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"Don't you remember, you asked to assemble the war cabinet. Can't get much more war-like than this." King Haakon said, proudly tapping his handiwork.
Ah, he aims to be the patron saint of cheesy dad puns!
"Very bad news from Copenhagen, the Danes have given up the ghost." Nygaardsvold started the meeting.

"That's a disaster, he must never be released!" The King shouted.
Case rested, m’lad.
now I'm off for a trip to the Fjords.
Probably best for everyone concerned.
What does he do in the Fjords that takes so long?
I’m not entirely sure I want to know! :eek:
 

TheButterflyComposer

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Fear the Great Dane. And his dad too, since Brian Blessed and Shakespeare himself played the ghost. Very dangerous character for Norwegians.
 

El Pip

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And then they do appear suddenly......................................out of thin air
I admit that the initial reason for coming here was to read a 14 year old AAR!!!!!

But this is good. I have never read a comedy AAR before. I read the first 3 and this last chapter for now. King Hakoon seems like a mad lad. I wonder if he will survive the onslaught of the Nazis...................oh..........of course he will.

Why does Oslo castle have so many bunkers. Is it for war or something else................................
;)
This is one of the real old beasts of the forums, one of the last of a dying breed, so I am delighted it is still attracting new readers. :)

Shakespeare, sex dungeons and blind optimism for Swedish war simulators!
I think you have just guessed the name of the first CK3 DLC pack.


So in my slightly pompous exhortation that we should all "read more AARs" I'm copping out by starting with something I knew would be excellent. I wasn't prepared for how funny it would be.
It can take people like that, it is not a promising premise. But I like to think I have squeezed some laughs out of it.

I just cannot not make the comparison with the old "Batman" programmes that (I think) Adam West (?) starred in. They always ended, no matter how mad or pedestrian the setting, with an injection of drama like this, followed by "stay tuned, same bat time, same bat channel." Bloody marvellous.
The 60s TV Batman (which was the Adam West one) was definitely an influence and, as TBC mentions below, so was Danger Mouse. The conceit of an over excited announcer asking a range of rhetorical, irrelevant and nonsense questions that will never directly be answered amuses me,.

Is just very, very funny mon brave...
This is a relief, because a lot of this stuff is just things that make me laugh rather than any real attempt to be funny for other people.

Sounds like my next door neighbour's idea of heaven (he's an odd cove).
You continue to live up to my mental image of a high flying legal type, in this case with your choice of neighbours. This is good.

I was never really in to Danger Mouse. Now Knightmare, there's a programme.
Again, it is reassuring and correct that a lawyer should prefer Knightmare. It is after all a game about a poor innocent blundering blindly through a baffling and dangerous labyrinth, taking part in a contest where the only actual 'winners' are the professionals who work there as guides and have no personal stake in the outcome. ( ;) :D )

Nazis-schmazis, as long as Hamlet's ghost hasn't been released then everything will be okay
This is absolutely correct. King Haakon has his priorities correct.

Ah, he aims to be the patron saint of cheesy dad puns!
Case rested, m’lad.
I've become a Dad since starting this, so such jokes are now my solemn duty to inflict on others. Mostly my children, but also undeserving readers. ;)

I’m not entirely sure I want to know! :eek:
Very wise. Some mysteries, like this, the Giant Rat of Sumatra or the contents of Tiso's hipflask, the world is not yet ready to know and indeed may never be ready to know.

Fear the Great Dane. And his dad too, since Brian Blessed and Shakespeare himself played the ghost. Very dangerous character for Norwegians.
It is best that his ghost remains contained that is true.


Right this one slipped a bit I admit and I half wondered about doing a brief summary and ending it (because I want to put it to bed before starting a new project). But, we are so close to the end I am going to attempt to crash us through the last few chapters. Lets see how that goes.
 
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Given the tone so far, you could probably skip large parts of the remaining action on account of an important fishing trip.
 
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TheButterflyComposer

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think you have just guessed the name of the first CK3 DLC pack.
You think paradox thinks Shakespeare is medieval? Or you think paradox thinks people who buy ckiii early are idiots?:)

Given the tone of the story, you could easily skip past the end and then give a brief, old Victorian theatre ending of the main actor coming out on stage and saying:

"Er...the hero won."
 
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For sure, push through, mighty Prince of the Keyboards.

Concerning your affliction of Fatherly Duties, chief among them impacting your children with ever worsening jokes, surely some of the humming I hear in my ear when on an El Pip page is the resonance of your daughters' groans and peals of despair...
 

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Given the tone so far, you could probably skip large parts of the remaining action on account of an important fishing trip.
In practical terms it may have been better if the Norwegian Navy had gone on a fishing trip, so I was tempted by the option and I may yet take it. Or at least gloss over the actual battles.

You think paradox thinks Shakespeare is medieval? Or you think paradox thinks people who buy ckiii early are idiots?:)
Yes.

