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Season 2, Day 7

Nemesis/Cascade 17/19
Lynx/Monarchs 15/14
Siege/Torrent 11/13
Apocalypse/Titans 12/23
Crows/Roughriders 13/16

Code:
[color=white][u]Team                        Goals            Points     Streak[/u]
1. Harton Lynx             105/96 (+9)         24        1 win
2. New Lancaster Cascade   120/112 (+8)        21        1 win
3. Chateauvallon Monarchs  125/109 (+16)       20        1 loss
4. Tabor Titans            125/105 (+20)       16        1 win[/color][color=silver]
5. St.Brendanstown Siege   96/93 (+3)          16        1 loss
6. Witney Torrent          95/95 (+0)          16        3 wins
7. Douglas Roughriders     104/109 (-5)        12        2 wins
8. Hurteau Nemesis         103/111 (-8)        8         2 losses
9. Capistrano Crows        102/108 (-6)        7         1 loss
10. Buen Puerto Apocalypse 81/118 (-37)        0         7 losses[/color]
 

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Eutopian Sports Network: END GAME

(Opening music)

SCOTT STUART: This is END GAME, the Eutopian Lacrosse Series post game show, and we bring the skills to pay the bills. Lotta big news in the world of the Big Stick, so let's hit it:

(Highlights roll)

  • Day Six. Big upsets all around the series, well not quite ALL around the series...

    (Graphic of clock ticking toward midnight)

    That's the Doomsday Clock folks, and the Buen Puerto Apocalypse continue to set new records in futility.

    (Return to game highlights)
    Here they are playing the equally dismal Roughriders and, LOOK AT THAT! Buen Puerto Goalie Pablo "Pooh Bear" Pussanto stretches to block the Douglas shot with....the wrong end of the stick! Oh no! Que lastima! Buen Puerto deputy mayor Silvio Ortega was on-hand to rally support for the team, that's him in the front row crying. Douglas 12, BP 10.


    Day Six. Upset Day. Well, not yet. The Chateavallon Monarchs made of their neighbors, the Hurteau Nemesis. This one was over early as attacker Mark Millon scored six goals in the first half, outscoring the entire Hurteau team by a goal. Monarchs player coach Gary Gait put back-up goalie Arturs Weekes in at half time after a strong first half by star goalie Greg Cattrano. Monarchs bench plays out the game after the third period for a 20-15 win.

    Day Six. Is it Upset Day yet? It sure is. No one in the ELS is playing better than the UNDEFEATED Harton Lynx! No one except, no wait, is this right? Yo, Stewie, teleprompter boy, is this right? No misprints the Lynx came out of the tunnel soft against the Witney Torrent and the expansion team boys took them to the shed. The Torrent, fighting for respectability, put a 15-11 beating on the PREVIOUSLY UNDEFEATED Harton Lynx! ...Hmm, doesn't sound as catchy anymore, does it? Witney Midfielder Thomas Baker had 4 goals and 4 assists in the victory.

    Day Six. Upset Day. The Tabor Titans, models of consistency taking on the floundering St. Brendanstown Siege. Were the expansion boys a fluke? Not today. Siege started strong and finished strong. Six lead changes in the last period until, BOOM! Feel the force of my shillelagh! Siege attacker Sean O'Neil hammers this one past the goalie to win it, 17-16.

    Day Six. Upset... yeah, yeah, you got the idea. (ominous music) Here come the Crows. Just when ya wrote them off as dead, they're back. After last week's lack luster performance against Hurteau, the Crows fly into New Lancaster, and left something nasty in the stadium, as crows tend to do. Mike Regan and Scott Doyle displaying some of the championship form they showed in last year's playoffs, each scoring five goals. Capistrano star Brian Silcott playing out of position to replace suspended Attacker Carlos Cortez scored the game winner in overtime to win it for the Crows. New Lancaster coach Johnny DeTommaso was less than gracious in defeat citing numerous unsportsmanlike fouls by the Crows.

    And, if you were wondering, the Cascade had been favored by six points. But remember, the point spreads are for entertainment value only.

SCOTT STUART: Them's the highlights, now for the commercials. We'll be back after we pay some bills...

(theme music)
 
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Eutopian Sports Network: END GAME

(Theme music)

SCOTT STUART: Welcome back to ESN's END GAME This is Scott Stuart and we've got highlights from Game 7.



  • (Doomsday Clock Graphic appears)

    Do not ask for whom the bell doth toll, for it tolls for thee, amigo!

    (Highlights roll)

    Not to get all literary, but the Buen Puerto story ain't being written by John Donne, but by John Finished-Long-Ago. The Apocalypse, who have not won a game in their history as a franchise, took it on their collective chin, with the Tabor Titans almost DOUBLING their score in a 23-12 route.

    Not only are they standing at MINUS THIRTY SEVEN goals for the season, not only did this one game propel the normally conservative Titans to the a stat-leading PLUS Twenty Goals, but it spoiled a benefit hosted by the ANGLICAN CHURCH OF EUTOPIA for injured Apocalypse player Jose Aguilar. We all wish Aguilar well, but, damned fellas, didn't anyone tell you you're supposed to win one for your fallen team mate?

    St. Brendanstown Siege, trying to capitalize on their big Game 6 win, take on the Torrent. No lucky charms here, b'gorrah! The Witney Torrent playing some inspired ball. After last week's upset over the Lynx, they grind out a victory 13-11.

    Coach Johnny DeTomasso sharing a few words of wisdom with the Cascade before their game against Hurteau, a few words of the four-lettered kind. Must of worked. Cascade back on track with a 19-17 win.

    How about a little love for the ONCE DEFEATED Harton Lynx! Okay, still not as catchy as undefeated, but the Lynx are proving they're not a fluke. Big win over an impressive Chateauvallon team. Harton sneaks it past Cattrano for a 15-14 win.

    And finally, gamblers hide your wallets, the Capistrano Crows, after beating the Cascade, host the Douglas Roughriders. Isn't it customary to show up when you have a guest? The Crows didn't. After a lackluster first half against expansion Douglas, the Crows finally put some points on the board after Douglas pulled their starters, leading 12 - 6 at the beginning of the third period. Final score: Riders 16, Crows 13.

    PS: Crows were favored by one.

SCOTT STUART: Joining me in-studio is ELS color commentator Keith Johnson. Keith, now that we're well into the season, is it time to re-evaluate the team hierarchy?

KEITH JOHNSON: Huh, what? What did you just call me? High Rocky? I haven't touched a drop!

SCOTT STUART: Damn Keith, I thought that was just your cologne. Are you drunk?

KEITH JOHNSON: So anyway, here's what I can tell ya: The expansion teams are pretty good. Some folks wanted to redistribute players but the Siege and Torrent have shown that's not necessary.

SCOTT STUART: But Keith, those teams have a strong pool of college players they can draw upon, and they were able to bring a number of players over from the States. Look at the Apocalypse for a minute. No college or club teams, few international players. What about them?

KEITH JOHNSON: Them? Well, they suck, but that's beside the point.

SCOTT STUART: Whew, get a breath mint, dawg, I think I'm getting a second hand buzz of your breath! Some would argue that a formal ELS draft could help balance the power in the league, but most team owners seem to like the flexibility they currently have.

Next issue: Who's the best team in the ELS?

KEITH JOHNSONNo doubt about it Scott, it's got to be the Harton Lynx. This is a team I've followed from the beginning of the year and there's no doubt they'll walk away with the Teano Cup. Strong wins against the Siege and the Monarchs show this team is for real. After that, I think the Cascade and the Monarchs are in, with the Siege and Titans battling for the number four spot. But number one? Yes indeedy-doody, it's got to be the Harton Lynx.

SCOTT STUART : ........

KEITH JOHNSON: Yep, the Lynx.

SCOTT STUART : The man, the myth, the legend folks. Next week we'll read his fan mail. Any final thoughts K-Jo?

KEITH JOHNSON: Yeah, I don't ...

KEITH JOHNSON: ...feel so good.

SCOTT STUART: Whoa. This man needs a doctor, and maybe a new liver. From all of us at END GAME, we wish the best for the Aguilar family. Peace, Jose, hope you're on your feet soon.

I'm Scott Stuart, and we're outta here.
(theme music)

 
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Re: Eutopian Sports Network: END GAME

Originally posted by heagarty
After last week's lack luster performance against Hurteau, the Crows fly into New Lancaster, and left something nasty in the stadium, as crows tend to do.
LOL.

Hm, kind of ironic, given that the Crows are now in deep doo-doo (see next post). ;)
 

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Suspension Announcement


For violating Sections 3 (integrity of the game, reputation of the ELS), 5 (dangerous behaviour), 6 (fair play), 9 (gambling), and 11 (performance enhancing substances), and 12 (encouraging violation of CoC) of the ELS Code of Conduct,

Luc St. Jean

will be permanently banned from the ELS.


For violating Sections 3 (integrity of the game, reputation of the ELS), 6 (fair play), 10 (illicit activities), and 11 (performance enhancing substances) of the ELS Code of Conduct,

Scott Doyle
Kevin O'Brien

will be suspended from the ELS for the remainder of Season 2, as well as Seasons 3 and 4 in their entirety.


For violating Sections 3 (integrity of the game, reputation of the ELS), 6 (fair play), and 11 (performance enhancing substances) of the ELS Code of Conduct,

Conor Gill

will be suspended from the ELS for the remainder of Season 2, as well as Season 3 in its entirety.


Melanchthon
ELS-Commissioner
 

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Season 2, Day 8

Cascade/Lynx 18/16
Monarchs/Siege 13/16
Torrent/Apocalypse 14/10
Titans/Crows 13/11
Roughriders/Nemesis 16/17

Code:
[color=white][u]Team                        Goals             Points     Streak[/u]
1. New Lancaster Cascade   138/128 (+10)       25        2 wins
2. Harton Lynx             121/114 (+7)        24        1 loss
3. Tabor Titans            138/116 (+22)       20        2 wins
4. Chateauvallon Monarchs  138/125 (+13)       20        2 losses[/color][color=silver]
5. St.Brendanstown Siege   112/106 (+6)        20        1 win
6. Witney Torrent          109/105 (+4)        20        4 wins
7. Douglas Roughriders     120/126 (-6)        12        1 loss
8. Hurteau Nemesis         120/127 (-7)        12        1 win
9. Capistrano Crows        113/121 (-8)        7         2 losses
10. Buen Puerto Apocalypse 91/132 (-41)        0         8 losses[/color]
 

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NEWS RELEASE: Buen Puerto

A statement was released today by the family of Jose Aguilar, lacrosse player for the Buen Puerto Apocalypse, who was seriously injured by Crows player Carlos Cortez.

Sr. Aguilar remains hospitalized in serious condition from spinal injuries inflicted earlier this year by Cortez and his recovery is still questionable.

His family today applauded the actions taken by ELS Commissioner Melanchthon. Though Cortez, already suspended for the duration of Season 2, was not named in the recent League Office announcement, the actions taken against Crows Coach Luc St. Jean and Cortez's teammate are, in the words of Senora Aguilar "A clear condemnation of the tactics used to cheapen the game Jose so loved".

She continued, "While we do not know if Jose will ever be able to take another step, the actions by the ELS office today are a great step forward for justice and fairplay."

The Eutopian Sports Network will air a special investigative report on the woes of the Crows later this month, featuring reports of exposed wrong doing, the effects of corrective action, and response around the league.
 

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Season 2, Day 9

Apocalypse/Cascade 16/24
Crows/Monarchs 7/18
Nemesis/Torrent 16/17
Lynx/Titans 18/19 (OT)
Siege/Roughriders 10/12

Code:
[color=white][u]Team                        Goals            Points      Streak[/u]
1. New Lancaster Cascade   162/144 (+18)       29        3 wins
2. Harton Lynx             139/133 (+6)        25        2 losses
3. Chateauvallon Monarchs  156/132 (+24)       24        1 win
4. Witney Torrent          126/121 (+5)        24        5 wins[/color][color=silver]
5. Tabor Titans            157/134 (+23)       23        3 wins
6. St.Brendanstown Siege   122/118 (+4)        20        1 loss
7. Douglas Roughriders     132/136 (-4)        16        1 win
8. Hurteau Nemesis         136/144 (-8)        12        1 loss
9. Capistrano Crows        120/139 (-19)       7         3 losses
10. Buen Puerto Apocalypse 107/156 (-49)       0         9 losses
[/color]
 

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Eutopian Sports Network: END GAME

(Theme music)

SCOTT STUART: Welcome back to a special edition of ESN's END GAME This is Scott Stuart and tonight we'll begin a series on the the scandal that has sent waves from Buen Puerto to New Lancaster City.

But first, we've got highlights from Game 9.



  • (Doomsday Clock Graphic appears)

    It's not going away any time soon, quoth the Cascade "Twenty-Four!"

    (Highlights roll)

    Yep, a new league highscore for this season with the Cascade hanging 24 big points on Buen Puerto Goalie Pablo "Pooh Bear" Pussanto. Don't watch folks, it's muy feo! Johnny Riodan with 6 Cascade goals and 4 assists in the lopsided victory.

    The Witney Torrent have unseated St. Brendanstown as the expansion team to watch, after a slow start, the team is gelling behind Midfielder Thomas Baker. Check out the sweet assist to Attacker Benjamin Thorpe for winning score. Torrent - 17, Nemesis - 16.

    Time to catch up with the ONCE, er TWICE DEFEATED Harton Lynx! Um, oops, looks like the Tabor Titans' scoring tandem of Attackers Keith Cromwell and Dan Denihan had other plans. Each scored 4 goals in a tight game that may have been decided with Lynx Defender Bob Beadle went down with a broken ankle. Should the ref have stopped play? The fans may think so, but the rules states that unless there is clear evidence that a player's health is threatened, play will stop for injury only on a time-out. A clean goal by Denihan, and the Titans win by one 17 -16 over the THRICE DEFEATED Harton Lynx!

    A power outage at St. Timothy and Titus Stadium led to calling the match early in St. Brendanstown. No tape was available from the game, but, trust us, the Douglas Roughriders did defeat the St. Brendanstown Siege, 12-10, in three periods.

    And finally, it doesn't get any uglier than this: the Chateauvallon Monarchs visited Ground Zero, also known as Estadio Esprit. Since the suspensions were handed down by the league office, little has gone right for Capistrano fans.

    Outside we see dueling protestors, some protesting league actions against the Crows, calling it unfair and arbitrary. Um, our words not theirs, cuz ours are allowed on the airwaves. Some protesting team owner Gabriel Fernandez and calling for his immediate sale of the team. And others worried about the Crows leaving town altogether.

    After today's performance, some of those in the last group might not feel so bad about seeing them go. The Monarchs led 14-4 in the third period before Chateauvallon player-coach Gary Gait made wholesale substitutions. By the end of the game every Monarch had clocked game time. Feeling less charitable was Crows Attacker Mike Regan, the former co-captain, now the team leader and player-coach. We'll hear from him later in the show.
    Final Score - Monarchs 18, Crows - a new ELS record low 7.


SCOTT STUART: We'll delve deeper into the sanctions handed down by the league, examine the Crows as the pick up the pieces and get comments from around the league.

And we'll do it all after this...

