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stnylan

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Wow, the AI actually managed to a find a great bride. I'm astonished. And the kid, if he lives, looks promising.
 

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I was amazed. I'd been dreading it, as I was expecting for him to pick an insane or horribly ill wife, as the AI is so prone to do. Of course, ideally I would have married him to Paola de Provence, so as to inherit Provence. Oh well.
 

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Drunk on Burgundy

Chapter 8: Oops, I Did It Again (1107-1114)

1107 saw no great change in the realm, and life continued as it always had done. In March of that year, the bastard Henri was made count of Geneve, as having him hanging around the court in Bourgogne was making Eudes a laughing stock (ie I was losing prestige). September brought about the two fields system in Charolais. People came from all around to see the marvels of this modern technology, with people being heard muttering “well, who would have thought it, two fields! What will they think of next?” November brought around good cheer and tired parents when Henri and Urula announced they had had a son, who was named Antoine. The first event of 1108 was the completion of a small castle in Dijon, which was nice as they were beginning to feel left out.

In March, Ademar got married to Elise de Macon (stats 7, 6, 10, 5), with the hope that it might calm him down. Um, it didn’t quite work… On April 8th, Eudes held a meeting with his courtiers where he told them that a claim on Neuchatel, a small Swiss county, had turned up. Apparently it was just lying around in his chamber. Anyway, the host was mobilised and marched to Chalons, which was very nostalgic for soldiers who had fought in the Geneve campaign. The last of the regiments arrived on April 29th, with the total count being about 6600 men. An emissary was sent to the Count of Neuchatel, and a day later the army began their march. Exactly a month later battle commenced, with Bourgonian troops outnumbering Neuchatel ten to one. It was, of course, an easy victory.

bg46.jpg

An easy victory.

Five days into the siege, the Count of Neuchatel offering a whole heap of gold in return for peace. Eudes reportedly smiled vaguely, and rejected the offer.

bg47.jpg

No chance!

On June 30th, the city fell, and peace was agreed, with Neuchatel becoming the newest outpost of the Duchy. Upon entering the cities treasury building, Eudes found the 428 gold that had previously been offered, and added it to his treasury. One war was over, but another had to be fought. Eudes ordered a march to Wurttemburg, the nearest territory to be under the personal administration of the German king. After several months marching, the army was in touching distance of their intended target. Eudes was surveying the lay of the land when he spotted a lone rider coming from the city. The Duke went to personally meet him:

Rider: I am an emissary from Heinrich King of Germany, here to generously offer peace to your pathetic little duchy.
Eudes: I’m listening.
Rider: The king will give you 66 gold to go home. It is lucky for you that he is not a proud man, otherwise you would not have this most fortunate opportunity.
Eudes: Really? 66 gold, eh? We have over 5000 men. There are 375 men defending Wurttemburg. I think I’d rather carry on, thank you.

Wurttemburg fell on 24th November after an easily won battle and a short siege. Upon this development, king Heinrich was only too happy to yield his claim on Neuchatel and give 58 gold for the Bourgonians to go home. Eudes and his army are home in time for Christmas.

bg48.jpg

Always a welcome sight.

bg49.jpg

The Duchy of Bourgogne at the end of 1108

Janary 21st 1109: Ademar and Elise have a daughter, who is named Sybille after her father’s favourite sister. In September of that year, there was a petition from the Burghers in Dijon to forbid peasants to sell goods within city walls. Eudes accepts their demands. 1110 started with some peasants in Auxerre discovering some stones in a pit they had dug, which they imaginatively named the “stonepit”. May brought about some grim news when Leounora committed suicide, and in October Ademar and Elise had a son called Robert, named in honour of the old Duke Robert, the famous cat-strangler. However, good news was balanced out with bad for Ademar when little Sybille died in December. After this tragedy Ademar’s behaviour became even more erratic than usual, and became stressed in February 1111. In July, it came to Eudes attention that Ademar was engaging in politics parties, and was thus moderated. Politics parties were NOT tolerated in Bourgogne. In October the inhabitants of Charolais discovered the Medium Castle. Things got even worse for Ademar when Elise died in labour, along with the child, and eventually the inevitable happened when he was diagnosed as mad in December 1113. Mwa ha ha!!! Despite his insanity, Ademar remained as Chancellor.

bg50.jpg

Mademar. The best diplomat in the duchy.

