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Athalcor

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The only thing Khandesh is missing are the portable serfs...


Khandeshi borders have reached us! Run for a cover! - Jalayrid reaction on the peace deal.
 

blsteen

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The Tim's seem, despite all Khandesh's help in both the military and family spheres, to be a failing state. Khandesh cannot tolerate this on its border so the security situation must be resolved with Khandesh assuming control over key areas. Good luck with the shrinkamarine.
 

sjones25

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"Will Gujarat regret having allowed Khandesh a core upon one of her provinces?"
Undoubtedly!
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you profusely for the replies!

Boris ze Spider - Quite a bit of it now considering much of it was Hindu for many, many years. Here we go, this screenshot is slightly ahead of where the AAR currently is as I did play on a wee bit;

KhandeshReligion1473.jpg


As you can see I still have quite a bit to convert and it is likely to only get worse in that regard. I'm a bit short on cash at present due to the loans I was forced to take out some years back, so I think conversions will have to remain at a minimum for now!

Nonetheless I have converted a number of provinces and it seems likely Prabhanjan will be awarded a new button for his hat sometime soon.

loki100 - Considering both their numbers, admittedly not much depleted after Khandesh's 'invincible' army routed the blaggards, and the fact they have somehow defeated the uhm...'invincible' Khandeshi forces several times before, I rather hope they are not improving by process of survival of the fittest!

Rather, they were left alive because it leaves the Timurids something to do whilst waiting for another invasion-uh, aid intervention from Khandesh during the annoying truce years!

Johan11 - A large number of stacks consisting of less than 250 men! Although these men could not be fully vanquished, I had to leave some Timurid rebels behind. Otherwise how else can I justify another war with the Timurids once the truce ends? Not that these have been wars against the Timurids, uhm, they are aid missions!

no7892142 - A great many thanks for the kind words (your bribe is en route!). I have to confess I did not actually come up with the last chapter title, rather it was my good friend who also acts as a proof-reader for my AARs who suggested it, he being a big Monty Python fan. I thought it good too so had to use it, all plaudits to him however and I'm very glad you liked it as well!

Murmurandus - You really have to wonder why they are so timid having enjoyed aid from Khandesh for so long. With such a great ally by their side the Timurids should have recovered long ago!

Athalcor - How right you are regarding the Jalayirids as this coming update shows! I also greatly like the idea of portable serfs. The next great Khandeshi invention; rollerskates for the peasants so they can be wheeled about the country thus making them portable!

blsteen - I cannot agree more. Verily Khandesh is assuming control of parts of the Timurid lands to aid not only herself and her people but also the Timurid people too, they deserve the stupendous rule only available from a Faruqi.

Many thanks too regarding the wishes of luck in relation to the sinkmarines, I certainly think the poor Khandeshi sailors chosen to test the device will need a great deal of luck.

sjones25 - Gujarat may regret it, her people will not however for now they can the fantastic enjoy Faruqi rule!

As another section has come to a close it is time for me to no longer clog up the forum with my dross for the next few months (or more likely, the next few years) as I have played no further. Alas, I will however return to updating this nonsense once more in the future.

However there is but one thing left for this section; as became the custom for Iain's AAR, readers were asked to suggest an honourific for a ruler when they passed away. I would be much obliged for any suggestions of a suitable honourific for the stupendous Miran II. I was considering Miran the Marvellously Magnificent Stupendously Super Impressively Wonderful, but whilst such an honourific is clearly apt for such a great man, it is a bit long-winded and can be happily applied to any Faruqi, thus something unique to Miran is required.
 
Last edited:

morningSIDEr

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KHANDESH THE BEWILDERINGLY SUCCESSFUL
CHAPTER 11 - TOETALLY UNEXPECTED
(1469-1471)

A happy result of the last peace deal with the Timurids is that I have finally gained direct access to my Jalayirid holdings. At long last my subjects there can enjoy true Faruqi rule.

UP27-1.jpg

I am thus left disconcerted when told that the Jalayirids, after mere years of my rule, have turned from being a civilized and progressive society into a backwards, ignorant horde. Very strange. With my ability in rule the Jalayirid people should be prospering.

Putting this from my mind, I send Hemant to Gujarat with orders to declare war upon this cruel nation.

UP27-2.jpg

Gujarat shall be made to pay for unjustifiably holding the Khandeshi province of Ahmadabad for so long. This province, tens of miles as it is from Khandesh's traditional holdings, is rightly considered a part of Khandesh and has been for many years. Well, many minutes at least.

By the beginning of the next year, the evil Gujarat is conquered for daring to possess a province she was rightly entitled to but upon which I had a spurious claim. I quickly order Hemant to annex the perfidious nation.

