• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
1 Januari 1937 Berlin

The clock is 00:01.
The Fuhrer and Himmler celebrates the new year.

Hitler: Give me some beer!
Himmler: Ohoj blaboj.

Himmler is very drunk.
The Fuhrer is not so much drunk but is little dizzy.

Hitler: I miss my generals. They have so fun in Poland.
Himmler: Hickkk They are robots. Muhahah. Hick
Hitler: Shall we go out to the balcony?
Himmler: Yeah, give me a bottle of wine.

Hitler opens the balcony. The fireworks is great.

Hitler: Happy New Year, Himmler.
Himmler: No problem.
Hitler: Listen to me!
Himmler: I am drunk.

Himmler falls on the table.

Himmler: Happy Chri, New Year mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: Give me a report from Poland.
Himmler: I duonnt waanty.
Hitler: Now!
Himmler: It is in my briefcase.
He poins at the chair.
Hitler: That is a chair.
Himmler: Behind it!

Hitler goes to the back of the chair and sees that black briefcase who Himmler had the gaynews in.

Hitler: Creppy.

He opens it slowly. A old sausage is in the briefcase and some money.

Hitler: Uhh
Where is the Poland report, Himmler?
Himmler: Bottom!

Now Hitler found the military map.
He looks on it.



Hitler: Yeah Warsawa is mein!
The sitauation is good in Poland.
Himmler: Do you want the global hick.. report?
Hitler: Yeah, give it to me.
Himmler: It is a small yellow paper in the briefcase.
Hitler: I have found it.
Himmler: Read it.
Hitler: What! Why have the allies not attacked me?
Himmler: They are chickens.
Hitler: Yes, they are chickens.
Himmler: Chickens, Chickens.
Hitler: Enough!
Himmler: Yes mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: Say to our generals in Poland to speed the progress.
Himmler: Yes, sir.
Hitler: Never call me "sir"!!!
Himmler: Yes mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: That is better.
Himmler: Let's party now!
Hitler: Oh yeah!
 

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
2 June 1937 Berlin

The generals is having a party to celebrate the conquest of Poland.
Hitler who doesen't drink so much eats a Brauswitch.

Göring: (HICK) You are best Fuhrer in world!
Hitler: Thank you.

Hitler goes to his marble spinning Italien chair.

Hitler: Silence!

The generals looks on Hitler.
The little man is trying to say something.

Himmler: Everbody shut up! Hitler wants to say something.
Hitler: Thank you, Himmler.
First i want say that i am glad that we have conquered Poland.
Soviet don't want the half of Poland. Beacuse we will get the hole Poland.

Himmler is red in his face but he looks down so nobody can see that he is crying.

Hitler: I want you guys to see some pictures.
Generals: Everthing for you mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: Give me the pictures, Himmler.

Himmler gives the pictures and puts on a projector.



















Hitler: That was all of the military pictures.
Now i will show the german reich political map.







Hitler: That was all.
Model: Why did not Soviet get the half of Poland?
Hitler: They think that we have a sausage disease.
Göring: Hehe that was funny.
Guderian: I want to say something.
Hitler: No problem. Speech.
Guderian: You Model sucks!
Model: No i don't you sucks.

Guderian gives him a psychic eye attack.

Model: Hehe you are better then me.

Reader whispers to Hitler.
"I think that Guderian is the chosen one".

Hitler looks on Reader with his red eyes.

Hitler: Let's party! Muhahahahahaha!
Himmler: I want to say one thing.
Hitler: Uhh say it!
Himmler: I have annexed Poland.
Hitler: Good! Muhahahaha.
Himmler: Oh plz one thing more.
Hitler: Do you not see that i am practising my evil laugh!
Himmler: Sorry, but what country shall we attack now?
Hitler: We will see! Muhahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
 

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
5 June 1937 Berlin

Hitler have asked Himmler to do a report about the world sitaution.
He opens the door and in the room Hitler is sitting and looking in the fireplace.
The fire is reflecting on Hitler eyes.

