The 18th of March 1940

El Pip

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The 18th of March 1940.

It was a Monday morning and King Haakon VII of Norway was packing up ready for a trip to the Fjords, not because of his legendary lack of work ethic but because the Germans were poised to occupy Oslo.

"Are you ready to depart your majesty?" Foreign Minister Koht asked.

"Almost, just one more vital item to pack." The King replied, reverently placing a signed photo of Sonja Henie into his bag. "OK, done."

"Then come with me your majesty, the fleet is waiting to evacuate you." General Laake lead the way through the palace.

"Has everyone else made it out?" The King asked.

"The government and the gold reserves have been loaded." Koht confirmed.

"And the armed forces?"

"The Navy have loaded all they can and the Air Force has flown to safety in the UK." General Ljunberg said.

NbgHx6H.jpg

British Carriers sitting in the Dover Straits doing very little, Australian bombers failing to bomb Kiel and aircraft making impossibly long transfers over sea. All in all a reassuringly familiar scene.

"So where are we going?" The King asked.

"To a secure bunker near Narvik." General Laake said.

"I hope it's not got a ridiculous contrived name."

"Of course not your highness." General Ljunberg looked offended.

"The bunker is No-Acronym." General Laake explained.

The King stopped and stared.

"Which, admittedly, stands for Northern Operations - Area Command, Royal Order of Norwegian Yeoman Militia" General Laake admitted while shuffling his feet.

"It is at least well lit." Koht tried to calm his monarch down.

"How?" The King asked suspiciously.

"By burning the candle at both ends." General Ljunberg confessed.

"It does give a very nice light." Koht enthused.

YKTreKb.jpg

Dear Lord things are serious in Norway if this is the state of their bunker lighting.

King Haakon considered objecting, but stopped himself. After all, if an emergency of this scale didn't justify burning up the candle reserves then what would?

---
Can the King escape to Narvik? Will the Norwegian armed forces manage to rally? How did the deeply confused Fokker CV-E and/or Gloster Gladiators of the Royal Norwegian Air Brigade manage to fly so far? Why did they chose Dover? Does anyone remember who Sonja Henie is? Should the King have just saved time and told the fleet to head straight to the UK? All, some, none or less of these questions will be answered next time on For King Haakon and the Fjords!
 
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TheButterflyComposer

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Well...I assume well find out whether they make it or not. That's...sort of the only point left, at this stage.

Candle burning at both ends happens a lot in Norwegian tradition. Roald Dahl used it as a metaphor once.
 
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"The bunker is No-Acronym." General Laake explained.

The King stopped and stared.

"Which, admittedly, stands for Northern Operations - Area Command, Royal Order of Norwegian Yeoman Militia" General Laake admitted while shuffling his feet.
If this had been the final episode, this would be the acronym joke to end on. As we have yet to end, I expect an even better one to top it, such is the arbitrary and demanding nature of the readAARship.

Well...I assume well find out whether they make it or not. That's...sort of the only point left, at this stage.
You say that, but this is an El Pip AAR and by speculating as to the lack of potential delay you have all but guaranteed one.
 
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El Pip

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Well...I assume well find out whether they make it or not. That's...sort of the only point left, at this stage.
Was there ever any point apart from that present? Was everything else but a red herring?

Candle burning at both ends happens a lot in Norwegian tradition. Roald Dahl used it as a metaphor once.
I think a lot of people have used it as a metaphor.

Unless we are talking meta-metaphor. Dahl used the common-ness of Norwegians using candle burning as a metaphor, as a metaphor for something else. This would be impressive and confusing.

If this had been the final episode, this would be the acronym joke to end on. As we have yet to end, I expect an even better one to top it, such is the arbitrary and demanding nature of the readAARship.
I have one more acronym up my sleeve. Whether it will be better is, of course, in the eye of the beholder.

You say that, but this is an El Pip AAR and by speculating as to the lack of potential delay you have all but guaranteed one.
To be fair Butterfly just said "we will find out", so there will at least be no delay. This is mostly because I've already written the rest of the AAR, but the principle still stands.
 
