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Dead William: Glad you liked it!

Deus: Yup, it's just the thing for a nice bedtime story to settle your kids down for the night - plenty of monsters, evil witches and bloodthirsty vengeance! Those Grimm guys would be arrested if they were alive today, I'm sure... :D

stnylan: Er... I hadn't heard of that theory before, but you never know - maybe the witch could turn into a sturgeon as well...

J.Passepartout: What, and ruin the livelihood of thousands of tourist tat retailers throughout the Highlands? There would be an uproar! :eek:

coz1: Thanks - I will be sure to check out the said Incident at Loch Ness.

Lord J.Roxton: The great thing about fairy tales is that absolutely anything goes, and you can build in a ready-made justification for the most unjustified gameplay. Of course, it doesn't help your in-game reputation though... Incidentally, Etain of Ulaid got a pretty bad press in the story compared with her part in the game. She was a perfectly loyal member of Duncan's court, had nothing wrong with her, was not assassinated, and in fact only just died, having survived (as Loch Ness Monster!) for some years after Duncan's death!

Fiftypence: In fact, bringing in Nessie was the "inspiration" that got me going again, and thus saved the AAR! Now I've used up the most famous of Scotland's myths and legends I'll have to start unearthing some lesser known ones. ;)

Well, I've been playing through Eume's reign and things are developing nicely. Thanks to all for posting!
 
Wonderful AAR.
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Yet another post from Farq that is not only simply awe inspiring, but also proof positive that tha man is a pure AAR genius! I bow to your mastery, Farq!!
 
One of the greatest AAR posts ever. :)
 
OK time to get this going again. First a word to those who posted since I last did...

Wämö, BBBD, Draco R & Jestor: Thanks! I need comments like this to keep me going! Although, Jestor I think you're getting a bit carried away there... :p

Anyway, another tale is now ready to emerge into the light of day. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin...
 
4: The Ugly Troll of Berwick Law

Berwick-Law.jpg

Once upon a time there was a King whose name was Morgund, and he ruled in the Kingdom of Scotland. King Morgund was a good king, and all his subjects loved him. King Morgund was married to Queen Esa, but sadly she had not borne him any children, and the king had no son to reign wisely and justly after he died. It was King Morgund’s distant cousin, a scheming baron named Murdoch, who hoped to claim the throne of Scotland when the king died.

Now in those days there was an ugly troll who lived beneath the hill called Berwick Law, to the east of Edinburgh. Although he was as ugly as any troll could wish to be, he was certainly not as rich. He used to waylay travellers on the coast road that ran between Berwick and Edinburgh, drag them into his cave under the hill, and strip them of all they had. But the fact was that the folk of Scotland had begun to shun that road for this very reason, preferring to take the longer road over the Lammermuirs. There were slim pickings in those days therefore for the ugly troll.

However, it happened that one day Murdoch the King’s scheming cousin was taking the coast road, for he was on his way to Tantallon Castle. He knew the tales of the ugly troll, and he was wary and kept a close watch to either side of the way, but the troll was too clever for him and lay in wait in the branches of a tree overhanging the road. As Murdoch passed beneath, the ugly creature leapt down on him, beat him senseless, and dragged him off to his cave. There he rifled through the hapless traveller’s belongings, but the crafty Baron had taken the precaution of carrying nothing with him, and the troll became furious for Murdoch had seemed like a wealthy victim.

When Murdoch regained consciousness the troll began to shake him, demanding to know where he had concealed his gold or he would slit his throat there and then. Murdoch realized that he was unlikely to come out of the cave alive, but then he thought of a clever scheme.

Murdoch.jpg

“My gold is not here,” he told the troll, “for it is locked up safe in the royal coffers in Edinburgh Castle!”

“Royal coffers?” said the troll in astonishment. “What are you talking about? You are not the King!”

“Not yet,” replied Murdoch, “but as long as King Morgund remains without children, I am rightful heir to the throne. What’s more, I know that a troll such as yourself has magical powers, and so perhaps we can do a deal, you and I.”

“What sort of a deal?” asked the troll, eyeing his prisoner suspiciously.

“All I require is for King Morgund to remain childless until the end of his days - I am sure such a thing is a simple matter for a troll such as you. Then, when I am King I will promise to give you half the gold that I inherit. You will be able to retire in luxury and leave poor travellers alone.”

The troll considered this proposal. He was now convinced that there was nothing to be had on Murdoch’s person, but the thought of receiving such a vast mountain of gold in the future took his fancy.

“How do I know you will keep your part of the bargain?” he asked.

“Do you doubt the word of a Dunkeld?” asked Murdoch indignantly.

“Perhaps I do,” replied the troll. “But if you should break your word, you can be sure I will hunt you down and slit your throat in the end. And that is the word of a troll!”

So Murdoch walked free, and from that day onwards King Morgund found himself under a terrible spell. Every night when he retired to his chambers he was transformed into an ugly toad. Every morning when he got up, he regained his human form. Of course, Queen Esa loved her husband dearly, but she could not face sharing her bed with an ugly toad, and the royal couple slept apart for the rest of their days. King Morgund never found out who had put such a cruel spell on him, but Murdoch gloated daily to see that Queen Esa had still not produced a single royal heir.

Toad.jpg

In time the unhappy King Morgund grew old and died, and everyone in the Kingdom mourned his passing. Everyone, that is, except Murdoch and the ugly troll of Berwick Law. For now Murdoch was proclaimed King, and it was not long before the troll sent word that he was waiting for his gold. The message was signed in troll’s blood, as a gentle reminder to Murdoch that a promise was a promise. But now the scheming King Murdoch revealed the next stage of his cunning plan, for the truth was that he had never had the slightest intention of handing over half of his gold to a thieving troll.

For it so happened that one of the King’s loyal vassals was a certain Eume son of Duncan, and it so happened that he was none other than the Duke of Berwick, and it so happened moreover that this Duke Eume of Berwick had no little experience in dealing with monsters, trolls and the like. All these things Murdoch had known all along, and now he called on Duke Eume to come to his aid and rid the realm of the wicked thieving troll who lived under Berwick Law and who was in the habit of making the journey between Berwick and Edinburgh so perilous for travellers.

Now Duke Eume was fearless and true, and he knew nothing of King Murdoch’s promise to the troll, and so he went forth to do battle with the ugly troll. But the troll, on seeing Duke Eume approaching, ran quickly to the top of the hill and shouted down to the Duke:

“What do you want with me, Duke Eume?”

“I have come to rid the realm of you, you great thieving treacherous creature!” cried Duke Eume.

“’Tis not I, the treacherous creature,” replied the troll, “but that scheming traitor who sits even now in his castle in Edinburgh while others do his dirty work for him!”

“How dare you slander the King’s name!” shouted Duke Eume, as he continued up the slopes of the Law. “I will hear none of it!”

“On the contrary,” replied the troll, “you will hear it all, and I doubt you will be so quick to do the Dunkeld traitor’s bidding when you have heard my tale.”

Troll.gif

At that Duke Eume said nothing, but he slowed his pace, for he was curious to know what the troll was speaking about. And so it was that before he reached the top of the Law the troll had had time to tell him of the deal he had made with Murdoch, and how Murdoch had now gone back on his word and would not hand over a penny of his gold. Now Duke Eume was furious to hear of this scheme, but he had no pity on the wicked troll, and he fought him there and then on the hilltop, and slew him.

Then he rode to Edinburgh Castle, and he sought out Queen Esa, and asked her if the troll’s tale was true, that every night King Morgund had taken the form of an ugly toad, and that was why no heirs had been born to him. Weeping bitterly, the Queen told him that every word was true, though she too now learned who was responsible for her husband’s terrible fate.

So that very day Duke Eume declared that he would no longer recognize Murdoch Dunkeld as his king, and the Kingdom was torn in two by a great civil war. Many nobles remained faithful to King Murdoch, but many others sided with Duke Eume. Great battles were fought up and down the Kingdom, and many brave warriors lost their lives. But at the end of it all, Duke Eume and his forces were victorious, and King Murdoch was vanquished. Duke Eume was recognized as ruler of all the lands he had held before, and also some lands he had conquered in the war. But Murdoch remained King of Scotland, for although he was a traitor, nevertheless he was a Dunkeld, and many believed that only a Dunkeld should sit on the Scottish throne. But from that time on there was enmity between the House of Dunkeld and the Dukes of Berwick, for the Dukes of Berwick would not recognized the line of Murdoch the Traitor, who had used the magic powers of a wicked troll to get himself to the throne.


