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TheButterflyComposer

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Hull gets a bad rap. It's actually quite nice.
At least that's what someone from Hull told me.
Exactly. Oxford's a complete dump!
 

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I feel like I’m in a herring-infested episode of Airplane/Flying High! :D
That was the feel I was aiming for, so excellent. :D


You do seem drawn to playing countries with very small militaries and primitive tech.
Like the U.K. in his grand epic!
It's Australia next - tiny military and you don't get more primitive than them. These are people who only invented crude sandpaper in 2018. (A dig that possibly only @Bullfilter will appreciate. I say appreciate... ;) )

Hull gets a bad rap. It's actually quite nice.
At least that's what someone from Hull told me.
The test would be, did said person still live there? There are many places the natives profess to love while moving out of as fast as possible.

Exactly. Oxford's a complete dump!
Luckily it's main rival is Cambridge, so it still manages to come out on top.
 
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It's Australia next - tiny military and you don't get more primitive than them.
:D But au contraire, mon ami! It's more our judgement in trusting the British that let us down and brought horrendous casualties (Gallipoli, Western Front, Singapore - one of our five AIF divisions doomed to Changi and the Thai-Burma Railway, Greece-Crete etc).

But El Alamein and G-for-George in the Dambusters raid (and all the aircrew over Europe)? You're welcome! ;)

Next lessons will cover Bodyline, Cough mints, Brexit and handling COVID-19 efficiently. :p

Haakon had better watch out for Brits bearing gifts or promises is all one can say in the AAR's context. o_O
 

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Luckily it's main rival is Cambridge, so it still manages to come out on top.
Lies. Lies and slander! And inaccurate, Oxford is merely third best in the world, under an American of all things.
 

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:DBut au contraire, mon ami! It's more our judgement in trusting the British that let us down and brought horrendous casualties (Gallipoli, Western Front, Singapore - one of our five AIF divisions doomed to Changi and the Thai-Burma Railway, Greece-Crete etc).

But El Alamein and G-for-George in the Dambusters raid (and all the aircrew over Europe)? You're welcome! ;)

Next lessons will cover Bodyline, Cough mints, Brexit and handling COVID-19 efficiently. :p

Haakon had better watch out for Brits bearing gifts or promises is all one can say in the AAR's context. o_O
Proper well balanced Australian attitude - large chip on both shoulders.
( ;) :D )

Lies. Lies and slander! And inaccurate, Oxford is merely third best in the world, under an American of all things.
I am shocked, shocked!, that an American produced ranking system has American universities as best. They are such modest and humble organisations normally.

And on those cheap stereotypes let us return to Scandinavia.
 

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The 10th of March 1940

To his disgust King Haakon had been unable to take a quick trip to the Fjords and has instead had to attend a second cabinet meeting in two days.

"The Germans are making rapid progress towards answering the Schleswig-Holstein question." General Ljungberg announced.

"That sounds bad." Nygaardsvold said.

"It is. The Danish government believe Copenhagen will fall imminently, so they have sent us a package of vital knowledge that cannot fall into enemy hands." Laake handed over the pack.


How helpful. But it's no Niels Bohr is it?

"Is this information any help to us?" King Haakon asked.

"We only have one tank and it doesn't work, so plans for how to build them could be useful." General Ljungberg said.

"If only we had the factories to build them." Armaments Minister Indrebø said.

"Or the manpower to equip them." Security Minister Wold added.

"Or the doctrines to use them." Laake said.

"Or the time to build them." Chief Scientist Ø chipped in.

"I assume similar problems apply to the bomber design?" The King asked.

The group nodded.

"So basically useless." Haakon summarised.

"The flying circus doctrine does look useful." Colonel Gulliksen said.

"Really?" Nygaardsvold asked dubiously

"Indeed. These plans to train Penguins to use the trapeze are impressive and the resulting circus show would definitely improve the morale of our pilots." Gulliksen explained.

"That does sound useful. I will have to thank the Danes appropriately." King Haakon nodded thoughtfully.



Sometime later, in Copenhagen.

King Christian X of Denmark had been in various emergency meetings ever since German troops crossed the border. His current discussion on how long Denmark could, or should, resist was interrupted by a messenger.

"Your highness, we have received a strange message from Oslo." Prime Minister Stauning announced.

"What do you mean?" King Christian asked.

