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unmerged(59077)

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Now that you put it that way (Miran I and Miran II), all I can think of is "Miran Miran", a potential chart-topping Khandeshi musical act whose one hit will be a wonder for all posterity.
 

naggy

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Maybe if morningSIDEr had not subcontracted this AAR to Miran and Associates...
 

Ashantai

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Hope to see you back soon again! :)
 

morningSIDEr

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Thank you hugely for the replies!

History_Buff - Thank you profusely for the kind words (your bribe is, but of course, en route to you!). Indeed, Miran was cut down in his prime. Or rather, he was gruesomely impaled just as he seemed be nearing near competence in rule!

Range - It did seem rather fitting, if rather terrible, end. Although I really do feel sorry for the poor poker, being shoved up there.

naggy - ...treasury, natural resources, wildlife. All is doomed!

JDMS - Choices indeed. I think in the future poker lined wells are the answer!

Ashantai - A great many thanks for the kind words (your bribe shall soon be with you!).

loki100 - Indeed, poor Miran could not escape the poker. As for Miran II, his reign thus far seems to be a rather Suenikan one thankfully!

RGB - How very true, lessons must be learned from Miran's tragic death! Henceforth all Khandeshi soldiers will be taught the strategy of attacking whilst facing away from the enemy. Victory is sure to follow!

I like the idea about the title very much as well. Although it goes without saying that only those named Miran will have the prestige required to be given such a the wonderous title of Miran. Thus it shall become; Miran the Miran of Khandesh!

blsteen - Superb indeed! The legendary leadership of the Mirans shall lead Khandesh to everlasting victory! Well, everlasting something anyway...

naggy - I'm sure that must be a EU3 cheat; rename your country Mirania to instantly win control of the world. After all who can resist such a brilliantly named nation?

dinofs - I was quite sorry to see Miran passing away as well. He brought me such victory and this part of the AAR has proven great fun to type up. Thus thank you once again for letting me rip off and thus insult your AAR with this woeful attempt at your work!

Dewirix - It is true that despite Miran's interesting rulership and questionable military ability his reign did witness the rapid expansion of Khandesh. I am thus thankful (the people of Khandesh surprisingly are not) that the next ruler is also named Miran, may he be as successful!

naggy - Many, many thanks once again for the award it was greatly appreciated (and I think the bribe I sent to you in return for the title should have reached you by now, if not, uhm...there must be some kind of postal problems *cough*).

loki100 - Thank you for the kind words (yet another bribe is on way to you!).

Johan11 - Thirded! Wait...

FinnishFish - Fourtled! Uhm...

Iain Wilson - Too right you have far too many toos in there! Although it is also too right that you are too right! Uhm...I'm confused.

RGB - I accede to the mobs demands, pray lower the pitchforks!

Tallfellow - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is in the post!). I dare not resist such a tall fellow, an update is here!

loki100 - Many thanks once again!

sjones25 - I strongly suggest you resist the urge to click on this now that it has come up on the subscribed threads list once again. For the update is now here, and it is as drivel filled as ever.

JDMS - Well, the update is now here. I rather think you will wish I had left this dormant however after you read it though!

BootOnFace - The update is here, call the people off, call them off!

Range - Thank you for some very thoughtful words. You are quite right too, there always does seem to be a lot going on, sadly though not quite enough as I finally found time to update this. Sorry in advance!

aldriq - Once again, how did you know about the Angry Birds?!

naggy - Thank goodness for fustigation! Finally I am fit enough to return to updates once again. Which is a very, very bad thing.

Dewirix - I've actually managed to get an update ready within time for once! Admittedly I did give myself a ridiculous amount of time.

History_Buff - How right you are, within the immediate area I do not have any real threats. I do not wish to go east at present, so unless Ming manages to conquer a number of minors between Khandesh and herself, I should be safe from that direction. As for The Timurids, well I thought I'd best deal with them first as you shall see!

RGB - I would simply hope any such song would be as brilliant as this. A Swedish friend gave me the link to this song, I had not heard of it nor the artist before then, but this song represents Scotland rather well!

naggy - Yes, sadly it does take a while for work commissioned from them to be completed but in their defence said work is to an alarmingly poor standard. Alas the work is now ready!

Ashantai - Unfortunately I now return with more awful, awful updates!

