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morningSIDEr

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Chapter Three: Uways Happy to Help​


2 January 1477

Prathamesh slowly approached the throne room, he had good news for Nasir but was nonetheless a bit worried about this coming meeting. Nasir had not been particularly happy of late, several failed attempts at perfecting a black hair dye, made from dung and horseradish, leaving him less than impressed.

Gathering himself before opening the door to the throne room, Prathamesh consoled himself with the thought that Hemant had assured him that Nasir would be happy with this news. Having fortified himself with this thought Parthamesh thrust open the door, only to be met by the sight of Hemant happily explaining to Nasir how he had uncovered an old casus belli which had been forgotten about.

UP30-1.jpg

The exact same casus belli that Prathamesh had in fact uncovered and discussed with Hemant. Prathamesh was striken by anger upon listening to Hemant, the snake had stolen his chance to impress the Sultan and perhaps finally force Nasir to learn his name. A bewildered and unhappy Prathamesh could merely watch on whilst Nasir congratulated Hemant on his brilliant find.

Both Hemant and Nasir quickly agreed that as the Timurids were on the brink of ruin, now owning a mere three provinces, that Khandesh was forced to once again send aid to the struggling nation. This was especially true as Nasir's distant relative, Khan Uways I Faruqi, was still clinging to the Timurid throne.

UP30-2.jpg

Nasir was left surprised that this offer of aid had left the Timurids furious. For some reason they had felt the 'aid' was instead a declaration of war. Dissapointed though Nasir was at such a misunderstanding, he still ordered his men forward so as to liberate the Timurid nation from the rebels currently plaguing the nation. Admittedly said rebels were non-existant but Nasir was happy to overlook this small technicality, so desperate was he to justify sending the Timurids aid.

UP30-3.jpg

In little time the Timurid lands, which had been slowly recovering after decades of warfare and rebellion, were once again filled with loot hungry soldiers intent on destruction. After little more than a year Nasir was being brought the great news that his aid mission had proved a resounding success.

UP30-4.jpg

Nasir had been left very happy as a result of this war-of this mission of aid. He had found it especially gratifying when Uways had broken down in tears as the peace treaty between both nations was being decided. Nasir was in no doubt the tears were those of joy from Uways, delighted as he no doubt was that he had such a helpful and selfless member of family ever willing to aid him and his nation.

After the peace treaty was signed, and a sobbing Uways led away to a darkened room, Nasir had met with Hemant complaining that the next mission required the creation of a fleet. As Khandesh's current navy consisted of pedalos, fishing boats and kayaks Nasir was in no doubt it was more than strong enough to defeat her enemies on the oceans without more ships being required. He thus demanded of Hemant a new mission. Scurrying to obey, Hemant rushed off to sort out a new mission to better satisfy his warmongering master.

UP30-5.jpg

Feeling rather perplexed by this new mission, Khandesh had just recently fought to defend Punjab after all, Nasir was nonetheless happy for another excuse to gain land. Thanking Hemant for some sterling work in acquiring this new casus belli, war was quickly declared upon the faithful and peace lovin-uh, the warmongering and despotic nation of Pubjab once again.

UP30-6.jpg


---------------------​

1 November 1477

Vikas slowly shuffled towards Nasir, who was busy examing various types of grass in the splendid palace gardens in the hope that one type would prove useful in the creation of a wig. Having noted Nasir's displeasure at his slow speech, Vikas had brought along a useful reinforcement and translator in the shape of Tushar. After haltingly greeting Nasir, and thus covering him in phlegm, Vikas ushered Tushar forward to speak on his behalf.

"Good afternoon...uh...cousi-no, uhm, uncle?" Nasir greeted Tushar distractedly whilst wiping his face with a towel.

"Exactly so, sire, greetings."

"So what brings you here today? Wait, you haven't near bankrupted the nation again have you?!" Nasir suddenly demanded.

"Oh no, sire, no. And I resent the notion that I have ever near bankrupted the nation. I simply briefly mislaid the state funds last month."

"Yes, mislaid them in your personal vault."

