• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

EvilSanta

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*Wien, Austria, 1936*


Wilhelm Zehner: Heil Schuschnigg! *salutes*

Kurt Schuschnigg: High five! *high fives*

Now as everyone is here...

*Paul von Hegedüs, the minister of navy runs in and does a quick salute*

Everyone IMPORTANT is here, the meeting can begin. Now, you might be wondering why I have invited you here...

Julius Raab: It's your birthday?

Alexander Löhr: You won the lottery?

Alfred von Jansa: You are getting married?

von Hegedüs: We are going to build a navy?

Schuschnigg: *slaps himself in the forehead*

...

*takes a deep breath*

I invited you here because I have a masterplan, plan to make Austria big again! To return our long lost pride!

*a simultaneous "gasp" comes out of the mouth of every participant*


The goverment of Austria

Egon Beger-Waldenegg: What is it, mein Führer? A cunning diplomatic plan?

von Jansa: A super-effective infantry rifle?

Löhr: An invisible plane?

von Hegedüs: A new hull for a battleship?

Schuschnigg: No, I don't have a plan yet. I just wanted to see the looks on your faces. Damn, that was well worth it!

So, any ideas?


Kurt Schuschnigg, the chancellor of Austria

Zehner: More infantry!

Raab: More factories!

Löhr: More planes!

von Hegedüs: More ships!

Schuschnigg: Paul, god damn it... *shakes head, the others snicker*

We'll decide by rock-paper-scissors. 1...2...3!

Zehner and Löhr: Rock!

Raab: *waits a few seconds*

Uhh...paper?


Wilhelm Zehner, the Austrian chief of the Army

Schuschnigg: Industry it is, then! All of our resources will be spent on improving our factories.

Now onto our foreing policy. I say we brownnose the heck out of Nazis.

Beger-Waldenegg: Soungs good.

Raab: No complaiments.

Wilhelm Gebauer: I approve.

Schuschnigg: Who the hell are you?

Gebauer: Wilhelm Gebauer. You know, the minister of intelligence. The secret agentman, the Austrian James Bond and Maxwell Smart!

Schuschnigg: We don't have an intelligence department! We don't have a single spy! It's not like doomsday is coming upon us, we are Austrians! Who wants to spy on us? We live in a safe haven!

Eduard Baar-Baarenfels: *krhm krhm*


Alexander Löhr, the Austrian chief of airforce

Schuschnigg: Yes Eduard, we totally love and respect you. You have done a great job in policing our country, oppressing the people and spreading the propaganda and all. *shakes head*

Johan Kubena: That's right. The people still believe Austria-Hungary exists!

Baar-Baarenfels: Awww, thanks guys! You are so sweet. *blushes*

Schuschnigg: Ok, people. I think this meeting is done. Julius, start working on our industry. Others...do something.

Everybody: Hail Schuschnigg! *people start leaving the room*



Schuschnigg stays in the room and goes in front of the window to watch the snowflakes fall from the dark sky. A tune can be heard in the background.

Deep in my heart there's a fire: that's lust for strenght
Deep in my heart there's a desire for power
I'm dying in emotion
So I'm turning into him
I'm living all my, living all my dreams

You'r my god, you'r my lord
I keep mimicking you in all I do
You'r my god, you'r my lord
I'll be adoring you forever, fight with me together

You'r my god, you'r my lord
Yeah, a feeling that our relations will grow
You'r my god, you'r my lord
That's the only thing for I really hope

Let's combine forces and rule world, side by side
Fightning with might, come on let's do, what is right
I'll keep the commies running
Let your men take all the France
I'm living all my, living all my dreams

You'r my god, you'r my lord
I keep mimicking you in all I do
You'r my god, you'r my lord
I'll be adoring you forever, fight with me together

You'r my god, you'r my lord
Yeah, a feeling that our relations will grow
You'r my god, you'r my lord
That's the only thing for I really hope

You'r my god, you'r my lord
Yeah, a feeling that our relations will grow
You'r my god, you'r my lord
That's the only thing for I really hope
You'r my god, you'r my lord

*takes a deep breath and looks out of the window again*

You are a great man, Adolf Hitler, you are a great man.