Apologies once again as it has taken far longer to complete these updates than I had planned. However many more apologies for actually returning with any updates at all!
 

morningSIDEr

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Looking morosely at his alarmingly impaled body, Sultan Miran Adil Khan Faruqi thought bitterly to himself about how often he had felt Prasan a pain in the backside. Never though had he considered Prasan would litterally prove to be one.

Hearing a slight noise he turned around, then noticing a tall black clad figure looming over him.

"Uh...hello?"

YOUR TIME HAS DRAWN TO AN END MIRAN, NOW WHAT WAS IT AGAIN, AH YES, MIRAN...NO, THAT IS NOT CORRECT. I AM SORRY, THIS IS QUITE EMBARRASSING-

"You are telling me! There cannot have been too many who have died due to a poker being shoved up their-"

NO, NO, I DID NOT MEAN EMBARRASSING FOR YOU, ALTHOUGH DEATH BY POKER IS QUITE A STRANGE ONE, I RATHER MEANT THIS IS EMBARRASSING FOR ME.

"How so?"

I AM NONE TOO SURE WHICH MIRAN YOU ARE.

"What?"

THERE ARE SIMPLY TOO MANY NAMED MIRAN FROM YOUR NATION, THE RECORDS HAVE BECOME RATHER CONFUSED. I HAVE A LIST HERE OF TWO NAMED MIRAN FROM KHANDESH WHO HAVE PROVEN MILITARY GREATS...

"Clearly I am one of the two then."

...AND ANOTHER MIRAN WHO HAS PROVEN AN INCOMPETENT OAF. THIS ONE WAS THE SULTAN.

"What?!"

I HAVE TO MAKE SURE I CORRECTLY IDENTIFY THE SULTAN, SOMETHING SPECIAL HAS BEEN ARRANGED FOR HIM.

"Special? Special in a good way?"

NO.

"Oh. Well, I certainly was a military great in life but, uh, I am not the Sultan. You should be able to identify him easily enough though, he has stunning good looks, muscles aplenty and long, flowing lustrous hair. Not unlike myself actually."

INDEED. WAIT, WHAT IS THAT, ARE YOU HIDING SOMETHING BEHIND YOUR BACK?

"What? No! Wait...you are right, what the? Is that...? It is! Is this thing supposed to remain lodged up there even now that I have passed away?!"

NO IT SHOULD NOT, BUT THAT POKER DOES SEEM RATHER ATTACHED TO YOU. ACTUALLY SPEAKING OF POKERS ONCE AGAIN, YOU MUST BE THE SULTAN.

"No, no I really am not. I'm general thingy, not the all-conquering, ridiculously handsome Sultan!"

NO, I AM RIGHT THERE IS NO NEED TO LIE FURTHER, MY NOTES CLEARLY STATE THE SULTAN IS THE MIRAN WHO LIKES POKERS.

"I wouldn't exactly say I 'like' them..."

NOW THEN SULTAN MIRAN ADIL KHAN FARUQI, IF YOU COULD PLEASE STEP THIS WAY.

"Uh...look what exactly does this especially arranged afterlife entail?"

OH I WOULD NOT WISH TO RUIN THE SURPRISE. HAPPILY ENOUGH HOWEVER POKERS ARE VERY MUCH INVOLVED.
________________

Having made yet another miserably pathetic attempt at ripping off the great Pratchett, onwards now to an equally pathetic attempt to rip off the brilliant Iain Wilson!
 

morningSIDEr

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KHANDESH THE BEWILDERINGLY SUCCESSFUL
CHAPTER 1 - THE SULTAN IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE SULTAN!
(1450-1451)

After the sad, sad passing of my late father, or it could be that he was my cousin, or perhaps my brother. Uhm...our exact familial connection is a bit muddled due to the fact that I was already fifteen when the then twenty four year old Miran I took the throne and things were never really explained as to exactly how we were related. Needless to say, I really hope I was his brother, nephew or cousin. Anyway I am now Sultan.

UP17-1.jpg

Yes, as you have no doubt already concluded, with the rugged good looks and impressive stats I enjoy, I get all the ladies. Which explains why I am still single. *cough* Of course the birth date of 1029 shown here is completely and utterly wrong. The incompetent scribe who put this information together will be punished.

Being a strapping young ruler of only 20 years of age addanother20yearstogetmyactualage, I have assembled a talented cabinet to help my rule of Khandesh.

