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15th September 1939. A bit later on.
The HMKG squad has made it to the ground intact. Surprisingly. Less surprisingly they haven't all made it to the same place.
"Løytnant, where the HQ platoon?" lifeless asked.
"No idea, Fenrik. But we waited too long already. We've got a mission to do." Stroph replied.
"And what is that mission?"
"It's a secret."
"I know it's a secret, but unless we know what the mission is we can't do it, sir." Lifeless said in exasperation.
"That would be the problem Fenrik. It's was so secret only the Kaptein knew."
"Oh."
-----
"So the 2nd Platoon have no idea what to do, sir." Sersjant Daan asked incredulosly.
"Those were the orders, no-one was to be told until we landed." Kaptein kenneththegreat explained.
Daan digested this and asked.
"Orders, sir."
"We head for the target and we should meet up there."
"I thought you said Løytnant Stroph didn't know what the mission was, sir."
"Oh he knew where the target is, he just doesn't know what to do when he gets there. Still I'm sure he'll do the right thing." The Kaptein said.
-----
"Are you sure this is what we're supposed to be doing sir?" Korporal laminustacitus asked.
"Well there's nothing else on the site. What else could we do?"
"Well there is the other building, you know the....." laminustacitus started.
"Don't say it! Look this is the only sensible option, Korporal." Stroph said pointedly.
With dogged determination, that or stupidity, laminustacitus pushed his point. "I just don't think the King sent us all the way to Sweden just to sit in a Sauna."
"Damn it, I suppose you're probably right." Stroph admitted. It was time to face his fear, the evil that lurked in the only other building on the site.
"Fenrik lifeless, form up the men. We're going in." He ordered.
2nd Platoon cautiously advanced towards the IKEA.
The HMKG squad has made it to the ground intact. Surprisingly. Less surprisingly they haven't all made it to the same place.
"Løytnant, where the HQ platoon?" lifeless asked.
"No idea, Fenrik. But we waited too long already. We've got a mission to do." Stroph replied.
"And what is that mission?"
"It's a secret."
"I know it's a secret, but unless we know what the mission is we can't do it, sir." Lifeless said in exasperation.
"That would be the problem Fenrik. It's was so secret only the Kaptein knew."
"Oh."
-----
"So the 2nd Platoon have no idea what to do, sir." Sersjant Daan asked incredulosly.
"Those were the orders, no-one was to be told until we landed." Kaptein kenneththegreat explained.
Daan digested this and asked.
"Orders, sir."
"We head for the target and we should meet up there."
"I thought you said Løytnant Stroph didn't know what the mission was, sir."
"Oh he knew where the target is, he just doesn't know what to do when he gets there. Still I'm sure he'll do the right thing." The Kaptein said.
-----
"Are you sure this is what we're supposed to be doing sir?" Korporal laminustacitus asked.
"Well there's nothing else on the site. What else could we do?"
"Well there is the other building, you know the....." laminustacitus started.
"Don't say it! Look this is the only sensible option, Korporal." Stroph said pointedly.
With dogged determination, that or stupidity, laminustacitus pushed his point. "I just don't think the King sent us all the way to Sweden just to sit in a Sauna."
"Damn it, I suppose you're probably right." Stroph admitted. It was time to face his fear, the evil that lurked in the only other building on the site.
"Fenrik lifeless, form up the men. We're going in." He ordered.
2nd Platoon cautiously advanced towards the IKEA.
- 1
Still the 15th September 1939
Løytnant Stroph and Fenrik Lifeless were discussing the difficulty of command decisions outside the IKEA at the secret Swedish millitary installation.
"Why did you sent Korporal Laminustacitus inside to scout on his own Løytnant?"
"It was a force presevation decision." Stroph explained.
"And that means? Lifeless asked
"Well if, or more accurately when, something unpleasent happens in there it's ony one man risking his life not all of us."
"So why aren't we in their helping him, surely a bigger force..." The fenrik started.