(theme music)

 
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Season 2, Day 10

Torrent/Cascade 17/14
Titans/Monarchs 15/16 (OT)
Lynx/Roughriders 18/12
Siege/Crows 11/16
Apocalypse/Nemesis 14/10

Code:
[color=white][u]Team                        Goals            Points      Streak[/u]
1. New Lancaster Cascade   176/161 (+15)       29        1 loss
2. Harton Lynx             157/145 (+12)       29        1 win
3. Witney Torrent          143/135 (+8)        28        6 wins
4. Chateauvallon Monarchs  172/147 (+25)       27        2 wins[/color][color=silver]
5. Tabor Titans            172/150 (+22)       24        1 loss
6. St.Brendanstown Siege   133/134 (-1)        20        2 losses
7. Douglas Roughriders     144/154 (-10)       16        1 loss
8. Hurteau Nemesis         146/158 (-12)       12        2 losses
9. Capistrano Crows        136/150 (-14)       11        1 win
10. Buen Puerto Apocalypse 121/166 (-45)       4         1 win
[/color]
 

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Season 2, Day 11

Cascade/Monarchs 19/16
Torrent/Roughriders 11/12
Nemesis/Titans 12/20
Apocalypse/Siege 8/16
Lynx/Crows 19/15

Code:
[color=white][u]Team                        Goals            Points      Streak[/u]
1. New Lancaster Cascade   195/177 (+18)       33        1 win
2. Harton Lynx             176/160 (+16)       33        2 wins
3. Tabor Titans            192/162 (+30)       28        1 win
4. Witney Torrent          154/147 (+7)        28        1 loss[/color][color=silver]
5. Chateauvallon Monarchs  188/166 (+22)       27        1 loss
6. St.Brendanstown Siege   149/142 (+7)        24        1 win
7. Douglas Roughriders     156/165 (-9)        20        1 win
8. Hurteau Nemesis         158/178 (-20)       12        3 losses
9. Capistrano Crows        151/169 (-18)       11        1 loss
10. Buen Puerto Apocalypse 129/182 (-53)       4         1 loss
[/color]
 

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Letter to the Commissioner

Dear Commissioner Melanchthon,

In the waning days of my tenure as Minister of Heritage and Social Affairs, I have one project dear to my heart that I would want to push.

Under the new Division of Culture, Heritage, and Education, I have set aside funds to highlight the Eutopia's national sport, Lacrosse, by hosting an international competition in conjunction with the ELS.

Obviously, the competition will not take place during my tenure, but if I can plant the seed now, then hopefully I can enjoy it as a fan and team president when it comes to fruition.

I would hope to invite national teams from seven other nations to Eutopia to compete against an All-Star team of Eutopia's best. I believe we could pull this off between Season Two and Season Three.

There would be a number of considerations, such as which city would host the tournament, who would coach the Eutopian team, what players would be selected, would any foreign-born Eutopian players choose to play for their native teams, etc?

As I've said funding is available and I've made some inquiries into corporate sponsors as well. Please let me know just as soon as you can if your office will agree to this proposal so that I can make whatever arrangements are necessary to launch this before the end of my tenure.

Thanks, and congratulations on the Titan's recent success. Hopefully our Monarchs will return to their winning ways soon!

Regards,

Jack Teano +
MHSA & President, Chateauvallon Monarchs
 

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Dear Minister Teano,

thank you for your continued interest in the ELS. Based on your action programme for the MHSA, we have been developing plans for an international Lacrosse tournament hosted by the ELS. By and large, those plans coincide with your suggestions.

Roughly, we currently envision the following:

(1) At the end of each ELS-season, we will host a tournament, tentatively to be called the Atlantic Cup or Twelve Nations Cup (other suggestions are welcome).

(2) Including Eutopia, twelve nations will compete for the cup. These nations will be divided into four groups; each team plays the other group teams once. The two top-seeded teams from each group will advance to the play-offs (decided through single games).

(3) The four groups will play in New Lancaster City, Buen Puerto, Chateauvallon and Douglas, respectively. Quarter- and semi-finals will be held in Hurteau and Harton, and the final will take place in Eutopia City.


Groups are as follows:

Group 1 (New Lancaster >> Harton)
USA
Belgium
Portugal

Group 2 (Buen Puerto >> Harton)
Australia
Germany
England

Group 3 (Chateauvallon >> Hurteau)
Canada
Netherlands
Spain

Group 4 (Douglas >> Hurteau)
Eutopia
New Zealand
France

Yours sincerely,
Melanchthon
ELS-Commissioner
 
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