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loki100

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This war should be a dawdle

ach wouldn't worry, just take your time ... gradually follow those rebels as they advance in a different direction & you should be fine.

I hold to my early judgement, this Miran does seem too competent to fit into his family history.
 

unmerged(59077)

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1. Madness? This is soon-to-be-Khandesh!!!!! (shoves down portable well)
2. Long-distance impregnation, a unique Khandeshi scientific discovery putting it ahead of every other country on the planet. Should do wonders for MP growth.
 

naggy

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2. Long-distance impregnation, a unique Khandeshi scientific discovery putting it ahead of every other country on the planet. Should do wonders for MP growth.

No no no! It's all wrong. Miran reproduces by asexual fission.
 

Athalcor

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It lives!!! I know why have this AAR remained in my subscription list.
 

Range

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My Friend, your report is a lot of fun...dry humor..tastefully done. Strangely, I could almost hear you speak. And, your art work from a few posts back was excellent...and, more than likely quite time consuming. Good show.
 
Last edited:

dinofs

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Brilliant at always, athough I must protest your implication that Miran's child was born under suspicious circumstances. The way you make it sound it seems as though the royal family was some kind of foolish, incompetent, inbred clan of blubbering imbeciles, rather than the strong and courageous leaders we know they truly are.
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you profusely for the replies!

loki100 - Sadly 'Mirza seemed to finally realise what was going on thus stopping Miran's easy land occupation strategy, as shall be seen in this update. As for any competence Miran possibly has, thankfully that is beginning to disappear!

RGB - 1. Indeed! THIS...IS...SPART-oh wait.
2. Manpower should indeed improve rapidly but not only due to long distance impregnation, Miran's rugged good looks also aids the rise immeasurably!

naggy - I think you could be on to something here. It would certainly explain why ties within the Faruqi family are so very confused!

Athalcor - This AAR does indeed live! Like most things which have been brought back from the dead, this AAR is of a rather odd colour and smells very badly. Thank you for continuing to follow this drivel despite this!

Range - Many thanks for the kind words (a bribe is en route to you my good man!). I have to confess the artwork you have seen from chapter 1 is not my own, it is actually the work of Paradox, the images are from Crusader Kings (although I am happy to pretend that the images are all my own work!).

dinofs - You are quite right, I am very wrong to defame the noble House of Faruqi. I'd best be careful anyway, I'll have Noor after me if I continue making slurs against the august Miran and I don't fancy a trip to the mole enclosure!
 

morningSIDEr

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KHANDESH THE BEWILDERINGLY SUCCESSFUL
CHAPTER 3 - KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR FAMILY CLOSER
(1452-1454)

The war has been continuing at the same slow pace, siege work remaining the main area of action. Taking a reprieve from occupyi-uh, freeing my fellow Faruqi's lands, I gallantly crush some rebel bands in order to maintain the ruse for this war. That is to say, I gallantly crush some rebel bands in order to continue aiding my fellow family member.

UP19-1.jpg

I am thus left incredulous when my dear beloved relation of some sort launches an unprovoked attack upon my unit mere months later.

UP19-2.jpg

I could have sworn I heard 'Mirza yelling repeated obscenities in my direction during the battle. As I am here only to help him I find this behaviour very strange. Clearly this has to be some kind of misunderstanding.

Nonetheless I hurriedly retreat, not wishing to further antagonise 'Mirza by crushing his army as I surely would do. Whilst retreating I send for Hemant, clearly it is time to now end this war-uhm, this aid mission. It seems poor 'Mirza has had his wits addled by the stress of fighting the rebels for so long, this the only explanation I can posit for his having suddenly turned on me as he has without any provocation.

Hemant is surprised by my sudden wish to exit the war, pointing out that the Timurid lands are still teeming with rebels. Regardless, I am ready to leave, I have helped 'Mirza as best I can and I am now ready to help him further by lessening the burden upon his rule by taking some of his lands. It is for his own good of course.

UP19-3.jpg

It is then with great annoyance that I am warned by Hemant I need prolong the war for a few months yet if I wish to take the four provinces I have my eye on. This is very vexing as dallying within the Timurid land will give 'Mirza time to crush my forces. Not that he should, as we are allies, but a man with such unnecessary punctuation in his name is not to be trusted.

Therefore it is with regret that I continue the war. I could of course take no provinces from 'Mirza, or simply ask for two. However I feel that I owe it to him to take as many provinces as possible, so as to lessen the risk of further rebellions within his land as much as I can.

I am left both worried and surprised the following month after a startling report reaches me stating that Hindu zealots have gained control of Lucknow, the province clearly having run out of luck.

[Apologies, that truly was awful even by my abysmally low standards!]

UP19-4.jpg

Being told that Hinduism has gained control of the province makes me question whether or not I am following the right faith. For this small group of rebels to have gained control of a province within the mightiest nation in the world, their religion must hold great power. Indeed, Hinduism is speaking to me like nothing else before. It is to Hinduism I should turn! I now know what must be done...

Ia! Shub-Niggura- *thunk*

I regain consciousness hours later. Apparently during my moment of epiphany a rock was thrown from the battlements of the Timurid town we are busy besieging at present, knocking me out. Thankfully there is no lasting damage done, a fact all of my advisors seem inordinately happy about, crying as they are upon being told of my survival. Tears of joy, clearly. Hinduism too has lost its appeal now that I have concussion. Oh well.

[Apologies, this is an in-joke and I have attempted to avoid making them throughout this AAR. However I really could not resist making reference to this infamous line from Iain's AAR. For the very few who have not yet read Iain's excellent AAR, this will require some explanation, thus please click here to have everything revealed.]

During my period of unconciousness I apparently made several brilliant decisions greatly improving the realm. Seemingly these decisions were to hand over more power to my cabinet and keep well away from matters of state myself.

UP19-5.jpg

I am slightly confused by my reported actions, but they seem to be working, thus clearly I must have ordered this. Even if I was unconscious when doing so.

Having bravely continued the war against the Timurid rebels, Hemant finally declares that I can further aid 'Mirza by helping myself to four of his provinces without the world considering me an infamous blaggard.

UP19-6.jpg

I attend the peace negotiations myself and spotting 'Mirza I wander over to him, graciously offering my assistance to his nation should he need it in the future. We are family after all, as I point out to him. For some reason my friendly remarks irritate 'Mirza, who was then restrained by his bodyguards from attacking me. Such a strange man.

I have my cartographer cheer me up after this harrowing incident, commisioning a new map for the throne room following my conquest of the Timurids. Uh, the Timurid rebels that is.

UP19-7.jpg

Very pleasing, apart from the name of the nation being hidden away in the top left corner of the map. I question my cartographer as to why the devil he's snuck the name in there and not being met with a satisfactory answer, I set Noor upon him. The moles will feed well tonight. Well, honestly.

Will the Timurids need to be 'rescued' by Khandesh in the future? Why did Khandesh's infamy rise when she was simply aiding a neighbouring nation? And why the devil did the cartographer stick Khandesh's name up in the top left corner of the map? Find out in the next horrendously poor episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!
 
Last edited:

dinofs

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Another wonderful humanitarian mission from the great people of Khandesh!
 

loki100

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thats always the problem for any self-respecting empire, there you are merely keeping the peace (in someone else's country) & suddenly you find you need to take control, so as to ensure the peace you've just imposed is maintained ... tis a hard task & one that attracts so little sympathy from those who don't understand these things properly.

despite some evidence, I still hold the heretical (& thus probably quite luckless) view that Miran is competent ... I'm just waiting for when he decides to carry on up the Khyber and helpfully ease the governmental overstretch of the Timorous Timurids.
 

Dewirix

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I don't think the map-maker can be blamed for the location of the 'Khandesh' caption. It's obvious that India is too cluttered to support a font of suitable size to reflect the glory of your realm. Perhaps you should convene a sub-continental congress to invite the other rulers into the union. Wells, moles and pokers to be provided by the host.
 

Athalcor

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Let the letters K H A N D E S H extend from Eufrat to the Huang He! Let Miran rules his empire for another 1000 years! On second thought this two sentences eliminate each other.
 

Range

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With Khandesh being so large...you would think the map maker would have penciled the name of Khandesh twice...once to the west and once to east, or at least to the southeast. As for family, go figure...you were after all putting your forces in harms way in an attempt to help him.

As always...great read.
 

Ashantai

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Wonderful update! :)
 

iain_a_wilson

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I agree with previous commentators - if you get rid of that mish mash of little Indian states then your map will look a LOT neater. And that way, you're not being a bloodthirsty tyrant, you're simply making life better for your cartographers. That's kind of win-win (if you're a cartographer).
 

unmerged(59077)

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1. No Luck in Lucknow, Now?
2. Clearly the Gedrosian Desert is such a valuable acquisition Khandesh decided to move there from Central India - look at the map!
3. The guy is lucky it's not a flower-nosed mole horde. I saw one of those in City of Ember and it still gives me nightmares.
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you profusely for the replies!

dinofs - Quite so! Truly the worlds ills are being tackled by the selfless Miran!

loki100 - I cannot agree more. You go out of your way to aid a fellow nation in distress and are simply stabbed in the back for your efforts, quite ludicrous. Still, aid was nonetheless given and four of their provinces taken for their own good, despite their appalling reaction.

I am tending to agree with you now as well with regards to Miran's competence, it seems I may have the rarest of things; a halfway competent Faruqi. This especially impressive considering this a Suenik influenced part of this AAR!

Dewirix - An excellent idea. A meeting with some wells, moles, pokers and perhaps a bit of fustigation available and within no time at all India shall become a far better place. She will become Khandesh! Oh wait, that would likely make things far worse...

Athalcor - How true! Hopefully Miran does indeed reign for another thousand years, then it would not be merely the name Khandesh spanning from the Eufrat to the Huang He, no, the world would be Khandeshi (provided the world consisted of a few square centimetres, this likely the only land Khandesh would retain were Miran to rule the nation for the next one thousand years!).

Range - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is, but of course, en route!). I too cannot understand what the cartographer was up to, hiding away the proud Khandesh name when he could indeed have simply added said name to every piece of land within view. He would simply be saving time after all!

Ashantai - Many thanks for the kind words (your bribe is in the post!).

Bozis ze Spider - I'm very glad you are reading this once again (the bribe for returning to this claptrap has been sent)!

Fiftypence - A great many thanks for the kind words (your bribe too is in the post!). I am quite happy with the gains, I just hope I get the chance to 'aid' poor 'Mirza a few more times before the Timurids possible collapse!

Iain Wilson - I cannot fault such reasoning. Truly none could argue with such justification and I only hope Paradox quickly include a 'Map Tidying' casus belli very soon!

RGB - 1. The luck now has run out in Lucknow, alas!
2. All a cunning ploy to greatly increase Khandesh's strength, the desert is awash with resources! Such as sand and...sand!
3. You have my sympathy, a mole in any shape or form is truly a frightening sight. I still suffer harrowing flashbacks from my last encounter with a mole. Without a doubt they are horrifying beasts.
 

morningSIDEr

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KHANDESH THE BEWILDERINGLY SUCCESSFUL
CHAPTER 4 - FOR THE GLORY!
(1454-1457)

Glad to have shown myself worthy of the Miran name following the stunning success I enjoyed over the rebel occupied barely functioning Timurids, I continue to prove myself a true Miran whilst fighting rebels in Gondwana.

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Clearly this was not my fault. I instead blame Sandeep for this shocking reverse. Happily focus is quickly shifted from my-uh, that is Sandeep's surprising defeat, as Hemant brings me great news.

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Get in there (literally)! I'm more virile than a rabbit on steroids, continuing to impregnate women from hundreds of mile-wait. Asking Hemant about the parentage of the child, he proceeds to tell me that the brat is actually the offspring of a cousin. Ah. Yes. I knew that. Obviously.

Noting the name of this newly appointed heir of Khorasan, I am extremely thankful he is not my son.

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Ulugh Beg, what a ridiculously outlandish name. I cannot understand why he was not given a good traditional Khandeshi name such as Ghanashyam, Prathamesh or Yudhishtar. As such I order Hemant to cut off all ties with the poorly named youngster, I have no wish to risk him besmirching the good Faruqi name by keeping him a part of the family.

It is not until a year later that Hemant reminds me that we are still at war with the Golden Horde. Whilst peace was thrashed out with the Timurids I rather embarrasingly completel forgot that war with the Golden Horde continued to 'rage' on, so anonymous were my opponents.

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None of this is my fault of course, forgetting about trifling matters such as wars waged against far larger nations is easily done. Instead I berate Hemant for his incompetence in not dealing with this earlier.

Early in the following year I lead efforts to make Khandesh a more innovative nation, dismayed as I have been by the lack of cutting edge technological advancements made since the introduction of Shimmery Metallic Effect (patent pending) material to our renowned Grey Painted Cloth Armour (TM).

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Hopefully this change in policy can spur our intelligentsia towards creating more wonderful inventions to sit alongside the ingenius Buttery Curtains (TM), Bamboo Shield With Canvas Cover (TM) and the like.

With the increasing innovation now flooding through the realm, I have Prabhanjan establish an Ibadat Khana.

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This meeting place created so as to allow debate upon highly important matters of religion. Vital matters such as whether or not the newly commissioned hat for Prabhanjan, a reward for his good work in coverting many provinces, should have four bright pink buttons attached to it or five.

A few weeks later Hemant brings me some surprising news. Khandesh has managed to retain an ally for more than five seconds, and even more surprisingly, said ally has actually requested our aid.

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I am fully ready to have Noor feed the Punjabi mesenger to the moles upon hearing this ridiculous proposition, until Hemant points out that Punjab's enemies can field a mere 3,000 men. Hmm, a chance to easily win some glory. Well, of course I am then forced to aid a much respected ally in their time of need.

Busily crushing the hugely outnumbered enemy coalition's troops, I have Hemant on standby to demand concessions from my struggling foes, when instead the same Punjabi messenger from earlier, looking suspiciously nervous, is spotted.

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I am told that Punjab has arranged a peace deal with Rajputana. This happened before I had a chance to make any demands of the enemy nations myself. Feeling both annoyed, and more than a little used, I have Noor throw the Pubjabi messenger down the portable well. I truly am disgusted by Punjab's actions, I would expect exploitation of allies from a nation such as my own-uhm...from a nation such as the uh, the evil Maldives, but not from Punjab.

Over a year later and I am suddenly reminded by Hemant that we still have a national mission to conquer the small nation of Bengal. A nation who is likely to put up little resistance to Khandeh's brilliantly able forces should war be declared upon them. Furthermore any such war with the minor nation will provide me with another chance to snatch some prestige and land.

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Warming to this reasoning, I quickly declare war on Bengal on the simple grounds of 'My Nation Is Bigger Than Yours'.

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Punjab, knowing she has to win back my favour, hurriedly join my forces alongside Tibet in the war against the soon to be dispatched Bengal. This should prove a dawdle.

Will Punjab win back Miran's respect? Will this truly prove a dawdle? Uhm...well, yes, probably. I cannot really dramatise this very much, Bengal are pitifully weak. Find out in the next drivel filled episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!
 
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