Himmler: Uhh Creepy.Evil
Hitler: Ohh why do you don't knock!
Himmler: Sorry, but you said that i must come fast.
Hitler: Take a seat.
Himmler: Thank you Fuhrer.
Hitler: So tell me now what the world is doing.
Himmler: Nationalist Spain won the Spanish war.
Hitler: Nationalist Spain ae they democratic?
Himmler: No they are facist like us.
Hitler: WE ARE NOT FACIST! We are only nationalistsocialist.
Himmler: Sure. Sorry again.
Hitler: What is wrong with you? Before you were the creepy general.
Himmler: I don't now? My heart is so heavy.
Hitler: Ahha you are in love.
Himmler: No no mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: I now everthing, say now who you are in love in.
Himmler: Don't be angry now.
Hitler: Sure i will not be angry.
Himmler: Could we take this thing last.
Hitler: Okey but give me the world report now.
Himmler: Sure, You now already that Nationalist Spain have won the war.
Hitler: Nothing more?
Himmler: The four mountaintropps is ready and i have gived them command to a general who name is von Rippentrop or something like that.
And a new tankdivision is ready for use.
Hitler: Who is commanding the reichs tank army now?
Himmler: Rommel, sir.

Hitler looks on Himmler with the flamming eyes.

Himmler: I mean Rommel, mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: That was better.
Now tell me what country shuld be a part of the third reich.
Himmler: Do want pictures of the countrys?
Hitler: Yes, do it fast.

Himmler goes out and takes a projector to the Fuhrer room.

5
4
3
2
1

Himmler: First country is Lithuania.
Hitler: Okey show we the picture, you now that i was only good in art in school.



Himmler: You see that this is a tiny country.
Hitler: NEXT!
Himmler: Now i will show you Denmark.



Himmler: This is Denmark, do you want some inf...
Hitler: NEXT!
Himmler: Now I will show you Czechoslovakia. They have a good defense against us and is very democratic. If we not attack first, they will attack soon.



Himmler. What country shall we attack?
Hitler: Hmm i think this last country.
Himmler: Yes that is the best option for me.
Hitler: Call our generals to tomarrow, i want to give order to them.
Himmler: Okey

Himmler opens the door.

Hitler: Ehumm. In who are you love in?
Himmler: Don't be angry. Please.
Hitler: Do the other person now that you are in love in her.
Himmler: I love....Göring.
Hitler: What!!!
 
Last edited:
Jun 28, 2008
1.706
0

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
18 June 1937 Berlin

The generals is sitting in the Fuhrer room.

Rommel: Where is Hitler?
Himmler: He will soon come, he has planed a big operation.

Göring comes into the room.
Himmler looks on him.

Hitler: Guten Tag Generals!
Take a seat.
Guderian: What country shall we attack now?
Hitler: Czechoslovakia
Here is a map.



Model: Who shall controll the panzar force?
Hitler: I have decided that Rommel will do that.
Guderian: But!
Hitler: Heinz, i have a mission for you.
Guderian: But!
Hitler: You shall go to Denmark and see if our tanks can be there.
Guderian: But!
Hitler: Go now!
Guderian: But you promised to me that i will be the panzar leader.
Hitler: I am the boss here! Go now!
Guderian: Yes mein Fuhrer.

Guderian opens the door and shuts it hard.

Hitler: Now i will show you Operation TwoTowns.
Himmler: What a ugly name.
Hitler: Did you guys now that Himmler lov...
Himmler: Ohh, i mean what a beautiful name.
Hitler: I now.
Now i will show you my Operation military map.




and




Hitler: You see that they have big defense wall against us.
Rommel: That will be hard to beat.
Hitler: No, we shall attack them behind.
Rommel: How?
Hitler: You, Rommel will attack Slavkov.
And then attack Praha with full strenght.
Rommel: But what if they attack our provinces?
Hitler: Then will our generals kill them.
Göring: What will i do?
Hitler: You shall aid our forces with back up.
Himmler: I want to command on a force.

