An other broken country, well that isn’t much of a surprise in this story, and I feel sorry for poor Indrebø, but then again he got what he deserved for researching this kind of useless things :rofl: Looking forward to more
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The 13th of November 1939.
It's Monday in Oslo, that can only mean one thing, the Norwegian cabinet is assembling in the palace for it's regular weekly meating. Those poor cabinet ministers....
"Come on Wold eat those damn sausages." The King yelled.
"But I wanted the vegetarian option." The security minister whined.
"Look we can't start till you finish them."
"But why do I have to eat them?" Woht asked.
"Because this is our regular meating, look it says here on the agenda."
Foreign Minister Koht sighed to himself before asking
"You majesty don't you think it's possible that was a spelling mistake and we should be here for a cabinet meeting?"
"Hmmm. That would make more sense than the government of Norway regularly getting together to eat meat. Let's give it a go." The King conceded.
"You first Koht, as this is your idea, anything happened?"
"Well the Bolivian ambassador kept bothering us for trade deals, eventually I just had to send him away." Koht answered.
"That must have been a bitter blow."
"Yes it was, the Colombian was far easier on the nostrils." Koht sniffed and shuddered at the memory.
The King considered question Koht on what the hell he was talking about, then realised that would be the herring calling the salmon smoked, so moved on.
"Do my armed forces have anything to report?"
The heads of the armed forces shook their heads in unison.
"I like those sort of reports" The King approvingly commented before moving on. "And how goes the war?"
"Which one?" Roscher-Lund asked.
"Ohh the one in Europe first."
"Nothings changed, a few more sunk U-boats and destroyers that's it."
"And the Winter War?"
"Well we've received news of large amounts of clothing and cloth crossing the border from Sweden into Finland. We think the Finns are receiving Swedish material aid."
A dustball rolled past the window as the local church chimed midday.
"I'll get my coat." Roscher-Lund said heading for the door in shame.
"And don't come back till you have something usefull to say." The king told the retreating Intelligence minister. Turning to the the Armaments minister he asked.
"Anything happen in research, any more wonderfull inventions that make no difference what-so-ever to....?" He trailed of as he saw Indrebø heading for the door.
"That's that one answered, I think we're done here gentlemen." The King concluded
Suddenly the door burst in revealing Lord E, the head of the Politiets overvåkingstjeneste. Try saying that three times in a row quickly.
"I bring news of a new broken country!" He declared.
"Sweden!" Wold yelled.
"No, not them."
"The former low country of Flanoonistan!" The King guessed.
"What? Where is that?" Lord E asked in confusion.
"That is his majesty's new way of describing Belgium." Koht wearily explained.
"Why?"
"Well the 'Flanoon' comes from their Flanders/Walloon confusion, any country called 'The former' automatically sounds dodgy and to be avoided, while the addition of 'stan' makes it seem a long way away and surrounded by bleak mountains. And dodgy." The King explained.
"No, not them either."
"Next time The former low country of Flanoonistan, next time I'll get you." The King muttered to himself.
Forced to take control of the meeting Prime Minister Nygaardsvold asked the much needed question.
"Who then?"
Lord E paused then announced. "The new broken country is none other than Norway herself!"
Norway? Broken? But that cannot be! Or can it? In other questions will Roscher-Lund return? Can Koht keep fending off the 'rare material' peddling diplomats? How big a threat is The former low country of Flanoonistan? These questions could be answered next time, which should be soonish!
It's Monday in Oslo, that can only mean one thing, the Norwegian cabinet is assembling in the palace for it's regular weekly meating. Those poor cabinet ministers....
"Come on Wold eat those damn sausages." The King yelled.
"But I wanted the vegetarian option." The security minister whined.
"Look we can't start till you finish them."
"But why do I have to eat them?" Woht asked.
"Because this is our regular meating, look it says here on the agenda."
Foreign Minister Koht sighed to himself before asking
"You majesty don't you think it's possible that was a spelling mistake and we should be here for a cabinet meeting?"
"Hmmm. That would make more sense than the government of Norway regularly getting together to eat meat. Let's give it a go." The King conceded.
"You first Koht, as this is your idea, anything happened?"
"Well the Bolivian ambassador kept bothering us for trade deals, eventually I just had to send him away." Koht answered.
"That must have been a bitter blow."
