so riddle me this, how the fuck is france single handedly beating the everlasting shit out of us?
We wouldn't know unless if you show us screen shots and tell us what was happening with the battles or show us your save. Were you losing dicerolls? Did France have better military ideas? Defensive/Offensive + Elan is a pain to deal with. Were your allies suffering from event-inflicted military penalties or bankrupcy? Maybe suffering a downward spiral of negative prestige from getting their ass kicked earlier by France (looking at you Castille). Maybe France has high prestige, high power projection and has a military advisor helping them.
and why does he have 3 3-star generals? why does he win EVERY battle? and how is this still an issue more than 2 years after release?????!?!?!?!
It may be due to simply luck. AI has been observed to be more willing to 'reroll' generals so they get a better one. Since there is quite a bit of RNG when it comes to rolling generals, it's not implausible for France to roll an extraordinarily good one. In addition, France may have converted both their ruler and heir to generals. The leader stats are less guided by army tradition, and more by the ruler/heir's military skill. All of this compounded by France's bonus from lucky tag, and the offensive idea, pretty much gives them a good shot at getting three max star generals.
what is your basis for france needing to be the steamroller of europe? it's completely unrealistic, the big blue blob represented in EU4 is not how france was in real life for the majority of the time period, it feels like paradox is trying to portray france as it was at the height of Napoleonic power through out the entire game, but that isn't how medieval/early renaissance france was
At the moment France is not a steamroller. You should know this since you played EU3, and would had known what a real steamrolling France was like. France has several contenders that can check their power:
->Burgundy (early on only; usually dies to France early-mid due to inheritance event or stupid AI Burgundy decisions)
->Austria (along with their numerous allies; rivalry is ensured especially if Austria inherits Flanders; Inevitable with Holy League War)
->Castille/Spain (Sometimes allies France, but war between them is inevitable; if Castille get Iberian wedding+inheritance of Naples and forms many CNs, they will be comparable strength... or even superior if they ally with Austria)
There is no denying that France is a powerful player in Europe. However, so is Austria and Castille/Spain. Like both of them though, there is also the potential for France to screw-up.
neither do i, which is the problem, France has won every battle even one were we were 60k against France's 30k, we were defending in the mountains, and France was crossing a river. i don't get it either, it doesn't make logical sense.
Were you guys using a crappy general, or already on low morale? (from previous battles unrecovered). No one will ever know why you lost, because you were playing Ironman.
Heck, for all we know, it could just be one ridiculous bug that one of the cleaners accidentally introduced when he tried to look up porn on a one of the dev's computers (that the dev forgot to shutdown before going home) and accidentally removed the semi-colon in the script somewhere before closing down the program to get down to the business of whatever cleaners do when covertly using the computers of the office they are cleaning at night.
If you want to truly demonstrate France's innate superiority and thus, provide some evidence for France to be nerfed, then you should play non-iron man with default game settings, and try to see if France always gets 3 star generals, or if France always wins battles against unfavorable odds despite being on offensive and striking a mountain position, and provide us the saves/screen shots etc