:rofl:Jacko the Panda said:
So it was someone that did this to them..... The plot thickens.
-
We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
So it was someone that did this to them..... The plot thickens.
HannibalBarca said:I'm sure you meant 1422, correct?
Damn I have always had a problem with writing dates. I'm stuck in the 20th century after three Hoi2 AArs
.@Evilsanta:
You need ta wait for the goodies'.
@Specialist:
No, because I didn't want to be that obvious
.
Chapter III
30th of May 1425
Ashton, Sean and General Richemont were sitting in a lavish tent, on a hill, near Paris. 10 000 Cavalry soldiers were conducting drills on the field and the kings of France looked at them. The French soldiers looked miserable. Their weapons were rusty and they had saucepans and pots as helmets. The horses looked alike cross-breeding of everything and honestly said nobody of the soldiers could ride properly.
Ashton: Richemont. Why is our cavalry so crappy?
Richemont looks at his superiors like a dog that just has been used as a piñata.
Richemont: Ehh, you know this feudal system kinda sucks ass. All my troops come from some fancy nobles who couldn’t care less if the English would invade us. That’s why they send us the crappiest peasants and servants they can find and give them the most starving inbred horses they can scavenge from the dark corners of their stables.
Sean: But shouldn’t they become good soldiers after proper drilling and training. If you wouldn’t be concentrating on creating masses upon masses of cavalry and would think a bit about quality our army wouldn’t suck so much. Down on the field a drill sergeant starts shouting at a group of cooks on horses. They all start crying.
Ashton: RICHEMONT! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO SCREW EVERYTHING UP?
Richemont (mumbles to himself): If I would follow your every order France would be under the boot of bloody Navarre right now…
Sean: We need someone to teach ‘ol Richemont here to drill his troops.
In the horizon they all can see something flying through the air, against the backdrop of an red sunset.
Is it a plane!
NO!
Is it a bird?
NO!
It is…
The bulky man in a black leather jacket lands right on top of a cavalry formation and the ground explodes. A huge mushroom-like cloud emerges after the firestorm. The shockwaves rip the tent apart and Richemonts toupee flies off. Richemont tries to cover his bald spot.
Ashton: Dude! That was Sweeeeeet!
Sean: Yeah!
The cloud dissolves and reveals a humongous crater filled with dead horses and men. The man with the black leather jacket comes to the hill.
Stranger: Thiz iz a good day to fly! Jawohl!
Ashton: Do I know you?
Stranger: Hey! It’s Ashton and Sean! Howz it hanging, dudes!
Sean: Hey Arnold Von Schwarzenegger!
Ashton: Do you know this guy?
Sean: No, but the name’s written in his jacket.
Ashton looks at the jacket and sees the humongous neon sign stating: “My name iz Arnold Von Schwarzenegger”.
Arnold: I luvd your last film guys!
Ashton and Sean: A FILM?! WHAT IS IT?
Arnold: Ach! That iz a concept too hard for me to explain. But long time no zee.
Sean: But we don’t know you. We can’t remember anything before the morning we woke up as France’s kings.
Arnold: Jah. Ze blow to your puny heads was too great.
Ashton: What punch?
Arnold: You both stepped on Paris Hilton’s dogs while dancing on the bar table half naked and drunk. It was that guy’s birthday. I just can’t remember his name…
Sean: So you know where we were before we lost our memory.
Arnold: Ze is true.
Ashton: Where are we from?
Arnold: You really don’t remember?
Sean: No.
Arnold: Ach… But you come from America, ze home of liberty and ze Twinkie bar.
Ashton and Sean: What is a Twinkie bar?
Arnold takes three cake bars from his jacket pocket.
A divine light shines from the Twinkies. Even after being hundreds of years in Arnold’s jacket’s pocket they still are as soft and calling as on the day they were bought in a moment of temporary insanity.
Sean:*looks at the Twinkie bars and drools* Can I have one?