March 23rd 1114: Medium castle completed in Charolais. On March 27th, Eudes held another meeting with his council:

Eudes: So, anyone up for a war?
Sybille: Another one? Where this time?
Ademar: (sniggering) war, war. Ha ha ha!
Eudes: Um, yes, anyway. Today I found this (holds up a scroll) under my bed. It is a claim on the bishopric of Valais.
Marshal Louis: (sceptically) you found it under your bed?
Eudes: Uh, yeah. So, people, what do you think? To war…?

ooc: I forgot to mention, the wider war between France and Germany ended on December 5th 1108, 2 days after I made peace with Germany. Oops! :eek:o
If anyone read this update expecting pictures of Britney Spears, all I can say is find your own! :p
 
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Farquharson

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I'm sure Madémar will be in favour anyway - probably thinks he "could be a better Marshal" in fact... And let me guess - Eudes left a little pile of prestige points under his bed one night and, lo and behold, in the morning the scroll was there in their place? :D
 

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It's always nice when those claims "turn up." Looks like you're expanding nicely. :D

I expect great things out of the crazed diplomat. Maybe he can talk some other nations into helping him rebuild Babylon? :D

I think it's time to go to war. ;)
 

stnylan

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Just so long as he puts his underpants on his head and sticks two pencils up his nose all will be fine I'm sure.
 

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Shame about the mad chancellor, but if he has the stats still, no reason to get rid of him just yet. And watch out taking a bishropic. The Pope has this nasty habit of trying to get you to make peace and if you don't, you lose piety. Nice looking Duchy you've got there.
 

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Drunk on Burgundy

Chapter 9: Duking It Out

To war! On March 27th 1114 the order was sent out to mobilise the host, and the various armies marched to Geneve excluding the Neuchatel regiment, which was to guard against the possibility of the Valaisish (Valaisian?) army reaching the city before the main bulk of the force reached Valais. Finally, on May 18th, war was declared, which again triggered a wider conflict between the French and Germans.

There was much surprise when the main Bourgonian army found Valais unguarded when they arrived on July 5th, with Eudes later learning of a battle at Neuchatel. The battle had no proper conclusion, as 19 days later Valais was added to the Duchy of Bourgogne.

bg51.jpg

Valais peace.

Preparing for a major struggle against the Germans, Eudes ordered a march to Wurttemberg. However, the march was cut short when a German emissary offered a white peace, which was swiftly accepted.

bg52.jpg

Cowards!

A day after the peace, August 8th, work begun to expand the hill-fort at Valais. It was also on this day that Duke Eudes “suddenly realised” he could make himself Duke of Savoie, which he does. For several months he went around demanding people call him by his full title, which was very irritating for the courtiers of Eudes, Duke of Bourgogne and Savoie.

bg53.jpg

Eudes, Duke of Bourgogne and Savoie

bg54.jpg

Provinces that make up the new title.

On October 20th 1114, Antoinette, daughter of Robert and Leounora got married to some guy from Luxembourg. The end of the year saw repeated requests from the King of France to mobilise the host:

King’s Messenger: The King demands that you mobilise in his service.
Eudes: What! The Duchy is at peace, and everyone knows I am a peace-lover (ahem)! Go away!

A day later:

Messenger: Hi, I’m back.
Eudes: (exasperated) Which part of “go away” does the King not understand!
Messenger: I think it may be the “go”…
Eudes: I’m starting to get a bit miffed with this King. My loyalty is down to 30%!
Messenger: (confused) what?
Eudes: Oh, never mind.