"We could go in there with a full division and air support and it wouldn't do any good." Stroph cut him off. "Just think out what lies in wait in there."
Lifeless shuddered as he imagined the contents of the store.
"Sir, movement in the bushes!" Menig Frodon called out.
From the bushes came the muffled reply
"I know that voice! Menig Frodon, what do you think you're doing?"
"Is that you Kaptein?"
"Who do you think it is? Princess Maud of Wales!" Kenneththegreat replied as he emerged from the undergrowth. "We're in the depths of Sweden, now is not the time to be shouting out challenges."
"Sorry, sir."
Kaptein Kenneththegreat checked over the troops and frowned
"What happened to Korporal Laminustacitus?" He asked.
"He's on recon inside the building, sir. The rest of the platoon was securing the perimeter." Løytnant Stroph replied.
"You sent him in there, alone?!"
"Yes, sir."
"When is he due to report back?"
"Any time now, sir." Stroph answered.
The doors to the IKEA burst open to reveal Korporal Laminustacitus. His uniform was ripped and torn and his eyes wide with fear.
"The horror, the horror!" Laminustacitus screamed to the night sky. "The endless tat and flat packed furniture, its not natural!"
"He did better than I expected." Løytnant Stroph commented to Lifeless "I didn't think he'd even find the way out again, few people do."
"But it sounds like it's just a normal IKEA, a hideous place I admit, but there must be loads of them in Sweden. I still have no idea why we're here." Fenrik Lifeless replied.
"You make good poitns Fenrik, but you haven't thought it through." Kaptein Kenneththegreat explained. "The unpleasentness of the place drives away most people, while the shear number of other IKEAs mean nobody suspects the place."
"Suspects it off what Kaptein?" Stroph asked.
"I'll give you a clue, we're only a couple of miles from Jönköping."
"Not?"
"Yes, this IKEA is actually the main storage dump for the Swedish Match company!"
"So how do we get to the dump?" Stroph asked excitedly.
"I don't know, but I'm sure those two do" The Kaptein pointed at two Swedish privates that Sersjant Daan had under guard. "We found them patrolling the perimeter and I'm sure Sersjant Daan can... convince.... them to talk, he's a man of many talents."
Are the two Swedes to be mashed by Daan or will the HMKG leave them to stew? Will I again resort to such bad punning? Can I work a few more jokes and less plot into the next update? Find out next time!
Løytnant Stroph and Fenrik Lifeless were discussing the difficulty of command decisions outside the IKEA at the secret Swedish millitary installation.
"Why did you sent Korporal Laminustacitus inside to scout on his own Løytnant?"
"It was a force presevation decision." Stroph explained.
"And that means? Lifeless asked
"Well if, or more accurately when, something unpleasent happens in there it's ony one man risking his life not all of us."
"So why aren't we in their helping him, surely a bigger force..." The fenrik started.
"We could go in there with a full division and air support and it wouldn't do any good." Stroph cut him off. "Just think out what lies in wait in there."
Lifeless shuddered as he imagined the contents of the store.
"Sir, movement in the bushes!" Menig Frodon called out.
From the bushes came the muffled reply
"I know that voice! Menig Frodon, what do you think you're doing?"
"Is that you Kaptein?"
"Who do you think it is? Princess Maud of Wales!" Kenneththegreat replied as he emerged from the undergrowth. "We're in the depths of Sweden, now is not the time to be shouting out challenges."
"Sorry, sir."
Kaptein Kenneththegreat checked over the troops and frowned
"What happened to Korporal Laminustacitus?" He asked.
"He's on recon inside the building, sir. The rest of the platoon was securing the perimeter." Løytnant Stroph replied.
"You sent him in there, alone?!"
"Yes, sir."
"When is he due to report back?"
"Any time now, sir." Stroph answered.
The doors to the IKEA burst open to reveal Korporal Laminustacitus. His uniform was ripped and torn and his eyes wide with fear.
"The horror, the horror!" Laminustacitus screamed to the night sky. "The endless tat and flat packed furniture, its not natural!"