UP27-3.jpg

In doing so the province of Ahmadabad is finally returned to Khandesh and Kathiawar, a province I have no justification for taking whatsoever, is also freed from Gujarati tyranny. Verily I remain a brilliant liberator.

Having finally defeated the Gujarati menace, my attention turns to the north. Too long has Punjab proved a thorn in Khandesh's side, finally she shall suffer.

UP27-4.jpg

A courtier, overhearing this dramatic attempt to justify another attack on a nation for no good reason whatsoever, asks how exactly Punjab has proven a nuisance to Khandesh. Pointing out as he does that Punjab has never even considered declaring war upon Khandesh and was even an ally of our nation for many years. All pertinent points. I have the insolent cur dragged off by Noor to the mole enclosure. Well, honestly.

As Punjab has something of an army, but is hugely outnumbered, I declare to amazed courtiers that I have finally recovered from my old wound, the stubbed toe which has plagued me for many years, thus I shall once again be taking to the field. I make it clear that it was this terrible injury which had precluded me from military command during the wars against the Tmurids, not the fact that the Timurid army was large and rather frightening.

UP27-5.jpg

Still, with my returning to the field and taking less of an interest in governmental matters, the nation surprisingly improves quite considerably without my able rule.

Having now passed into the second decade of my brilliant and illustrious rule of Khandesh, I decide the time is now ripe to have a Glorious Monument erected in honour of my reign. A truly great and awe inspiring creation as befits my great and awe inspiring rule need be built. I design the piece myself and order the construction. My wife, who I have studiously avoided since the birth of 'my' son Nasir, the harlot, casting her eye over the plans comments that with a design such as this, I must be overcompensating for something. I have no idea what she means.

UP27-6.jpg

Unfortunately it appears the monument cannot be constructed. Although there is enough cash, magistrates have been resigning in their droves rather than contribute to the construction of what many have been calling a 'monstrous design'. I really am confused by both the attitude of my wife and the magistrates. You would think I am ordering the erection of a ginormous phallic shaped monument. It's not ginormous, merely large. Ish.

Enquiring as to what exactly my magistrates have been doing, if they are refusing to aid the construction of such a highly important and frankly wonderful monument, I am told their services have instead been used to institute land reforms in various provinces.

UP27-7.jpg

I am left baffled that they can consider land reform more important than creation of a huge, brilliantly designed monument in my honour.

Baffled and also very, very angry. Too long have traitors and incompetents hindered my rule. No longer shall I suffer from these ingrates questioning my decisions and dress sense, finally it is time for revenge. I give Noor the order to deal with everyone on The List. Mere days later Noor happily reports that everything on The List has now suffered a fate worse than death as demanded. Everything on The List has been deported to Scotland. I feel slightly guilty about this, truly an awful fate, but that is the consequence of mocking a great ruler such as myself.

However something is not quite right. I ask Noor about 'everything' having been deported rather than 'everyone'. Noor shows me The List which states the nefarious Sultana Scones and Bunch of Bananas are to be punished amongst others. ah, so I mixed up The List and The Shopping List once more. Oh well, at least that will teach my groceries to never disrespect me again.

Moving on quickly from my attempt at achieving vengeance I instead show I have lost none of my considerable military ability, leading my men to an impressive victory over the small Baluchastani army.

UP27-8.jpg

Reveling being back on the battlefield, I urge my men to chase down the fleeing Baluchastani force, who are finally cornered in Quetta.

UP27-9.jpg

I suffer a slight wound during the battle, but another fine victory is secured and the cowardly Baluchastani army put to flight once again. I continue to chase their force down, injury or not.

You really should have that wound looked at.

What? No, no it's nothing serious. Anyway we are just about to start looting their baggage train, I'm not missing out on that!

Yes, but you have a history of struggling with toe injuries.

Look, I'll decide for myself whether I need treatment or not. My bodyguard only lopped the tip off my toe in what was an understandable accident. Anyway, who the devil are you to be giving me advice?

You don't recognise me?

No, not really.

Typical, youngsters these days. I give you a throne to act a tyrant from and you forget me already.

A throne to act a tyrant from...wait a minute. Is that you? The original Miran, my fa-possibly my father?

Of course it's me!

Gosh. So uh...why are you back haunting me?

Well, I have some rather bad news.

Go on.

Have you actually looked at your wounded toe recently?

What? No, not since it was bandaged.

I suggest you do so.

Hmm. Should it be that green colour?

No. Actually that's what I wanted to speak to you about.

What? You are speaking in riddl-

*THUNK*

UP27-10.jpg

Gangrene my boy, gangrene.