"A small mistake, sire, a small mistake. Anyway, both myself and Vikas are here today because I..." At this Vikas issued a threatening cough, "...uh, that is to say, we, have a rather interesting proposition for you."

"Oh, well, pray continue."

"As you know, sire, we recently uncovered a nation of heathens on the western borders of the realm."

UP30-7.jpg

"Yes, and?"

"We've just found out..." At this Vikas moved a bit closer to Tushar whilst coughing more pointedly, "...or rather, Vikas has just found out that this nation of infidels is rather weak..."

"So?"

"...and rich."

"Declare war upon them immediately! We do this so that we can free the oppressed people of...of...where was it again?"

"Georgia."

"Right. We shall free the oppressed people of Georgia from the tyrannical rule they have suffered for far too long! And, rather more importantly, we shall free the wallets and purses of the oppressed people of Georgia, so that we may tax them to the hilt and begin robbing them blind!"

"Inspirational stuff, sire."

UP30-8.jpg


---------------------​

12 January 1479

Despite having been confident when ordering the declaration of war against Georgia, Nasir was soon assailed by doubts. Georgia was a western nation, as such she enjoyed considerable technological advantages when compared to Khandesh. Admittedly her armies had nothing to compare with Khandesh's vaunted faux realistic iron swords madeoutofwood and grey painted cloth 'metal' armour, Georgia instead preferring to equip her forces with iron swords madeoutofiron alongside chainmail and plate armour for some reason. Despite this advantage in equipment, Nasir continued to worry, this war would prove a true test for Khandesh's armed forces.

Thus Nasir was feeling horribly apprehensive when finally he spotted a messenger approaching him with news from the west.

UP30-9.jpg

His confidence returning once more, Nasir blithely assured everyone that he had not doubted this outcome for a second. He made this assurance whilst quietly informing a messenger that the treasury could now be returned to the capital and his escape horse returned to the palace stables. These measures having been taken in the unlikely event of a Khandeshi defeat, in which case Nasir had been more than ready to bravely abandon the capital and beg for sanctuary in another nation. Not that Nasir had thought such a defeat possible for a second of course.

---------------------​

15 January 1479

Nasir was soon left very glad he had received such promising news from the west as Hemant quickly brought him some altogether more worrying information.

UP30-10.jpg

Worrying that is until Nasir was told that Gondwana had a mere 3,000 men under arms. Dismissing the threat, Nasir did still ask what had provoked Gondwana into declaring war upon Khandesh. Hemant explained that Nitin had become rather overzealous whilst touring the country with the portable well and had strayed into Gondwana. Numerous terrified Gondwana peasants later and war had been declared.

Nasir felt himself sinking into gloom at this further evidence of incompetence from one of his ministers. Thankfully that gloom was soon lifted by further details brought from this new front. The despicable Gondwanese forces were being blocked in their advance into Khandeshi territory by brave Khandeshi peasants, no doubt moved to fight the invaders due to their great love for Nasir.

UP30-11.jpg

This was rather stretching things. Truly these 'brave Khandeshi peasants', far from being moved to defend Khandesh from the Gondwanese incursion, were actually rebels who despised Nasir's rule, declaring him an inept and cruel tyrant for some reason. Wounded as Nasir was by these insults, he found it impossible that anyone would consider him cruel, he was happy to overlook the slurs provided the traitorous rebel scum-uh, that is, the brave Khandeshi patriots continued to fight Gondwana's forces.

---------------------​

1 February 1480

Relaxing with a game of 'Kick the Cartographer', Nasir was once again feeling at ease. The wars were progressing well on all fronts, Georgia and Punjab having little left to resist Khandesh's all-conquering armies, whilst the impertinent Gondwana was already begging for peace term. Life felt good for Nasir. It was then with some alarm that he noticed a messenger approaching, dodging blubbering cartographers as he did so. With some foreboding Nasir accepted the scroll from the man.

UP30-12.jpg

"Oh. For some reason I thought this would be bad news."