*behind the door, Zehner and von Jansa had been listening*

Zehner: That was gay.

von Jansa: That was REALLY gay.
 

EvilSanta

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As some of you might have noticed, I am starting a brand new Austria AAR. I will not use any cheats (other than reloading if Germany does bad decisions in it's main events) and avoid using exploits. So you will not see an "Austria takes over the world"-AAR but an "Austria fights as a background devil in the axis"-AAR.

Some of you might have catched my reference in the update and realise that I am using plain HoI2, no fancy Doomsday on my computer.
 

unmerged(61281)

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An Ösi-AAR. And with a nice intro. Keep it up, Heil Schuschnigg, and all that!

reloading if Germany does bad decisions in it's main events
Just modify the AI-chances to 100% for the "good" decisions.
 

likk9922

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Looks great. :rofl:

Good luck!
 

Woody Man

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Looking good!


Subscribed!
 

unmerged(24320)

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EvilSanta: *Wien, Austria, 1936*

i'm in ! ! :cool:
 

Dysken

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I demand that each update contains atleast 1 reference to the german risk AAR.
 

Inner Circle

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subscribed! I like this (maybe a hymn) new song!
 

EvilSanta

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*Berlin, 1936, Schuschnigg and Berger-Waldenegg are about to meet Hitler and von Ribbentrob*

Schuschnigg: Egon, let me handle the talking. I have more street cred.

*they enter Hitler's office*

Berger-Waldenegg: Heil Hitler!

Hitler and von Ribbentrob: Heil Schuschnigg!

Schuschnigg: Wassup, niggas?

Hitler: *whispers to von Ribbentrob* What is he trying to say?

von Ribbentrob: I don't know, it must be some sort of Austrian dialect.

Hitler: *krhm* Yes...stupid Austrians...no real Aryans, they are...

Berger-Waldenegg: Mein Führer, we...

Schuschnigg: Yes?

Berger-Waldenegg: Not you, the other Führer!

Schuschnigg: Ohh.

Berger-Waldenegg: We came here to offer you an alliance between our two proud nations. We even have the name ready: the Axis!

Hitler: Axis?

von Ribbentrop: Proud? Didn't Austria lose like 80% of it's territory in the First World War?

Schuschnigg: First World War?

von Ribbentrop: Just wait and see, just wait and see.

Berger-Waldenegg: ...

Yes mein Führer, the Wien-Berlin Axis! See, when we draw a line on this map between Wien and Berlin, it looks like an axis. Am I witty or what?

Hitler: I don't know, the laws of alliance-naming demand that all axis' MUST have three members. And what do we have to gain from this alliance? We were going to annex you and gain full use of your industry and armed forces in two years, anyway.

Berger-Waldenegg: Why don't you tell us, Schicklgruber? Here, have a piece of apfelstruder. Or do you prefer sachertorte?

Hitler: Ok, ok, we ally!

Von Ribbentrob: *whispers* What was that all about, Pookums?

Hitler: Shut up Ribbi or I tell Himmler about you!


Adolf Hitler, der Führer of the Third Reich

Schuschnigg: *whispers* What was that all about, Egon?

Berger-Waldenegg: Ol' Adolf is an Austrian and he is quite embarassed of it, with all the German racial propaganda he spouts out.

Schuschnigg: How do you know?

Berger-Waldenegg: I was on the same class as him in lower comphrehensive school.

Schuschnigg: But you are 9 years older than him!

Berger-Waldenegg: I was a slow learner, ok. I was a slow learner.

*awkward silence as both Führers and foreign ministers stop whispering*

Schuschnigg: Well...

Hitler: Yes, well...

Schuschnigg: I quess we are leaving...

Hitler: Yeah, see you.

Schuschnigg: See you around.


Joachim von Ribbentrop, the foreign minister of Nazi Germany

*Schuschnigg and Berger-Waldenegg leave the room*

Schuschnigg: Can you believe it? He said yes! This is the happiest day of my life!