Everbody looks on Himmler.
Model starts to laugh.

Hitler: No, this is a hard country to beat.
Himmler: Please.
Hitler: No, but you can take command of 5 division when we attack Denmark.

Model laughs more.

Hitler: Himmler, demand first our rightfully provinces in Czechoslovakia.
Himmler: What if they don't want to give our provinces?
Hitler: Declare war on them!
 

Van der Gent

Old Guard Admiral
36 Badges
Sep 16, 2004
3.591
266
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Colonel
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Cities: Skylines - Snowfall
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Cities: Skylines Deluxe Edition
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Field Marshal
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rights of Man
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Europa Universalis IV: Rule Britannia
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife Pre-Order
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
  • Imperator: Rome Sign Up
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Hearts of Iron Anthology
  • For The Glory
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Victoria 2
  • 500k Club
  • Cities: Skylines
Oh god, I've almost forgotten how ugly HoI is! :p

Lycka till! :)
 

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
10 July 1937

Himmler runs into the room.

Himmler: Hitler where are you, i have big news.
Hitler: Here am I.

A man is standing in the corner.

Himmler: Why are you standing there?
Hitler: I don't now.
Himmler: Should I say the good or bad news first.
Hitler: The good.
Himmler: General Rommel have captured Praha.
Hitler: Praha?
Himmler: It is the Czechoslovakian capital.
Hitler: Yeah that was good to here.
Himmler: Should i put on the projector?
Hitler: Yeah do that.

Himmler: We asked Czechoslovakia nice if we could get our provinces but they diden't want to give them.




Himmler: Then i declared war on them.

¨


Himmler: Here is the military map.




Himmler: Here can you see our forces.




Himmler: Our forces is best!



Himmler: Now i will say the bad news.
The allies have declared war on us.
Hitler: That it is not bad, I newd that they will attack us.




Himmler: Here is a global war map.
You see that many countris is in war against us now.




Himmler: Oh sorry little wrong in the projcetor.




Himmler: The countrys have influenced other countrys with their political view.




Himmler: Here you see a military map.




Himmler: The British forces have tried to invade Hamburg but our forces there have moved them back to the Atlantic coast.




Himmler: The british air force have bombed our cities.
But Göring have controll now over the german air.
But they attack with small numbers of bombers.
If they attack with more bombers Göring will not be able to defend the german air.

Himmler: Now you see a military map.




Himmler: And this is the last miliray map i have got.




Hitler: Good, Good!!
Himmler: Thank you mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: Come here when you have more news.
Himmler: Yes Fuhrer.
 

unmerged(63886)

@ my Swedish HQ
Dec 26, 2006
2.626
1
Oops... I think some one is going to get steamrolled... but don't lose faith, you still have Ze TankZ!
 

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
29 July Berlin

Hitler: Hiiimmmmlleerr!
Himmler: Yes Fuhrer.
Hitler: Where have you been?
Himmler: Sorry but I have got the newest reports about Czechoslovakia.
Hitler: Have we annexed them?
Himmler: No, they have great fortifacation wall.
Hitler: Smash it! With our tanks!
Himmler: It is not so easy.
Hitler: We must be faster!
Himmler: Yes mein Fuhrer!
Hitler: Show me the military pictures.
Himmler: Here they are.

Himmler: Here you see a military map.




Himmler: Here is a military map.




Himmler: Here is another military map.




Himmler: The British forces have tried to invade us.
But they failed.




Himmler: Here you see our new 5 division force who will be stationed in Warsawa and then be on the Soviet border.




Himmler: Here you see a political map.




Himmler: Here is another military map.




Himmler: Here is another political map.




Himmler: Here you see another military map.




Himmler: Here is a military map.




Himmler: Here you see how the britsh forces have tried to invade Hamburg.