An excerpt from Khandesh: You Now Regret Buying This Book

Khandesh agreed peace with Punjab in 24 March 1480, Punjab's bewildered armies having been caught unawares by their attack from a supposed ally, she had been left with little chance to resist the Khandeshi juggernaut. Surrendering three provinces to Khandesh Pubjab was left a horribly weakened one province minor and Khandesh left a nation proud of her ability to conquer smaller peace loving foes.

With this peace treaty Khandesh had accomplished another of her goals, the conquest of the province of Kohistan. The next mission assigned to Khandesh was the vassalisation of the small non-aggressive Baluchistan. However it would take quite some time before this small nation could be crushed and subjected to tyrannical, that is enlightened, Faruqi rule.
 
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Dewirix

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Funny how the Timurids ended up split in three in my game too.

Nice to see Nasir taking up the (flaming) torch of belligerent comparative theology. Have you met the Ottomans yet? You could have a best Sultan competition.
 

loki100

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love the way that Durrani (war capacity=0) keeps on joining in your wars as a loyal if useless ally, on a less whimsical note horseradish hair dye sounds like something that could catch on, perhaps you could corner the world trade market?

presume you've decided that over extension is only of concern to whimps (or to sane rulers?)
 

Athalcor

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Brilliant update!

War with Georgia and Gondwana? What next, Louisiana and Pangea?
 

unmerged(59077)

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What do you need a proper fleet for? Fighting Georgia? All you need is a portable well.
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you profusely for the replies!

Dewirix - The poor Timurids always seem to succumb to rebellion, even with the kind aid from nation such as Khandesh.

There would be no contest with the Ottoman Sultan! Provided a Faruqi is on the Khandeshi throne, clearly no other Sultan can come close to such a level of competence and brilliance! This is doubly so if the Faruqi is named Miran.

loki100 - Yes, poor Durrani forced into non-stop warfare due to having been subjugated by a warmongering Khandesh and suffering from rebellion as a result. Uh, I mean, Durrani has been very fortunate that Khandesh deigned to make her a vassal, she has reaped glory and plunder aplenty from this! I do like the idea of marketing horseradish hair dye, once the recipe is finally sorted out, it shall sold throughout the world!

The choice was to either sit back and let some provinces core, thus allowing overextension to end, or continue conquering. Since Khandesh is such a friendly, all-inclusive nation happy to share her great advances in the field of medicine, hair dye, weaponary and assorted fields with others, I felt conquest was the only way to go!

Athalcor - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is en route!).

Khandesh is certainly battling distant nations now, conquering them, despoiling their lands and enslaving their people. Uh, I mean liberating them, investing in the land and enlightening their people. All nations thus need be blessed by Khandeshi rule!

RGB - I cannot agree more. Quite why successive Hemants continue on insisting in the creation of a navy is beyond me. Especially as a breakthrough in the creation of the sinkmarine is just around the corner. Until then, portable wells shall suffice!
 

morningSIDEr

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Chapter Four: A Monumental Erection​


1 April 1480

Ever since he had been crowned Sultan, Nasir had busied himself exploring the palace. The massive structure consisted of numerous rooms. So many indeed that the original function for many of the rooms had long been forgotten, the name of the room itself the only hint left as to what it had originally been used for. It was whilst rooting around in what had long been called the 'Gaseous Expulsion Room; Light Pink Version', which was surprisingly one of the most pleasant smelling rooms in the palace, that Nasir had made a startling discovery. It was with great excitement that he had quickly realised this must have been his father's study.

Putting to one side his shock that his father would work within such an effeminately coloured room, he had begun searching through various piles of paper with considerable eagerness. Countless times he had to stop himself from drooling when staring at the pretty curls on any document written in Diwani script but onwards he foraged. He was not searching for anything in particular, instead he was driven by nothing more than curiousity. It was then but chance that he picked up one certain document. The document consisted of detailed architectural plans.

UP31-1.jpg

"A thing of beauty isn't she gentlemen?"

All of the cabinet, plus Prathamesh, had been summoned to the unveiling of the monstrously large monument Nasir had ordered erected in honour of his father. The monument itself had been made to the exact specifications as detailed in the document he had found.