Given the tone of the story, you could easily skip past the end and then give a brief, old Victorian theatre ending of the main actor coming out on stage and saying:

"Er...the hero won."
That would require a definite agreement on who the Hero is. Or perhaps not, that ending would maintain ambiguity to the very end and is that not what all trendy modernist playwrights desire?

Concerning your affliction of Fatherly Duties, chief among them impacting your children with ever worsening jokes, surely some of the humming I hear in my ear when on an El Pip page is the resonance of your daughters' groans and peals of despair
They are at present too small for such things being but 5 and 2, so this is mostly me getting practice in for when they are ready to understand/appreciate/suffer *delete as appropriate*.

And on that uplifting note, let us return to Oslo!
 

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The 12th of March 1940

It is a Tuesday morning and an annoyed King Haakon VII has been summoned to one of the many meeting rooms in Oslo Castle, of which there are a suspiciously large number. Sadly The King's investigations into this mystery have been cut short by an emergency cabinet meeting.

"I've had to cancel my investigation into why Oslo castle has so many meeting rooms for this, so it had better be important." The King threatened the meeting.

"I thought you were going to the Fjords?" Nygaardsvold said suspiciously.

"I was, I find their calming glacial nature and steep foreboding sides are conducive to abductive reasoning." The King said haughtily.

"But that is entirely the wrong sort of reasoning to be using!" Security Minister Wold objected.

"If I can interrupt, we do have an emergency cabinet meeting to start." Nygaardsvold raised his voice.

"Very well, what is so urgent?" The King said.

"The Germans have appeared out of thin air!" General Ljuberg announced.

"What? How?"

"We believe it involves Parachutes."Army Chief General Laake suggested.

"Incompetent German Golfing Pickup Trucks!" The King exclaimed, to general bafflement.

"Par Acht Utes. Utes that are eight above Par in Golf and also German. Ute is a type of Australian pickup tuck?" He explained.

The cabinet shook their heads and Chief Scientist Ø hit a button on the wall, starting the clock chimes and releasing the tumbleweed.

"I regret nothing." The King said defiantly.

"In any event German airborne forces have landed in Norway." Nygaardsvold dragged the meeting back on track.

"They are not in Oslo, so where are they." The King asked.

"How do you know they aren't in the capital?" General Ljunberg asked.

"I can't see any out of the window." The King replied.

"It wouldn't be possible for you to see them out of the window!" Nygaardsvold said.

"The curtains are still drawn." General Laake agreed.

"He couldn't have seen them out of the window because we are in a bunker under Oslo castle and there aren't any windows!" Nygaardsvold screamed.

General Laake pointed at the wall behind his Prime Minister's head, where there was clearly a window frame, with a set of curtains bearing the new Royal Standard on them.

"I do like the new Royal Standard, your majesty. Very bold." Airforce Head Colonel Gulliksen said.

"I was worried it was a bit much. But on balance I think a Norwegian Lion chopping up inferior plywood while eating a Herring really captures the spirit of the nation." The King agreed.

"Why is there a window in this underground bunker!?!" Nygaardsvold suddenly yelled

"If only a certain internationally respected and much admired Monarch had been left in peace to continue his investigations into the mysteries of the Oslo Castle bunkers he might have found out. But sadly he was interrupted so we may never find out." The King said innocently.

Nygaardsvold stared at his monarch, before collapsing on the table sobbing.

---
Can Nygaardsvold's constitution take much more of this? What is the mystery of the Oslo Castle Bunkers? What is behind the window? Is this the answer to what King Haakon does in the fjords or just a smoke screen for his real activities? If it is a smoke screen can it be used to smoke Herring? Will the meeting ever actually get to the point? Would the Hull Fish Import Control Board accept Herring smoked by Smoke Screen and not by traditional methods? A few, most, none or all of these questions could be answered next time on, For King Haakon and the Fjords!
 
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By 5 they are old enough for Dad jokes.

Just be aware they may reuse them in school...
 
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Fish Import Control Board
Hull FIMCOB? FICB? Coming up with some wacky antic acronyms is just a way of life after one's been in the military. Just ask Bullfilter.
 
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That would require a definite agreement on who the Hero is.
And what winning is.

Or perhaps not, that ending would maintain ambiguity to the very end and is that not what all trendy modernist playwrights desire?
If by modern you mean 50s onwards then yes, and also not helping your case to try and convince everyone you are not in fact victorian yourself.
 

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By 5 they are old enough for Dad jokes.

Just be aware they may reuse them in school...
Wise words.

Hull FIMCOB? FICB? Coming up with some wacky antic acronyms is just a way of life after one's been in the military. Just ask Bullfilter.
If I hadn't over-done the contrived acronyms in T&T I would have gone for asking if the new method of smoking would pass the International Agreed Method of Asssement For Inspecting Smoked Herring (I AM A FISH) but I'm trying to mix things up a bit.

