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The 7th of October 1939. Later, later in the afternoon. In fact I think it might even be evening.
While the mighty Norwegian special forces unit that some call the HMKG is trying to come up with a plan so cunning they could brush their teeth with it life goes on. In Oslo that means a cabinet meeting involving the King and frankly that's a fate worse than death for a sane man. So for those of a logical or nervous disposition look away as I present; Educational Intermission IV, The Return of the Revenge of Educational Intermission.
King Haakon VII is discussing the importance of plywood, biscuits and Italian noble houses with his cabinet. Worryingly this is not an uncommon situation.
"The biscuits" The King said.
"Just repeating yourself doesn't make it any more clear. Why is Luxembourg so important?" Koht complained.
The King nodded at Trygve Lie, Minister for Supply.
"As you know since the war started our supplies of chocolate digestives from the UK have been entirely cut off, we are now entirely dependent on bourbons to maintain our chocolate biscuit reserves." Lie said
Koht nodded in bemused agreement.
"Well the current Grand Duke of Luxembourg is Felix of Bourbon, we would be foolish to anger such a man when we need his biscuits so much." Lie said.
Koht sobbed briefly to himself before saying "I think your confusing name and job, just because Felix Bourbon-Parma is part of the House of Bourbon doesn't mean he controls the biscuits."
"Did you say Parma?" The King intervened.
"Yes he's the son of the Duke of Parma."
"Well that settles it, between Parma Ham and Bourbon biscuits he is not a man to be triffled with." The King decided.
There was a pause broken by a brief scratching.
"His majesty is right." Chief Scientist Ø said. "I've calculated that no matter how much custard you use a meat and chocolate triffle is always going to taste horrible."
Why does Ø no so much about trifle? Will there be a cunning plan to counter the evil L conspiracy? Will the next update be so short? Answer update next the in, rearrange into a misleading phrase!
While the mighty Norwegian special forces unit that some call the HMKG is trying to come up with a plan so cunning they could brush their teeth with it life goes on. In Oslo that means a cabinet meeting involving the King and frankly that's a fate worse than death for a sane man. So for those of a logical or nervous disposition look away as I present; Educational Intermission IV, The Return of the Revenge of Educational Intermission.
King Haakon VII is discussing the importance of plywood, biscuits and Italian noble houses with his cabinet. Worryingly this is not an uncommon situation.
"The biscuits" The King said.
"Just repeating yourself doesn't make it any more clear. Why is Luxembourg so important?" Koht complained.
The King nodded at Trygve Lie, Minister for Supply.
"As you know since the war started our supplies of chocolate digestives from the UK have been entirely cut off, we are now entirely dependent on bourbons to maintain our chocolate biscuit reserves." Lie said
Koht nodded in bemused agreement.
"Well the current Grand Duke of Luxembourg is Felix of Bourbon, we would be foolish to anger such a man when we need his biscuits so much." Lie said.
Koht sobbed briefly to himself before saying "I think your confusing name and job, just because Felix Bourbon-Parma is part of the House of Bourbon doesn't mean he controls the biscuits."
"Did you say Parma?" The King intervened.
"Yes he's the son of the Duke of Parma."
"Well that settles it, between Parma Ham and Bourbon biscuits he is not a man to be triffled with." The King decided.
There was a pause broken by a brief scratching.
"His majesty is right." Chief Scientist Ø said. "I've calculated that no matter how much custard you use a meat and chocolate triffle is always going to taste horrible."
Why does Ø no so much about trifle? Will there be a cunning plan to counter the evil L conspiracy? Will the next update be so short? Answer update next the in, rearrange into a misleading phrase!
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Nice update, so Luxembourg has managed to make the pore King dependent on them, this seems like some evil plan to take over the Norwegian government. I sure hope HMKG shall return to Oslo soon for they need to protect the King
Dr Bloodmoney said:
The way the story moves, he will eventually be a janitor with full equipment.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Really great, and as a native swede I'm a bit concerned that you now have revealed how to steal the swedish secrets kept at an IKEA.
Really great, and as a native swede I'm a bit concerned that you now have revealed how to steal the swedish secrets kept at an IKEA.
You know... My sense of absurd humor is seriously constrained, and I don't often find these attempts at comedy AARs funny.
But this is!
Reminds me slightly of the old Danny Kaye, "Inspector General" sort of humor.
Great job, Mr. Pip!
Oh, and congratulations on winning the HOI Comedy AAR award!!!
Rensslaer
But this is!
Reminds me slightly of the old Danny Kaye, "Inspector General" sort of humor.
Great job, Mr. Pip!
Oh, and congratulations on winning the HOI Comedy AAR award!!!
Rensslaer
The 15th of October 1939.
So the HMKG have finally come up with a cunning plan to escape being surrounded by the Finns. Frankly it had better be cunning because an eternity of Ikea is not a pleasent option!
"I've got it!" Kaptein Kenneththegreat shouted.
"Well stay away then or we might all catch it as well." Fenrik Lifeless told him while subtly shuffling away.
"No not a disease, but a plan. Lets just jump on the zeppelin and get out of here!"
"How is that a cunning plan? The Finnish airforce is somewhere to the the west and they'll out run us. The doves are knackered after the journey here." Stroph pointed out.
"He's right sir. We'll never make it back to Norway!" Menig HateThemCommies paniced.
"Snap out of it!" Sersjant Daan yelled at the errant menig while hitting him about the head with his haroon gun.
"Good work sersjant, see to it that discipline is maintained." The Kaptein told Daan.
"Sir your missing the point, we can't let the Finns know it was us and we can't escape. We need a cunning plan!" Lifeless tried to explain.
"And I've got one, we get on the zeppelin and head east!"
"But that straight into the Soviet Union!" Menig Yoy21 shouted in surprise.
"Exactly, they Finns wont follow us there in a million years and it'll take ages for the Soviet airforce to even get off the ground. By the time they do we'll be safe in Northern Norway" The Kaptein outlined his 'cunning' plan.
"What happens if there's a major diplomatic incident?" Korporal Laminustacitus asked.
"What are the chances of that happening, I'm sure nothing bad will happen between Finland and the Soviets. Now lets go do it!"
Later back in Oslo....
"Well that didn't work out quite as I'd hoped." King Haakon VII confessed.
"Didn't work out! It's an umitigated disaster!!" Prime Minister Nygaardsvold screamed across the cabinet
"Come on, how was I supposed to know Stalin would go crazy and invade Finland just because they blamed him for stealing the Olympic Flame?" The King asked.
"You shouldn't have authorised such a mission in the first place." Foreign Minister Koht said. "We are neutral remember?"
"In his majesty defence there are other matters that started this war." The voice of Lord E, head of the Politiets Overvåkingstjeneste cut across the cabinet.
"And what are these reasons?" Koht asked.
"There are three. First we think the Soviets are looking to test their latest invention, the MS-21 Grad. Our Agent Gagarin in Moscow obtained these photos." Lord E passed pictures of the new super weapon around the table.
"We believe it's capable of lighting over a thousand cigarettes a minute and can ignite over five hundred candles before changing matches." Lord E continued.
"My god its terrifying!" The King shouted. "Why haven't we got that sort of artillery?" He demanded.
"All our scientist are either working on bizzare zeppelin conversions or a cutlery based weapon to rival the spork." Chief Scientist Ø explained.
"Oh yes I remember now, how's that going?"
"Well we had high hopes for the union of knife and spoon, but its just too unstable. We keep getting horrible aberations like the knioon, we've no idea what its even supposed to be used for." Ø confessed.
"Well keep at it." The King ordered. "What where the other reasons Lord E?"
"We think Stalin wants to raid Ikea as his DIY is frankly rubbish, no matter how much MDF he uses."
"But Ikea is Swedish, everyone knows that!!" Nygaardsvold objected.
"Yes that brings us to point three." Lord E explained.
"Which is?" Koht asked
"We think Stalin and his generals are quite rubbish at geography and that the Red Army got lost. To cover up their mistake they just declared war on Finland and pretend that's what they meant all along."
Meanwhile, in the depths of a Finnish forest, a lone voice can be heard cursing the night sky.
"Es ist nicht angemessen! I'll get you next time Norway. Next time!"
Where will Stalins bad geography strike next? Is anyone safe? Will Hitler's insurance company pay out for the damage to the Six Million Turkish Lira Man? These question do have answers somewhere, they might be in the next update you never know!
Seriously thank you all for your votes, I was deeply pleased to win and fully intend to keep this award out of Anonymous's grubby hands as long as possible.
So the HMKG have finally come up with a cunning plan to escape being surrounded by the Finns. Frankly it had better be cunning because an eternity of Ikea is not a pleasent option!
"I've got it!" Kaptein Kenneththegreat shouted.
"Well stay away then or we might all catch it as well." Fenrik Lifeless told him while subtly shuffling away.
"No not a disease, but a plan. Lets just jump on the zeppelin and get out of here!"
"How is that a cunning plan? The Finnish airforce is somewhere to the the west and they'll out run us. The doves are knackered after the journey here." Stroph pointed out.
"He's right sir. We'll never make it back to Norway!" Menig HateThemCommies paniced.
"Snap out of it!" Sersjant Daan yelled at the errant menig while hitting him about the head with his haroon gun.
"Good work sersjant, see to it that discipline is maintained." The Kaptein told Daan.
"Sir your missing the point, we can't let the Finns know it was us and we can't escape. We need a cunning plan!" Lifeless tried to explain.
"And I've got one, we get on the zeppelin and head east!"
"But that straight into the Soviet Union!" Menig Yoy21 shouted in surprise.
"Exactly, they Finns wont follow us there in a million years and it'll take ages for the Soviet airforce to even get off the ground. By the time they do we'll be safe in Northern Norway" The Kaptein outlined his 'cunning' plan.
"What happens if there's a major diplomatic incident?" Korporal Laminustacitus asked.
"What are the chances of that happening, I'm sure nothing bad will happen between Finland and the Soviets. Now lets go do it!"
Whoops.
Later back in Oslo....
"Well that didn't work out quite as I'd hoped." King Haakon VII confessed.
"Didn't work out! It's an umitigated disaster!!" Prime Minister Nygaardsvold screamed across the cabinet
"Come on, how was I supposed to know Stalin would go crazy and invade Finland just because they blamed him for stealing the Olympic Flame?" The King asked.
"You shouldn't have authorised such a mission in the first place." Foreign Minister Koht said. "We are neutral remember?"
"In his majesty defence there are other matters that started this war." The voice of Lord E, head of the Politiets Overvåkingstjeneste cut across the cabinet.
"And what are these reasons?" Koht asked.
"There are three. First we think the Soviets are looking to test their latest invention, the MS-21 Grad. Our Agent Gagarin in Moscow obtained these photos." Lord E passed pictures of the new super weapon around the table.
The awesome MS-21 Grad, the latest escalation in the match stick war.
"We believe it's capable of lighting over a thousand cigarettes a minute and can ignite over five hundred candles before changing matches." Lord E continued.
"My god its terrifying!" The King shouted. "Why haven't we got that sort of artillery?" He demanded.
"All our scientist are either working on bizzare zeppelin conversions or a cutlery based weapon to rival the spork." Chief Scientist Ø explained.
"Oh yes I remember now, how's that going?"
"Well we had high hopes for the union of knife and spoon, but its just too unstable. We keep getting horrible aberations like the knioon, we've no idea what its even supposed to be used for." Ø confessed.
"Well keep at it." The King ordered. "What where the other reasons Lord E?"
"We think Stalin wants to raid Ikea as his DIY is frankly rubbish, no matter how much MDF he uses."
"But Ikea is Swedish, everyone knows that!!" Nygaardsvold objected.
"Yes that brings us to point three." Lord E explained.
"Which is?" Koht asked
"We think Stalin and his generals are quite rubbish at geography and that the Red Army got lost. To cover up their mistake they just declared war on Finland and pretend that's what they meant all along."
Meanwhile, in the depths of a Finnish forest, a lone voice can be heard cursing the night sky.
"Es ist nicht angemessen! I'll get you next time Norway. Next time!"
Where will Stalins bad geography strike next? Is anyone safe? Will Hitler's insurance company pay out for the damage to the Six Million Turkish Lira Man? These question do have answers somewhere, they might be in the next update you never know!
Seriously thank you all for your votes, I was deeply pleased to win and fully intend to keep this award out of Anonymous's grubby hands as long as possible.
- 1
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: maybe...a union with a spoon and a fork! fopoon? eww....nevermind..
You know it's not safe to mix together an eating utinsel and a cutting utinsel, right?Here's what would happen:
Dad: Look , I got some new crap from norway!!
Kids: YAAAAAAAY!!!!
Dad: It's called...the Snorfk
Kids: OOOOOOHH!!!
Dad: Her'es what the smart inventores of Norway did:
THey took a knife, a spoon, and a fork, and mixed it all into the Snorfk.
Kids: WOOOOWW!!!
Dad: Try it out!
The kids try it out. It is difficult to lift food, because the knife is sticking out, and above the spoon. They can't stab the food, because of the spoon. And they can't cut food, because of the fork.
Kid: I got it! I got it!
Dad: Good Job!
Kid: AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!! *his mouth was cut by the knife that was in the Snorfk*
Dad: Hahaha! Kids. *nods*
That Soviet match weapon is really amazing, and it is really a great threat to Norwegian security, we can only hope that Stalin hurts himself on the knife /fork/spoon thing and then decides against using it on Norway :rofl: Great work :rofl: :rofl:
i've been away from my pc for a while, but i'm glad my doppelganger from 60 years ago is helping king haakon and the fjords. very funny stuff pip keep it up.