"It, uh...it certainly is...large." Nitin stated, keeping his face carefully neutral.

"It has been a long time since I saw one of those." Hemant said with considerable envy and a look of longing on his face.

"I'm no art lover but...this...is it worrying I rather like it?" A clearly worried yet fascinated Prathamesh enquired.

"No, it does have a certain appeal. I don't quite remember my brother having anything quite of this, uh, size though." Tushar responded. "So what do you think of it Vikas?"

*thunk*

"Oh, his foot dropped off. I think that means he likes it."

"This is a monument which shows Khandesh's greatness and also that of my family. Whenever you see this, think of the noble, great house of Faruqi." A clearly proud Nasir beamed whilst addressing his cabinet.

"Yes, well I often think your family are a bunch of dic-uh, decidedly wonderful people." Hemant quickly corrected himself.

"Quite so, quite so. Your family are indeed a bunch of coc-completely brilliant rulers." A sweating Nitin had saved himself just in time.

"Oh how right you two are. The Faruqi family really are a bunch of pric-p, perfectly stupendous leaders." Noting his near mistake Prathamesh blushed.

Both Tushar and Nasir subjected the three to severe glares before Tushar spoke, "Just one thing, sire."

"Yes?"

"Is it truly meant to have both balls-uh, both spheres up in the air like that?"

"Oh yes. It is driving down into the earth, just as you would drive down into-ahem, well, I think you can get the idea."

"Stunning."

---------------------​

11 June 1480

Having successfully erected a gargantuan monument in honour of his father, Nasir found his attention once again wandering to other matters. Namely that of his generals.

UP31-2.jpg

He was rather perplexed to learn that he no longer had any. Whilst he was a military genius himself, as was common for any Faruqi, he was unfortunately not named Miran, which he felt would clearly have instantly ranked him as the best military leader on the planet. As such, he truly felt there was a need to hire a new general. In keeping with past traditions Nasir had certain requirements for any budding Khandeshi general. Military experience, tactical knowledge, considerable oragnisational ability and so forth were all important for a commander. However Nasir knew what was most needed of all. An acceptable name.

UP31-3.jpg

Nasir rejected the most able candidate, one Vijay Bonjani, until the confused officer changed his name to one more closely resembling Nasir's own. In doing this Nasir felt vindicated. The general had passed an important loyalty test and, better yet, Nasir could now claim any of Bonjani's victories as his own, so close were their names now.

---------------------​

3 June 1481

Vikas felt very pleased as he shuffled towards Nasir. This was despite the fact that he was currently missing several body parts. He was confident they would turn up soon. Only yesterday he had found several of his fingers being used as novelty candles for a child's birthday cake. The burn marks had washed out quite nicely and as far as he could tell the small child was no longer cowering under his bed. He had every right to feel pleased, his meeting with the Georgian diplomats had gone very well.

UP31-4.jpg

Explaining this diplomatic success to Nasir, as the Sultan dried off bits of phlegm and spittle, Vikas proudly detailed how he had secured these gains after greeting a Georgian diplomat with a friendly handshake. The diplomat in question had been left looking rather horrified when pulling back his hand and noting Vikas' falling to the floor. After that, potentially tough negotiations had become a breeze, so desperate had the Georgian embassy been to remove Vikas from their prescence.

Nasir was cheered by this good news, giving Vikas a friendly slap on the back. Vikas was left feeling bouyed by this show of approval from Nasir. Even if one of his eyes knocked out by the resultant slap is still missing.

---------------------​

5 June 1481

Nasir felt that now war with Georgia had been concluded the time was right to change the policy of his realm slightly. As it was abundantly clear Khandesh's navy was supremely powerful, especially so now since it had been expanded to include canoes, snorkel kit madeoutofpaper equipped marines and numerous inflatable lilo, Nasir believed extra emphasis on the importance of Khandesh's army was now required.

UP31-5.jpg

Surprisingly this increased emphasis on Khandesh's army made quite a splash [sorry, couldn't help myself!] amongst the naval officers. Several of them opting to retire at what they felt was a slight to their profession.