Arnold: *pulls the Twinkie bars out of Sean’s reach* No! Ze Twinkie is zo poisonous zat if a mere mortal eats it he will be killed by the horrible chemicals used to preserve ze Twinkie forever.
Sean: Why did you come here anyways?
Arnold: Well you called for my help.
Ashton: No we didn’t!
Arnold: Yes you did. Here is ze extact words: “We need someone to teach ‘ol Richemont here to drill his troops.” I am ze Foreign Drill instructor. You give me 250 ducats and your troops will miraculously become better. They also become more expensive and your fortresses become more expensive for a reason one cannot understand.
Sean: Oh.
Ashton hands a humongous gold coin to Arnold. It weighs so much that Ashton has to roll it in the ground to get it move. The coin being square shaped doesn’t help that too much. Arnold picks the coin up with ease and puts it into his bottomless jacket pocket.
Sean: *looks frightened* Won’t that crush the Twinkies?!!!!
Arnold: *looks at Sean, the field in front of them has started burning and the flames reflect from his sunglasses.* Ze Twinkie is eternal!
The reflection of the flames grows so intense that Sean, Ashton and Richemont have to close their eyes. When they open them Arnold is gone. The advisor comes back pulling his zip up.
Advisor: *looks at the troops who now have proper equipment and are moving in perfect organisation* What happened here while I’m gone? Did Richemont screw up again?
Ashton: No, but I just found out where we come from, America!
Advisor: Nope, doesn't ring a bell. It doesn't exist.
Richemont (whispers): Pssst. You need to wait until some stupid guy is brave enough to chart the uncharted waters. Or you could just suck up to Spain and Portugal for their explorations.
Ashton: Dude, where's our coutry?!
------------------------------------
1st of January 1425
There is a map of France on the floor of the great royal hall. It used to depict the situation of the war in France, but Ashton and Sean are now playing with the small figurines representing armies. Their shrieks of joy and not-so-realistic imitations of explosions, which have made the map wet of spit, fill the hall. Luckily there is only the advisor present; otherwise the prestige of the French kings would be severely damaged along with their reputation as unbeatable military commanders (a great feat from the French propaganda department). The advisor is going through the month’s mail. The stack is quite large and the letters look very formal.
Ashton: Hey, advisor!
Advisor: What is it?!
Sean: What are you doing?
Advisor: I’m going through your mail your royalnesses.
Sean pretends being interested of the advisors “new haircut” while Ashton grabs the letters.
Ashton: A HA!
Advisor: You could have just asked.
Ashton and Sean go through the mail.
Sean: Hey wait a minute! These are all peace offers! You haven’t told us anything about peace offers!
Advisor: *cough* Ehm… Those offers are so crappy that I wouldn’t even let my dog wipe its arse in them. But a few years ago we accepted one from Burgundy. They gave us Flanders and Artois.
Ashton: We are at peace with Burgundy?!
Advisor: Yes.
Ashton: So is it bad if I would have sent the king of Burgundy insulting letters, pictures of their flag being used as toilet paper and random body parts after the peace deal?
Advisor: It would have been catastrophic.
Ashton and Sean: D’Oh!
Advisor picks up a small paper note from the floor. The note was short and it had a bloodstain in it.
Advisor: Oh, and here’s a note from General Richemont. Apparently he’s doing well.
Ashton: What has he screwed up this time?
Advisor: Uh… *thinks hard of the answer*
Sean: Yeeeeeeees?
Advisor: Erm…. *blushes*
Ashton: Spit it out! We won’t tell Richemont that you busted him.
Sean: *tries not to giggle* That’s right.
Advisor: In that case. *speaks very quickly hoping that the kings won’t hear* AragonianshavetakenCalais.
Ashton and Sean: WHAT?! THAT IDIOT! It’s just typical of him to screw up like this. Send our royal guard to dispatch those bastards.
Advisor: But you highnesses! Your royal guard died last week when you sent them to find that messenger that died three years ago.