Himmler: That was all.
Hitler: Good job, say to our generals that they do the last push.
Himmer: Yes mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: Good job, you can go now.
 

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
3 September 1937 Berlin

The generals are celebrating the conquest of Czechoslovakia.
All of the generals is drunk expect Hitler.
He is drinking a icetea and eating a german sausage.

Hitler: Generals, Generals!!

Everbody is looking on the little man who is standing in his marble italians chair who can spin.

Hitler: I want to show you guys little pictures about Czechoslovakia.
Göring: Let's party!
Hitler: Nein!









Hitler: You guys are doing well, but remeber you can always be better.
Rommel congratulaitions you have been promoted to Field Marshall.
Rommel: What! What!
Hitler: Field Marshall Rommel

Hitler gives him a cross badge.
Hitler: Let's finnish the pictures first.



Hitler:The British forces have tried to invade Hamburg many times but they fail.








Hitler: Good joob boys!









Hitler: Good job, look you have encirkeled the enemy left army. Good job!












Hitler: Good job!



Hitler: World domination!!!!!!!!!




Hitler: That was all.
Rommel: Thank you, mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: You have deserved it.
Rommel: Thank you.

Suddently a shot is heard in the room.
Model falls to the ground.
 

unmerged(121713)

Kaiserliche Oberbefehl
12 Badges
Oct 30, 2008
957
0
  • Hearts of Iron Anthology
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • For The Glory
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Warlock: Master of the Arcane
  • 500k Club
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
Good Lord! Model was Geschlachtet!
Lycka till :)
 

He-Man

Colonel
14 Badges
Apr 10, 2006
1.092
0
  • Hearts of Iron Anthology
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Hearts of Iron II: Armageddon
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Iron Cross
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Semper Fi
  • Rome: Vae Victis
  • 200k Club
  • 500k Club
Very interesting reading a HOI 1 AAR for 4 years ago...
 

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
3 September 1937 Berlin

Monash falls to the ground.
The stomach is bleeding.

Model: Mein Fuhrer, will I survive?
Hitler: Of course.
Hitler: Medic, where the fuck is the medic!

Model takes Hitler's hand.

Model: Bye mein Fuhrer.

A little tear is coming from Models eyes.

Hitler: Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

The eyes slowly shut down on Model.

Hitler: Who did this!!!!!
Göring: A bartender did it.
Hitler: Catch him! And why did you not follow!
Göring: I am fat.
Hitler: Hurry!

Hitler goes to the desk. He is trying to take something under the desk.

Hitler: Muahhaha!

He takes out a sniper rifle.

Hitler: Open the balcony, Göring!
Göring: Yes mein Fuhrer!

He opens the balcony and Hitler runs out with the big sniper rifle in his hands.
Some Gestapo guards are runing behind the killer.

Göring: There! He points on the man.
Hitler: Slowly, Slowly, Bang!

Hitler shoots the man in his leg.
The Gestapo guards comes to the man.
They starts to kick him on hole body.

Rommel: Stop we wants him alive!

The guards is harder kicking the man.
Rommel comes to the guards.

Rommel: Stop idiots! We want him alive!

The guards stops to kick.

Guard1: We diden't heard that.

Guderian looks on the man.
A tall man, he lookes like a frenchmen.
Hitler comes to the place.

Hitler: Give the bastard!
Rommel: He is dead!
Hitler: How is that possible! I shoot him in the leg.
Rommel: This guards killed him with kicks.
Hitler: Idiots!
Guard1: We diden't heard that you were saying to stop.
Please Fuhrer don't hurt us.

Hitler nicks to Himmler.

Himmler: Yes mein Fuhrer.

The generals is taking the three guards into a car.

Göring: Where will they go to?
Hitler: Ehh, holiday. The torture Island.
Always sunny and bloo... i mean refreshing.
Göring: That was nice from you Fuhrer.
Hitler: Thank you my air friend.

Himmler comes to place.