For crying out loud. By the way, I have been dying [sorry, awful, I know, I couldn't help myself!] to know, are you actually my father?

I think so.

Ugh, learning that hurts more than dying due to gangrene.

Will Nasir Khan I Faruqi prove as able a ruler as those who have preceded him? Will this update help to highlight the alarming amount of toe related injuries afflicting the world today? Will the next part of this AAR be completed within 2011? Find out in the next hugely underwhelming episode of KhandeshKhandesh - land of the bewildered!
______________________

With that, this section of the AAR comes to an end. I strongly suggest reading the excellent Suenik the Beleaguered - a None Too Serious AAR which has recently finished. Many thanks once again to Iain for foolishly/kindly giving me permission to insult his excellent AAR with my woeful attempt at emulating his good self. Now it is JDMS who will suffer...
 
Last edited:

dinofs

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Truly, one titan of diplomacy makes way for another. This one might even be good enough to start wars against nations he hasn't even heard of! Which, granted, will probably be most of them.
 

loki100

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However something is not quite right. I ask Noor about 'everything' having been deported rather than 'everyone'. Noor shows me The List which states the nefarious Sultana Scones and Bunch of Bananas are to be punished amongst others. ah, so I mixed up The List and The Shopping List once more. Oh well, at least that will teach my groceries to never disrespect me again.

which brings an entirely new concept to mixing up one's messages.

The only reliable hint that Nasir may indeed be legit is the diplomacy score ... quite worthy of the dynasty, but for the rest, I suspect an influx of genes from elsewhere (or the lady of the lamp has been busy?)

as to a title? Miran the ever helpful?
 
Last edited:
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However there is but one thing left for this section; as became the custom for Iain's AAR, readers were asked to suggest an honourific for a ruler when they passed away. I would be much obliged for any suggestions of a suitable honourific for the stupendous Miran II. I was considering Miran the Marvellously Magnificent Stupendously Super Impressively Wonderful, but whilst such an honourific is clearly apt for such a great man, it is a bit long-winded and can be happily applied to any Faruqi, thus something unique to Miran is required.

I suggest the following:

Miran the Potent
Miran, Hammer of the Groceries
Miran the Miran
 

Athalcor

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Farewell Miran, glorious miran of the Khandeshi Mirandom (?Miranate?)...
 
Last edited:

History_Buff

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Good bye Miran. It appears as if the name Miran might very well be cursed. The First Miran died in battle. The Second one died from a poker wound to a very uncomfortable place. The Last one died of a gangrenous toe. They were also all remarkably incompeten. However, it appears the curse did not affect Nasir. Could it be that Khandesh actually has a competent monarch for once?
 

InnocentIII

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Just got here. Read the whole thing. Trying to think of something funny to add but nothing is coming to me.

More, please.
 

JDMS

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Farewell Miran, I would say we'll miss you, but, well . . . :D
 

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Farewall Miran - you'll be missed (I think).

Title wise how about something along the lines of Miran - helper of lost relatives?

Oh, and thank you for taking the time to parody my humble AAR - I was very honoured that you asked!
 

aldriq

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Farewell, Miran Blacktoe! Never one to tiptoe around great challenges or danger...

I'm quite horrified to finally find what Miran's Fate Worse Than Death™ actually entailed... much worse than if the poor groceries had been impaled on the Ginormous Phallic Shaped Monument™... then again, those groceries probably changed Scotland's history...


Stirling Castle, 1472

LORD HIGH ADMIRAL Your Majesty, a vessel from a distant land called Kandesh arrived in Berwick this morning. Only one sailor survived the voyage, he claims you can dispose of the cargo as you see fit. Here is a sample.
KING JAMES III Very strange, don't you think? What is this?
LORD HIGH ADMIRAL I believe the sailor called it mango...
KING JAMES III Smells of English trickery to me... [cuts it open with a dagger] ...a turnip with soft, green skin?!
LORD HIGH ADMIRAL Most likely witchcraft, Your Majesty.
KING JAMES III It doesn't taste too bad, it can certainly be mashed... call the royal cook!

And so to this day some claim the Haggis Paratha was created by King James... Of course Kandeshi-Scottish restauranteurs deny this as patent nonsense, pointing out that a Stuart king would have never been capable of such creative feat...
 

Murmurandus

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And so he stepped on one toe too much...
 

Eams

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Farewell Miran, glorious miran of the Khandeshi Mirandom (?Miranate?)...

Miranacy!

Having read all 20 pages of this in pretty much one go, I must say that it's strangely fitting that perhaps the most recurring positive event has been one titled "Benign neglect".