After a while the King requested mobilisation once every two months, and every time it was denied. Kings, who’d have them? The first event and indeed the only event of 1115 was the outbreak of dysentery in Dijon, which wasn’t very nice. May of 1116 saw the completion of a small castle in Valais, which made Eudes look pretty good. July was notable for a huge battle between the French and Germans at Nevers, where the French were defeated. On September 14th a group of nobles petitioned Eudes, demanding Prima Noctae rights. Eudes agreed, mostly because he didn’t know what Prima Noctae rights actually were.

February 7th 1117: Robert, Ademar’s son, received a court education. There was drama in August when some guy who Eudes didn’t even know was in the court was excommunicated. He turned out to be an insane heretic called Adhemar d’Angouleme.

bg55.jpg


In September of that year Eudes called in at Lyon to see how his son, Etienne’s family was doing. It turned out that Hugues, his eldest, was a depressed lunatic. However, more serious was the fact that he was dead. Etienne wasn’t doing too well, only having one surviving son, whose name was Aymar.

In February 1118, they got the two fields system in Auxerre. They are now eagerly awaiting the expansion pack for this, the three fields system. On June 9th a road was built in Valais, and on July 18th a blacksmith in Neuchatel got his measurements wrong, thus inventing the shortsword. On August 13th, Adhemar d’Angouleme, the insane excommunicated heretic, believes he could be a better chaplain. Seriously. No, really, this actually happened. He is of course appointed diocese bishop by an amused Eudes. Just imagine the sermons!

In December of 1118 one of Eudes’ million or so brothers died, I forget which one. The new year saw Dora, daughter of Hugues and Paola, become an intricate webweaver. She is nicknamed Shelob. Nothing much else happened in this year until s September, when Ursula (Henri’s wife) got schizophrenia. Rather ominously, she became good mates with Chancellor Ademar. In October, the grass in Charolais went a funny colour of yellow. Most people considered this offensive terrain. December saw the beginning of minor merchant houses in Valais, which was nice because previously merchants under five feet tall had nowhere to live.

On January 18th 1120, there was an unfortunate incident where schizophrenic Ursula killed her youngest daughter, Blanche. On February 1st Colonel Sanders arrived in Neuchatel, and gave the locals access to the forbidden knowledge of chickens. On March 19th, a small castle was begun in Neuchatel, built by the locals in honour of Colonel Sanders, their new god. Eudes was greatly saddened by news in August that the insane excommunicated heretic Diocese Bishop, Adhemar d’Angouleme, had defected to another court.

October 27th 1120: Chancellor Ademar was sitting in his chamber, settling down to write his weekly letter to Satan:

Dear Satan,
I have just realised that I am the mes-

bg57.bmp


When suddenly he was confronted with this:

Ademar: Wow, a talking paperclip!
Paperclip: Call me Clippy.
Ademar: Oh wise and venerable Clippy, I am your humble servant!
Clippy: Cool! Right, I advise you to invest. Invest, invest invest!!!
Ademar: Ok. But first help me write this letter.

Not long after this Eudes handed over the duties of Chancellor to Dora (stats 11, 8, 8, 5), who was bright, gifted and most importantly sane (well, as sane as anyone was in these days.) However, no one informed Ademar, which led to him getting a nasty injury when diplomatic talks with the elves that lived under the stairs went pear-shaped.

Nothing happened for the first nine months of 1121. However, on October 23rd a small castle was completed in Valais. On October 29th, Eudes announced to his courtiers that he had bought a mysterious document from an old soothsayer, and unbelievably it proved that Bourgogne had a legitimate claim on Besancon. His courtiers just sighed and left. 1121 ended with the disturbing news that Germany had finally won their epic war with France, taking Orleans. The most disturbing aspect of this was that it made the map look ugly, which greatly upset the Guild of Cartographers.

clippy.bmp

Do the Clippy Clippy Shake!
 
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stnylan

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Ahh - the cartographers should be grateful. That war and changing boundaries = continued employment as everyone is forced to buy new atlases.
 

