to govern over my most important African holdings. He is now my strongest vassal, and my inheriter.
Oct 1151
- And now i have cough, must have gotten something from the African trip.
Jan 1154
- Miracle worker came by, i feel better already.


blackmagic.jpg

Oct 1155 - The papal inquisitors are getting quite uppity, i arrange a "fair" defence for her, and she is freed.

Edit: Switched to brighter color, as per request.
 
Last edited:

unmerged(60841)

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Sep 13, 2006
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Way to save the wife. Will Hummphrey change the dynamic int he Papal relationship? I guess we'll find out- any chance you could change the font color? Hard to read for me unless I highlight it.
 

Kurt_Steiner

Katalaanse Burger en Terroriste
Feb 12, 2005
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Inquisition? Has somebody called the Spanish Inquisition?

tt8.jpg

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

tt2.jpg

As you all know about our weapons, we can avoid that bit... :rofl: