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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Murmurandus

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Read the whole thing at once. Impressive so far. And funny. And familiar.

Oh, and Hail the Great Woma- euh- Sultan! :D
 

Range

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KHANDESH versus the world...how can the world ever be the same after running into such a brilliant leader as Miran? Not to mention newly appointed General Miran, and Colonel Miran, Major Miran...and, all the other Mirans.
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you profusely for the replies!

Boris ze Spider - Very true! With the mighty Jalayirids now standing alongside Khandesh, none can stop the two nations! Well, actually a lot of other countries can still stop them, but uh, anyone smaller than Khandesh and the Jalayirids shall stand no chance!

loki100 - Quite so. It is not for Khandesh's benefit that Miran is rushing to the 'aid' of the Timurids once more, he is simply helping out a fellow nation in need, like the good neighbour he always is!

FinnishFish - Indeed it is! I am just surprised that more nations have not been offering their throne to Miran, he is the very best of rulers after all!

Athalcor - I think it quite possible that EU3 would instantly hand me victory were both the Khandeshi and Scottish thrones to merge! Or...well...rather, EU3 would most likely instantly hand me defeat.

RGB - He truly is amazing. His rampant virility winning land for Khandesh as brilliantly as his battlefield prowess!

Sandeep is indeed sure to enjoy nothing but success now that he too has become one in a long line of fantastically able Mirans. Double Miran power once more bringing victory!

How very true. This is the only reason Miran is expanding Khandesh, not for his gain, but merely in order to better the lives of all those newly conquered and exploi-uh,prospering under his rule.

naggy - He is soon to have his very own show based upon his life; Two and a Half Brain Cells.

gabor - You are lucky to so act like the great ruler! Truly Miran is a role model for all men!

Dewirix - This is why Miran has launched this aid mission, so as to save the Timurid people from further suffering at the hands of rebel tyrants, who pillage their lands and leave them to a life of fear. Instead they can suffer at the hands of Khandeshi tyrants, pillaging their lands and leaving them to a life of fear! Wait...

Iain Wilson - It is quite surprising. Almost as if Miran is not actually the father to these hordes of children!

Murmurandus - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is en route!). Indeed, all hail the Great Sultan (he has particular emphasis placed upon the 'great' when women are near)!

Range - The world shall indeed be changed, Miran shall make it far, far better. For himself anyway, and all those also named Miran!
 

morningSIDEr

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KHANDESH THE BEWILDERINGLY SUCCESSFUL
CHAPTER 6 - SELFLESSNESS THY NAME IS FARUQI
(1459)

Whilst my brave troops march forth into Timurid land, ready to once again rescue my family relation, my steward, Miran Suleyman Faruqi, a cousin of some sort who sports a distinctly unimpressive beard, brings me grim tidings.

UP22-1.jpg

This is treason, the vultures! Just because I have gained another throne and thousands of new subjects to exploi-uh, carefully rule, I was not planning on sharing my newly won source of wealth. This is especially vexing as the letter containing the nobles demands is signed predominantly by various members of my family, Faruqi's making up the bulk of Khandeshi nobility. Enraged as I am, I have little choice but to pay them off. They will regret this though. Oh yes, for all of their names have now been added to...The List.

All those added to The List shall suffer when they least suspect it. Dastardly blaggards such as Trejas and Juhi Faruqi, my uncle and aunt respectively, who dared to demand compensation. Or Vaibhav Om who was impertinent enough to mock the charming fluorescent pink and green ensemble I wore to court one day. They and other such curs as A Carton Of Semi-Skimmed Milk, Half A Dozen Eggs and-oh, I've got The List and The Shopping List mixed up again. *cough* Well, anyway, all those on The List shall suffer a fate worse than death.

Postponing plans of vengeance for the moment, I decide to bring the war against Bengal to a close, my men are needed far more in the current war against the Timurids, uh the Timurid rebels that is. Sadly due to some shocking oversight, which I quickly blame upon my cartographer, the very province which had proven the basis for this war against Bengal, the capture of Bangala, is currently Bengal's capital. Therefore they are both unwilling and unable to cede the province to me. Wonderful. This war has been a complete waste of time.

Nonetheless Hemant does manage to secure some minor concessions from Bengal, including the release of the nation of Deva Bengal.

UP22-2.jpg

Surprisingly this release results in the nation of Bengal becoming Deva Bengal, as Bengal cedes all of her territory to the 'new' nation.

UP22-3.jpg

Therefore the Bengali people went through all the bother of changing the name of their country, pretending it was another nation entirely, so as to escape my rule. The crafty gits. It is almost as if they do not wish to become subjects to my enlightened rule.

Annoyed as I am by these events, my attention is grabbed by a large unit of Timurid rebels who have launched a ferocious assault upon my army. It is whilst attempting to repel this assault that Hemant lets me know of a brilliant new idea he has had. He believes we should create a proper fleet.

UP22-4.jpg

Explaining to Hemant that the middle of a battlefield is not the best place to discuss matters of state, I tell him to get out of the way before I lop his head off.

The next day whilst battle still rages and things are growing progressively worse for my forces, I decide perhaps matters of state are actually more worthy of my time than battlefield concerns. Better that I remain off the battlefield running the government, a clearly more important task, than fight alongside my horribly outnumbered troops.

Thus whilst my men die in droves outside my tent, I summon Hemant and reject his idea of creating a proper fleet. In doing so, I point out that our current fleet of pedalos, fishing boats and inflatible rubber rings have proven more than adequate up until now. Plus the current development of the Never Rise Again Sinkmarine (TM), made from various types of grass, is sure to give our navy a cutting edge for years to come without this mission being required. Therefore I order him to come up with another idea.

UP22-5.jpg

To say I am less than impressed with Hemant's new idea would be an understatement. Bengal has just made a mockery of me and the nation with their name changing tricks and yet Hemant expects me to now arrange a marriage with their reincarnted selves, Deva Bengal.

I refuse. Never shall a Faruqi marry into the Bengali royal family. Those perfidious curs would simply besmirch the proud and honourable Faruqi name if it was allowed to happen. The noble Faruqi family shall most definetly...

UP22-6.jpg

...be joined with that of the Bengali royal family forthwith. I'm sure one of my cousins will love living in Deva Bengal, it is such a wonderful nation. If a royal marriage with Deva Bengal will remove some infamy, as Hemant claims, I'd happily marry my mother into the Bengali royal family.

Having sent off a surprisingly reluctant and unhappy cousin to Deva Bengal, I take my leave of the battle in Dash-i-Lut once again for another meeting with Hemant. Deciding upon yet another mission for the nation is evidently of more importance than watching my men being slaughted by rebels.

I am however left very irritated when the sounds of battle from outside my tent become too loud and I struggle to hear what Hemant is saying. Quickly I send a messenger to General Bhatti warning him to keep the noise down, or he will be punished. Allowing for the disruption of an important discussion such as this, with battlefield noises, the man is clearly incompetent. Thankfully with the noise abating slightly, my men screaming a little more quietly, I hear Hemant's new proposition for the next national mission.

UP22-7.jpg

I congratulate him heartily on yet another wonderful idea, it will clearly aid our nation immeasurably. Then hurriedly send for my cartographer so that he can show me where the devil Durrani is.

UP22-8.jpg

I am thus surprised to find that Durrani is a neighbour of Khandesh, and has been for quite a few years, having been formed by some Timurid rebels. Well, as brilliant a ruler as I abundantly am, it is quite a small nation, easy to overlook, and I cannot be expected to remember every neighbour on our borders.

Noting that my men are still struggling and defeat is a distinct possibiliy, I hurriedly quit the field, handing over full command to General Bhatti, telling him that I expect victory.

Should we somehow secure victory I shall, rightly of course, claim all credit for it was I who led the men into this battle despite our being hugely outnumbered. A bold yet brilliant move on my part, sadly I was let down by my troops dying too quickly against superior opposition, the useless fools. Should the unthinkable happen and we are defeated here, having boldly extracted myself from the battlefield, I shall blame General Bhatti for what can only be called an unexpected reverse. After all, he is the one in charge.

Waiting anxiously for news from the field whilst relaxing in the Royal Palace, it is then with some trepedation I greet the messenger sent by General Bhatti.

UP22-9.jpg

A loss, but considering the amount of casualties inflicted upon the rebels, I consider it a victory and promptly arrange a triumph in my honour through the streets of the capital. Of course, the battered 'victors' of Dash-i-Lut are still hundreds of miles away being led by General Bhatti and thus will miss out on the celebration. Really though, this 'victory' is all due to my great leadership, so I am sure they do not begrudge my enjoying all of the credit and adoration of the public whilst they continue to live in constant fear of rebel ambushes.

I am simply too selfless.

Will General Bhatti be able to save the remnants of Khandesh's 'victorious' army? Will Durrani be the next to suffer defeat at the hands of Khandesh's 'victorious' armies? Find out in the next insipid episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!
 

Athalcor

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Ah those cunning Bengalers (Deva Bengalers?)! And even Hemant was fooled by them!
 

loki100

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you've got to admit that changing your country's name is a really cunning way to avoid being annexed ... you can almost imagine the conversation "Bengal ... bengal ... nah mate, never seen it around here"
 

Athalcor

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you've got to admit that changing your country's name is a really cunning way to avoid being annexed ... you can almost imagine the conversation "Bengal ... bengal ... nah mate, never seen it around here"

*quickly sprays DEVA on the 'Welcome to Bengal' sign*
 

unmerged(59077)

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The Shopping List of Death. How Miranesque. Death to Cousin Pizza Pocket! How selfish of him to demand his money back and how selfless of Miran to refuse him.

Two Bengals is two too many to countenance. It's all Khandeshi by rights.
 

sjones25

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Deva is the name of a dynasty that ruled Bengal. So really they didn't change names, they just attached their king's name to the front of their country's name... and then called it a new country!
 

Murmurandus

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Watch that General Dhatti and his evöl losing victories ways... ;)
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you profusely for the replies!

Athalcor - They truly are crafty devils! This Hemant does indeed seem a poor imitation of the last diabolically clever Hemant, he would never have fallen for such a trick! Admittedly he did fall for a well though. Or down one anyway...

loki100 - Indeed! I can just imagine wanted posters springing up all over Khandesh; 'Have you seen this country? Previously sporting a spiffy white and red flag with cutlass design, wanted in connection with fraud. Reward offered for information leading to the capture of this perifidous nation.'

Athalcor - *hurriedly disposes of the old Bengali flags, replacing them with the flashy new green version*

RGB - Those on The List are not long for this world. I am reliably informed that the cur, A Loaf of Wholemeal Bread, has already been devoured!

Bengal shall fall! Uhm...Deva Bengal that is!

sjones25 - Which makes it all the more galling that this none too cunning ploy has worked perfectly! Alas as the casus belli was lost, Bengal is safe...for now.

Boris ze Spider - I shall certainly endevour to offer the Timurids all the 'aid' I can!

naggy - That does indeed explain the otherwise ludicrous actions by the nobles. Although really it would have to be a deep fried Mars bar used to placate them as opposed to a Snickers!

Murmurandus - He will be monitored very closely indeed. Ludicrous that he could so lose whilst horribly outnumbered and attacking troops in a highly defensible position! Uhm, not that he did lose, it was a 'victory'!

FinnishFish - ...had best improve his battlefield performances!
 

morningSIDEr

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KHANDESH THE BEWILDERINGLY SUCCESSFUL
CHAPTER 7 - FEELING LOANELY
(1459-1461)

Having decimated Delhi's forces, and with my own busy being slaughtered by the Timurid rebels, I order Hemant to sort out a peace deal with Delhi.

UP23-1.jpg

Being a modern ruler ever interested in the liberation of oppressed people, I demand that Delhi release Bundelkhand and Malwa forthwith. Now both of these nations can enjoy independence once again, no longer suffering from tyrannical Delhi rule. Furthermore as the two nations are surrounded by my territory, I can easily conquer them at sometime in the future-uh, that is to say, I will bravely protect my new allies for the foreseeable future.

UP23-2.jpg

Whilst I happily receive the thankful Bundelkhand and Malwa diplomats, my forces gain vengeance over the rebel forces who had caused the 'victory' at Desh-i-Lut.

UP23-3.jpg

Delighted, I take full credit for these successes for myself. After all it was my original bold decision to attack these rebels months ago, whilst my forces were still considerably outnumbered, which has led to these recent victories.

Bouyed by this success, I order forward another small unit of men to survey the Timurid holdings further west. I am left worried upon learning that this 3,000 strong force has blundered into the main Timurid army. Although I am sure 'Mirza would not think of attacking my force, which is there only to aid him, there have been misunderstandings in the past. 'Mirza for some reason thinking I have ulterior motives in so aiding him.

UP23-4.jpg

I am thus greatly relieved when hearing that another of the Timurids enemies, uh, not that Khandesh is an enemy of the Timurids of course, Qara Koyunlu, has raced soldiers to the aid of my men. The Timurid army having taken the surprising decision to attack the 3,000 strong Khandeshi force. I can only assume 'Mirza somehow mistook my men for rebels.

Thankfully, with the aid of Qara Koyunlu, the Timurid army is replulsed.

UP23-5.jpg

Glad as I am at having secured this victory, yet further proof of the wisdom of my strategy of sending hugely outnumbered troops into battle against an enemy in a well defended position, I am outraged by 'Mirza's conduct. I quickly have a messenger sent to 'Mirza condemning his deplorable attack on we, his steadfast allies. Strangely enough, I've not heard from my messenger in quite some time.

Alongside news of the victory over the confused 'Mirza's forces, a diplomatic victory is also achieved with Khiva granting military access to their lands. This should prove very useful in allowing my men access to yet more undefended Timurid lands ripe for conquest. Uhm, ripe for liberation from the cruel rebel forces that is.

UP23-6.jpg

Sending some men through Khiva's land they stumble accross a worrying sight.

UP23-7.jpg

Even I am reluctant to employ my usual brilliant strategy of throwing hugely outnumbered men forward against such a force.

A few months later I notice both Hemant and Suleyman sheepishly standing within my vicinity, whilst at the same time both are seemingly trying to hide themselves behind a handy pillar. Pointing at them, I demand that they explain why they are attempting to hide. Unsurprisingly it is because they have some very worrisome news to report.

UP23-8.jpg

I explode with rage, unable to comprehend how it is possible that any of my policies can be deemed poor. It is then Hemant who points out that some foolish members of the public have taken an irrational dislike to the recently introduced tax on the enjoyment of sunlight.

I hastily order a 500 ducat bribe-uhm, present made to the recalcitrant public in order to stave off nationwide insurrection. Dismayed though I am at paying out such a large sum, I am sure the treasury is positively teeming with gold due to the careful stewardship of my able fellow Faruqi, Suleyman.

UP23-9.jpg

Oh.

Nevermind, I am sure Suleyman has a number of excellent plans available to fend off the impending bankruptcy of the nation.

UP23-10.jpg

Suleyman does indeed have some excellent plans, they consist of taking out two large loans with massive interest payments. Wonderful.

[This is what happens when you merely mention a wish to emulate a naggy AAR; numerous loans!]

Refraining, for now, from entering the hapless Suleyman on to The List, I am given worse news mere months later when a declaration of war is made against Khandesh.

UP23-11.jpg

A very, very inexplicable declaration of war, the horrendously outnumbered Bihar declaring war against Khandesh alone. Perhaps Bihar's leaders have learned of my stupendous military strategy of charging in whilst terribly outnumbered.

Whilst sending some troops eastwards to deal with the impertinent Bihar, they fall prey to a massive Timurid rebel ambush.

UP23-12.jpg

At first fearing for my men, I quickly console myself with the thought that being so outnumbered they are sure to emerge victorious.

Will the Khandeshi army emerge victorious once again despite being terribly outnumbered? Will Khandesh's economy survive the onerous loan payments? Does Bihar have some cunning ploy in mind which will bring them a unlikely success against Khandesh? Find out in the next ridiculously awful episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!
 
Last edited:

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Truly, Khandesh's outnumbered armies are an unstoppable force. Onward to victory, my soon to be dead comrades!
 

unmerged(59077)

Tzar of all the Soviets
Jul 17, 2006
5.575
7
A loan to pay a loan sounds like sound economic policy.