*a tune starts playing*

I can’t stop this feelin’
Deep inside of me
Man you just don’t realize
What we can achieve

When you invade
With your tanks big might
You so big grow
And that is right

Aaa-aa-aaah
I’m hooked on a feeling
I’m high on believin’
That you’re ally of me

Brits are weak as women
Far away are the Yanks
French no need to mention
They go down...with your tanks

Got a friend of you mate
Now you'll watch my back
Now I can feel like big guy
Despite strenght I lack

All the world's ours
They can't us beat
Right is strenght
Commies are all weak

Aaa-aa-aaah
I’m hooked on a feeling
I’m high on believin’
That you’re ally of me
Hooked on a feeling
And I’m high on believin’
That you’re ally of me

I can’t stop this feelin’
Deep inside of me
Man you just don’t realize
What we can achieve

All the world's ours
They can't us beat
Right is strenght
Commies are all weak

Aaa-aa-aaah
I’m hooked on a feeling
I’m high on believin’
That you’re ally of me
Hooked on a feeling
And I’m high on believin’
That you’re ally of me

Zehner: *behind the corner* That was gay.

von Jansa: That was REALLY gay.

Schuschnigg: *sees the two generals* Hey guys! But how did you get here?

von Jansa: We biked.
 

Woody Man

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LOL Love the "Street cred" skits :D

Yay for an Alliance! At least Austria's a bit safer now..
 

EvilSanta

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God how I hate all those Austrian names. Schuschnigg? Berger-Waldenegg? Baar-Baarenfels? Who on Earth comes up with such names?

Idle: Yes, I could of course do that. Thanks for the idea!

likk9922: Thanks, luck will be needed. I just have to hope that Germany doesn't fall against France. Though losing makes for a more interesting AAR, we all have seen our fair share WC AARs, haven't we?

rcduggan: Yes, this ought to be fun for me. Otherwise I wouldn't do this. ;)

The more you guys enjoy this, the better. But the necessary thing is that I like doing it.

English Patriot: Glad to have you along.

I try not to make too much jokes about England. ;)

GhostWriter: And I am glad about that.

Dysken: That update has the required quota of German RISK AAR references. Can you spot it?

By the way, how did you know that particular AAR gave me the inspiration for this?

Gigalocus: *high fives Gigalocus*

Inner Circle: I have such a history behind with the relyriced songs so I am not too keen to leave them completely behind me. So songs will play somewhat of a role in this AAR.
 

Dysken

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Kudos for linking to the possibly worst music video ever.
 

likk9922

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But excellently done! :rofl:
 

Dysken

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EvilSanta said:
By the way, how did you know that particular AAR gave me the inspiration for this?
The high fives were a dead give away
 

dublish

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This kind of reminds me of another musical Austria AAR. I hope this one doesn't get abandoned.
 

unmerged(10971)

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EvilSanta said:
Von Ribbentrob: *whispers* What was that all about, Pookums?
Ha! I actually leapt out of my chair laughing when I saw that one. :D

Though your original jokes are just as funny. Liked the scene where B-W reminds Hitler that he was once Austrian himself. :rofl:
 

EvilSanta

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*Spring 1936, Rome*

Berger-Waldenegg: Are you sure about this, mein Führer?

Schuschnigg: Yes, Egon, I am sure about this. If Hitler can just go around taking land and defying international agreements, why not me?

Berger-Waldenegg: Because we are so small?

Schuschnigg: Your penis is also small but it still packs a punch. Trust me, I know what I am talking about.

Berger-Waldenegg: ...

I think one of us just got served.

*confused, the two enter Il Duce's room*

Ciano: Il Duce, der Führer is here to discuss with you!

Mussolini: Heil, mein Führer!

Berger-Waldenegg: *salutes*

Schuschnigg: Ciao, Ducey.

Mussolini: *whispers to Ciano* You know, I always imagined that Führer would be...you know, shorter, dark-haired and more...moustachy.

Schuschnigg: Benito, Benito, Benito...my old friend. How's it hanging?

Mussolini: Hmm...good I quess. It is an honour for me to finally meet the famous Führer!

Schuschnigg: It is my pleasure. But this meeting wasn't arranged for no reason. It hurts my heart that my dear birthplace is under Italian control and thus I seek to return the sweet home of my childhood back to me.

Mussolini: *nervously* What place might you mean, mein Führer?


Benito Mussolini, Il Duce of Italy and conqueror of Ethiopia (!)

Schuschnigg: Riva Del Garda in the province of Trento. And dare I add that I am not afraid of using violent measures in order to bring it back to my Reich.

Ciano: *whispers* You know, I have heard rumours that Führer was born in Austria. And Trento was an Austrian territory before First World War.

Mussolini: First World War?

Ciano: Just wait and see, just wait and see.

Mussolini: How valuable is the area?

Ciano: Not much. It is almost entirely mountains and the industrial and natural resources are meagre at best.

Mussolini: Hmm, if we give relatively meaningless province that has sentimental value to Führer, we might get a powerful ally from him for our future ambitions.

Ok, we agree, mein Führer. Trento is yours.


The mountainous region of Trento is added to mountainous nation of Austria

Schuschnigg: Sweet. I am one step closer to Gross - Österreich!

Mussolini: Österreich? Austria!? Who on Earth have I talked to for the last hour?

Berger-Waldenegg: It has been an hour? We have said like 20 lines. Counting your whispering to each other.

Mussolini: I like to think before I talk...

Schuschnigg: Really? I could have sworn it was the opposite.

Mussolini: Why am I still tolerating you here, you...you...imbecile!?

Schuschnigg: I am quite a likeable fellow.

And thanks for Trento!

Mussolini: Wait, we didn't make a contract!

Schuschnigg: *shows a paper* Ahh, but you did give an autograph for your loyal fan. And whoops, see what text is written on the very same paper!

Mussolini: I thought the whole "I DO am a teenage girl, I just am really, REALLY ugly" - story was a bit fishy...

Wait, why did we have this conversation in the first place, then?

Schuschnigg: I wanted to see your face when you found out.

Well, was nice talking to you.


Schuschnigg and Mussolini after the meeting. You can see the smile on Schuschnigg's face and the frown on Mussolini's

*Once again, a tune starts playing*

Aha
Aha

I got land and I got fame, aha
Bullying Duce oh so lame, aha
Trento is new land's name, aha
This is what you got to know
Newest province's Trento

I got home and I got slaves
I got home and I got slaves
I got home and I got slaves
I got home and I got slaves

Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich

Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves
Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves
Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves
Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves

Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich

Aha
Aha
Aha

Got enough IC for two, aha
Tech teams oh so cool, aha
New innovations they will do, aha
Austria surely's going strong
World conquest won't take long

I got home and I got slaves, aha
I got home and I got slaves, aha
I got home and I got slaves, aha
I got home and I got slaves

Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich

Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves
Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves
Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves
Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves

Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich
Ös-ter-reich

Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves
Ös-ter-reich I got home and I got slaves
Ös-ter-reich

Zehner: *behind the corner* That was gay.

von Jansa: I liked it.

Zehner: Traitor.

von Jansa: You can say anything you want about me but NEVER badmouth Trio.
 

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Finding that picture with old Kurt and Benito standing together was truly a pleasant surprise. It came really handy.


English Patriot: Indeed, now I have nothing to worry about excepts Germany's success. If Hitler falls, I fall.

Alliance between Germany and Austria also makes Anschluss-event sleep so I don't have to worry about Hitler knocking my door.

Dysken: And that utter cheesyness is what makes the video so utterly hilarious. The sheer hilariosity of the image seeing Hasselhoff flying is priceless!

And I quess the "high fives" were kind of dead give-aways.

likk9922: Thanks, glad you liked it. "Hooked On A Feeling" cannot fail.

dublish: No plans of abandoning the AAR here, as of now. ;)

Judas Maccabeus: May the Rustican's account rest in peace in the bit-heaven. We all shall miss Pookums. :(

Good to know my humour is not entirely based on Rustican's grandiose work.