"It is a photo of King Haakon holding a large stick." Stauning said.

"Anything on the stick"? The Danish King asked.

"Looks like the word 'Esteem' and a scale going from Low to High. He is showing it to the camera while pointing at the 'High' end." Stauning said.

King Christian nodded in understanding.

"I confess your highness, I've no idea what this means. Can you please explain it?" Foreign Minsiter Scavenius asked his monarch

"King Haakon is showing us a measure of respect." King Christian explained.

---
What other animals are in the Danish flying circus? Can you make a Herring jump through a ring of fire? Is that just an incredibly inefficient way of smoking them? Was the final line something of a disappointment and in no way worthy of the lengthy build up? Will Norway's single tank make an apperance? Can King Haakon find time for a quick trip to the Fjords before the invasion? None, all or some of these questions may be answered next time on, For King Haakon and the Fjords!
 
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Proper well balanced Australian attitude - large chip on both shoulders.
( ;) :D )
If the chip fits, wear it! :D A required counter-measure for outdated British assumed superiority. :p It's a friendly rivalry though, and my cricket tour of England last year (those glorious pre-COVID days, sigh) was one of the highlights of my life! :cool: We even won exactly as many as we lost, so balance was maintained.
 

TheButterflyComposer

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These are people who only invented crude sandpaper in 2018
They probably stole it from New Zealand.
I am shocked, shocked!, that an American produced ranking system has American universities as best. They are such modest and humble organisations normally.
Humble enough to usually put Cambridge ranked first over them yes. Oxford is usually third.

The whole rivalry thing seems to be less about quality and more results. Cambridge produces academics, artists of all kinds, great thinkers and scientists. Also spies, traitors, a lot of lawyers and other demon spawn. It's also got the whole being the rebellious bastard offspring of Oxford going for it.

Oxford on the other hand is older, and has such a grip on British poltics that it shows up as a set in Yes Minister more times than Hackers own house. I've often wondered how the economic and classics professors make it through the day knowing that their students are going to be running the country someday.
 
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For all the people clamouring for Haakon's return, they are conspicuous by their absence. Suspicious.

However as we are so near the end I may as well wrap this one up.
 
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For all the people clamouring for Haakon's return, they are conspicuous by their absence. Suspicious.
Send in the Norwegian Secret Police - it’s a crime! Or would that just be Policeman? Unless he’s off guarding the tank.
 

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For all the people clamouring for Haakon's return, they are conspicuous by their absence. Suspicious.

However as we are so near the end I may as well wrap this one up.
Am I about to witness history of *two* El Pip AARs finished in less than three months?!
 
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Send in the Norwegian Secret Police - it’s a crime! Or would that just be Policeman? Unless he’s off guarding the tank.
Norway's tank does not need guarding! (Because no-one would steal it). It didn't even have proper armour, just some iron plate from a construction site, along with an old bus engine and the gearbox from a volvo. Surprisingly it was armed, with a second-hand WW1 machine gun. It's all rather sad.

Am I about to witness history of *two* El Pip AARs finished in less than three months?!
Let's not go crazy. Two AARs finished this year perhaps. ;)

He only said it was near the end... as this is @El Pip it could still take another five years to cover the month...
This is probably nearer the truth.
 
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The 11th of March 1940

It was bright and early on Monday morning and King Haakon was not relaxing in the Fjords. Instead he was busy at work in one of the numerous meeting bunkers beneath Oslo Castle. His industrious labours were interrupted by his Prime Minister.

"What are you doing your majesty?" Nygaardsvold asked.

"What does it look like?" The King said.

"It looks like you are crudely nailing some morning-stars and halberds to that closet." Nygaardsvold said dubiously.

"Indeed I am, but I am a bit disappointed you can't recognise the final product."

Nygaardsvold studied the construction for some time.

"No your highness, I confess I don't understand any of this."

"Don't you remember, you asked to assemble the war cabinet. Can't get much more war-like than this." King Haakon said, proudly tapping his handiwork.

By the time Nygaardsvold had finished staring at his monarch, the rest of the cabinet had arrived.

"Very bad news from Copenhagen, the Danes have given up the ghost." Nygaardsvold started the meeting.

"That's a disaster, he must never be released!" The King shouted.

"This is indeed a catastrophe." Intelligence Minister Roscher-Lund agreed.