Sean: Shit. I remember that. Getting trampled by a mob of children *and* pigs must have been humiliating…
Ashton: And painful.
Sean: Especially when our royal guard is 10 000 men large.
Ashton: Yes.
Advisor (suggesting tone): Richemont is just a few days ride away from here…
Ashton: NO! We won’t let that twat screw things up again.
Advisor: Well, it’s your fault in the first place. If you hadn’t sent the garrison in Calais to find out what happened to the royal guard we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.
Ashton: *points at Sean* He invented that plan!
Sean: *wakes up* Huh?
Ashton: See he’s not even denying it!
Advisor (a metallic voice): S e l f d e s t r u c t i o n a c t i v a t e d i n t e n s e c o n d s . . .
Guy with the stainy apron: TAKE COVER.
Ashton and Sean jump under the map. The advisor explodes. The usual factory sounds begin again, but suddenly you can hear a Windows blue screen sound.
Guy with the stainy apron: What the fuck?! They said that the last update fixed the security failures in Internet explorer!!!
The Guy with the stainy apron comes from the factory.
Guy with the stainy apron: Hi! I’m going to have to be your advisor for a while until we get Linux.
Ashton: Okay… Who are you?
Guy with the stainy apron: My name is Guy with the stainy apron, but my friends call me Bob.
Sean: Okay Bob.
Ashton: What should we do?
Bob.: Ummmmm…. *thinks hard, Ashton and Sean can hear his brains ticking*
Sean: C’mon.
Bob: *looks at his watch* Oops! My law regulated winter holiday just began! Cya!
Bob runs out of the hall.
Ashton: Guess we have to figure this out on ourselves…
Damn! why don't they sell those Twinkies here in Finland? Looking at that picture made me want a Twinkie!
Chapter IV
22nd of January 1429
Ashton and Sean are in England, in London in fact. The streets are ruled by the pillaging, looting, raping and burning hordes of Scottish soldiers. Being drunk wasn’t unnatural to them and the liberation of many pubs had produced them the means to drown themselves into brown ales, cider and piss. Half of the city was in pieces and if something wasn’t burning, it was being looted or its inhabitants were being harassed by the smelly Scottish soldiers:
Richemont (pansy French accent): *points his words to the Scottish Colonel* Don’t your men ever take a bath?
Scottish Colonel (rowdy Scottish tone): Arr! On the day that the warriors of the MacKilntyre clan shall take a bath, the world will be at great peril. Arr!
Richemont: But wouldn’t it be a great relief for all of us if we could walk in here without gas masks.
Scottish Colonel: *lifts his gasmask off and smells the air* Arr! Ye smell the victory?
Richemont decides to impress the Scotsman and lifts his gasmask.
Richemont: *sniffs* Uhh… I don’t feel so good. *falls to the ground*
Bob: *lifts his gasmask* Are y’allright, sir? *smells the air* Mmmmmm…. Flowers….
Sean crouches besides Richemont.
Sean: He’s still breathing! Gimme that bottle of beer! *points to the *Scottish Colonel*
The Scotsman hands over the beverage and Sean poured it on Richemont. Richemont revives and stands up, quickly putting the gasmask on.
Richemont (drunk): I lllove you guysh…
Ashton: Damn! I forgot that he can only handle girly wines and mead.
Sean: *looks at the bottle* Oh! So they did find a way to combine raw alcohol and beer!
Richemont (still drunk): Nobody lovesh meeeeeh…. *hiccup*
Ashton: We need to get Richemont to somewhere to sober up.
Sean: *looks at an dark alley where humongous were-rats are consuming babies at a notable rate* That alley looks fine.
Ashton: Yeah, let’s dump him there.
They drag Richemont to the alley and continue towards the Tower. They hear a horse coming towards them from behind. They all turn around and see a woman riding a horse. She isn’t wearing a gasmask and she is holding a bloody axe:
The woman dismounts and hits her axe into the corpse of a dead Englishman.
