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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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The Proud Weekly AAR 09-02-2009, the ACA 2008 and Q1 2009 Comedy Winner:


For the MotAARland (Soviet WIF AAR)

It's all about Aliens and the survival of the human race now. ;)

36972106sr1.gif


What is this?!?


Untitled-1-43.gif

Model: Ze zime is running out Zhukov! You gonna leave here to die or we gonna do somezhing?

Zhukov: Fine, let's do it.


And so the 15 great ministers and military commanders step through to the unknown future... I mean the known past!

Sir Model, Zhukov, Orlov, Mannstein, Rommel, Udet, Patton, Dönitz, Guderian, Molotov, Voroshilov and 4 cats of Orlov...


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is how it began, 28-10-2008, 17:30:

Hi everybody, this will be my first and hopefully not last AAR :).

I will play the Soviet Union using the World in Flames mod. I will mostly tell this AAR with humorous character-driven story, but also with pure gameplay at some point.
And an AAR wouldn't be much without screenshots and pictures, right ;) ?

I have played HoI for a long time, so I know how the game works.
And maybe I'll show a trick or two, how to fight as the Soviets.

Updates will be at least once a week, maybe even more often.

Hope you enjoy! :p
 
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Ok, lets get this AAR going, the current difficulty is normal, but that will change later...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

screensave0ez6.png

The classic map of Europe in -36

Stalin: That cool red country is us...


screensave1fi6.png

Stalin: And here are my best komrades :).
Stalin: Hey, what is that 30% in the corner, my people love me, right? :confused:
Molotov: Err.. they do, but maybe more bread wouldn't be a bad idea.
Stalin: They shall have it and some vodka too!


screensave4ou2.png

After a huge party the soviet industry is starting to improve.

Soldier #1: Let'z drink some vodka komrad soldeer...
Soldier #1 & #2: For Mother Russija!


screensave3os3.png

Stalin: What is that yellow country in Spain? :confused:
Molotov: It is Nationalist Spain, they are in a civil war with the Republic.
Stalin: Support the Republic, with the might of the Soviet Union they cannot fail!


screensave5hc7.png

Stalin: What is this, the Red Army still has horses and muskets? :confused:
Soldier #54: This is my family musket, it belonged to my greatgreat...grandfather, I am very proud of it :).
Stalin: :confused: Good for you... but you shall have some new ones! ...err rifles I mean.

The Red Army is issued with new mus..Rifles!


screensave6ha0.png

The Soviet scientists are at work.

Scientist #2: The chief scientist is late :mad:, so I will show our research...
here is the report.


screensave7gq5.png

Stalin: What is happening on that island? :confused:
Soviet Intelligence Officer: Rebels have taken over, I doubt that even the Imperial Ja..Nothing Nothing, I am not a spy!
Stalin: :confused:


screensave8dz4.png

Stalin: The Republicans are winning the war with our help, they just can't lose at this point :).
X: ...or could they
Stalin: Who was that? :confused:



To be continued... :)
 
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Mico94

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this sounds interesting
*subscribes*
*plants flag as first replier*
 

Raze

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Cool, I always like humorous AARs.
 

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I'll subscribe.
 

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Thanks for the comments guys, the next update will be on weekend. :)
 

Nathan Madien

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This is a funny AAR. I am glad Stalin can find his own country on the map. :D
 

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Subscripted. :D
 

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Ok, update will come now... a little early perhaps, but who wouldn't like that? :D
 

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The Kreml, Stalin's top secret planning room January 1937


Stalin: I asked who's there, answer me you coward!

Mr. coward: I'm not afraid of you comrade!

Stalin: I am not your komrade, you stranger... show yourself!

Stranger: Very well... hahaha!


63778181re9.gif

Oh, look it's komrade Zhukov, the happiest man in Russia, just look at that smile!

Stalin: What are you d...

Zhukov: I'm afraid the reports you have received about Spain are false, because enemy spies have infiltrated us. Here is the true situation!


screensave10jw7.png

The Republicans aren't winning afterall! :eek:

Stalin: No it can't be!

Zhukov: You want the truth... you can't handle the truth!

Stalin: :confused:

Zhukov: But here it is anyways... :p


screensave1eb2.gif

What the?!?

Zhukov: You and your comrades don't lead Soviet Union afterall, you are the leader of GUATEMALA!

Stalin: My name is Jorge?

Zhukov: Haha, got you! I was just kidding hehe lol hahaaalol... :rofl:

Stalin: Whaat?! :mad:

Zhukov keeps on laughing


Stalin goes to get some vodka and when he returns Zhukov is having the time of his life... he is literally rolling on the floor laughing :rofl:


Stalin pours some very good vodka on Zhukov, with no effect :mad:

It's 3 AM, Stalin goes to get some sleep

Even with Zhukov laughing he manages to get to sleep and he is about to have a really strange dream...


Stalin: What is this?

The AAR-writer ;): Shut up and let me explain my strategy!

Stalin: :confused:


ScreenSave0.gif

Ok, it's -37 now. So it's too early for units and a little too late for IC. :D
So I will build infastructure, why? Because it increases org. regain, makes movement faster and even helps a little in combat. It's really cheap (at least in this mod).
So the dark strong lines represent the areas, where the infastructure is really being improved. These positions must be held at all costs, in case someone dares to attack my little.. ok big nation. :D
The lighter brown areas will probably be lost at some point, so the infastructure there is improved only little. Also note, that Leningrad will have a 100% infastructure, nice huh?


ScreenSave3.gif

I also made some changes with ministers. The best thing is the 25% manpower growth boost, because I'll need all the divisions I can get when someone tries to mess with me. Even the Soviet Union doesn't have unlimited manpower, it can run out before you know it.
Also the -5% infantry construction bonus is nice, because I'll be building a lot of infantry. Less consumer goods need isn't bad either.


screensave4yf0.png

Here is the tech situation. As you can see, I'm focusing a lot on industry. When some slots free up I'll start to research -39 infantry and armor, then move up to researching -41 models. I know that I get a heavy penalty researching them a year or two early, but it is a part of my strategy.
Hopefully I can start producing 1941 infantry and armor around 1939-40. I won't have to upgrade too many obsolete models, which really matters on drafted army (+50% upg. time&cost).
Also the hard attack of '4' that -41 infantry has is a lot better that the -39s '2'. I'll need that hard attack of 300 infantry divisions when the German..oops armor starts attacking. ;)

But let's get back to the story...


Stalin finally wakes up...

Stalin: Uugh... my head... luckily Zhukov isn't here anymore...


screensave5kx7.png

Stalin: I'm going to start getting rid of those enemy spies, just to avoid Zhukov... :mad:


A few months later:


Molotov comes running like a crazy chicken



Molotov: Komrade Stalin, komrade Stalin!

Stalin: What is it Molotov?


screensave6sc4.png

Molotov: Bad news... the Japanese have DOWed China!

Stalin: Send them aid, if they lose, the Japanese will come after us!

Soviet Aidsender guys #1 & #2 & #3: Yes komrade Stalin!

Stalin: Wow :eek:, we have people for that too?


screensave9et8.png

Stalin: The Chinese are losing even with our generous aid :mad:?

Voroshilov: Da, they managed to stop da Japanese in da north, but da
Japanese made a landing behind da Chinese positions.

Stalin: What, who are you, da-man? :confused:

Voroshilov: I am Voroshilov your Chief of Army, we ministers work hard for you and you can't even remember our names. :mad:

Stalin: Sorry, but you all have such long names and I tend to change ministers every year... :(


ScreenSave11.gif

Voroshilov: Anyway if things weren't bad enough for da Chinese, da people of Sinkiang are revolting.

Stalin: Who were you again?

Voroshilov: :mad:

Stalin: Sorry, the only guy who's name I remember besides Molotov is (not my komrade :mad: ) Zh...


t31hc7.jpg

Zhukov is eating a hamburger

Officer #2: You have been eating a lot of those hamburgers lately komrade.

Zhukov: Well a tough panzer leader needs some tough food, right?

Officer #2: I guess so...

Soldier #20: Komrade Stalin wants you to come to his office!

Zhukov: Coming, coming :mad:... let me just eat this first...
 
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Excellent. Kill all of those damn spies!
 

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*is still laughing hard*

Storm501 said:
Voroshilov: I am Voroshilov your Chief of Army, we ministers work hard for you and you can't even remember our names. :mad:

Stalin: Sorry, but you all have such long names and I tend to change ministers every year... :(

Why doesn't Stalin just invest in name tags?
 

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Ok, the story continues... :)
 

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Stalin's office, somewhere in Moscow 1938

12tl7.jpg

Stalin: Finally... Zhukov it's about time you got here!