Scotland-1170.jpg

The Kingdom of Scotland (blue) and the Duchy of Berwick (dark brown) in 1170
Berwick includes the Isle of Man, Westmorland and Durham​
 
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Such a lovely troll too bad he had to part ways with his mone.... hkm well his life actually.

Nice story I just imagined to tell this to my children: "....I will hunt you down and slit your throat in the end." :D


Edit: Luckily I have no kids, since they'd be mortified! :cool:
 
Another engaging tale. Methinks King Morgund should have tried a little "afternoon delight" if he wanted an heir. But oh well - Murdoch seems to have plenty to deal with as a result of his flamboyent scheming. :D
 
Ah, the Kingdom of Scotland is being destroyed. Now all you have to do is conquer the rest, and get that title. However, I would wait on that, considering how the current king will probably have an army of evil monsters. His succecors may not be so despicable.
 
Excellent as always. What other beasties will Eume have a go at before he dies? Or will a big beastie be the death of him?
 
Why on earth would he limit himself to nightly sex?
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Still, an amazing update.
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Your fantasy seems without limits... Very well done!
 
What a horrible fate for Morgund! :)

I take it you survived the little civil war with your head intact and half a realm, or your head intact and the entire realm with a good portion of vassals skipping out on you? :confused: :(

In any event, nice update, Farq! :cool:
 
jwolf: Thanks. Yes, justice for all, except that in reality it was of course Eume who was the bad boy, racking up BB points by grabbing titles and then taking them in offensive wars. He fought two wars against Scotland before conveniently dying, which cancels a third of your BB. His son Còsme still inherited a tarnished reputation... :eek:

Deus: Well anything that the Brothers Grimm got past the kiddie censors I consider perfectly OK. :D

coz1 & Wämö: Regarding Morgund's failure to produce heirs, you have to realize that the entire story was just a myth invented by Queen Esa, who in reality thought that Morgund looked like an ugly toad even in his human form and consequently had to fabricate an excuse for her inability to produce any heirs... ;)

J.Passepartout: In game terms Scotland is now a pushover and seems unable to even get into any good alliances, so the fate of the House of Dunkeld is pretty much sealed. My main problem in conquering the kingdom piecemeal is of course BB, since I haven't yet bothered to do any crusading so haven't much piety to offset my warmongering ways.

stnylan: Well, in the game he just died of old age, but then I don't recall any "A fearsome monster has eaten X" events in CK. Scope for some modding there, I'm sure. :)

BBBD: I have to say that PT's Novgorod AAR remains my favourite CK one that I've read - slightly different style from this one though! :D

Murmurandus: Well, no, it has limits - usually reached around the mid 1200s, as I've mentioned before! :eek:

Draco R: Yes, well I kind of caused the civil war by gradually amassing about half the kingdom then declaring war on a fellow vassal (actually the Isle of Man), thus pretty much forcing the King to declare war on me. He'd just finished fighting some silly war in Scandinavia so was weakened and easy to beat. I grabbed a couple more titles off him, but the main purpose was to become independent. For one thing I was getting tired of the amount of scutage he was taking.

Eume's son Còsme is doing his best to become King of Scotland before he dies, but I don't know if he'll manage. By the way, these strange names (Eume, Còsme) are because my Angus family has somehow become Occitan instead of Scottish. I think it was the duchess from Narbonne that did that. :rolleyes:
 
By the way, these strange names (Eume, Còsme) are because my Angus family has somehow become Occitan instead of Scottish. I think it was the duchess from Narbonne that did that.

The Auld Alliance going a step too far perhaps? ;)
 
The Auld Alliance going a step too far perhaps?

When Alud Alliance be forgot! Very nice. Scotland should be in the hands of the Troll killer Eume, not in Murdoch Dunkeld'grubby nasty little hands. I think this AAR needs some dragons though :p Thanks Farq! DW