UP31-6.jpg

Nasir found this rather worrying. Not the fact that several officers had decided to retire, but rather that Khandesh had any naval officers whatsoever when strictly speaking she had no actual ships.

---------------------​

18 June 1481

Smiling to himself, whilst periodically cackling evilly as his job required him to, Hemant reflected happily upon events of the last few days. Having firstly finally brought the war with Muscowy, a nation too far from Khandesh to actually be able to harm her in any way, to an end via means of a small bribe of 25 ducats, Hemant had then persauded the Sultan to begin the war to subjugate the small and insignificant nation of Baluchistan.

UP31-7.jpg

Everything was going to plan for Hemant. He was being richly rewarded for his constantly finding ways to further expand Khandesh. Better still, due to this work Nasir was gaining a terrible reputation as a warmongering blaggard. Hemant thought happily of a possible coup d'etat in the near future, as Khandesh's peasants were growing increasingly fractious being forced to suffer through numerous wars. If such a coup was to occur, perhaps with the backing of a certain 'right hand man' to the Sultan, he would be forced to take charge so as to save the country. Such a role would prove a burden, but it was a burden Hemant was willing to shoulder. He could only now hope for such a coup.

It was then with growing annoyance that Hemant read various battle reports detailing convincing victories for Khandesh over the Persian led coalition.

UP31-8.png

He had to bring to an end this run of good news for Nasir. It was only once people feared the incompetent fool that any coup could take place. Thankfully Hemant had a plan.

UP31-9.jpg

A few whispered conversations with courtiers later and the Sultan was being likened to his grandfather, Miran Adil Khan I Faruqi, widely accepted as one of the most inept Faruqi leaders in history, a considerable feat. Having accomplished this devious work, Hemant strode happily into the throne room for his weekly meeting with Nasir.

"Ah, good afternoon Hemant." Nasir gave Hemant a warm greeting, "You look as pleased as I am today."

This reaction did not seem right to Hemant. Slightly confused he returned Nasir's greeting, "Oh yes, I am, sire. My work is going rather well."

"Capital! Have you heard the rumours circulating about me around court recently?" Nasir asked whilst grinning broadly.

"No, sire, I cannot say I have." Hemant was growing increasingly puzzled by Nasir's demeanour and also rather worried.

"It is the funniest thing, I'm being likened to my grandfather Miran Adil Khan!"

"Ah yes, sire, I have heard that actually. A shocking slur, sire, pray allow me to root out those responsible for these scurrilous rumours."

"A slur?", Asked Nasir looking rather shocked, "Oh no, no. My grandfather was a brilliant ruler. To be compared with such a great is truly a wonderful compliment."

"Uhm, I see, sire. I'm glad that being compared to a warmonger who was widely accepted as a fool and also horribly incompetent is praise to your mind."

"Oh yes, he truly was a great man."

Finishing the meeting with Nasir, Hemant left in a rage. Truly Nasir seemed to live a charmed life, nothing Hemant did was harming his reign. It was whilst thus greatly vexed that an unfortunate messenger brought Nasir great news.

UP31-10.jpg

Baluchistan had agreed to become Khandesh's vassal, her armies long since routed and her single province now under Khandeshi occupation. This was irritating enough for Hemant, yet more good news for Nasir, but the worst thing was that this success had completely nullified the damage Hemant had just done to Nasir's infamy reputation. Glaring at the beaming messenger, Hemant informed him that he was due a fustigation session. Immediately.

An excerpt from Khandesh: Watching Paint Dry Is More Interesting Than Reading This

Shortly after Baluchistan was made a vassal of the Khandeshi Empire Persia too was forced to accept peace, quickly acceding to minor concessions after Vikas enquired if any of the Persian diplomats had noticed an ear lying around anywhere. Khandesh was then at peace once more, although this was not to be the case for long. Rather more importantly for Khandesh, and Nasir himself, May 1482 would bring momentous news.
 
