Interlude
The American delegation in Lhassa (1943)
The American delegation in Lhassa (1943)
Lhassa, the Gardens of the Potala palace
Reting Rimpoche: It’s always an honor to welcome the envoy of the powerful United States of America.
American Ambassador: I recognize the exquisite and world renown Tibetan politeness.
Reting Rimpoche: Would you like something to drink ?
Ambassador: Thanks, just a co... *he pauses, then frowns* Just some tea with salted yak butter will do, thanks.
Reting Rimpoche: Here you go. Please try this tsampa too, it’s the best in Lhassa, our chef made it especially for you.
Ambassador: Can I have some peanut butter with that ?
Awkward silence.
Reting Rimpoche: Well, let’s speak about business now.
Ambassador: All right ! The United States of America wish to welcome Tibet into their righteous crusade to rid the world of fascism !
Reting Rimpoche: Duh, right. Not as if we hadn’t started already but anyway, thank you.
Ambassador: In fact, we would like to agree about a common plan to restore hope, justice and democracy in Asia after the final triumph of our righteous cause.
Reting Rimpoche: Like, divide Asia into puppet nations under American supervision, I suppose ?
Ambassador: Exactly ! So, I’ll take it that you’re with us ?
Reting Rimpoche: Well, despite the fact that your previous deal with the Soviets worked out so splendidly in Europe, and in spite of the outstanding reconstruction effort that you provided all over the 450 km² of West-Germany including the close suburbs of Aachen, I fear that we have more pressing business to deal with right now.
Ambassador: I understand that you may be reluctant to throw the poor yet brave army of Tibet in an all-out war against the powerful forces of Japan, but remember that the brunt of the fight will be carried by the mighty US Army and the Almost Undefeated US Pacific Fleet !
Reting Rimpoche: Oh, I feel better. My heart pounds with excitement at the memories of your last fabulous victory at... where was it again ?
Ambassador: Bonin Island ! We liberated Bonin Island !
Reting Rimpoche: ... Bonin Island. I’m very sorry to decline but I fear that Tibet is not yet ready to defeat the combined armies of China and Japan a second time.
Ambassador: I understand your point, but consider that as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Tibet to join the march of modern nations toward world peace and prosperity !
Reting Rimpoche: Uh... see. We are buddhists. We are not interested in prosperity.
Ambassador: You will benefit from the American might to make your voice heard at the League of Nations !
Reting Rimpoche: Uh... Hm... we believe that silence is a virtue.
Ambassador: You will have an access to a North American free trade market !
Reting Rimpoche: Uh... (scratches his head) Uh... (discreetly looks into a small book from his pocket entitled “diplomatic excuses for the beginner”) Uh... “We are not worthy”.
Ambassador: (looks something from his pocket too) Do you want glass trinkets ?
Reting Rimpoche grabs the envoy by his neck.
Reting Rimpoche: Shup up and get the hell out of here before I reconsider my point, which would mean practically kick your a** all the way back to Washington and eventually annex the USA on the way !
Ambassador: All right, all right, no need to get nervous ! Ah ! Ah ! We are gentlemen after all aren’t we ? I was going to leave anyway.
Reting Rimpoche (trying to compose himself): “Please come back anytime”. Sort of.
Ambassador (looks back shyly): Uh... I can still report you as belonging to the American sphere of influence, can’t I ?
Meanwhile, far, far away...
The Chinese countryside nearby Anyang.
A Japanese patrol scouts the bushes close to the riverside.
Voice (low, in a bush): Those ones will feel my righteous wrath.
Other voice (low, in the same bush): If I threaten you to quit if you do this, will that change anything ?
Voice (now loud): HALT! Stop here intruders !
The soldiers of the Japanese squad duck and aim their weapons.
Japanese soldier: Who’s here ?
Dalai Lama: I am your worst nightmare.
Japanese soldier #1: A teenage boy ??
Japanese squad: BWAHAHAHA !
Gyato Wangdu (low, from the bush): I told you it wasn’t a good idea...
Dalai Lama: You killed my father. I will never forgive you. You’ll pay for that, NOW.
Dalai Lama’s father (from a distance): Lhamo Thondup, I found you at last ! I’m so glad Reting Rimpoche let me come to China ! You want to go fishing with me, my boy ?
Dalai Lama: Uh... Never seen him before. Just another American spy, I guess.
The Dalai Lama’s father is obliged to run away to avoid the Japanese salvo.
Japanese soldier #1: The boy is still here, Lieutenant. What do we do ?
Dalai Lama (grins): Do the undertaker a favor – number your bones. ‘cause it’ll take some work to burry you all separately, very soon.
Japanese soldier #1: Lieutenant ? I don’t know why, but I have a bad premonition.
Japanese soldier #2: After all, what kind of boy could quietly dare an armed enemy squad ?
Japanese soldier #3: Maybe he’s some kind of Chinese swordmaster in disguise trying our might ?
Japanese soldier #1: Maybe he’s the spirit of an ancient Samurai showing us how far away from the Bushido we have erred ?
Japanese soldier #2: It must be the spirits of our ancestors that came to punish us for our sins !
Japanese soldier #3: Prosternate !
Japanese soldier #2: No ! Run for your lives !
Lieutenant: He must be... The Great Dragon of the Huang He himself ! Run for your SOULS !
All drop their guns in terror and run away.
Dalai Lama: The Way of the Warrior is truely an endless spring of joy in this land of sorrows.
Gyato Wangdu: Could you sign me this attestation saying that I’m doing a good job at tutoring you, while we’re at it ?
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