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Ah yes, I should have thought of that. Well, let's just say that there are two rival groups of cartographers; The ones who appreciate producing beautiful maps and the ones just in it for the money. Obviously, the latter are great friends of the peace-loving Duke Eudes ;)

Ooh, Its on to a third page. How exciting!
 
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Farquharson

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It turned out that Hugues, his eldest, was a depressed lunatic. However, more serious was the fact that he was dead.
That would be enough to turn anyone into a depressed lunatic I'd have thought... :rofl:

Great update! I also liked Adémar's letter-writing exploits.
 

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Unfortunately the 1121 save game file has corrupted :( , which means the last update didn't happen. Maybe it was an alternate universe. maybe a dream. You decide. However, I will have to start again from 1114, so the REAL chapter 9 will soon come your way. I prefer the idea of an alternate universe myself. And any Clippy fans (perish the thought), don't worry, I'm sure he will appear again!
 

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Bugger, as they say.
 

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It is indeed a bugger, but not the end of the world. I will post a short update concerning events up to 1119, just to get everyone up to speed on what's happening in the REAL universe.
 

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Drunk on Burgundy

Chapter 9 (Again)

To war! Uh, again! The war with Valais was successful, with the province falling two weeks after the siege began in July of 1114. As before, the troops head for Wurttemberg, but the Germans agree a white peace on August 5th (you can understand why I don't want to describe the war. It was pretty much the same as the first time around. On January 1st 1115, Duke Eudes made himself Duke of Savoie, as a late christmas present to himself.

People were concerned when on January 18th Eudes came down with a mystery illness. However, most people thought it was just the result of a perpetual hangover he seemed to have after becoming a double Duke. On July 5th Dora also got ill, and on July 23rd they got a better class of salt in Charolais when they discovered the salt refinery. That was that for 1115. In May of 1116 a small castle was completed in Valais, and in July it was decided that Robert, son of Ademar, was to get a court education. September arrived, and not long in Ursula became schizophrenic. No one was surprised when Beatrix, daughter of Ademar, got stressed in October, mostly due to her father being friendly with the elves under the stairs. Later that month they discovered annual sailing in Charolais, which was quite confusing because Charolais isn't anyway near the sea.

February 7th 1117: Seven Liberal Arts discovered in Neuchatel. In April, Eudes got stressed. On June 25th, they discovered the two fields system in Auxerre. In October, it was revealed that Eudes had an intestinal worm, the general response being "Eww!" On October 14th, Ademar was talking to himself:

Ademar: I am, I AM! I'm sure I am. Don't tell me I'm not. I am the mes-

clippy.bmp


Clippy: No you're not. You are nothing. Ha ha ha!!!
Ademar: Go away, I hate you!

Thus, Ademar got depressed. On December 8th, a library was completed in Neuchatel.

The year 1118 rolled around, with Henri getting stressed in April and the seven liberal arts being discovered in Dijon. In October Marshal Louis (the traveller that Ademar met. Remember him?) died, and in November they discovered chickens in Dijon. Sorry, I've run out of chicken-related jokes :( (I'm just waiting for the goats advance...) The new year started with the death of Eudes, much to the great sadness of all. The old guy will be missed.

bg60.jpg

The Duchy in 1119. Notice how I'm now part of Germany.
 
Last edited:

stnylan

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Ahh - good to see Clippy is as 'real' as before!
 

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Clippy is a fundamental reality to be found all throughout the multiverse. You just can't escape the little metal bugger! :D
 

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Drunk on Burgundy

Chapter 10: Just A Pin Prick Away

bg67.jpg

Etiennes eldest surviving son.

bg64.jpg

Etiennes other son.

