Haha nice to see that its still as funny as ever! And wow that last pope didn't live very long, and the narrator in the story. 
just hilarious.
Keep up the good work!
just hilarious.Keep up the good work!
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Wonderful! An AAR I can pick up where I left off without missing anything! And yes, as hilarious as ever.
tombom - hope I won't disappoint
coz1 - I am actually considering it right now. Just a few more popes and I may get Kings of England back up. That AAR is almost finished, too. Just need some good recaps and retellings of the American Revolution (with some BBC Reports for fun), and then I can finally get to Napoleon and his exclusive interview with the BBC gang.
TreizeV - If you think that Pope was short-lived, just wait two more updates...
Farquharson - Glad to have you back!
coz1 - I am actually considering it right now. Just a few more popes and I may get Kings of England back up. That AAR is almost finished, too. Just need some good recaps and retellings of the American Revolution (with some BBC Reports for fun
), and then I can finally get to Napoleon and his exclusive interview with the BBC gang.TreizeV - If you think that Pope was short-lived, just wait two more updates...
Farquharson - Glad to have you back!
Milan, 1493
Massimo is now within Milan's famous cathedral with Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia, who will try and help the guardian angel deal with the new Pope Alexander the Sixth.
"Where's this new pope, Massimo?" asked Saint Elizabeth inquisitively.
"Just beyond this door in the seminary-"
"Well, then what are we waiting for?" laughed the saint, grabbing hold of the doornob.
"NO! WAIT!" Massimo warned him. "There's something I have to tell you about Pope Alexander..."
"Whatever it is, I'm sure I can handle it," she laughed.
"Well, its just that... he's... a chicken. The Pope's a chicken."
"Come on now, Massimo! We haven't had a French pope for centuries!"
"That's not what I-"
Massimo's voice was interrupted by the large wooden door creaking open.
Saint Elizabeth's jaw dropped.
"Well, since you told me that you can speak to animals, I figured that you could act as a mediator for me and the new pope-"
Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia shifted. "Yes, that's right. I will use my ability to speak to animals and communicate with the new pope... who happens to be a chicken."
"Well, go ahead," Massimo shrugged, staring at the plump chicken wearing the traditional hat of the popes.
Siant Elizabeth cleared her throat. "Greetings, Alexander the Sixth," she said somewhat uncomfortably. "We are here on behalf of God, to help you guide the Papal States."
Pope Alexander stared at her motionless. Massimo signaled Saint Elizabeth to continue.
"Well, it seems as though Venice has declared war on the Holy See, and Massimo could offer some counsel on that matter," she continued.
Pope Alexander stuck his head up high and spoke, "Kaaa! Boccc!"
"Kabba!" said Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia triumphantly. "He wants us to invade Mecca! Take the battle to the heathens he says!"
"What does that have to do with Venice?" Massimo asked confusedly.
"Can't you that the Pope has bigger fish to fry!" she said. "Forgive him, Pope Alexander. Massimo can only seem to think in short-term lengths. He doesn't realize that for the glory of Christendom, we need to take the center of the heathens' pagan rituals-"
"What are you yammering on about! He simply said 'kaaa' and clucked once," said the angel.
"Which is chicken for invade Mecca," she replied. "Uhhh, and construct a - a - a - giant statue of Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia on the site of Mecca once we raze it to the ground!"
The Pope then proceeded to urinate on Saint Elizabeth.
"And that means what in chicken?" Massimo snickered.
"That's it! I give up!" Saint Elizabeth cried. "The only reason I said I could speak to animals was so I could get some attention up in heaven!"
"So then why did you make up all this stuff about razing Mecca to the ground and building a statue of yourself in its place?" Massimo said, tapping his foot on the ground.
"I just wanted to impress you," she blushed. "I sort of have this crush on you..."
"Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia-"
"Call me Betty," she winked.
"Okay - ummm, Betty - I'm sort of dating Helen of Troy right now," he said.
"You mean the two hundred seventy-fourth wife of the Sultan of Songhai! She's married for pity's sake" she yelled.
"And you're married to the deceased King of Hungary," he replied.
"Oh shoot!" she cursed. "That's right I'm married. Yeah, I'm gonna head out of here tight now. Don't tell my husband about this, 'kay? Let's do lunch some time, Massimo. Take care now, Pope Alexander!"
Massimo cursed loudly, as Pope Alexander the Sixth began pecking at his feet in an unprovoked fury.
So it was that in 1493 that Massimo the angel and Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia unsuccessfully attempted to communicate to Pope Alexander VI, who for some reason was a chicken. While the angel could not explain to Pope Alexander VI his new ideology called 'Innocenteism', he found that the chicken was able military leader. Venice eventually catipulated to the Holy See and offered a large amount of money for peace. Pope Alexander VI died of Asian Bird Flu on August 20th, 1503 along with about 3,000 other contaminated chickens. He had a solemn ceremony and was buried oustide Rome in a size 11 Air Jordan shoebox.
Final Rank: 7th Place
Massimo is now within Milan's famous cathedral with Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia, who will try and help the guardian angel deal with the new Pope Alexander the Sixth.
"Where's this new pope, Massimo?" asked Saint Elizabeth inquisitively.
"Just beyond this door in the seminary-"
"Well, then what are we waiting for?" laughed the saint, grabbing hold of the doornob.
"NO! WAIT!" Massimo warned him. "There's something I have to tell you about Pope Alexander..."
"Whatever it is, I'm sure I can handle it," she laughed.
"Well, its just that... he's... a chicken. The Pope's a chicken."
"Come on now, Massimo! We haven't had a French pope for centuries!"
"That's not what I-"
Massimo's voice was interrupted by the large wooden door creaking open.
Saint Elizabeth's jaw dropped.
"Well, since you told me that you can speak to animals, I figured that you could act as a mediator for me and the new pope-"
Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia shifted. "Yes, that's right. I will use my ability to speak to animals and communicate with the new pope... who happens to be a chicken."
"Well, go ahead," Massimo shrugged, staring at the plump chicken wearing the traditional hat of the popes.
Siant Elizabeth cleared her throat. "Greetings, Alexander the Sixth," she said somewhat uncomfortably. "We are here on behalf of God, to help you guide the Papal States."
Pope Alexander stared at her motionless. Massimo signaled Saint Elizabeth to continue.
"Well, it seems as though Venice has declared war on the Holy See, and Massimo could offer some counsel on that matter," she continued.
Pope Alexander stuck his head up high and spoke, "Kaaa! Boccc!"
"Kabba!" said Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia triumphantly. "He wants us to invade Mecca! Take the battle to the heathens he says!"
"What does that have to do with Venice?" Massimo asked confusedly.
"Can't you that the Pope has bigger fish to fry!" she said. "Forgive him, Pope Alexander. Massimo can only seem to think in short-term lengths. He doesn't realize that for the glory of Christendom, we need to take the center of the heathens' pagan rituals-"
"What are you yammering on about! He simply said 'kaaa' and clucked once," said the angel.
"Which is chicken for invade Mecca," she replied. "Uhhh, and construct a - a - a - giant statue of Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia on the site of Mecca once we raze it to the ground!"
The Pope then proceeded to urinate on Saint Elizabeth.
"And that means what in chicken?" Massimo snickered.
"That's it! I give up!" Saint Elizabeth cried. "The only reason I said I could speak to animals was so I could get some attention up in heaven!"
"So then why did you make up all this stuff about razing Mecca to the ground and building a statue of yourself in its place?" Massimo said, tapping his foot on the ground.
"I just wanted to impress you," she blushed. "I sort of have this crush on you..."
"Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia-"
"Call me Betty," she winked.
"Okay - ummm, Betty - I'm sort of dating Helen of Troy right now," he said.
"You mean the two hundred seventy-fourth wife of the Sultan of Songhai! She's married for pity's sake" she yelled.
"And you're married to the deceased King of Hungary," he replied.
"Oh shoot!" she cursed. "That's right I'm married. Yeah, I'm gonna head out of here tight now. Don't tell my husband about this, 'kay? Let's do lunch some time, Massimo. Take care now, Pope Alexander!"
Massimo cursed loudly, as Pope Alexander the Sixth began pecking at his feet in an unprovoked fury.
So it was that in 1493 that Massimo the angel and Saint Elizabeth of Thuringia unsuccessfully attempted to communicate to Pope Alexander VI, who for some reason was a chicken. While the angel could not explain to Pope Alexander VI his new ideology called 'Innocenteism', he found that the chicken was able military leader. Venice eventually catipulated to the Holy See and offered a large amount of money for peace. Pope Alexander VI died of Asian Bird Flu on August 20th, 1503 along with about 3,000 other contaminated chickens. He had a solemn ceremony and was buried oustide Rome in a size 11 Air Jordan shoebox.
Final Rank: 7th Place
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A warrior Pope? The idea of the chicken running around on a battlefield with a tiny little helmet is classic.
...very silly...
er, pardon that interuption. A very humorous post, though I wonder if your grab bag of Pope's might be getting a tad thin.
...very silly...
er, pardon that interuption. A very humorous post, though I wonder if your grab bag of Pope's might be getting a tad thin.