Last edited:

loki100

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its a bit of a race to see if Nasir can arrange any more favourable peace deals while there are still bits of him yet to drop off .... and that was an excellent bit of cost-cutting getting those naval 'officers' to retire - my guess is they were fishermen wearing natty uniforms
 

Athalcor

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How long has been Hemant actually serving the Khandeshi rulers?
 

4th Dimension

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Hemant is starting to remind me of certain priest adviser from Pratchett's Pyramids. But if he has aspirations to the throne, than he reminds me best of IzNoGood.
 

unmerged(59077)

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Nasir will heretofore be known as the founder of an artistic style called Khandeshi Realism. After all, he does look just like a p...ious descendant of the great men of old. Yes.
 

Range

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Magnificent, my friend. You have a true talent for entertaining. It's good to laugh.

I'm sorry that I fell behind. My pc crashed for good. But, the good news is now with a new pc I have plenty of time to read.
 
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Dewirix

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And so Diwani script makes a welcome return! There's a shockingly untouched pun about retiring naval officers being too shy to point out they haven't got any ships, but I'm too lazy to work it into an actual joke.
 

Ashantai

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Good to see this again, and you Morningstar!

I've always loved this AAR, and this update was great as well!
 

Fyregecko

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Glad to see that our country's fine tradition of drawing - or in this case sculpting - massive phalluses in completely inappropriate places spreads to our eastern cousins. Faruqing brilliant. Keep up the good work, son!
 
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JDMS

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Wonderful job! It's great to see Khandesh spreading its power again!
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you profusely for the replies!

loki100 - Vikas is indeed running out of body parts, hopefully Khandesh can find a skilled seamstress before he falls apart altogether! I have to agree regarding the naval officers, more than likely fishermen with some impressively gaudy uniforms.

Athalcor - I'm afraid due to my complete lack of writing ability I've created some confusion over this. This is actually the third Hemant. The original perished at the end of dinofs section, death by well! The second from Iain's part was never killed off so I have to assume he is now retired happily living off his ill-gotten gains! Thus this current Hemant is yet another in a long line of 'right hand men' to the Sultan, each of them different. The only thing actually the same is their forename, it is now a requirement for the post that your name is Hemant and you are a shifty, devious individual. Your typical Grand Vizier in otherwords!

4th Dimension - Your are right about Hemant's similarity with Dios! Although I think all Hemants are truly rather more incompetent than Dios ever was. I'd never actually heard of IzNoGood before you mentioned him but having checked up on him I have to agree with that comparison rather more! Especially as IzNoGood seems doomed to failure with each of his ploys as I rather think will be the case for the various Hemants too!

RGB - I have to agree, he truly does look just like a d...edicated and able invidiual of old.

Range - Many for the kind words (your bribe is en route!). Sorry to hear about your computer but good that you have a new one now as I know your old one had been giving your problems for some time.

Dewirix - I feel ashamed to have missed it! Although I do subject readers to enough awful puns in the course of a normal update as it is!

Ashantai - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is in the post!).

Ilovecheese - A great many thanks for the kind words (a bribe is on way to you!). I'll certainly give the conquest of Europe a good shot, although without westernisation and with my complete lack of ability at playing EU3 it may prove tricky!

Fyregecko - Thanks for the kind words (a bribe is en route!). Unsurprisingly the refined and sophisticated art and culture from Scotland have indeed been copied by Khandesh hence the massive phallic shaped monument. I expect numerous Greggs shops and tartan tat stores to begin opening within no time! I love the 'Faruqing' word by the way, I'll have to use that in the future!

JDMS - Many, many thanks for the kind words and many more thanks for letting me rip-off your great AAR (your bribe is en route but of course!).

Dewirix has recently become a father, in his honour I'd like to dedicate this coming update to him and his child as Nasir too becomes a father for the first time. Although I hasten to add that I am quite sure Dewirix's family is nothing like the Faruqi's!
 
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morningSIDEr

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Chapter Five: Boy Oh Boy​


28 May 1482

Prathamesh breathlessly burst into the throne room, disrupting a cabinet meeting as he did so. Several enquiring faces turned towards him.