Himmler: They are ready to go.
Hitler: Let them go and never come back.
Himmler: Yes mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: Göring could you go little and see the killer.
Göring: Yes mein Fuhrer.

Göring goes to the killer.

Himmler: What punishment should they get?
Hitler: When they come there. Give them so much torture that they are close to death.
And then put them into jail hole life.
Torture them every day.
Himmler: Yes mein Fuhrer. You are evil.
Hitler: Muhahahah

Himmler goes into the car and drives away.

Göring: Hitler! Hitler! Look what i found.

Hitler runs to Göring.
Göring is showing a ID.

Göring: The name is Paul Jeannau.
Hitler: Good job Göring.
Göring: And look what he had under the jacket.
Hitler: Hmm a bag baguette.
Göring: That is really french style.
Hitler: Call the generals to come to my room. Tommarow.
Göring: Yes mein Fuhrer.
 

Dr Rare

General
Mar 7, 2005
1.725
0
www.stonyroad.de
Still enjoying reading,still following, will nothing stop your wave of conquest!

Dr
 

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
3 September 1937 Berlin

Göring: I have called on the generals.
Hitler: Excellent.

After a hour all generals has come.

Hitler: Boys and Men welcome!
Rommel: The french have killed Model.
Guderian: They will suffer hard for this thing.
Hitler: First we will go to Genral Model funeral.
Hitler: I always thougt you guys will die in battle but look one of our best panzar generals is dead by a asasin.
Himmler: When is the furneal?
Hitler: Tommarow, and do you guys now what funeral it will be?
The generals: No.
Hitler: He will be not buried in a coffin, no he will be buried in his tank. And if you guys are not there i will by myself saw your balls.
Himmler: That is my Fuhrer.:)
Hitler: Shut up, Himmler.
Himmler: Yes, mein Fuhrer.
Hitler: You can go now, I will plan the attack on France.
 

Hax

Arnold
11 Badges
Sep 26, 2008
5.812
142
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Rome Gold
  • Sengoku
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
  • Stellaris Sign-up
10 September 1937 Berlin

The furneal of Model.

Slowly the tank is bakcking down into the earth.
The tankdriver goes out from the tank.

Priest: Is it finish?
Driver: Yes
Priest: Good job

Model has been dresed in his fine clothes.

Göring: I liked him. (Starts to crying).
Rommel: Göring, take it easy he will now rest in peace in the military genius heaven.

Göring looks on Rommel.

Göring: Sure?
Rommel: Sure, he will meet Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Julius Ceaser and many more.
Göring: He wil get is fine there.
Rommel: Yes, mein friend.

Some people is starting to put back the earth on the tank.

Priest: General Model, one of our best panzar generals is dead.
We will hope that he gets a good life in the heaven.
Göring: (whispers) In millitary heaven, hehe.

When the priest is finished with the speech suddently a laud sounds is heard.

Hitler: It sounds like........ bombers!!!

Suddently bombs is falling down on Berlin.

Guderian: Achtung!!!
Hitler: Where is Göring!!!
Göring: Here i am, mein Fuhrer!
Hitler: Where the fu-- is our air defence.

A bomb expload near the furneal.

Hitler: Idiot!
Göring: Sorry but I thought they will not attack.

Bombs is still falling down.

A soldier comes to Hitler.

Soldier: It is british bombers, Fuhrer.
Hitler: Son of a bit--, Göring attack the bombers now!
Göring: Yes, Fuhrer.

After ten minutes the bombings is finished.
Göring maneged to defend Berlin.

The casulties where around 10.000 civilians and many factories.

Guderian: Should we attack England?
Hitler: No, i am really pissed off now.
And when Hitler gets pissed off he is dangerous.
Guderian: Give me orders.
Hitler: Help the civilans to build there homes again.Tommarow i will show you the plan to attack.
Guderian: What country shall we attack.
Hitler: Countrys, you mean?
Guderian: Countrys? Shall we attack more countrys?
Hitler: Denmark, France, and Belgium.
Guderian: Nice!