Out with the old and in with the new, as they say. Many of the servants did not know this new duke that was strutting around the castle in their midst, and indeed family members were not too familiar with him. The first act of Etienne’s rule was to remove Ademar from the position of chancellor, and to replace him with his wife Joan. On February 4th, Oda von Calw, a former courtier of Etienne was made countess of Forez and the following day the new duke called a meeting with his privy council:

Etienne: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your toes! (confused looks) Uh, sorry. Right, I’ve called you here together to set out my vision of what this Duchy should be, and I know this vision cannot be fulfilled with the co-operation of my court.
Sybille: Oh, get on with it!
Etienne: Quiet, you! Right, I want you to know that I’m a fairly relaxed boss, my doors always open, come and see me any time you like.
Marshal Henri: (sarcastically) Well, isn’t that nice to know!
Etienne: Anyway, when I was Count of Lyon I studied maps old and new, as well as heraldry and other such disciplines. It came to my attention that the shield we use here in Bourgogne is exactly the same as the Kingdom of Burgundy, and also how the words Bourgogne and Burgundy are rather similar.
Sybille: Yeah, so? What’s your point?
Etienne: I’m getting to it! I want Bourgogne to become Burgundy. I want for this family to be royalty, for us to say that we are not French, but Burgundian! I have a dream-
Sybille: Come on! Now you’re ripping off Martin Luther King!
Etienne: What?!? Who’s that?
Sybille: You know, the famous black civil rights activist… (she trails off) oops, wrong time frame!
Etienne: Uh, yeah, so who’s with me?!? (unenthusiastic cheers)

On March 13th, Catherine, only surviving daughter of Etienne, came down with Childhood Cruelty, a common affliction in these times. Several months passed, as they have a habit of doing, until July when Ursula gave birth to a stillborn child. Later on that month Ademar recovered from his depression when he successfully pulled off a deal between the elves and the dwarves.

bg66.jpg

Not the Queen of the dwarves. Yet.

August saw the first meeting between the Burghers and Etienne, in which they demanded that city law is set higher than church law. Etienne refused, thus netting him 25 piety points. On the 19th Catherine, daughter of Paola and Beatrix, went off to the monastery, a place filled with so much fun and excitement for a little child. In December, Etienne decided to arrange a great royal feast for the nobles, which he financed himself for the greater glory. On December 29th they got chickens in Auxerre.

On April 21st 1120 they finally discovered the seventh liberal art in Lyon, which oddly enough turned out to be naked skydiving. The people of Dijon were delighted when they discovered Charcoal in June, and even more delighted when they discovered clerical celibacy in early July. In fact, they were so delighted that they forgot to prepare the soil adequately and thus had a brief famine.

On September 20th Etienne made Marshal Henri Bishop of Neuchatel, and there was drama when cruel Catherine witness Antoinette commit a petty wrong, but let a servant suffer instead People from now on regard her as arbitrary. The new year brought the discovery of the stonepit in Dijon, which resulted in so much excitement that towns and hamlets grew significantly as a consequence. On May 10th it came to Etienne’s attention that cruel Catherine was riding horses hard through he woods in a cruel and arbitrary manner, and Etienne’s response was to encourage physical endeavours.

1122 started with Charolais becoming rich, which led to a great increase in cravat sales as everyone wanted to get in on the action. Six months later in June there was alarming news that Geoffroy had become ill, and not long after Louis started an education in the court. In August, Not-Chancellor Ademar was sitting in his study when suddenly a weird red thing appeared before him:

bg61.bmp


Ademar: You can help me, oh weird red blob?
Weird Red Blob: Indeed. Call me Mr. Prick.
Ademar (giggling) Sure, you old Prick!
Mr. Prick: (irritated) As in pin prick!
Ademar: Sure, whatever. I need you to get rid of a paperclip that has been bothering me. He won’t let me reveal the truth, that I am the messiah.
Mr. Prick: You ARE the messiah, Ademar. Just click me.
Ademar: I am? (Mr. Prick nods)

bg65.jpg

He has been called!

People didn’t take much notice when they saw Ademar running around the castle grounds screaming “I have been called! I am the messiah!” at the top of his voice. However, the elves living under the stairs weren’t too impressed.

bg62.jpg

Didn't appreciate the joke about their ears.
 
Last edited:

coz1

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Moving right along towards your goal, though the court does not seem too terribly excited about it. By the way, what happened there for you to switch from France to Germany like that?