"He did better than I expected." Løytnant Stroph commented to Lifeless "I didn't think he'd even find the way out again, few people do."
"But it sounds like it's just a normal IKEA, a hideous place I admit, but there must be loads of them in Sweden. I still have no idea why we're here." Fenrik Lifeless replied.
"You make good poitns Fenrik, but you haven't thought it through." Kaptein Kenneththegreat explained. "The unpleasentness of the place drives away most people, while the shear number of other IKEAs mean nobody suspects the place."
"Suspects it off what Kaptein?" Stroph asked.
"I'll give you a clue, we're only a couple of miles from Jönköping."
"Not?"
"Yes, this IKEA is actually the main storage dump for the Swedish Match company!"
"So how do we get to the dump?" Stroph asked excitedly.
"I don't know, but I'm sure those two do" The Kaptein pointed at two Swedish privates that Sersjant Daan had under guard. "We found them patrolling the perimeter and I'm sure Sersjant Daan can... convince.... them to talk, he's a man of many talents."
Are the two Swedes to be mashed by Daan or will the HMKG leave them to stew? Will I again resort to such bad punning? Can I work a few more jokes and less plot into the next update? Find out next time!
- 1
I haven't read funnier AAR since EUII BlackSheep vs WhiteSheep or whatever it is called...
For some reason I thought they'll end up on Iceland's "nature powered saunas"...
For some reason I thought they'll end up on Iceland's "nature powered saunas"...
Still 15th September 1939, but midnight has to be close.
Kaptein Kenneththegreat and the 2nd Platoon are waiting for Sersjant Daan to finish 'questioning' the Swedish guards. Løytnant Stroph is not happy with the way things are going however.
"I just don't think it's right sir."
"What's wrong with it? I swear it'll all be in their minds, nothing physical. He wont use any tools at all." The Kaptein tried to reasure Stroph.
"I know they are Swedish and this is important, but forcing someone to put together flatpack furniture without tools or instructions just seems cruel, sir."
"They've got instructions." Kenneththegreat interupted.
"In ancient Norse!" Stroph countered.
"All they've got to do is talk and then Sersjant will give them a screwdriver. Look there's Sersjant Daan now."
Sersjant Daan shakily walked out of the Sauna where the Swedes were being held.
"They've talked, sir." He said.
"All of it?"
"Yes. Round the side of the building there's a false wall, behind that we'll find a series of seals to keep the matches dry. There's some sort of security system, but they're not sure exactly what it is."
"Excellent. Well lets go."
-----
As 2nd platoon prepared to enter the IKEAs secret entrance the two Swedish guards discussed their future.
"We're finished in the Army, you realise that Benny." Bjorn started.
"Well what choice did we have? I couldn't take it any more!"
"You're right. They were going to keep on going until we sang." Bjorn sighed.
"Yeah.... Wait what did you say?" Benny asked.
"That we had no choice but to talk?"
"No, about the singing. It's a great idea for our future!"
Bjorn looked unconvinced.
"Think about it." Benny continued. "We can't stay in the Army so we'll need new jobs. Also I've got this great ideal for a song about the last battle of the Napoleonic Wars."
And so Benny and Bjorn talked long into the night about forming a popular beat combo with their wives as singers.....
Kaptein Kenneththegreat and the 2nd Platoon are waiting for Sersjant Daan to finish 'questioning' the Swedish guards. Løytnant Stroph is not happy with the way things are going however.
"I just don't think it's right sir."
"What's wrong with it? I swear it'll all be in their minds, nothing physical. He wont use any tools at all." The Kaptein tried to reasure Stroph.
"I know they are Swedish and this is important, but forcing someone to put together flatpack furniture without tools or instructions just seems cruel, sir."
"They've got instructions." Kenneththegreat interupted.
"In ancient Norse!" Stroph countered.
"All they've got to do is talk and then Sersjant will give them a screwdriver. Look there's Sersjant Daan now."
Sersjant Daan shakily walked out of the Sauna where the Swedes were being held.
"They've talked, sir." He said.
"All of it?"
"Yes. Round the side of the building there's a false wall, behind that we'll find a series of seals to keep the matches dry. There's some sort of security system, but they're not sure exactly what it is."
"Excellent. Well lets go."
-----
As 2nd platoon prepared to enter the IKEAs secret entrance the two Swedish guards discussed their future.
"We're finished in the Army, you realise that Benny." Bjorn started.
"Well what choice did we have? I couldn't take it any more!"
"You're right. They were going to keep on going until we sang." Bjorn sighed.
"Yeah.... Wait what did you say?" Benny asked.
"That we had no choice but to talk?"
"No, about the singing. It's a great idea for our future!"
Bjorn looked unconvinced.
"Think about it." Benny continued. "We can't stay in the Army so we'll need new jobs. Also I've got this great ideal for a song about the last battle of the Napoleonic Wars."
And so Benny and Bjorn talked long into the night about forming a popular beat combo with their wives as singers.....
My god, what have the HMKG started?
- 1
As close as you can get to the 16th of September 1939, whilst still being the 15th
The HMKG are preparing to break the first seal of the secret Swedish Match store hidden inside the IKEA.
"Right that's the first seal opened." Fenrik Lifeless reported.
"Did you hear that?" Kaptein Kenneththegreat asked.
"Hear what?"
"It sounded like thunder." Kenneththegreat said.
"Strange I thought I heard someone say 'Come and See'." Løytnant Stroph.
"That was probably him." Sersjant Daan said pointing at a man on a white horse.
The white horsed man urged the horse towards the group and asked for a crown.
"We haven't got any crowns. Krone yes, crowns no." Kenneththegreat explained.
"Are you sure. I was expecting someone to give me a crown when they opened the seal. I mean how can I go conquering with out a crown?" The horseman asked.
"Sorry can't help you."
"Wait a minute sir." Fenrik Lifeless interupted. "If he waits around a month or so the horse-chesnuts will be producing seeds. If he collects a few he could go conkering."
"I suppose that's close enough." The horseman answered and rode of to conker and conker.
"What a strange man." Kaptein Kenneththegreat said.
"We are in Sweden." Løytnant Stroph reminded him.
"Of course!"
And so the squad opened the second seal and behold a red horse.
"I have come to take peace from this world. And where is my sword?" The rider said.
"Don't look at us. We've only got rifles, pistols and grenades" The Kaptein said.
"What about the machine gun, sir." Fenrik Lifeless asked.
"OK and machine guns." Kenneththegreat conceded.
"And the mortars sir."
"Look Fenrik stop it. The point is we stopped using swords decades ago." The Kaptein stated.
"You're sure." The rider asked.
"Certain."
"Then how can I take peace from this world?" The rider wailed.
"Well you might just be able to catch the end of the harvest, you could take peas from this world."
"It doesn't seem right, but I can't think of anything better." The rider conceded. And yea, he rode off to take to take peas from the earth.
And so the squad opened the third seal and behold a black horse.
"A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny." The rider announced holding his scales.
"That sounds pretty expensive, how big are your measures." Korporal Laminustacitus asked the rider.
"What? I don't know." The confused rider asked.
"And those scales don't look balanced." Lifeless added
"Well I haven't checked them recently." The rider started.
"Ahhh! Well we're not buying anything off you then." Stroph concluded.
And yea the third rider rode off and was arrested by Swedish trading standards for fradulent scales and selling barley without a licence.
"Good work men, keep it up." The Kaptein told the platoon.
And so the squad opened the fourth seal and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death.
"Is that something behind you?" Kaptein Kenneththegreat asked.
And Death stopped his horse and looked over his shoulder, and yea the hell that had been following with him didn't stop. And it did run him over and flattened him into the ground.
"Clever thinking sir." Menig Frodon said.
"Well I didn't get these shiny stars for nothing you know." Kenneththegreat said.