Woman with tha axe: Hey Sean and Ashton? See you ended up in here as well. I’d chop that crazy bastard to pieces if he was here now but guess he wanted to stay in the 21st century.
Ashton: Yeah yeah. Let me guess… You know us from the 21st century, but wanna know something. WE DON’T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE?
Woman with teh axe: Ooooooh. I didn’t that Paris beat you up that badly for stepping on her dogs.
Sean: Who the hell is Paris and who the hell are you?
Woman wif the axe: Oh. Yes. I’m Keira Knightley and Paris is an irritating rich brat who lives on cosmopolitans and crappy gossip magazine articles.
Ashton: Do you know anything about that party we all were in?
Keira: Well, yeah. But during the last millennia the memories have faded nicely. I remember that there were lots of Twinkies. And Schwarzenegger tried covertly stashing them into his jacket pocket.
Ashton: You know Arnold too?
Sean: He has got more Twinkies?!
Keira: Yeah, if you mean the big bulky guy with stereotypical Austrian accent and extravaganza entries. Man I’d like to have his special effects specialist working for me.
Ashton: Yeah! Last time he visited us, he blew up a whole regiment of our finest cavalry.
Keira: You haven’t seen the half of it…
Sean: So, why did you come here anyways?
Keira: Jean D’Arc got ill and asked me to fill in for her. She says she needs men and horses. If you give her those she will miraculously make your troops even better than they used to be. And building your fortresses will become even more expensive than ever before.
Ashton: Sweet!
Sean: Let’s give her the men and send her to harass that town where we lost that messenger. I’d still like to know what happened to him.
Ashton: That’ll keep her out of our way.
Behind Keira, the Englishman has stood up, the axe still lodged into his head. He starts kicking Keira into the balls with his only foot
Keira: WTF? Man, you need to get your facts straight. I ain’t got no balls.
Invincible Englishman: Arr! My plan didn’t work!
Keira: *dislodges the axe from the Englishman’s head* Taste this you punk. *swoosh*
Keira starts chopping the Englishman’s leg off. Blood flies in the air and soon everybody are covered in blood. After the leg has been detached from the Englishman’s body, Keira pushes the Englishman over. He tries to get up but he has no limbs so it’s useless.
Keira walks over to her war steed.
Invincible Englishman: Arr! Come back you scum and fight! I will bite yer head off! Arr!
Keira: Shut up! Oh and through some strange desire I have a forcing urge to give you my invitation to the birthday where we all were. I have no need for it anymore. *hands over the old paper and rides away*
Ashton: YES! Now we can finally find out who did this to us!
The place where the name of the inviter should be has burned.
Sean: NOOOO! Now we’ll never find out! All we know is that his name starts with P!
Ashton: Well, that is simple! As we all know: P is for Portugal!
Sean: D'Oh!
---------------------
16th of April 1429
Ashton and Sean are in France managing domestic things when Bob comes in.
Sean: Hi Bob.
Bob: Hiya.
Ashton: Wazzup Bob?
Bob: Um the Englishmen rejected the fairly reasonable peace offer we sent them recently.
Sean: WHAT? How could they? I mean that’s impossible! They don’t control anything. They don’t have anything to negotiate for!
Ashton: Yah. 1.09 Sucks ass. What happened to the 1.04 sweetness of annexing countries straight away?
Sean: Sure brings up a lot of memories. *sob*
Bob: And here’s a note from Richemont. He’s busy butchering insurgents in England and erm…
Ashton: Okay, you can tell us straight away. What has he screwed up this time?
Bob: Uh… He accepted peace with England on those crappy terms…
Sean: WHAT?
Ashton: Why he has to screw up all the time.
Bob: I think that the Englishmen got him drunk by keeping a open bottle of booze in the same room. The fumes are too strong for him.
Ashton: Note to self: From now on Richemont can only drink sewage water.
Sean: What were those terms?