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The 23rd of March 1940

El Pip

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The 23rd of March 1940.

To the relief of King Haakon upon arrival in Narvik he had managed to find time for a quick trip to the Fjords. Not because things had improved, but because things had got so bad that even the government had admitted another cabinet meeting was not going to make any difference.

The Norwegian Total War Cabinet were meeting in Narvik town hall, their deliberations were interrupted by a messenger. But not their usual messenger.

"What the hell is going on?!" Prime Minister Nygaardsvold set a new record for going from calm to rage.

"Isn't it obvious, we've received a vital message." Foreign Minister Koht said calmly.

"That's not a messenger, that's a Sea Lion!" Nygaardsvold shouted

"I think you'll find that it is a Seal." King Haakon corrected.

Nygaardsvold glared at him.

"You can tell by the ears and flippers." The King explained.

"I don't care what sort of sea borne mammal it is!" Nygaardsvold screamed.

"You should, it makes all the difference." The King said, pulling a roll of vellum from the animal's neck.

"See." He held aloft the scroll. "You wouldn't find this sort of thing on other types of pinniped."

"Why not?" Nygaardsvold asked suspiciously.

"Well it would hardly be a Sealed Message if it was sent by Sea Lion would it?" The King said.

While the cabinet groaned, the King read the message.

cf8TugR.jpg

Norway has been sacrificed that Churchill might rise to power. In accordance with the Prophecy.

"Well that's nice for them, but utterly useless to us." The King said.

The assembled minister nodded sadly.

"Anything important to discuss?" He continued.

"We must prepare for our impending defeat at Trondheim tomorrow." General Ljunberg said.

"That is defeatist talk, how can you have so little faith in the army?" Nygaardsvold shouted.

"We are sure the 5th Division under General Rudge will fight bravely and nobly in the finest traditions of the Norwegian armed forces." General Ljunberg reassured him.

"We are just equally sure we will lose due to being disorganised, low on morale, lacking any modern doctrine or training, being massively out-numbered, out-teched, lacking any air support and being constantly bombed by the luftwaffe." General Laake explained.

"When you put it that way I'm amazed we've lasted this long." King Haakon admitted.

---
Is Trondheim doomed? What happened to the Norwegian Navy? Why is an ancient prophecy of Britannia linked to the ineptitude of the Norwegian government? Was that joke worth the build up? How much longer can this be dragged out? Which will give out first, Norway or Nygaardsvlod's vocal chords? Most, many, none or a random number of these questions could be answered next time, on For King Haakon and the Fjords!
 
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TheButterflyComposer

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Norway has been sacrificed that Churchill might rise to power. In accordance with the Prophecy.

Insert trumpets.

In terms of dragging it out, if every update is the build up to a joke and then someone predicting doom tomorrow...idk, like, at least a few more chapters? Depends how many more days Norway has.
 
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"Well it would hardly be a Sealed Message if it was sent by Sea Lion would it?" The King said.
One might wonder the sense in dedicating the most majestic of AAR timelines to the setting-up and production of cheap groaners like these. One might also conclude that there is, indeed, no sense in this. Another might then nod sagely and say, ah yes, but nonsense is the point after all.

Norway has been sacrificed that Churchill might rise to power. In accordance with the Prophecy.
"Well that's nice for them, but utterly useless to us." The King said.
Quick, someone say the words "amphibious operation in the North Sea" within earshot and see what happens!

Insert trumpets.
I can see the old-timers from Butterfly popping in to bemoan yet another Pip AAR in which Churchill features as savior of the world. The fact that this has not even happened in Butterfly, of course, would not dissuade these bemoaners.
 
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I can see the old-timers from Butterfly popping in to bemoan yet another Pip AAR in which Churchill features as savior of the world. The fact that this has not even happened in Butterfly, of course, would not dissuade these bemoaners.

*nasal voice*

Well technically you see, he was the saviour of everything in butterfly because he on his own with no help forced the italians into war with the british, then led the empire to total victory before being booted out of office to try and fool us into thinking El Pip doesn't love Churchill's cock. But I am too clever for these tricks! Even now, Chruchill lurks like a avenging angel at the air ministry forcing through jer and rocket engines, talking with fleet commanders about tactics...it would not surprise me at all to find out he was behind british tractors as well.

*end voice*

Of course they'd go on to use that as evidence that this throw away joke is actually foreshadowing for Churchill to come save Norway from the germans and itself.
 
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British flying amphibious tractors when? :p

My home town had coal mines, cotton Mills and a tractor factory so prime ground for some butterfly magic.
 
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El Pip

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Insert trumpets.
Trumpets for some people perhaps.

In terms of dragging it out, if every update is the build up to a joke and then someone predicting doom tomorrow...idk, like, at least a few more chapters? Depends how many more days Norway has.
Norway has more days than updates left. And it does not have many days.

One might wonder the sense in dedicating the most majestic of AAR timelines to the setting-up and production of cheap groaners like these. One might also conclude that there is, indeed, no sense in this. Another might then nod sagely and say, ah yes, but nonsense is the point after all.
You understand perfectly.
DYAEiOu.gif


I can see the old-timers from Butterfly popping in to bemoan yet another Pip AAR in which Churchill features as savior of the world. The fact that this has not even happened in Butterfly, of course, would not dissuade these bemoaners.
"Facts? We don't need to stinking facts."

*nasal voice*

Well technically you see, he was the saviour of everything in butterfly because he on his own with no help forced the italians into war with the british, then led the empire to total victory before being booted out of office to try and fool us into thinking El Pip doesn't love Churchill's cock. But I am too clever for these tricks! Even now, Chruchill lurks like a avenging angel at the air ministry forcing through jer and rocket engines, talking with fleet commanders about tactics...it would not surprise me at all to find out he was behind british tractors as well.

*end voice*
An alarmingly accurate impression.

Of course they'd go on to use that as evidence that this throw away joke is actually foreshadowing for Churchill to come save Norway from the germans and itself.
I found an old idea in my Haakon Note file - King Haakons's Mega Armoured Mecha. It was just that title and some instructions on how to add in a super-heavy armoured division with 1 strength but incredible stats and an impossible amount of air defence/attack. I'm not completely sure what Past Pip was thinking about when he had that idea, but had it been Churchill's Mega Armoured Mecha rampaging around Norway saving the day then the bemoaners would be justified. At the risk of stating the obvious, nothing like that will occur here. Norway will be doomed on it's own terms.

British flying amphibious tractors when? :p
In the year 2000 obviously. When all future flying tech will occur.

My home town had coal mines, cotton Mills and a tractor factory so prime ground for some butterfly magic.
A prime heartland of doomed industries will lamentable safety records for all invoved. Was there also an asbestos quarry and a lead water pipe manufacturer in town?
 
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TheButterflyComposer

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A prime heartland of doomed industries will lamentable safety records for all invoved. Was there also an asbestos quarry and a lead water pipe manufacturer in town?

Yes. And a gas works, a cable works, a railway hub and the place where two major canals met. Also a pie and cheese factory. This is the bingo card of post war damnation.
 
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The 24th of March 1940

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The 24th March 1940
The Norwegian cabinet were waiting anxiously to find out if the staff's gloomy predictions were correct and debating, what if anything, they could do about their bleak situation. A spirited discussion on the feasibility and morality of weaponised Gjetos was interrupted by a messenger.

AoUDe94.jpg

The 5th Division were indeed brave, even the army briefing admits it, but alas that was not enough.

"Told you so." General Laake said, looking both smug and depressed.

"So what is the plan now?" Nygaardsvold asked.

"Try to rally the 5th Division in Mo I Rana, fail, and then wait the couple of weeks until the Germans march into Narvik." General Ljunbererg outlined the strategy.

"Then what?"

"After the fall of Narvik we will relocate to HNoMS Norge." General Laake explained.