Zhukov: I came as fast as I could comrade... after eating a juicy hamburger. :p

Stalin: Whatever... I have a job for you. You were right about the spies. We know that some of them are here in Moskva. Here is an address, where we believe some are hiding...


Stalin hands Zhukov a piece of paper


Stalin: Konev, our best agent will be waiting for you there, you are dismissed!

Zhukov: Whaat? I'm a special agent now? :confused:

Stalin: You work for the NKVD. The benefits include a swimming pool in Siberia, a lifetime supply of vodka and this pistol...


Stalin hands a pistol to Zhukov

Zhukov examines the pistol


Zhukov: It's very light...

Stalin: Eerr.. yes it's a super light-weight pistol... but now go! :mad:


63778181re9.gif

Zhukov takes his tank and starts driving


Zhukov: Let's see... the address is 345 Komrade Street... apartment #1.

Zhukov arrives at 345 Komrade Street

Zhukov: Oh, it's you Konev!


85323436qp0.gif

Konev... a man of few words.


Konev: Komrade Zhukov, you have the address?

Zhukov: Yes, it's apartment #1 where the facist pigs are hiding.

Konev: Let's go.


Zhukov and Konev are in front of the door


Zhukov kicks the door open


Zhukov: Freeze, NKVD.. this is a raid!!!

Some angry guy: Who dares to disturb my sleep?!


37515311cc3.gif

Lt.General Kulik isn't happy, that someone has interrupted his daily nap.


Kulik: What are you doing, this is my apartment!

Konev: Oh no, he outranks us.

Zhukov: Oh, the apartment isn't #1, it's #7... Stalin's handwriting is hard to read. :(

Kulik: Geet ouut!!! :mad:


Kulik starts throwing furniture, Zhukov and Konev run for their lives


198823594acb02d49c1gl9.jpg

Zhukov: This apartment has to be the right one... #7.

Konev: Let's do this quietly this time.

Zhukov: Ok... I'm coming you cowards!!!


Zhukov kicks the door and starts shooting around


Super light-weight pistol: click, click.

Some guy: Waas? Was ist da... kamrade?

Zhukov: This gun has no bullets, Stalin tricked me! :mad:

The guy: Zhere must be some kind of misundersvanding here kamrades, right guys?

Other guys: Da, da... dawolf

Konev: Dawolf? :confused:

Zhukov: I haven't heard of dawolf, eat this you German spies!

Pistol: Click, click.. click.

Zhukov: Oh yeah... :(

Angry Germans: Du schweinhund!


The angry germans start shooting

Zhukov and Konev take cover behind an old table



Zhukov: Konev, do you have a gun?

Konev: Only ammo.

Zhukov: Give me the ammo!

Konev: Give me your pistol!

Zhukov: It's mine, give me the ammo... now!

Konev: Pistol!

Zhukov: Ammo!


Suddenly a Soviet tank breaks through the wall


urlpp2.jpg

Tank Commander #19: Do you need help komrades?

Konev: Yes!

Zhukov: No!

Kulik on the other side of the wall: Yes, I want to go to sleep!

Zhukov: :mad:


The tank blows up the room with it's main gun... against all the odds both Zhukov and Konev survive without a single scratch! :eek:


Konev: You're in the wrong business!

Zhukov: Shut up, we got the job done.

Konev: Let's report to Stalin.

Zhukov: You drive...


They get to Konev's tank, which is a newer model than Zhukov's... Zhukov is very jealeous. On the way back even Konev talks more than Zhukov. :D


Konev: Want some vodka Zhukov?

Zhukov: :mad:


What has happened during this spychase Voroshilov?

Voroshilov: Glad that someone remembers my name :)...


467.jpg

Voroshilov: Da Soviet Union has started a huge industrial program.


screensave4wl1.png

Voroshilov: Da Germans have taken a lot of land. Checkoslovakia is in a bad position... about to get eaten by da Germans perhaps?


screensave3yq0.png

Voroshilov: Da Nationalists have escapen to da mountains. Da Republicans are currently winning, Stalin is happy about that. :)


screensave1iz0.gif

Voroshilov: And finally could someone please explain to me what this is supposed to be? :confused:
 

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Konev: Yes!
Zhukov: No!
Kulik on the other side of the wall: Yes, I want to go to sleep!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: