((Private))
Emperor Pere entered Valencia’s cathedral, his mind filled with doubts and worries. He was constantly fidgeting and the bags under his eyes spoke to several nights without sleep. He needed to speak with someone, anyone, about his troubles. So many things were at stake here.
As the emperor walked through the cathedral, he kept his head down, covering his head with the hood of his cloak. It was best that no one knew he was here. Ever since he had received that fateful letter, he had felt that someone was watching him. If whoever sent the letter found out that he had discussed it with someone else, or even suspected he did, he’d put those he loved at risk. Then again, if he didn’t speak to someone about his troubles, the empire would be the one at risk. Trying his best to collect his thoughts, Pere made his way to the confession booth and sat within it.
Juan was deep in prayer, listening none the less to the angelic voices of the sisters singing praises unto the saints, when the door to the booth opened. Sometimes the Confession booths seemed to offer a centre of solitude and serenity in comparison to the grandeur that the rest of the cathedral presented. Juan rose to his feet, and placed himself gently onto the hard wooden bench, being 73 was taking its toll on the ever active Cardinal. But he recited the old words “For what do you come to confess my child?”
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” Pere said, having to lick his lips, for they were so dry.
The voice of the Emperor resonated through the hard wood, and into Juan’s mind dramatically, shocking the old man for a time, but he managed to gather himself and, in an effort to keep his Emperor calm, keep his voice as flat as possible. “What do you wish to proclaim, my son?”
Pere took a moment to collect his thoughts and brace himself for what he had to say. The voice coming through the other side of the confessional seemed familiar, but he could not place it. He supposed he had spoken to most of the priests in Valencia’s cathedral, so it was not too odd to have one take his confession. “I fear that I erred in my youth, letting my heart guide me when I should have listened to my head. I loved someone, a woman now lost to me, and I let that love blossom even as I was married to another.”
Juan recognized this situation, it had occurred many a time with him in the confessional, it was surprising, given the Emperor’s staunch Catholic nature, that he had fallen to temptation, but it was not out the question, with a knowing smile Juan replied with “And did anything become of this young love, my son?”
Pere licked his lips again. He felt that all the moisture in his body was sweating out of him, so nervous was he. He had never spoken of his affair to anyone, even in confession. He had hidden that burden for too long, but the consequences were finally coming to light. “My relationship with my wife was cold and distant, for there had been no love between us. We did not produce a child. Yet in desperation I sought out another and that union was more fruitful.”
Juan was unsurprised, but he played it cool, “Perhaps it could be wise to ask the Cardinal to petition to His Holiness to legitimize the children, if not I am not a man of intrigue, so I lack much knowledge of what could be done outside of this.” Juan concluded, trying to save his identity from being noticed.
“I fear that legitimization may not be the best choice,” Pere said after much thought. “My children have not been groomed for succession nor have been at court, and as they near their 40s it seems they would be inexperienced to take my place. It could be damaging for the em--my small barony if someone inexperienced was placed in charge.” Pere cursed silently, his slip nearly revealing himself to the priest. It was best not to let on his true identity.
“Then I can not see what you could do, Law isn’t a speciality of mine, I am afraid to tell. Is there anything further that you wish to confess, my son?” Juan closed cordially, almost laughing at Pere’s failing attempts to try hide his true identity.
There was so much more Pere needed to discuss, but to even bring it up would put this man’s life at risk. Could he potentially condemn a man to death if the truth was discovered? He had taken the first step by coming here, perhaps he had to take a chance. “Father, can you promise me that whatever is said here will not be spoken elsewhere? I know confession is sacred, but what I must say cannot be allowed outside confession.”
Juan knew the sacred laws of the Church and he would be sure to keep his lips sealed, even if Emperor Pere had not said this “Of course my son, what is it that you have to say?”
“My children have always been my deepest secret,” Pere said. “They have been kept away from court, living comfortably in a place no one would find them. Yet recent events have revealed to me that their existence is not as secret as I thought. They have… disappeared.” Pere was unsure whether to continue. Should he reveal the extent of the plot against him? No, he had to be subtle. Too much was at stake. He remained silent for now.
Juan was shocked, the King had hidden these children, and yet they had disappeared, it was as the Lord was punishing his most devoted servant, torturing his soul, with a quick prayer for the protection,Juan continued “I see, do you have any idea, my son where they could have gone, if it is true that you had them hidden, it is most surprising that they have gone from your eye. I wish you much luck in finding them, but why mention this, I fail to see why this could be a matter of sin, my child”
“Their disappearance was not a coincidence,” Pere said, knowing that there was no turning back now. “I have been forced to take actions I find disagreeable to ensure their safety.”
“And I presume these are less than desirable, but pray tell what have you done?” said Juan with a noticeable tremor in his voice, the first display of emotion that he had let out in the entire encounter.
“Because of my past weakness of the flesh, I have taken actions against someone I hold dear. I have pushed the--my barony along a new path I do not know is the correct one. Perhaps my worries are unfounded and the changes I have set in motion will have little lasting effect, but it leaves a sour taste in my mouth to know that it was not a choice made entirely of my own free will.”
Juan was surprised, Pere had developed far further than he had imagined when he first heard of the child “I see, why do you bring this up as as yet you have not displeased your Lord, is there a matter that you feel that would displease him or His Holiness?”
“I took a solemn oath to serve the realm--my barony. I feel that by letting another sway my actions, I am doing a disservice to my subjects, that I betray that very oath I took. Should I allow a past transgression to determine my path today? Either way, I fear that someone will be harmed.”
Juan was sorrowful, he so wanted to reach through the wood and offer a hug to the Emperor, as he had done many a time to his brother’s children and grandchildren, but he could not. “I am sure that your people would follow your decision wherever you lead them, and perhaps I can see if the Cardinal would be willing to accept and formalise these changes to your territory, should you so desire?”
Pere tried not to sink into despair. Everything still seemed so hopeless. If he went ahead with things, he’d be giving in to someone else’s demands, but who knew if the implications would be bad or not in the long run. Maybe he was letting his emotions get the better of him. His heart told him to go one way, to stick with what he had originally intended, even if would cause problems in the short term. Maybe someone was forcing his hand because they believed this was what was best for the empire. It made sense in some regards. Yet he still could not deny that whoever was responsible for that letter was trying to force this solution through unsavoury means. That did not sit well with him. Could he put his own children in harm’s way to do what he felt was right? Clearing his throat, Pere asked, “Father, do you believe that God would prefer a man to follow his heart or his mind, to go with what he feels is right or what is logically the best choice?”
Juan was most pressured, it was hard for him to make a reasoned argument here, given his lack of experience with children, but none the less he tried to give a response. “Normally in situations I advise going with logic, but I fear in this scenario logic would betray love, and that is something that I can not reason to. So I say, albeit with difficulty my son, that you should follow your heart this time, for it is most clear from the fact that you have come to see me, that you care much for these children of yours, and would be instantly weighed with regret if you felt that you could have done something for them, and yet decided not to.”
“I fear that to truly follow my heart will see my children harmed,” Pere said. “I do care for them deeply, but I also care for my subjects. My heart is pulling me two ways. Part of me feels that my original path would be best for my subjects, but another part knows the other would be best for my children. Perhaps I am even mistaken and to go the logical route will be best for both. I simply do not know anymore, Father.”
“Did your father ever teach you Latin when you were younger, my son?” Juan asked, seemingly out the blue.
Pere was unsure what this had to do with his problems. “I was taught Latin many years ago, but my grasp of the language is long gone.”
“Allow me to recite a verse that I found in a tome a long time ago, I feel it offers some light here. Dies Irae, die illa. Solvet saeclum in favilla, quando judex est venturus, confutatis maledictus, flammis acribus addictis, voca me cum bendictis, confutatis maledictis, gere curam mei finis.The verse describes that on the day of wrath, which will consume the world in ashes, in this case your world being destroyed by the instability created by the lack of your sons, will the damned be cast down to Hell by the Judge, and that you must seek guidance to the Lord as to what to do. I recommend you find what you want in your heart and to feel that you can rise above the flames of the old world, and be reborn into a world of peace and of stability, my son.”
Pere mulled over that for a moment. He had several choices set before him. He could let events unfold and see how they progressed. Through inaction he could see if the path set before was not as inhospitable as he first thought. He could also attempt to turn things back, to go against the threats within that letter, but the inherent risks made that a troublesome option, one that required much more thought. The third path was one he had not considered before. If he legitimized his two children, the whole dilemma of succession could well be made moot, for he would have a male heir. But history had shown that bastards were rarely good for a country, even when legitimized. Of course he’d need to find them first for that anyway. Either way, he needed to make a decision soon.
After taking in a deep breath, Pere said, “Thank you, Father. You have given me much to think about.”
Juan smiled softly, he was glad to have stalled the strain that was previously so evident in Pere’s voice. “You are welcome, my Emperor, I hope that we may never meet again in this environment, and that I can serve you for as long as my body can cope. May God bless thee child, and may you become the ruler our realm deserves. Know that I shall rally behind any decision you make, as you are the one true Sovereign of this noble realm.”
At the mention of his title, Pere tensed, realizing he had been discovered. It was time to take his leave. Pulling his hood back over his head, Pere hurried out of the cathedral. He had much to think on. The fate of the empire was at stake.
((A big thanks to
@ML8991 for co-writing this massive wall of IC with me. Takes a lot of effort building up this drama.
))