"Of course. Hakkon's Northern Outpost Masterminding Strategic Norwegian Operations Resisting Germanic Expansion." The King nodded.

"No your majesty, the ship HNoMS Norge. She and the rest of the fleet will be waiting in Narvik harbour to evacuate you, the gold and the government." General Laake said.

"And in that order." General Ljunberg added, to the disquiet of the rest of the cabinet.

"Bugger." King Haakon sighed.

---
Will General Ljunberg's prediction be correct? Will the Norwegian Navy survive long enough to evacuate the government? Will Mo I Rana ever be mentioned again? Where would the Norwegian government flee to? Could King Haakon even bear to leave his Fjords? All of these question will be answered next time, in the final chapter of For King Haakon and the Fjords!
 
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Will General Ljunberg's prediction be correct? Will the Norwegian Navy survive long enough to evacuate the government? Will Mo I Rana ever be mentioned again? Where would the Norwegian government flee to? Could King Haakon even bear to leave his Fjords? All of these question will be answered next time, in the final chapter of For King Haakon and the Fjords!

No.

Or, possibly, yes.
 
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nuclearslurpee

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"After the fall of Narvik we will relocate to HNoMS Norge." General Laake explained.

"Of course. Hakkon's Northern Outpost Masterminding Strategic Norwegian Operations Resisting Germanic Expansion." The King nodded.

"No your majesty, the ship HNoMS Norge.
Points for playing it deadpan, but NO-ACRONYM was much cleverer.

A spirited discussion on the feasibility and morality of weaponised Gjetos
Unfortunately, even Google is letting me down and referring me to some spa I couldn't care less about, so I must request clarification on this new, exciting, and questionably-moral form of weaponry.

No.

Or, possibly, yes.
Well, maybe.
 
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El Pip

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No.

Or, possibly, yes.
You have covered most possible outcomes there.

Points for playing it deadpan, but NO-ACRONYM was much cleverer.
You are sadly correct on this. It appears that, much like Norway herself, this work is going out with a whimper and not a bang.

Unfortunately, even Google is letting me down and referring me to some spa I couldn't care less about, so I must request clarification on this new, exciting, and questionably-moral form of weaponry.
A sort of Norwegian goat's cheese, weirdly toffee like in flavour and sticky brown in appearance.

Well, maybe.
Don't be too hasty.
Rushing to judgement, or indeed rushing to anything, is rarely a wise course of action in an El Pip AAR.
DYAEiOu.gif
 
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The 11th of April 1940

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The 11th of April 1940

King Haakon VII of Norway stood on the bridge of HNoMS Norge and looked back at Narvik, it was sadly apparent from the German flags fluttering over the town that there would be no heroic evacuation for the still retreating 5th Division.

jk7fgEY.jpg

Well that has not gone well at all. Though full marks to General Laake for pessimistically correctly predicting the course of the campaign.

The King looked over when Prime Minister Nygaardsvold entered.

"The British will accept us a government-in-exile, a Royal Navy squadron is on it's way to rendezvous with us and escort us across the North Sea." He said.

"Where are they taking us?" The King asked.

"Hull."

"Of course." The King nodded and looked back to the shore.

"You could not stay your highness, you must escape and be a symbol for our forces to rally around. We must fight on until we free Norway." The Prime Minister guessed at what his monarch was thinking.

"You are, of course, correct Nygaarsdvold. But..." He tailed off and walked right up to the window for one last look at his beloved Fjords.

"It's been emotional." King Haakon VII said, before leaving the bridge and walking into exile.


So as the Norwegian coastal defence ship of fate sails towards the fishing port of destiny, and the Herring trawler of time dredges up the last catch of eternity, I notice our work here is done and we have reached the end of the AAR.

The End
 
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Wraith11B

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It is my opinion that King Haakon and the Fjords must be.... oh, wait, it's finished? Like... for real?

What?

And so ends another Pippian dark humor piece, and so all Proper Attention can be directed to the Magnum Opus, Butterfly!
 
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