"Yes it was, the Colombian was far easier on the nostrils." Koht sniffed and shuddered at the memory.
The King considered question Koht on what the hell he was talking about, then realised that would be the herring calling the salmon smoked, so moved on.
"Do my armed forces have anything to report?"
The heads of the armed forces shook their heads in unison.
"I like those sort of reports" The King approvingly commented before moving on. "And how goes the war?"
"Which one?" Roscher-Lund asked.
"Ohh the one in Europe first."
"Nothings changed, a few more sunk U-boats and destroyers that's it."
"And the Winter War?"
"Well we've received news of large amounts of clothing and cloth crossing the border from Sweden into Finland. We think the Finns are receiving Swedish material aid."
A dustball rolled past the window as the local church chimed midday.
"I'll get my coat." Roscher-Lund said heading for the door in shame.
"And don't come back till you have something usefull to say." The king told the retreating Intelligence minister. Turning to the the Armaments minister he asked.
"Anything happen in research, any more wonderfull inventions that make no difference what-so-ever to....?" He trailed of as he saw Indrebø heading for the door.
"That's that one answered, I think we're done here gentlemen." The King concluded
Suddenly the door burst in revealing Lord E, the head of the Politiets overvåkingstjeneste. Try saying that three times in a row quickly.
"I bring news of a new broken country!" He declared.
"Sweden!" Wold yelled.
"No, not them."
"The former low country of Flanoonistan!" The King guessed.
"What? Where is that?" Lord E asked in confusion.
"That is his majesty's new way of describing Belgium." Koht wearily explained.
"Why?"
"Well the 'Flanoon' comes from their Flanders/Walloon confusion, any country called 'The former' automatically sounds dodgy and to be avoided, while the addition of 'stan' makes it seem a long way away and surrounded by bleak mountains. And dodgy." The King explained.
"No, not them either."
"Next time The former low country of Flanoonistan, next time I'll get you." The King muttered to himself.
Forced to take control of the meeting Prime Minister Nygaardsvold asked the much needed question.
"Who then?"
Lord E paused then announced. "The new broken country is none other than Norway herself!"
Norway? Broken? But that cannot be! Or can it? In other questions will Roscher-Lund return? Can Koht keep fending off the 'rare material' peddling diplomats? How big a threat is The former low country of Flanoonistan? These questions could be answered next time, which should be soonish!
- 1
Well, this came out of the blue...I thought this one was long since dead...but it sure was a pleasant surprise.
Snake IV
Yes I'm back, now with working interweb! And actually some idea of the next few updates.
Yoy21
It's worse than no matches, if you can imagine something that bad...
Gothmog
Nobody expects an update! Our chief weapon is surprise, surprise and bad puns. etc, etc.
lifeless
I'm sorry to say that Norway is indeed broken, but don't you have faith in King Haakon to fix it?
GeneralHannibal
Butterfly is far harder to update because I can't play so loose with names, facts, events, national stereotypes and standards of taste and decency. However this weekend I will try and get an update out.
Yes I'm back, now with working interweb! And actually some idea of the next few updates.
Yoy21
It's worse than no matches, if you can imagine something that bad...
Gothmog
Nobody expects an update! Our chief weapon is surprise, surprise and bad puns. etc, etc.
lifeless
I'm sorry to say that Norway is indeed broken, but don't you have faith in King Haakon to fix it?
GeneralHannibal
Butterfly is far harder to update because I can't play so loose with names, facts, events, national stereotypes and standards of taste and decency. However this weekend I will try and get an update out.
It has returned. I see I am bringer of bad news… I sure hope Norway isn’t broken, that cannot be
We need a new update soon so that we can get to know what happened…
We need a new update soon so that we can get to know what happened…
GeneralHannibal said:
Haven't checked that one out actually...might as well do so now then....and I do believe broken will be another pun of some sort.
I now have the distinct feeling KIng Haakon's family name is Ridcully, and that he just is the Unseen University's Archchancellor using dimensional travel as a new form of entertainment...
:rofl:
:rofl:
Still the 13th of November. Probably.
Lord E has gathered the Norwegian cabinet together in the drawing room to expose the breakage of Norway. As we rejoin our heroes, well to their mothers at least, they are discussing, for a given value of discuss admittedly, the situation. Lord E is pacing in front of the fireplace preparing to talk, when suddenly a voice breaks the silence.