"What are you talking about?" Nygaardsvold asked.

"The release of the ghost of King Hamlet from his unearthly prison beneath Copenhagen Castle. Obviously." The King said.

"Hamlet's shade will doubtless be seeking vengeance upon his majesty as we speak." Roscher-Lund said.

"For betraying his Danish royal blood by becoming King of Norway without also being King of Denmark?" Security Minister Wold asked.

"We believe he mainly wants retribution for The Incident, but I suppose that would also be a motivation." Roscher-Lund speculated.

"We don't talk about The Incident." King Haakon threatened Roscher-Lund specifically and his cabinet in general.

"I wasn't talking about any of that!" Nygaardsvold exploded. "I was telling you that Denmark has surrendered, nothing about any ghosts."

"Well that's a relief." King Haakon sat down.

"Why didn't you just say it was something so minor?" Roscher-Lund said with relief.

"It's not minor! We are now next in line for Germany and they have control of the Danish bases so are much nearer."

"That does sounds serious. I shall have to find out more about it at the next meeting, now I'm off for a trip to the Fjords." The King said.

"Your majesty! Your duty is to remain here while Norway is threatened." Nygaardsvold exclaimed.

"And I will be back here after a short break. But it's not like the Germans are just going to appear out of thin air tomorrow is it?" The King said.

---
Why does Oslo Castle have so many bunkers? Will the King's blatant tempting of fate be punished? What does he do in the Fjords that takes so long? What was the Incident that so angered old King Hamlet? Did it involve Herring? Or Hull? Some, all, less or none of these questions will be answered next time on For King Haakon and the Fjords!
 

mad orc

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And then they do appear suddenly......................................out of thin air
I admit that the initial reason for coming here was to read a 14 year old AAR!!!!!

But this is good. I have never read a comedy AAR before. I read the first 3 and this last chapter for now. King Hakoon seems like a mad lad. I wonder if he will survive the onslaught of the Nazis...................oh..........of course he will.

Why does Oslo castle have so many bunkers. Is it for war or something else................................
;)
 

TheButterflyComposer

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Shakespeare, sex dungeons and blind optimism for Swedish war simulators!
 

Le Jones

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So in my slightly pompous exhortation that we should all "read more AARs" I'm copping out by starting with something I knew would be excellent. I wasn't prepared for how funny it would be.


---
Why does Oslo Castle have so many bunkers? Will the King's blatant tempting of fate be punished? What does he do in the Fjords that takes so long? What was the Incident that so angered old King Hamlet? Did it involve Herring? Or Hull? Some, all, less or none of these questions will be answered next time on For King Haakon and the Fjords!
I just cannot not make the comparison with the old "Batman" programmes that (I think) Adam West (?) starred in. They always ended, no matter how mad or pedestrian the setting, with an injection of drama like this, followed by "stay tuned, same bat time, same bat channel." Bloody marvellous.

"The flying circus doctrine does look useful." Colonel Gulliksen said.

"Really?" Nygaardsvold asked dubiously

"Indeed. These plans to train Penguins to use the trapeze are impressive and the resulting circus show would definitely improve the morale of our pilots." Gulliksen explained.

"That does sound useful. I will have to thank the Danes appropriately." King Haakon nodded thoughtfully.
Is just very, very funny mon brave...
 
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TheButterflyComposer

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just cannot not make the comparison with the old "Batman" programmes that (I think) Adam West (?) starred in. They always ended, no matter how mad or pedestrian the setting, with an injection of drama like this, followed by "stay tuned, same bat time, same bat channel." Bloody marvellous.
Danger mouse did it as well, though even more egregiously. The batman episodes were always two partners so you would actually see what happened next if you did watch the next one. Danger mouse though usually did one shot stories so if it ended on a cliffhanger, that was it. The announcer even told you that!
 

Le Jones

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Shakespeare, sex dungeons and blind optimism for Swedish war simulators!
Sounds like my next door neighbour's idea of heaven (he's an odd cove).

Danger mouse did it as well, though even more egregiously. The batman episodes were always two partners so you would actually see what happened next if you did watch the next one. Danger mouse though usually did one shot stories so if it ended on a cliffhanger, that was it. The announcer even told you that!
I was never really in to Danger Mouse. Now Knightmare, there's a programme.