UP17-2-1.png

UP17-3-1.png

As can be seen, the term 'talented' is used very loosely here. The cabinet itself is composed of a mix of backstabbing, sycophantic, noble non-entities barely capable of finding their own backsides at the first time of asking. However the cabinet does, of course, come with the obligatory Hemant. I'll be keeping an eye on him. Thankfully alone amongst my ministers, my Spy Master is very competent. Being a ninja she knows all of the subtle black arts of diplomacy. Such as how to make a man undergo 'voluntary' self-fustigation.

Looking out over the lands my fa-, bro-...uhm, that my predecessor has left me, I feel a sense of pride at the great leadership my family has given to this nation. I feel also a sense of...

UP17-4.jpg

...complete and utter anger that the idiot scribe has provided me with the wrong map. Where the devil is this?! It does not even look remotely like Khandesh. Get me the right map and get me Noor, this idiot has to pay.

The screams of the scribe as he is dragged off by Noor to the mole enclosure (do not let them fool you, moles are vicious, vicious little beasts), considerably lighten my mood.

Calling for the correct map, I am told that the idiot scribe who the moles just feasted upon is actually the current cartographer for the realm and as such there are no currently up-to-date maps available. Wonderful.

[or rather, I forgot to take a screenshot of the realm at this time, apologies!]

Down to business instead then. I'm told by my Marshal, Sandeep, that as I actually have some military ability I am able to pass the Militia Act.

UP17-5.jpg

Surprisingly my fa-, cous-...the previous ruler, had lacked the militarily ability required to pass this piece of legislation. This despite his being a self-declared military colossus. Strange.

Mere days later my Diocese Bishop, Prabhanjan, happily declares the province of Mysore no longer a heretic filled den of ignorance.

UP17-6.jpg

I congratulate him on this sterling work but explain to him that the title of Diocese Bishop is a bit misleading for someone of the Muslim faith and he may wish to adopt something a bit less confusing. That or be labelled a heretic himself.

A few months later I am brought worrying news by Hemant. The Timurids have suddenly and rather surprisingly, not to mention worryingly, denied our merchants access to their centres of trade.

UP17-7.jpg

Well, worrying that is if the land was not nearly all rebel controlled. Some ruling families simply do not have the ability needed to run an empire. Whichever idiot is currently on the throne of the Timurid Empire is clearly an incompetent fool, unworthy of his position, someone who should be disposed and his family forever...

UP17-8.jpg

...feted for their brilliant rule.

A Faruqi currently rules the Timurids?! How is this possible? How can things be going so badly with a Faruqi on the throne? We are known for our fantastic rule!

Summoning my Chancellor, Hemant, I declare my wish to aid my fellow cous-uhm...actually I've never heard of him before, so I'll simply call him a fellow family member. Hemant nods his understanding and readies an order to supply the Timurids with war subsidies in their time of need. The idiot. My dearly beloved cou-...fellow family member of some sort or another needs more aid than this! There is but one option.

UP17-9.jpg

To rescue the no doubt great, but struggling due to events outwith his control, Khan 'Mirza II Faruqi via a declaration of war! Sadly there does not seem to be a 'Helping Out Family' cassus belli. Which is exactly what I intend upon doing of course. I would never take advantage of a fellow struggling family member. Rather I shall simply occupy his land, crushing the rebels whilst doing so and then return everything to him once he is saved. Nearly everything anyway.

UP17-10.jpg

Naturally my allies, well Punjab anyway, are happy to pillage, despoi-uhm...rescue the Timurids alongside me. I am sure Khan 'Mirza is very grateful that he belongs to such a wonderfully helpful family.

Is 'Mirza truly grateful to be receiving 'aid' from his family? Will Miran II prove as brilliant and able a ruler as Miran I? Have you finally been convinced about the evilness of moles? Find out in the next soul destroyingly boring episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!
 
Last edited:

unmerged(59077)

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1. I only wish Miran Miran are as great of a tribute to their nation as Dr.Macdoo was to Scotland.
2. It stands to reason that the Faruqis not only manage to take over Timur's horde but involve Punjab in their family despoi...ahem...dispu...ahem...intervention.
3. No lady can resist the mystery of someone with Intrigue 1.
4. The first map appears to be the Timurids, in the Past. That's the best guess I can manage, though for a moment I thought this AAR had a forum displacement done upon it.
5. You cannot fool DEATH. Unless you're a Miran in a line of 50 or so.
 

dinofs

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It's so good to see that the current ruler's fa... broth... cous... frie... Miran left a sensible man in charge for the first time since Nisar.
I mean, ah, rest in peace Sultan Miran, military mastermind, poker enthusiast, pride of Khandesh, parodier of my aar, and all-around wonderful person who most certainly did not have a son before reaching the age of 10!
 

naggy

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Ah, I see you are using the old "what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine" tenet of brotherhood.
 

Ashantai

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I loved the appearence by Death. That was great.

Great work on the game update too. Well done!
 

loki100

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impressive amount of modding has been going on there by the look of it ... or is this the end point of a secret CK AAR you've been hiding away?

overall this Miran seems unusual ... competent? Yes competent may just be the word.
 

Macknull

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morningSIDEr said:
...complete and utter anger that the idiot scribe has provided me with the wrong map.
:rofl::rofl: so much win
 
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This AAR is so confusing, Mixing games up, switching writing styles mid AAR, lame jokes?

I feel sorry for your proof-readers! >_<
 

sjones25

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Wow, Miriam is such a generous and kind brother, or cousin, or whatever. How could the Timurids not accept such a noble and generous offer of aid in their time of need?
 
Last edited:

History_Buff

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Territorial expansion under the guise of helping a co-dynast. Sneaky, and very interesting
 

Dewirix

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I keep thinking of Miran referring to the Timurids as "fraternal allies" or some such, but that just makes him sound like Stalin.

It's quite clear that the war is actually to decide whether Miran or Mizra triumphs as the ruler name of choice in Muslim Asia.
 

morningSIDEr

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RGB - 1. Any band with such a brilliance laden name would be destined for greatness!
2. It is indeed only to be expected that Punjab would aid Khandesh in this rescue mission, the goals of which are clearly noble and just!
3. A very intriguing observation. True too, women always like a man of mystery. The mystery in this case being why Miran then intrigues them!
4. It is quite shameful how long the modding took so as to allow me to take those four CK screenshots for this update. Truly I am useless when using a PC if I need to do anything more taxing than simply turning one on. The map in question is actually that of the Sultanate of Seljuk Turks. I believe they did indeed hold some of the lands which the Timurids later held and thus could be called the Timurids of old. They were the 'lucky' nation to be honoured with transformation into Khandesh in CK!
5. Indeed, even DEATH begins to get confused when seemingly every male in a nation has the name Miran!

dinofs - Miran did indeed leave the country in good hands. Whether they are the hands of his son or some other relative of some sort or another does not matter for they are the hands of another Miran. Khandesh can thus rest easy knowing she is led by another great!

naggy - Quite so! I've enjoyed the same relationship with my own brother for many years.

Ashantai - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is, but of course, en route!).

loki100 - As alluded to before, the tinkering required for those four screenshots was minimal, but it really did take me an embarrassingly long time nonetheless. However it has helped to heighten my appreciation for all those who create many a wonderful mod!

As for Miran himself, he does seem surprisingly competent. At present anyway...

Macknull - I'm very glad you think so (your bribe is in the post!).

Chocobo115 - As do I! I do have one very good friend who is kind enough to look over the rough drafts of my drivel before I unleash them upon this forum, the poor guy suffers terribly as a result.

Iain Wilson - I'm glad he came across so well! You are right though, he does indeed seem to remind me of some other ruling family in a far better AAR. Now which AAR am I thinking of...?

sjones25 - How very true! The Timurids are no doubt very grateful that Miran is attempting to aid them.

History_Buff - Sneaky?! Miran acts only with honourable intentions! Well, semi-honourable intentions. Okay, he is an opportunistic vulture.

blsteen - I only hope he is half the ruler his predecessor proved to be. Then he can only be half as useless.

Dewirix - I have to agree. This war is for a far more important reason than to simply liberate the Timurids from rebel rule. It is to decide which is the name chosen for countless males in the future!
 

morningSIDEr

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KHANDESH THE BEWILDERINGLY SUCCESSFUL
CHAPTER 2 - WHO'S THE DADDY?
(1451-1452)

Thankfully the Golden Horde have no means to reach my position. Thus in truth this coming war-uhm, aid mission, will pit Khandesh against the Timurids. Uh, the Timurid rebels that is.