"Well, Gunj-uh, Mil-, I want to say Manas..."

"It's Prathamesh, sire."

"...right, Prathamesh, that was my next guess. Well, Prathamesh, why have you interrupted this vitally important cabinet meeting?"

Prathamesh glanced about the room noting the cards strewn upon the table around which the cabinet and Sultan were sitting. Seemingly they had been playing Go Fish when he burst in.

"I am very sorry, sire, I can see you have indeed been busy." At this several of the cabinet had the grace to look embarrassed, "But I bring monumentous news."

"I really wish people wouldn't mention 'monuments' at all anymore." Nitin whispered to Vikas who nodded vigorously in agreement, one of his ears dropping off due to the nodding.

"Which is...?"

"You have a son, sire!"

UP32-1.jpg

"I have a son?! I have a son!" Nasir instantly broke into a dazed smile, accepting the applause and good natured backslapping from the various cabinet members, "Wait...I have a wife?!"

"Oh yes, sire. One of the...uhm...thousan-uh, hundreds of noble families you begge-uh, you deigned to ask for a bride from agreed early last year." Prathamesh explained.

"They did?" Asked Nasir incredulously.

"Yes, sire. You held a sumptous and wonderful wedding attended by many hundreds of people. There was then a week of feasting and celebration after your union."

"There was?" Nasir asked with mounting alarm.

"Oh yes, sire. You have been happily married for over a year now. And finally the marriage has borne fruit."

"It has? Why do I remember nothing of this?"

"You may have forgotten the marriage ceremony itself after celebrating rather exuberantly following the wedding, sire. I distinctly remember you constantly repeating, 'I cannot believe a woman has finally said yes', whilst your wig was on backwards. You looked rather confused at the time."

"Possibly. But surely I have seen my wife since then?"

"Well, yes, I assume you have, sire. Otherwise how would your wife have given birth to this strapping son?"

"Hmm, yes, I suppose you are right." Nasir allowed, now slightly mollified. "Huh, well, this is a pleasant surprise. So has my wife named the child?"

"Yes, sire."

"Oh. Named him after myself?"

"No, sire. The nation can look forward to the rule of another Miran next."

"Oh. Well, that seems fair enough." A perplexed Nasir replied, "Thank you for the news then...uh...Jan-uhm, my good man."

---------------------​

17 March 1483

It was nearly a year later before Nasir felt himself ready to handle any matters of state once again. Raising a child was proving rather exhausting. He was thus greatly relieved when Hemant told him the time was right for a new mission to be adopted. Hurriedly excusing himself from having to change his son's nappy, despite the disapproving look from his wife, Nasir left to discuss the matter with Hemant.

Hemant regretfully informed Nasir that the current mission to improve relations with Khorasan was sadly proving impossible after Vikas had introduced the bubonic plague to the nation during a diplomatic visit. Sighing at this news, Nasir gave the order for a new mission to be chosen.

UP32-2.jpg

This was exactly what Hemant had wished for. He quickly suggested to Nasir that the province of Mazandaran was looking ripe for conquest. Especially as the province was rightly the land of Khandesh. Granted the land lay hundreds of miles from Khandesh's traditional holdings and had no Khandeshi population but clearly it truly belonged to Khandesh. Nasir happily accepted this reasoning, thanking Hemant for giving him further justification for Khandeshi expansion. Hemant could only smile as Nasir blundered ever close to a reputation as a warmongering blaggard.

Having dealt with this small but important matter of state, Nasir returned to tending for his son. He was happy raising the boy, of course, but he did long to return fully to rule. He was surprised to learn that even though Khandesh was left without his great leadership at present, the nation was prospering.

UP32-3.jpg

It was almost as if he was not needed.

---------------------​

3 September 1484

One of the few remaining cartographers slowly approached Nasir, who was busy begging his son to stop crying, offering him various pieces of weaponary to play with if only he would stop his sobbing. Looking up distractedly Nasir asked the cartographer what he wanted. The cartographer had been dreading this moment. He slowly informed Nasir that a new province had been uncovered. A province which Khandesh had bordered for the last three years but only now identified.