And so the squad moves on to the next seal. What lurks behind it? How many more seals are there? Will any of the remaining guards be more bright than the previous lot? Aren't the four horsemen of the apocalypse slightly excessive protection for a matchstick depot? Will it ever become the 16th? Answers next time!
The HMKG are preparing to break the first seal of the secret Swedish Match store hidden inside the IKEA.
"Right that's the first seal opened." Fenrik Lifeless reported.
"Did you hear that?" Kaptein Kenneththegreat asked.
"Hear what?"
"It sounded like thunder." Kenneththegreat said.
"Strange I thought I heard someone say 'Come and See'." Løytnant Stroph.
"That was probably him." Sersjant Daan said pointing at a man on a white horse.
The white horsed man urged the horse towards the group and asked for a crown.
"We haven't got any crowns. Krone yes, crowns no." Kenneththegreat explained.
"Are you sure. I was expecting someone to give me a crown when they opened the seal. I mean how can I go conquering with out a crown?" The horseman asked.
"Sorry can't help you."
"Wait a minute sir." Fenrik Lifeless interupted. "If he waits around a month or so the horse-chesnuts will be producing seeds. If he collects a few he could go conkering."
"I suppose that's close enough." The horseman answered and rode of to conker and conker.
"What a strange man." Kaptein Kenneththegreat said.
"We are in Sweden." Løytnant Stroph reminded him.
"Of course!"
And so the squad opened the second seal and behold a red horse.
"I have come to take peace from this world. And where is my sword?" The rider said.
"Don't look at us. We've only got rifles, pistols and grenades" The Kaptein said.
"What about the machine gun, sir." Fenrik Lifeless asked.
"OK and machine guns." Kenneththegreat conceded.
"And the mortars sir."
"Look Fenrik stop it. The point is we stopped using swords decades ago." The Kaptein stated.
"You're sure." The rider asked.
"Certain."
"Then how can I take peace from this world?" The rider wailed.
"Well you might just be able to catch the end of the harvest, you could take peas from this world."
"It doesn't seem right, but I can't think of anything better." The rider conceded. And yea, he rode off to take to take peas from the earth.
And so the squad opened the third seal and behold a black horse.
"A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny." The rider announced holding his scales.
"That sounds pretty expensive, how big are your measures." Korporal Laminustacitus asked the rider.
"What? I don't know." The confused rider asked.
"And those scales don't look balanced." Lifeless added
"Well I haven't checked them recently." The rider started.
"Ahhh! Well we're not buying anything off you then." Stroph concluded.
And yea the third rider rode off and was arrested by Swedish trading standards for fradulent scales and selling barley without a licence.
"Good work men, keep it up." The Kaptein told the platoon.
And so the squad opened the fourth seal and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death.
"Is that something behind you?" Kaptein Kenneththegreat asked.
And Death stopped his horse and looked over his shoulder, and yea the hell that had been following with him didn't stop. And it did run him over and flattened him into the ground.
"Clever thinking sir." Menig Frodon said.
"Well I didn't get these shiny stars for nothing you know." Kenneththegreat said.
And so the squad moves on to the next seal. What lurks behind it? How many more seals are there? Will any of the remaining guards be more bright than the previous lot? Aren't the four horsemen of the apocalypse slightly excessive protection for a matchstick depot? Will it ever become the 16th? Answers next time!
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- 1
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
(The nice thing about this AAR is that you can make short and quick replies)
edit: I counted 62 :rofl: smilies in this thread. Actually, make that 63.
(The nice thing about this AAR is that you can make short and quick replies)
edit: I counted 62 :rofl: smilies in this thread. Actually, make that 63.
70!
Norweigian horse-drawn zeppelins. And the horrible punning!
Almost worth unleashing ABBA on the world.
Almost!
Still not the 16th of September. I know, I am as surprised as you are.
The HMKG, having defeated the horsemen, are approaching the next seal inside the IKEA.
And so the squad approached the fifth seal.