Bob: Um… We get Calais, Caux, Normandie, Piemont and Gascogne and the Scots get a large chunk of England’s Northern territories.
Ashton: Damn! Ah, what the hell, we need to live with what we got…
Sean: I have a sudden urge to bite that carpet.
Ashton: Me too.
Bob: This can’t be it! NOOOOOO! NOT TEMPORARY INSANITY OF MONARCH!!!!!
Suddenly both monarchs start drooling violently and their pupils grow into humongous proportions.
Sean: *biting the carpet* Mmmmmm… Steak!
Ashton: *jumps on a chair* NO! They’re all over me! Those kittens are horrible! AAAAH! I can’t stand to look at their wet cute eyes! They’re climbing up my legs! AAAAAAAAARGH!
Bob: NOOO! I have to stand this for a whole 36 months! Damn you Windows! Damn be Bill Gates!
Last edited:
:rofl:
Though really, how is the temporary insanity any worse than how they already are?
Though really, how is the temporary insanity any worse than how they already are?
It might actually be better :rofl: .
*sob* I'm going to my family's summer cottage this weekend, so I won't be able to keep my Summer pace of 1 update/day ...
Like Arnold would say: I'll be back, on monday late in ze night...
*sob* I'm going to my family's summer cottage this weekend, so I won't be able to keep my Summer pace of 1 update/day
... Like Arnold would say: I'll be back, on monday late in ze night...
Now why does the invincible englishmen seem familiar? Good chapter. How many posts in a row can have :rofl: in them?
Chapter V
5th of September 1429
Ashton and Sean are doing the usual nutjob stuff. Currently Ashton is hanging from the chandelier and making monkeyish noises. Sean is barking at a chair, and the chair is apparently barking back to him because he bites the chair once in a while. Bob steps into the room, his apron is now adorned with drool stains and there is a bite mark on his left leg.
Bob: Hey, guys!
Ashton and Sean look at Bob. They both look a bit saner.
Sean: What is it?! You interrupted my duel with this annoying terrier here!
Ashton: Um… Sean. That’s a chair.
Sean: WHAT?! Have I been barking to a chair?!
Ashton: Well yeah.
Sean: Not that you would have fared any better.
Ashton: How come?
Sean: Wasn’t that you playing Tarzan last three months?
Ashton: No, I was playing Jane… SHIT!
Bob: Would you guys shut up for a second?! Take a look at this map here. France has nearly doubled in size after that peace with England. *shows a map to the kings*
Sean: Oooooooo!
Ashton: Nice.
Bob: By the way, now that you have a sane moment you could say yes to my suggestion to centralize the government’s functions.
Sean: That’s a hard word, can you say it in a more simple way?
Ashton: NOOO! I feel the madness coming again!
Sean: Aaaaah! Must… fight… the…. urge… to…bark… Can’t…resist… the…ur… WOOF! WOOF!
Ashton: *starts swinging in the chandelier again and sings village people songs* MACHO, MACHO MAN!!!
Bob: Oh no! *Sean charges towards Bob, moving on four legs*
Bob jumps on the table and Sean starts chewing the table’s legs.
Bob: I need to get out of here somehow. *looks at the map scroll* Fetch Fido! *throws the scroll at Ashton who drops down from the chandelier, Ashton charges at the scroll* I’m saved!
Bob quickly runs out from the room and locks the door behind him. Meanwhile Sean starts chasing his own ass.
--------------------
1st of July 1432
Richemont, Ashton and Sean are looking at a military parade in Paris, hundreds of cavalrymen pass by in old armour and half-dead horses, what they don’t really know is that the same 100 horsemen are just going around the corner and coming back to ride from front of them all over again.
Ashton: Dude, I’m glad we’re not suffering from temporary insanity anymore!
Sean: Yeah, I hated it when I got rabies from fighting with that chair.
Ashton: Don’t even mention about me thinking that I was Tarzan’s wife for the last three years.