UP32-4.jpg

Nasir slowly and menacingly straightened up from tending to his son. He could scarcely believe that the cartographers were still so incompetent as to fail to notice a large province upon the borders of Khandesh. It was almost as if the fools felt everything beyond Khandesh a white impenetrable terra incognita.

Mastering his rising anger, he did notice an appealing opportunity had arisen from the cartographer's news. This newly discovered nation was not Muslim, thus providing a good basis for war and expansion. Better yet, such a war would allow him to escape his son for a few months. Smiling thinly he congratulated the surprised cartographer on his find, before quickly sending for Hemant.

UP32-5.jpg

Happy that he had finally secured his escape, he quickly left the palace and headed west. War was filled with horror, carnage and mayhem but Nasir was far less scared by it than child rearing. There were no nappies for one thing.

---------------------​

13 October 1484

Relaxing amidst screams of terror and the general noise of battle caused by thousands of men fighting outside his tent, Nasir was feeling quite content. If anything the battlefield he was currently surveying was a perhaps a little too quiet and peacable for his taste. It certainly was in comparison to any room in which his son resided. Nodding happily as he accepted some dispatches from messengers sent by various generals, his good mood soon vanished after he read the news contained within them.

UP32-6.jpg

His men were crushing the enemy easily. Nasir was left dismayed by this news. At this rate the war would soon be over and a swift return to the palace and his son, which he dreaded, beckoned. Thankfully not all was doom and gloom, some Ramazani rebels providing stiff opposition to Khandesh's forces.

UP32-7.jpg

Rather stiff opposition indeed, the rebels easily besting the large force he himself had been leading. Nasir had of course lost this battle on purpose though, wishing to prolong the war. He had purposefully acted horribly incompetent so as to grant the rebels victory. It was then quite a surprise to him when he was told that his soldiers had thought him leading in his normal fashion.

Despite these 'delaying tactics' the war was coming to an end, an end which Nasir feared.

An excerpt from Khandesh: Why Have I Bothered Writing A Book About So Useless A Nation?

In what is now commonly referred to as the 'Get Me Away From My Brat of a Son' war Khandesh quickly managed to crush the forces of both Trebizond and Ramazan whilst their last opponent, Muscowy, remained impotent, too far from the threatre to be able to strike at Khandesh's forces. This war, launched for little reason as proven by the minor concessions ageed as peace terms by Khandesh with her various opponents throughout 1486-87, had long puzzled historians as to why it was fought in the first place.

It was patently obvious the annexation of Trebizond and Ramazan would cost too much in infamy for Khandesh to secure such terms, thus this could not be the reason for the war. Both Trebizond and Ramazan were no threat to Khandesh, small are they both were, therefore this too had to be ruled out as any justification for this war. It was only the recent recovery of Sultan Nasir's diary, found by chance amongst Khandeshi state archives, that the reason for this conflict was finally uncovered; Nasir started this war wishing to create a reason to allow him to escape from caring for his infant son. Hence the now common name for this war.

Whilst this is now the popular theory for why this otherwise inexplicable war was fought, there are still many who cling to the belief that it was simple warmongering incompetence on the part of Nasir that brought about the conflict.


[Or rather, warmongering incompetence on my part. I rather thought Trebizond was a two province nation for some reason, thus I used the 'Holy War' casus belli in an effort to acquire one of her provinces cheaply. It was not long before I found out Trebizond was a mere one province minor and thus would cost far too much infamy to annex - a one province nation costs 8 infamy to annex despite the 'Holy War' casus belli stating it should be a mere 25% of the cost. The war as a result was a complete waste of time. Huzzah for my incompetence!]

Regardless of what was the actual reason for this conflict, it finally dwindled to an end in 1487. However during 1486 other plans for further war had already been set in motion.
 
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Range

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Crying baby...wars that shouldn't have been fought...very enjoyable. I dare say I've never seen those explanations used before. They worked well. By the way, who's kid is it anyhow?