"Why are we in a drawing room? I didn't even know we had a governmental drawing room!" The King asked.
Lord E looks decidedly miffed before saying.
"I've gathered you all together to reveal...." he starts before being interrupted.
"But we were all gathered together in the cabinet room, that's what the cabinet room is for!" Nygaardsvold thundered.
"Yes but the situation warrants a more grander location." Lord E explained.
"Grander than the cabinet office of this country's government." Koht questioned.
"Well when you put it that way, maybe not grander. But more fitting." Lord E conceded.
"More fitting?" Koht said. "You've been influenced by too much Poirot haven't you?"
"Yes." Lord E sobbed to himself.
"Damned former low country of Flanoonistanian agent!" The King cursed. "How much else has that moustachioed midget made you do?" He asked.
"Nothing." Lord E pulled himself together.
"What about him?" Koht asked pointing at a bowler hatted English man in the corner.
"Oh that's my new sidekick Carruthers." Lord E explained.
"Nothing else eh?" The King asked cynically.
"Ahhh, yes I see what you mean. Sorry Carruthers you'll have to go home." Lord E said.
Carruthers headed for the door in a sad but dignified manner.
"So what is this breakage of fair Norway, I find it hard to believe the country broke and no-one noticed!" Nygaardsvold demanded.
"But someone did notice, didn't they General Riiser-Larsen? Or should I say Vice-Admiral!" Lord E dramatically, and possibly unnecessarily, yelled.
"Oww my ears!" The King complained, "That was unnecessarily loud." Told you.
"Is this true Hjalmar? Have you lied to us all these years?" The near to tears Chief of Staff Birger Ljungberg asked.
Well that's a bugger for Norway and no mistake. But could there be a perfectly rational explanation? Will Poirot join Herring as an unsuccessful plot device, or ascend to the exalted ranks of plywood and matches as a regular feature? What about Carruthers? Why does the Norwegian government have an official cabinet sized drawing room? Does anyone read these questions? Find out next time, on For King Haakon and the Fjords!
Lord E has gathered the Norwegian cabinet together in the drawing room to expose the breakage of Norway. As we rejoin our heroes, well to their mothers at least, they are discussing, for a given value of discuss admittedly, the situation. Lord E is pacing in front of the fireplace preparing to talk, when suddenly a voice breaks the silence.
"Why are we in a drawing room? I didn't even know we had a governmental drawing room!" The King asked.
Lord E looks decidedly miffed before saying.
"I've gathered you all together to reveal...." he starts before being interrupted.
"But we were all gathered together in the cabinet room, that's what the cabinet room is for!" Nygaardsvold thundered.
"Yes but the situation warrants a more grander location." Lord E explained.
"Grander than the cabinet office of this country's government." Koht questioned.
"Well when you put it that way, maybe not grander. But more fitting." Lord E conceded.
"More fitting?" Koht said. "You've been influenced by too much Poirot haven't you?"
"Yes." Lord E sobbed to himself.
"Damned former low country of Flanoonistanian agent!" The King cursed. "How much else has that moustachioed midget made you do?" He asked.
"Nothing." Lord E pulled himself together.
"What about him?" Koht asked pointing at a bowler hatted English man in the corner.
"Oh that's my new sidekick Carruthers." Lord E explained.
"Nothing else eh?" The King asked cynically.
"Ahhh, yes I see what you mean. Sorry Carruthers you'll have to go home." Lord E said.
Carruthers headed for the door in a sad but dignified manner.
"So what is this breakage of fair Norway, I find it hard to believe the country broke and no-one noticed!" Nygaardsvold demanded.
"But someone did notice, didn't they General Riiser-Larsen? Or should I say Vice-Admiral!" Lord E dramatically, and possibly unnecessarily, yelled.
What? Hey? Admiral and Airforce? Clearly broken.
"Oww my ears!" The King complained, "That was unnecessarily loud." Told you.
"Is this true Hjalmar? Have you lied to us all these years?" The near to tears Chief of Staff Birger Ljungberg asked.
Well that's a bugger for Norway and no mistake. But could there be a perfectly rational explanation? Will Poirot join Herring as an unsuccessful plot device, or ascend to the exalted ranks of plywood and matches as a regular feature? What about Carruthers? Why does the Norwegian government have an official cabinet sized drawing room? Does anyone read these questions? Find out next time, on For King Haakon and the Fjords!
- 1
hes an air commander...and a navy commander! next thing you know..he'll be in the army!
Seems I have managed to discover the great problem…. Riiser-Larsen is both an air force commander and a naval commander, there is surly something broken here. I only hope we can solve this
Riiser-Larsen is both an air force commander and a naval commander, there is surly something broken here. I only hope we can solve this
The same meeting, so 13th of November. Presumably.
The cabinet is in shock, well I'm not sure about Chief Scientist Ø, but then I've no idea why he's even in the cabinet. Meanwhile back at the story...
"Is this true Hjalmar? Have you lied to us all these years?" The near to tears Chief of Staff Birger Ljungberg asked. Again.
"You want answers?" Riiser-Larsen asked,
"I think we're entitled to them." King Haakon said.
"You want the truth?"
"No, I want an elaborate self-supporting pack of lies." The King sarcastically said. "Off course we want the truth. What sort of question is that?"
"Sorry." Riiser-Larsen apologised. "So you want the truth?"
"That's what I just said. Please try and keep up." The King complained.
"You can't handle the truth!" Riiser-Larsen thundered at the group.
The cabinet was stunned into silence. Then:
"Really? Righty-ho then. What's next on the agenda?" The King asked the cabinet.
"Umm we really shouldn't just leave it there." Koht intervened.
"You sure?"
"Yes your highness, he probably should answer the questions."
"Well go on then Hjalmar, give us the truth." The King commanded.
"You've ruined my flow now." Riiser-Larsen complained.
"Just get on with it."
"Alright." Riiser-Larsen sulked before continuing:
"You can't handle the truth! Norway lives in a world of threats, threats that have to guarded against. Who's going to do that? Him, Chief of Staff Ljungberg? A man who bursts into tears at the drop of a hat?"
True to form General Ljunberg started sobbing as Riiser-Larsen continued.
"I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom, I'm the only competent senior officer in the entire Norwegian military. You complain about the high command's oddities and curse us for it. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That Norway being broken in this way, while tragic, makes us safer. And that this command structure, while incomprehensible to you, makes our country safer."
"You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at cabinet meetings you want me in the military. You need me there."
"Well except this meeting, because we are talking about it right now." The King interrupted.
"What?" Riiser-Larsen asked.
"You said we don't talk about it in cabinet meetings, but we are now."
"I was speaking generally, now stop interrupting I'm trying to denouement here."
"Sorry, do carry on." The King apologised.
"Where was I? Ah yes." Riiser-Larsen continued his rant "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to men who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very protection I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and left us to it. Or increase the defence budget and promote some decent officers and possibly getting a few decent light cruisers. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"
"I'm the King and it's the Royal Norwegian Armed Forces." The King said.
"Ohh yes, I'd forgotten about that." Riiser-Larsen had the decency to look embarrassed at his oversight.
"So have you been lying to us all these years?"
"I did the job you sent me to do."
"Have you been lying to us all these years?" The King insisted.
"You're goddamn right I did!" Riiser-Larsen finally cracked.
"See was that so hard?"
"No it was surprisingly easy."
"Well what are you still doing here?" The King asked.
"Hey?" The confused Admiral/General asked.
"You didn't think you were going to stay head of the air force after admitting to being broken did you?"
"Well I hoped you might make an exception." Riiser-Larsen whined.
"Not a chance. Full court martial for you."
As the dejected naval/air officer was dragged away in chains by the HMKG the meeting continued.
"I'd never have believed it." Prime Minister Nygaardsvold commented.
"What the sheer treachery, that he had the diabolical cunning needed to hide for so many years, or the fact you could work along side him for so long and never suspect?" Koht asked.
"No, I'd never have believed the HMKG could arrive, put him in chains and drag him off so quickly!"
"That's why they are special forces." Head of the Army Laake explained.
"True indeed. So interviews for new airforce head next week then?" The King confirmed with the cabinet.
"Why next week?"
"Well I'm off for a weekend in the Fjords." The King started.
"But it's only Monday lunch time!" Nygaardsvold thundered in utter disgust.
"It's been a busy day, now sort out the candidates for head of the air force and I'll see you all on Monday."
So Norway is purged of it's brokenness. But why is the Chief Scientist invited to meetings? Is the Norwegian high command utterly incompetent? Who will be the next head of the air force? Is King Haakon VII the laziest king who ever lived, not counting the French ones? Questions for you all to ponder while awaiting the next instalment I suppose.