Sean: Dude! That’s sick! I thought u were Tarzan.
Ashton: *changes the subject sneakily, Sean doesn’t notice* By the way, why is our cavalry so crappy? I mean that all the teeny weeny countries like Wützburg and Mainz and Hessen have better troops than we do.
Richemont: Well, I don’t bother to tell you about the game mechanics, but we could blame 1.09 again.
Sean: You mean that you didn’t screw this up?
Richemont: Well, no. This is an economic issue rather than a leadership issue.
Suddenly you can hear a heavenly sound. The sky turns clearer and birds start singing. A magical force suddenly pulses through the cavalry and when it’s gone the soldiers have new armour and new shiny new metal buckets as helmets, their horses seem more alive and they don’t look as old and starving as they did.
Ashton: Awww, dude!
Sean: Awesome!
Richemont: Sweeet!
Ashton and Sean look at Richmeont, Richemont looks embarrassed.
Richemont (regretful tone): Sorry…
A courier rides to the three men. The courier reveals to be Bob!
Bob: Hey guys! You can’t believe this! Our Land technology has improved t level 2!
Ashton: w00t!
Sean: At last! Only years after the crappy one province minors!
Bob: Miraculously our engineers are now able to build towers to our crappy wooden walls! And somehow we can now garrison our cities with 10 000 men!
Sean: How is that possible?!
Richemont: Are you trying to screw us?
Bob: No! It’s true! Our troops all around France have become better!
Sean: Hallelujah!
Today I was busy doing stuff, but tomorrow you will get a mega super 3 update burger. Hope you won't die from overdose then
Well at least that somes improvement. But still that army is going to need a lot more than that to be battleworthy.
Chapter VI
17th of August 1433
Ashton and Sean are chilling out in a tent just outside the besieged provincial capital of Morbihan. They are drinking beer and listening at Lt. General Dunois, who is explaining how easy it was to besiege the city.
Dunois: Well, my lieges. We met no opposition when coming here and frankly said the city’s inhabitants are cheering at us.
Sean: So why the hell are we besieging it then?
Dunois: Uh, it’s a formality… Well, you know… It would be rude to just barge in without the proper siege, destruction and pillage.
Ashton: Traditions suck ass. So that means we have to wait here for a year.
Dunois: I’m afraid so, my lieges.
Sean: Couldn’t you just get a ram and bust that gate down and then run in and accomplish the proper pillage and destruction.
Dunois: Well, that’s not going to happen for a few years… We need land tech level 5 to do that…
Ashton: WHAT? So you mean that your siege engineers won’t learn to use that ram *points at a huge steel ram next to the tent* until our scientists tell us that we have reached land tech level 5?!
Dunois: Lemmethinkaboutit… Yes.
Sean: Well, that’s great. *looks at the surgery tent where people’s limbs are being amputated* Hey waittaminute! You said there was no resistance!
Dunois: Well, here in the late medieval times we amputated limbs for reasons like: flu, cough, tiredness in the legs after a long march and for fun.
Ashton: Oh, I see. You know how boring it is to wait for a year?
Sean: Zzzzzz…..
7 Months Later…
Bob: Hey guys! Wake up!
Ashton: Huh?
Sean: *drool* Zzzzzz…
Bob takes a rotten limb from the empty surgery tent and tosses it at Sean.
Sean: Ouch! Ewwwwww…
Bob: We won! The Brittanyans have surrendered! We are victorious! Now you need just to sign the peace treaty and we will annex the nation!
Bob leads Dunois, Ashton and Sean through the city. French cavalry men are riding around and pillaging and the once shiny buckets in their heads glister with blood and intestines. All the buildings are on fire and women and children run around in panic. They arrive at the palace, which is strangely left without a scratch and go in. Inside they see Brittany’s ruler.
King: Bonjor, Ashton et Sean!
Ashton: Why do I feel that you know us, but we don’t know you?
