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El Pip

Lord of Slower-than-real-time
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Dec 13, 2005
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After all the frustrations of my other AAR, which I still haven't finished modding/adding events for, this is plain vanilla HOI2 AAR. I will finish the mod and when I do I will make a proper start on "The Butterfly Effect"

Until then I present this not particularly serious tale from the North. Any relation between this story and any person living or dead is pure blind luck and probably not intended. We begin in Norway in September 1939....

1st September 1939

King Haakon VII, Prime Minister Nygaardsvold and the Foreign Minister Koht have gathered to discuss the breaking news

"So why have you woken me Nygaarsvold? It's the middle of the night, what could be so important?" Haakon asked.

"Germany has invaded Poland. France, Britain and her Commonwealth have declared war on Germany, the continent is in flames!" Nygaardsvold replied

"Has anyone called the fire brigade?"

"No your majesty, he means a state of war exists." Koht intervened.

"Oh. Right. We're not at war are we?" Haakon said.

"No, Norway has declared it's neutrality." Koht replied

"So why did you wake me. Couldn't all this wait until the morning?

"Your highness this is a vital affair of state, all across Europe the lights are going out!" Nygaardsvold exploded.

"What there's a power cut as well? That must make fighting the war difficult."

Nygaardsvold and Koht exchanged glances.

Haakon continued rambling "If there are no lights on, how can anyone see where they're going? They must have plenty of torches. Do we have plenty of torches?"

"I'm not sure you're majesty." Koht replied. "That would be a millitary matter I suppose."

"Well tell the Chief of Staff to find out before the cabinet meeting this afternoon. And tell him to check how many candles we've got, in case the batteries in the torches go flat."

With that King Haakon VII left the room and returned to bed.
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Another Norway AAR :D . Its always nice to see that ;)
1st September 1939. A more reasonable hour

King Haakon and his cabinet are meeting for their monthly cabinet discussions. There is one issue dominating everyone's thoughts.

"Got that report on torches yet Koht?" The King asks.

That was not it.

"Yes your majesty, we are well equipped with torches and candles, but if I can..." Koht started

"What about matches? A candle is no use without a match! Or a flint, or maybe a magnifying glass."

"Your highness there are more important matters! The continent is at war, Norway must be seen to respond." Nygaardsvold could barely contain himself.

"We've declared our neutrality haven't we?" Haakon asked

"Of course."

"There you are then, job done."

King Haakon got up to leave.

General Ljungberg jumped to his feet "Your majesty, the national defence plan has not yet been discussed!

"Oh that. I knew there was something I'd forgotten." Haakon smacked his forhead with his palm. "Go on then General, what's the cunning plan?"

"We want to requip the 1st and 5th infantry division to 1936 standards."

Haakon held up his hand to interupt, looked at the wall clock and then flicked through his diary. Finally satisfied he asked

"But isn't it 1939?"

"Yes, your majesty." Ljunberg replied.

"So why aren't we going for 1939 standard troops?"

Ljunberg looked shifty before mumbling "You'd have to ask research about that your highness."

The King, as well as the rest of the cabinet, turned to face Adolf Indrebø, minister for armaments.

"Well Indrebø?"

"It's technical your majesty." Indrebø replied.

"We are the cream of Norway, the finest minds this country has to offer! I'm sure we can understand the problem.

"Well that's not true. For starters, you're not even Norwegain, you're Danish."


"Well if your going to make wild false statements." Indrebø started

"Stop changing the subject. Why can't we have modern infantry?"

Indrebø looked deeply embaressed then produced a large chart


"When we rushed to get those improved machine tools, we forgot to actually produce any improved tools."

"And?" The King asked

"Well it turns out you can't build any advanced tools without the improved ones. And until we get some multi-flanged wurfle tighteners there's no way we can equip a modern infantry division."

"Multi-flanged wurfle tighteners?"

"Yes your majesty, they tighten multi-flanged wurfles." Indrebø replied.

"Well as long as there is a good reason. Get to work on those improved tools then."

The cabinet stayed seated.

"Now, not next week!"

The cabinet rushed out to carry out the King's command.
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2nd September 1939

It is midnight at the Norwegian foreign ministry and as the telegraph wires hum with messages the staff are burning the midnight oil. Suddenly King Haakon VII bursts in!

"What is the meaning of this! Why wasn't I informed of this vital news earlier?" The King yells to the bewildered staff.

"We didn't think that the the Nationalist Chinese annexing Shanxi was big news.

"It's not, who are Shanxi anyway?"

"A chinese province/state run by Yen Hsi-shan, a warlord in all but name..."

"That's not important! This is!" The King passed over a telegram.

"'South Africa went with Minister Resigns in Election Time', I'm sorry you're highness how is that important?" The confused foreign office official asked.

"Think man! Instead of a proper party they've elected this mysterious 'Minister Reigns' party. Who are they? Left, right, what? Are the forces of 'Minister Resigns' even now poised to overthrow democracy the world over. Are they a bigger threat than Communism and Facism combined?!"

Haakon's rant tails off. He sniffs the air.

"Have you been burning the midnight oil again?"

"Yes your higness."

"You know the country is short of oil! Why are you burning it?" The King asked.

"There was a power cut and the army has stolen all our torches."

"What about candles?"

"We haven't got any matches to light them."

"I warned them, I told them this might happen." Haakon muttered to himself as he stalked from the room

And so Norway entered into a series of trade agreements to ensure sufficient supplies of matches.
  • 1Like
Hehe great start, King Haakon seems to be doing a great job. Jolly nice story so far, I am looking forward to more :D :rofl: :rofl:
4th September 1939

King Haakon VII, having taken Sunday off, returned to work on Monday morning. The first item on his agenda: The Lithuanian Question!

"Koht where is Lithuania?"

"Eastern Europe your highness, on the border with the Soviet Union. Why do you ask?" Koht smoothly answered.

"There's a man called Juozas Urbsys waiting to see me. Apparently he's the Lithuanian foreign minister. I thought I should at least know where he's from."

"Shouldn't the Prime Minister be present, this could be an important matter."

"You know what's he like. Far too exciteable." King Haakon said. "Now show this Urbsys chappy in."

Juozas Urbsys marched in, bowed to the King and pulled out his prepared script.

"Jeg kommer influere Deres land." Urbsys said.

"What on earth is he on about Koht? I can't understand a word he's saying." The King asked

"It sound's like badly translated Norwegian sire, but the grammar is terrible. I think he's trying to influence the country."

"Oh. Do we want to be influenced by Lithuania Koht?"

"Probably not your majesty."

"Right ho. Sorry Urbsys we're not interested today." The King told the Lithuanian representative.

"Det er i orden." Urbsys thanked the King and Koht and left.

And so Norway was barely influenced by Lithuania.

"Well that was odd Koht. What's up next?" The King said.

"The head of the air force wants to talk to you about a serious problem."

"I didn't think we even had an airforce."

"That's his problem." Koht replied.
  • 1Like
Arrgh a question! I'd probably better respond. :eek:

kenneththegreat - That is the finest Norwegian a free online translator can produce. ;) It should mean "I've come to influence your country", the second piece should be "Fair enough". I thought I should cover myself in case it was horribly wrong. :D

Snake IV and Stroph1 - Haakon is a likeable fellow isn't he?

lifeless - I'm glad your enjoying it. Haakon wont rest until he has solved the countries lighting problem!

Lord E - I'm finding this far easier to write than my other stab at an AAR. Not worrying the slightest about accuracy helps immensely :D

Taswir - I'm glad you like the style. It was 'inspired' by Satchos style so I can't claim all the credit.

But now, to the problems of those magnificent Norwegians in their flying machines!
El Pip said:
Arrgh a question! I'd probably better respond. :eek:

kenneththegreat - That is the finest Norwegian a free online translator can produce. ;) It should mean "I've come to influence your country", the second piece should be "Fair enough". I thought I should cover myself in case it was horribly wrong. :D

First one sucked. It would be "I've come influence your country". Second one is good.
6th September 1936

King Haakon VII, Prime Minister Nygaardsvold and the head of the airforce Major-General Riiser-Larsen have gathered at Sola Air Station.

"So Riiser-Larsen, what's the problem?" The King asked.

"Look around your majesty. What do you see?" Riiser-Larsen replied.

"Nothing." Ventured the King.

"That is the problem."

"But didn't we buy a dozen Gloster Gladiators for you?"

Riiser-Larsen looked sheepish before answering. "Yes, but we lost them."

"Lost them! They cost a fortune, how could you lose them." Nygaardsvold exploded.

"You'll do yourself an injury if you keep that up Johan." The King warned his Prime Minister. Turning to the embaressed Riiser-Larsen he said.

"Have you looked everywhere for them?"


"Well where did you last see the airforce?"

"In that hangar on the end of runway five."

"Well lets start looking for them there." The King marched towards the hangar.

Inside the hangar.

"What's in those twelve giant crates general?" Haakon asked.

"No idea your majesty."

"Well find out then!"

Riiser-Larsen ordered the nearest crate ripped open, as the wooden panels were ripped away they revealed pristine new Fokker C.VEs

"There's you aircraft general, next time you should look more carefully for things before you come bothering the government." Haakon turned to leave, tutting to himself.

"But there the wrong sort of aircraft! The salesman said we were buying 12 Gloster Gadiators from Britain, those are German Fokkers!" Riiser-Larsen protested

"Are you sure you the salesman wasn't German?" The King asked.

"Yes I'm sure. He wore a bowler hat AND he drank loads of tea."

"He certainly sounds British." The King conceded. "Well give them a ring and check your paperwork. I've got to be back in Oslo." King Haakon walked out of the hangar leaving the confused Riiser-Larsen staring at the planes.


The incorrectly labeled Norwegian Airforce.

On his return to Oslo King Haakon found a note from Koht on his desk

'Finland called while you were out, asked us to be more like them. I said you'd get back to them later.'

And so Norway was barely influenced by Finland.
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