"Halt who goes there?" A voice called out.
"We do." Kenneththegreat ventured.
"What is todays pass phrase?"
"No idea." The Kaptein admited.
"Then I cannot let you pass at this time." The SEAL said.
The platoon went into a huddle to discuss strategy.
"We could just shoot him." Sersjant Daan said.
"He might shoot back." Frodon countered.
"Not if we shoot him enough times first."
"OK, that's the backup plan. Anything better?" Kenneththegreat asked.
"I have a plan." Løytnant Stroph announced
"Is it dangerous?" Daan asked.
"No."
"Damn." A disheartened Daan said.
"Well go on then Stroph, lets see this plan."
Løytnant Stroph approached the SEAL who tried to begin his standard challenge but was cut off.
"Surprise inspection soldier!" Stroph announced.
"Hey?"
"Hey what..." Stroph sternly said.
"Hey, sir!" The SEAL shouted.
"That's better. This is a surprise inspection of this facility, checking out your response times and so on. And I've got to say, I'm impressed."
The SEAL's face flushed and he smiled with pleasure at the compliment.
"So far!" Stroph wiped the smile of the SEALs face. "Now we're off to continue the inspection."
Stroph made to walk past the SEAL.
"I'm sorry sir, I have to insist on the pass code." The sweating soldier said.
"Listen son, this is a surprise inspection, that means we can't ring ahead and get the pass codes. It would give the game away and let everyone know we're coming." Stroph explained in a kindly voice.
"But I was not informed of this visit sir." The SEAL tried to explain.
"Yes, that's the whole point." Suddenly Stroph had a brainwave. "This inspectionification activity is provisionatly classonificied at this time, pending approvimication from a superionated authorificationing body." He threw in another "At this time" for good measure and crossed his fingers.
"Oh! Why didn't you just say so sir. Of course you can proceedifimacate with your asseserisation of this facility at this time." The SEAL lowered his gun and let the platoon pass.
"How did you know that would work Stroph?" Kenneththegreat asked.
"Well the entire US millitary runs on buzzwords and silly phrases, it's just a matter of picking the right ones." Stroph replied.
"Hmmmm...."
And so the squad proceeded to the next seal.
"Killer!" A voice sang out
"Who said that?" Kenneththegreat demanded.
"Say a prayer for the dying." The voice continued.
"Come on, who is that?"
"I think it's him, sir." Fenrik Lifeless said pointing to a shadowy figure emerging from the gloom.
Seal hefted a Bren gun and pointed back towards the entrance
"Back to the beginning." He sang.
"We will not go back, we have to complete this mission for King Haakon and the Fjords!" Kenneththegreat declared.
"You're never gonna survive, unless you get a little bit crazy." Seal threatened through the medium of song.
"We got here by horse drawn zeppelin and have only just defeated the four horsemen of the apocalypse. How much more crazy do you want?!"
Seal nodded to acknowledge the crazyness. He lowered his Bren and sang
"Walk on by." as he let them pass.
What lies behind the seventh seal? How much more anachronistic can this AAR get? Is the standard of security going to continue to drop off? It's still not the 16th, will that date ever appear? All these questions may be answered next time!
The HMKG, having defeated the horsemen, are approaching the next seal inside the IKEA.
And so the squad approached the fifth seal.
"Halt who goes there?" A voice called out.
"We do." Kenneththegreat ventured.
"What is todays pass phrase?"
"No idea." The Kaptein admited.
"Then I cannot let you pass at this time." The SEAL said.
The fifth SEAL
The platoon went into a huddle to discuss strategy.
"We could just shoot him." Sersjant Daan said.
"He might shoot back." Frodon countered.
"Not if we shoot him enough times first."
"OK, that's the backup plan. Anything better?" Kenneththegreat asked.
"I have a plan." Løytnant Stroph announced
"Is it dangerous?" Daan asked.
"No."
"Damn." A disheartened Daan said.
"Well go on then Stroph, lets see this plan."
