Eutopia Tonight! With John O'Floinn

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Woah, you don't say.

Well everyone, I'm sorry to say we're out of time today, but tune in again tomorrow, when we will be joined by Roberto Martinez, Speaker of the NA. Amric, if you'd like, you're of course more than welcome to return for tomorrow's show. Good night Eutopia!

Amric, if you'd care to give a closing word, now's the time!

 

[Amric]

Well this was kind of quicker than I expected, John. But at the moment, I can't think of anything else to say for the moment. Thanks for having me on the show....

 

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Yes, I couldn't quite get all the time I wanted for the show, the network was a little suspicious of me. I can't imagine why. That's why I'll generally be inviting guests to stay for several shows. And speaking of guests, if you'd like to be a guest on Eutopia Tonight, feel free to call my office and set up a time to be on the show.

 

[Amric]

Well, it's been interesting, to say the least. I might pop in for tomorrow's show. It might be interesting to have the AG, the MHES, and the Speaker all in one place to discuss things...

 

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Over the weekend, people tune in and watch the badly rendered puppet of O'Floinn wildly gesturing in a manner that seems to suggest he's plotting a takeover of the Church while trying to replace Mexico with the puppet republic. A stuffed Santa Claus and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom lie on O'Floinn's guest couch.

 

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Good evening Eutopia, yes I'm back. Sorry to subject you to the puppet for so long, but I've been stuck in a hole (OOC: Most of you already know, I had computer troubles.) Luckily, I kept calm and got out. When the sides of the hole towered over me, I took up my shovel and kept digging until I came out the other side of the world. Unfortunately, the other side of the world was the Pacific Ocean, and I was flooded back out the other side of the tunnel. It was all an ill-concieved attempt to take shelter when I heard there was an epidemic of the common cold. There's no cure you know. By the way, I feel now's a good time to mention that I don't guarantee the story I just told was true in any way. Speaking of me, when was the last time you stopped by my Post Card and Drinks Stand For a beautifully photographed postcard and a frosty drink?

On that note, let's take a commercial break, and look at some of today's miracle products. I hear there's a a new pill.

 

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The commercials end.

Welcome back everyone, hope you found your miracle product in those ads.

A new guest will be joining us shortly. You may have seen him in the news lately, now see him right here on my guest couch. Former National Assembly Speaker Roberto Martinez. MHES Al'Aeshir has also been invited to return to the show, but his availability is unconfirmed. Stay tuned, Eutopians!

 

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An armored BMW drove to studio's parking hall. Martinez walked to dressing room and then to studio. He walked to the stage and greeted o'Floinn

 

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Welcome, Captain Martinez!

Now, I understand you've recently published a book about your time as a mercenary. I have not had the time to read it, but would you care to tell us a little about it?

 

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Well, it's not only about my merc time. It is extensive compendium of my military career from Rangers to EUtopian Army. I have used various service records and reports plus my own diaries, which are mainly concentrated in Africa. One of main reasons for publishing the book was to clear my name after those accusations by several African immigrants. I happen to have a copy with me

Takes his suitcase, opens it, takes a book from inside and puts it away. He gives the book to o'Floinn

Here it is. If you want it you can have it, consider it as promotion gift

 

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O'Floinn takes the book and flips through it for a moment, runs a hand over the cover and places it on his desk.

Thank you, it looks wonderful. I will have to read this as soon as I have moment of time.

Now, I saw the recording of your resignation from the Assembly. You cited a 'current situation' as your motivation. Would you care to elaborate on this what this situation was?

 

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Well, the protest i faced after the tobacco bill was the reason. Howewer, i wish to comment, that I betrayed no one, the election system is wrong. They probably voted for Talbott or Julseau, but their votes got back to me. Howewer, i do not regret it, as i feel that people's health is more important than money. Tobacco endangers pregnant mother's children, has an addictive effect like narcotics, and is VERY, VERY harmful. Also, i want to comment another thing:the MHES sexual disease report. As a deeply religious catholic i am against condomes and other stuff like that. You don't need condomes to prevent sexual diseases, i have an advice how to prevent them:don't sleep with unknown people, go to a medical check with your partner before having sex. Take my advice ok?

 

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That's a passionate argument, Captain.

I'd like to take a minute here to talk about Adam Julseau. Now, you weren't around during either of my terms as President, were you?

 

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No i was not. I came to EUtopia in midterm of Term 5.

 

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Ah yes, during the infamous Langley disappearing act.

 

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Yes indeed. Howewer, i did know Julseau briefly through CC and i got to say that his perishment is great loss to our country and CC. I'm very sorry for him.

 

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Yes, here's to Adam Julseau!

Moving on, I'm starting to wonder if the NA members know they were elected yet. I mean, they don't vote and they don't discuss anything.

Or maybe while we weren't looking they snuck a fast one on us and voted that they didn't have to work anymore. I'd like to show a segment here called "Hunting the wild MNA." Let's take a look.

The screen fills with an image of O'Floinn dressed in hunting gear, holding a pair of binocular.

"Now, today we're hunting for a Member of the National Assembly, or MNA. The MNA is so rare in todays society that just a glimpse of one is considered a life goal to many hunters and admirers of nature. Of course, I don't know that the MNA is a natural occurance, I mean, everything in nature has to do some type of work to survive, but the MNA remarkably does not. Let's ask some of the citizens here in gorgeous Nouvelle Anjou what they know.Excuse me sir, do you know where I can find a National Assembly Member?"

"I thought that Blade! fellow fired them all, why else would they not be working?"

"Ma'am, where would I look for an MNA?"

"Probably the same isle as flu medications."

"Sir, if I were looking for a member of Eutopia's National Assembly, where would I go?"

"Maybe Switzerland, didn't that Langley fellow wind up there?."

"If I were an MNA where would I be?"

"Not at work, that's for sure."

"Well, it seems the citizenry is totally in the dark as to the whereabouts of the elusive MNA. I guess we're going home empty-handed today. Tune in later, maybe the MILE and I will round up some citizens and hold them for fifty years or so with no trial. It'll take the NA at least that long to pass any type of Bill of Rights."

The screen fades to black and this message appears:

IF YOU ENCOUNTER AN MNA, PLEASE TAKE A PICTURE, BECAUSE WE'RE STARTING TO LOSE FAITH THAT THEY EXIST.

 

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*Martinez almost fell from his chair as he started laughing*

John THAT was REALLY so damn good!

 

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Thank you. It took a lot of work from my technical staff.....*An intern runs up and gives O'Floinn a note*....who have, sadly, all been deported by the MILE.

So how about those financial reports we have to send in. Now I have to figure out how much everything I own is worth. Which means I'm looking for an accountant! My old accountant sadly got deported. So if you're an accountant and looking for work, give me a call.

Which brings me to my next point. The new ENDTech CEO wants to sell guns in Baghdad.

 

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Boos, whistles, and hisses roll from the studio audience at the announcement of this news except for one small wrinkled old man who let's out a "Yay.".