The cabinet is in shock, well I'm not sure about Chief Scientist Ø, but then I've no idea why he's even in the cabinet. Meanwhile back at the story...
"Is this true Hjalmar? Have you lied to us all these years?" The near to tears Chief of Staff Birger Ljungberg asked. Again.
"You want answers?" Riiser-Larsen asked,
"I think we're entitled to them." King Haakon said.
"You want the truth?"
"No, I want an elaborate self-supporting pack of lies." The King sarcastically said. "Off course we want the truth. What sort of question is that?"
"Sorry." Riiser-Larsen apologised. "So you want the truth?"
"That's what I just said. Please try and keep up." The King complained.
"You can't handle the truth!" Riiser-Larsen thundered at the group.
The cabinet was stunned into silence. Then:
"Really? Righty-ho then. What's next on the agenda?" The King asked the cabinet.
"Umm we really shouldn't just leave it there." Koht intervened.
"You sure?"
"Yes your highness, he probably should answer the questions."
"Well go on then Hjalmar, give us the truth." The King commanded.
"You've ruined my flow now." Riiser-Larsen complained.
"Just get on with it."
"Alright." Riiser-Larsen sulked before continuing:
"You can't handle the truth! Norway lives in a world of threats, threats that have to guarded against. Who's going to do that? Him, Chief of Staff Ljungberg? A man who bursts into tears at the drop of a hat?"
True to form General Ljunberg started sobbing as Riiser-Larsen continued.
"I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom, I'm the only competent senior officer in the entire Norwegian military. You complain about the high command's oddities and curse us for it. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That Norway being broken in this way, while tragic, makes us safer. And that this command structure, while incomprehensible to you, makes our country safer."
"You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at cabinet meetings you want me in the military. You need me there."
"Well except this meeting, because we are talking about it right now." The King interrupted.
"What?" Riiser-Larsen asked.
"You said we don't talk about it in cabinet meetings, but we are now."
"I was speaking generally, now stop interrupting I'm trying to denouement here."
"Sorry, do carry on." The King apologised.
"Where was I? Ah yes." Riiser-Larsen continued his rant "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to men who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very protection I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and left us to it. Or increase the defence budget and promote some decent officers and possibly getting a few decent light cruisers. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"
"I'm the King and it's the Royal Norwegian Armed Forces." The King said.
"Ohh yes, I'd forgotten about that." Riiser-Larsen had the decency to look embarrassed at his oversight.
"So have you been lying to us all these years?"
"I did the job you sent me to do."
"Have you been lying to us all these years?" The King insisted.
"You're goddamn right I did!" Riiser-Larsen finally cracked.
"See was that so hard?"
"No it was surprisingly easy."
"Well what are you still doing here?" The King asked.
"Hey?" The confused Admiral/General asked.
"You didn't think you were going to stay head of the air force after admitting to being broken did you?"
"Well I hoped you might make an exception." Riiser-Larsen whined.
"Not a chance. Full court martial for you."
As the dejected naval/air officer was dragged away in chains by the HMKG the meeting continued.
"I'd never have believed it." Prime Minister Nygaardsvold commented.
"What the sheer treachery, that he had the diabolical cunning needed to hide for so many years, or the fact you could work along side him for so long and never suspect?" Koht asked.
"No, I'd never have believed the HMKG could arrive, put him in chains and drag him off so quickly!"
"That's why they are special forces." Head of the Army Laake explained.
"True indeed. So interviews for new airforce head next week then?" The King confirmed with the cabinet.
"Why next week?"
"Well I'm off for a weekend in the Fjords." The King started.
"But it's only Monday lunch time!" Nygaardsvold thundered in utter disgust.
"It's been a busy day, now sort out the candidates for head of the air force and I'll see you all on Monday."
So Norway is purged of it's brokenness. But why is the Chief Scientist invited to meetings? Is the Norwegian high command utterly incompetent? Who will be the next head of the air force? Is King Haakon VII the laziest king who ever lived, not counting the French ones? Questions for you all to ponder while awaiting the next instalment I suppose.
- 1
I am glad we have manage to fix the problem and make sure Norway isn’t as broken any more, now I look forward to see who you will place in charge of the air force next…