Løytnant Stroph approached the SEAL who tried to begin his standard challenge but was cut off.
"Surprise inspection soldier!" Stroph announced.
"Hey?"
"Hey what..." Stroph sternly said.
"Hey, sir!" The SEAL shouted.
"That's better. This is a surprise inspection of this facility, checking out your response times and so on. And I've got to say, I'm impressed."
The SEAL's face flushed and he smiled with pleasure at the compliment.
"So far!" Stroph wiped the smile of the SEALs face. "Now we're off to continue the inspection."
Stroph made to walk past the SEAL.
"I'm sorry sir, I have to insist on the pass code." The sweating soldier said.
"Listen son, this is a surprise inspection, that means we can't ring ahead and get the pass codes. It would give the game away and let everyone know we're coming." Stroph explained in a kindly voice.
"But I was not informed of this visit sir." The SEAL tried to explain.
"Yes, that's the whole point." Suddenly Stroph had a brainwave. "This inspectionification activity is provisionatly classonificied at this time, pending approvimication from a superionated authorificationing body." He threw in another "At this time" for good measure and crossed his fingers.
"Oh! Why didn't you just say so sir. Of course you can proceedifimacate with your asseserisation of this facility at this time." The SEAL lowered his gun and let the platoon pass.
"How did you know that would work Stroph?" Kenneththegreat asked.
"Well the entire US millitary runs on buzzwords and silly phrases, it's just a matter of picking the right ones." Stroph replied.
"Hmmmm...."
And so the squad proceeded to the next seal.
"Killer!" A voice sang out
"Who said that?" Kenneththegreat demanded.
"Say a prayer for the dying." The voice continued.
"Come on, who is that?"
"I think it's him, sir." Fenrik Lifeless said pointing to a shadowy figure emerging from the gloom.
The sixth Seal. Hmmm soulfull.
Seal hefted a Bren gun and pointed back towards the entrance
"Back to the beginning." He sang.
"We will not go back, we have to complete this mission for King Haakon and the Fjords!" Kenneththegreat declared.
"You're never gonna survive, unless you get a little bit crazy." Seal threatened through the medium of song.
"We got here by horse drawn zeppelin and have only just defeated the four horsemen of the apocalypse. How much more crazy do you want?!"
Seal nodded to acknowledge the crazyness. He lowered his Bren and sang
"Walk on by." as he let them pass.
What lies behind the seventh seal? How much more anachronistic can this AAR get? Is the standard of security going to continue to drop off? It's still not the 16th, will that date ever appear? All these questions may be answered next time!
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WHEN WILL IT BE THE 16TH!?!?!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
The 15th of September 1939. Look take a hint, I don't think it's going to change.
The HMKG having faced the apocalypse, US special forces, British soul singers and the terrors of flat pack furniture have almost reached the secret heart of the IKEA and it's secret Swedish Match storage depot.
And so the squad approached the seventh seal.
"I can't let you pass." The seal said.
"Hey? How are you talking?" The confused Kaptein asked.
"You've accepted the four horsemen and massive anachronisms but you complain about a talking seal?"
"Well, when you put it like that." Kenneththegreat conceded.
"Right, now go think up a contrived way of getting past me. I haven't got all day."
"Well actually today seems to be never ending, I mean it's been almost the 16th for ages..." Lifeless started.
"Just get on with it!" The seal shouted.
"Ok."
The platoon huddled and came up with a cunning plan. And it didn't involve gratutious violence, much to Daans annoyance. They all started to speak as they walked towards the seal.
"Say, did you see those Toronto Blue Jays."
"I'd love a doughnut."
"Where are the waffles?"
The seal started to look nervous, but the platoon kept on coming.
"Maple syrup!"
"Olympic gold for women's ice hockey."
The terrifed seal turned tail and lumbered off very slowly.
"I told you it would work. Canadians are the motral enemy of all seals." Kenneththegreat explained.
The platoon looked forward and, lo they did behold a chess board; and him that sat on the other side was Death. Again.