Donning my stunning full set of Grey Painted Cloth Armour (TM), with newly added Shimmery Metallic Effect (patent pending) providing not only protection but style too, I ready myself to lead the Khandeshi army into battle against the Timurids...uh, their rebels rather.

UP18-1.jpg

As can be seen I was not named Miran for no reason, I am a veritable Vanquisher of Foes (TM). This war should be a dawdle, I'll have my cous-my fellow family member's throne in no time. So as to return said throne to him, of course.

Leading the men into the Timurid lands, I note the large force my fellow Faruqi is leading.

UP18-2.jpg

I explain to my men that we need avoid contact with the Timurid force at all costs. Not because we would be attacked by said force, clearly we are allies in this war and therefore welcomed by the Timurids. Rather it is because both armies will fare better working apart, thus hastening the ending of this rebellion.

Mere days later the first military victory of my reign is won.

UP18-3.jpg

Glad as I am at having achieved this success, I am also surprised. Surprised that Bengal felt the need to attack my forces rather than the common enemy we should both be fighting; the Timurid rebels. Honestly, you would think Bengal is suspicious of my motives for going to war with the Timurids.

To prove my good intentions I personally crush a rebel force a few weeks later.

UP18-4.jpg

I have Hemant send news of this stunning victory to all nearby nations, so as to make clear that my intentions are good and true. I am here only to aid the Timurids, thus there is no need to attack myself or Khandesh.

I am thus shocked when a Timurid envoy makes contact but months later requesting a white peace between both nations.

UP18-5.jpg

Quite an insult. I am here to aid the Timurids, I shall not leave until all rebels have been removed from these lands and I have secured said lands for myself. Uh-secured them for my fellow Faruqi that is. So incensed am I with the implied perfidiousness of my actions in beginning this war, that I have the envoy disposed of by Noor. His screams of terror echoing merrily within my ears as he plummets down the portable well I have installed at every campsite. A portable well is essential military equipment for any ruler.

Noting with trepedation that 'Mirza has finally regained control of Makran, I wait nervously to see which way he will take his large force, which considerably outnumbers the 8,000 under my command.

UP18-6.jpg

Understandably he decides to head west, rather than even contemplate fighting with my army. No doubt 'Mirza understands, even if others cannot, how noble my intention is and he is thus after the true enemy; the rebels.

As soon as 'Mirza has left Makran my men hurriedly enter the province.

UP18-7.jpg

I bravely do this so as to secure the province from any other rebels who may be roaming the countryside, it is certainly not for my own gain. The wisdom and selflessness of my actions are made clear as 'Mirza is busily fighting rebels in Kerman, rebels that would otherwise have likely attacked Makran once more but for my daring decision to defend the province.

Fantastic news reaches me in the next month, a messenger from the capital telling me that my wife has given birth! Damn I'm good, hundreds of mile from the wife and I've still got her pregnant.

UP18-8.jpg

Who's the daddy? WHO'S THE DADDY? WHO'S T-uhm...actually probably not me. I've been busy campaigning for the last year and have had no chance to see the wife. Come to think of it, I did not even know I had a wife. Me and this woman are going to have words when I return...

Unsure if this sprog is truly of my blood, I refuse to give him the glory laden name of Miran. Miran is a name reserved for only the very best of Khandeshi rulers.

Well, that and the fact that Noor had advised me that naming my heir Miran would cause a nationwide inssurection. For some reason the peasantry have a growing dislike for all Khandeshi rulers named Miran. Quite ludicrous, you would think every Sultan named Miran had proven himself an incompetent oaf.

As with the rest of the army, I have proven my bravery time and again as the months continue to pass, myself and my fellow soldiers bravely acquitting ourselves to siege duty. Courageously we have been battling mind numbing boredom and muddy uniforms, deadly dangers inherent in this type of warfare. It is whilst I am heroically engaged in said danger fraught siege duty that I am warned that 'Mirza is on the move once again.

UP18-9.jpg

Thankfully he is merely moving further westwards, no doubt comfortable in the knowledge that I am pillagi-uh, protecting his eastern lands. Things are going swimmingly, this war should be finished soon and the Timurids power broken. The power of the Timurid rebels that is.

Is the war truly going swimmingly? Will 'Mirza continue to simply move westwards whilst Khandesh is busy occupying his provinces? Is Nasir actually a Faruqi? Find out in the next stupendously dull episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!