And what winning is.
For Norway, not being annexed by the Nazis would be a good start towards winning.

If by modern you mean 50s onwards then yes, and also not helping your case to try and convince everyone you are not in fact victorian yourself.
It has all been downhill since Ibsen and his ilk were allowed in it is true. We were talking about the 1850s onwards weren't we?
 
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TheButterflyComposer

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For Norway, not being annexed by the Nazis would be a good start towards winning.
I'm sorry, are you saying Nazis aren't the good guys?
 
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Wraith11B

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If I hadn't over-done the contrived acronyms in T&T I would have gone for asking if the new method of smoking would pass the International Agreed Method of Asssement For Inspecting Smoked Herring (I AM A FISH) but I'm trying to mix things up a bit.
Good call to keep things (us readers) on our toes!

It has all been downhill since Ibsen and his ilk were allowed in it is true. We were talking about the 1850s onwards weren't we?
Are we quite certain that Pip isn't a bloody vampire? It would go a long way to understanding the pace of updates, or that it won't need to be Pip The Fifth to carry on traditions...
 

TheButterflyComposer

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Are we quite certain that Pip isn't a bloody vampire? It would go a long way to understanding the pace of updates, or that it won't need to be Pip The Fifth to carry on traditions...
I'm fairly sure he's a classic liberal who in a moment of weakness crossed the floor and was cursed for his sins to walk the forums for all time.

On a related note, I do enjoy how every mainstay on the forums ends up becoming a supernatural monster of some kind.
 
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El Pip

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I'm sorry, are you saying Nazis aren't the good guys?
They are the good guys from a certain point of view as Obi Wan might say. (This metaphor does require you accepting Weimar Germany as Anakin Skywalker, which is a bit of a stretch but not impossible. Does also require Mussolini to be Emperor Palpatine which, if you compare the engineering of the Death Star to that of Italian Tanks, is also not completely out of the question.)

Good call to keep things (us readers) on our toes!
Someone has to.

Are we quite certain that Pip isn't a bloody vampire? It would go a long way to understanding the pace of updates, or that it won't need to be Pip The Fifth to carry on traditions...
I'm fairly sure he's a classic liberal who in a moment of weakness crossed the floor and was cursed for his sins to walk the forums for all time.
I definitely haven't crossed the floor in a moment of weakness or otherwise. Beyond that I decline to be drawn.

On a related note, I do enjoy how every mainstay on the forums ends up becoming a supernatural monster of some kind.
And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.

Our oldest, at four, told one of his preschool teachers "I can't afford the help you need."

Oops
Managed to avoid that sort of incident so far, but it is surely only a matter of time.
 

El Pip

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The 12th of March 1940. Still.

As Nygaardsvolds has finished sobbing, the meeting resumes.

"So where have these Germans landed, if they aren't in Oslo?" The King asked.

"Bergen!" Intelligence Minister Roscher-Lund guessed.

"To take the port." Armaments Minister Indrebø nodded.

"Or they are after our famous sack!" Roscher-Lund panicked.

"Calm down, the sacks remain safe." Security Minister Wold reassured them.

"Perhaps they landed in Narvik." Rear Admiral Diesen suggested.

Everyone stared at him.

"A daring strike down from the North would be the last thing we would expect." Rear Admiral Diesen explained.

There was reluctant nodding.

"No they have landed in Hamar." General Ljungberg revealed.

"But Hamar is relentlessly pointless!" King Haakon objected.


Hamar. Somehow the actual province contrives to be less interesting than shown here, yet it is clearly strangely tempting for German Fallschirmjäger

"Indeed, and that is the Germans first mistake." Ljunberg said.

"With no way to resupply and trapped against the Swedish border we will attack and crush them before they can be reinforced." General Laake.

"I'm not a military man, but that sounds a bit risky." Foreign Minister Koht said.

"The German parachute troops are highly trained, highly motivated and highly skilled." General Laake admitted.

"Are our attacking troops any of those things?" King Haakon asked.

"Not as such." Ljunberg said.

"They do still think they are stuck in 1918" Geneal Laake added.

"So if they aren't highly trained, highly motivated or highly skilled, are our troops highly anything?" King Haakon persisted.

Laake and Ljunberg exchanged a glance.

"Haile Selassie?" General Laake suggested.

---
Will the German plan to invade the dull bits first succeed? Can the Norwegian 1st Division even understand the concept of paratroopers? Was that build up worth the effort for the last line? Will attacking now leave Oslo dangerously un-defended against the German second wave? Why was there no mention of Herring? Some, all, less or several of these questions could be answered next time on For King Haakon and the Fjords!
 
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TheButterflyComposer

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Well, let's be honest, the germans parachuted their guys with a pistol each and dropped the weapons later so being stuck in 1918 isn't necessarily a bad thing. A few hundred germans with pistols (and some broken limbs since they couldn't steer their chutes) vs the entire Norwegian army.

...

Actually, this might be a close fight.
 
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