"Weren't you flattened by the following Hell earlier?" Stroph asked.
"Yes." Death replied.
"But that sort of impact would of crushed you to death...." Lifeless tailed off
"Exactly." Death smugly replied. "I await behind the seventh seal for the knight, when we arrives we will play chess. Should he win he will gain access."
"I'll play." The Kaptein volunteers.
"Are you a man of armour?"
"Well I'm an infantry officer, but I have seen quite a few tanks"
"Have you returned from the crusades?" Death asked.
"I'm on a crusade for matches this very day!"
"Sounds close enough to me." Death concedes. "But I was expecting someone who looks more like Max von Sydow."
"Look if you're scared to play me just so."
"I'm not scared, I am Azrael! Creations shadow and the final arbiter!" Death yelled.
"Doesn't mean you can play chess."
"Arrrrgh! Let us begin."
Can the Kaptein beat Death in a game of chess, thus breaking the final seal, and so gain access to the Swedish Match depot hidden in the depths of the secret IKEA? (Now there's a question I bet you never thought you'd be asked.) Did anyone remember to tie up the horses from the horse drawn zeppelin? Will this mission ever end? These questions and more could be answered next time!
The HMKG having faced the apocalypse, US special forces, British soul singers and the terrors of flat pack furniture have almost reached the secret heart of the IKEA and it's secret Swedish Match storage depot.
And so the squad approached the seventh seal.
"I can't let you pass." The seal said.
"Hey? How are you talking?" The confused Kaptein asked.
"You've accepted the four horsemen and massive anachronisms but you complain about a talking seal?"
"Well, when you put it like that." Kenneththegreat conceded.
"Right, now go think up a contrived way of getting past me. I haven't got all day."
"Well actually today seems to be never ending, I mean it's been almost the 16th for ages..." Lifeless started.
"Just get on with it!" The seal shouted.
"Ok."
The large sea bound mammal that formed the seventh seal
The platoon huddled and came up with a cunning plan. And it didn't involve gratutious violence, much to Daans annoyance. They all started to speak as they walked towards the seal.
"Say, did you see those Toronto Blue Jays."
"I'd love a doughnut."
"Where are the waffles?"
The seal started to look nervous, but the platoon kept on coming.
"Maple syrup!"
"Olympic gold for women's ice hockey."
The terrifed seal turned tail and lumbered off very slowly.
"I told you it would work. Canadians are the motral enemy of all seals." Kenneththegreat explained.
The platoon looked forward and, lo they did behold a chess board; and him that sat on the other side was Death. Again.
"Weren't you flattened by the following Hell earlier?" Stroph asked.
"Yes." Death replied.
"But that sort of impact would of crushed you to death...." Lifeless tailed off
"Exactly." Death smugly replied. "I await behind the seventh seal for the knight, when we arrives we will play chess. Should he win he will gain access."
"I'll play." The Kaptein volunteers.
"Are you a man of armour?"
"Well I'm an infantry officer, but I have seen quite a few tanks"
"Have you returned from the crusades?" Death asked.
"I'm on a crusade for matches this very day!"
"Sounds close enough to me." Death concedes. "But I was expecting someone who looks more like Max von Sydow."
"Look if you're scared to play me just so."
"I'm not scared, I am Azrael! Creations shadow and the final arbiter!" Death yelled.
"Doesn't mean you can play chess."
"Arrrrgh! Let us begin."
Can the Kaptein beat Death in a game of chess, thus breaking the final seal, and so gain access to the Swedish Match depot hidden in the depths of the secret IKEA? (Now there's a question I bet you never thought you'd be asked.) Did anyone remember to tie up the horses from the horse drawn zeppelin? Will this mission ever end? These questions and more could be answered next time!
- 1
Everyone knows that it is NORSEMEN that is the mortal enemy of all seals. canadians are only a side enemy when the norse disaperes with the snow.
Kenneththegreat should know that.
Kenneththegreat should know that.