King: Oh, ce Paris beat you upp real good.
Sean: Yeahyeahyeah. We know that we got beaten up by a woman, but who are you.
King: Ah, my apologies. My name is Gerard Depardieu. And I must that Arnold would call you ze girly men. *giggles*
Ashton: So, do you know why we are here?
Sean: Would you mind if we call you Geri, your name is kinda hard to spell?
Gerard: Yes I know why you are here and yes I would mind if you called me Geri.
Ashton: Okey dokey Geri. So why we are here?
Geri: *grumbles* You are here to annex my beloved country.
Ashton: No but why we are *here*? In this time!
Geri: Oh, you mean the magical Twinkies.
Sean: Twikies?!
Geri: Yeah. On the birthday of I-don’t-remember-who only Twinkies and alcohol were served. After a few drinks you were bound to eat a Twinkie.
Ashton: What was so special about the Twinkies?
Geri: I won’t tell you if you annex my nation.
Sean: We won’t! Pinkie swear!
Geri: Allright. *does pinkie swear with Sean who has his fingers crossed in the other hand behind his back* That guy who’s birthday it was…
Sean: We know the first letter in his name is P so let’s call him Mr. P!
Geri: Mr. P had learned dark magic from somewhere and he had cursed the Twinkies so that anyone who eats it will be teleported to the past.
*Everything goes black for Ashton. This is clearly a cliché movie flashback.*
The dance music is loud and Ashton and Sean are dancing on the table. Suddenly two dogs appear on their dance "floor". They both step on the dogs who whimper and run to their mistress. Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie come over to Ashton and Sean...
Paris: Look what you idiots did to my dogs! Poor things!
Nicole: Yeah.
Paris: Let's beat them up!
Nicole:Yeah!
Ashton drunk: Oooooo! I like tough girls. *Paris pushes Ashton and Sean down from the table and they fall into the bar, bottles break*
Sean: Whoooooo! Freee booze! *licks the floor which is wet from alcohol*
Paris and Nicole proceed to beat the boys up and after a few minutes they both are full of bruises and Ashton's left eye has swollen shut.
Ashton: Okay! *hiccup* You made your point... Can we go now, or otherwise there won't be any free cosmopolitans and apple martinis left?
Paris: Let's kill them!
Nicole: Yeah!
Paris: Or better let's feed them Twinkies!
Nicole: Yeah!
The girls close in with Twinkies.
Ashton and Sean: NOOOOOO! Not the Twinkies!
The flashback ends.
Ashton: Sweeeeeet!
Geri: And if one eats an enchanted Twinkie in the past he will be teleported back to the exactly same date and place where he was when he ate the Twinkie in the first place.
Sean: How do you know all this?
Geri: It’s just a theory, but the last thing I remember from the future is that I ate a Twinkie.
Ashton: Sean, are you thinking about what I’m thinking.
Sean: We must find Arnold and get his Twinkies!!!
Ashton: I was thinking about annexing Geri’s nation anyways.
Sean: Good idea, after that we must find Arnie.
Geri: You promised with pinkie swear! It is sacred! If one breaks the holy pinkie swear he shall die!
Ashton: NOOOO! Sean what did you do!
Sean: *takes the hand with crossed fingers from behind himself* CROSSED FINGERS! MWHAHAHAHA!
Geri: NOOOOOOOOO! You bastards!
Ashton: And now we must just press “annex”. *pushes the button in the peace treaty*
Geri: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *the crown on his head disappears with a puff of smoke*
Sean: Ha! Eat my irresistible annexation Geri!
Geri: You will pay for this! You hear me! I will have mon vengeancé! *throws a pinch or glitter on the floor*
Ashton and Sean hear a loud *poof* and Geri disappears in a cloud of pink smoke.
Ashton: Dude, what a psycho!
Sean: Yeah.
Bob: Guys, because you were so mean to Geri, our badboy has risen with 6,3.
Ashton: NOOO!
Last edited: