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Mar 31, 2008
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My last AAR with Oyo was a miserable failure. Nonetheless I greatly enjoyed typing it up, turning readers brains to cheese with my drivel. As such, I could not resist beginning a third AAR, and this time it is the nation of Khandesh which will suffer from my inept leadership.

One of the things I enjoyed most during the Oyo AAR were my short attempts at ripping off Tales of our Faarthers and Oranjes by loki100 and Iain Wilson respectivelly. I enjoyed it so much indeed, that I decided to make this very AAR nothing but attempts at emulating the styles used by different writers. To this end, I asked/bribed/pleaded/threatened (the threat being a personal visit from CS; very effective) a number of very kind/deluded/terrified but very much talented victims...uh, I mean writers, if I could employ the style they use in their AARs for this one. The poor fools all agreed, and I quickly had my list of victi-uhm...writers readied.

The list is as follows;

Mamma Mia! The AAR by aldriq

Going FAARther by dinofs

Suenik the Beleaguered - a None Too Serious AAR by Iain Wilson

Etruria: Forging an Empire by JDMS

Tales from our Faarthers by loki100

Histories of the Islamic Countries: a Granada AAR by Marco Oliverio

Monopoly - a Hansa AAR by naggy

Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales) by phargle

Unhinged Loons: A Tag-hopping AAR by sjones25

The HAARd Way - Friesland AAR by Sybot

All of these AARs are excellent and the writers very skilled. Thus showing my reason for this AAR; I can hopefully draw upon the many fans of these writers, whilst simultaneously ruining their reputations with my crude attempts on their wonderful AARs, thereby demolishing some of my competition on the forum! Uhm...I mean, I'll honour their great works with my own miserable attempts (note to self; do not give away future evil plans so early on).

The premise is simple then; each time the ruler of Khandesh passes away, I shall change my style from AAR to AAR, following the list, which has been sorted in ascending alphabetical order of each writers name. As can thus be seen, Sybot is the luckiest writer, I will most likely be annexed long before I get the chance to defile his AAR.

The AARs I have listed here are but the smallest sampling from the many AARs I greatly enjoy following. It is my hope that should I survive long enough (and frankly that is far from gauranteed, annexation is very likely considering my complete lack of skill when it comes to EU3) to emulate the style of these first ten AARs I have listed, I can then have the chance to rip-off yet more of the writers whose AARs I enjoy reading. Indeed I have a few writers already lined up for this very purpose.

I will avoid in-jokes as much as possible. As a good friend pointed out that to do otherwise will leave me with an AAR near incomprehensible if it has too many in-references (and frankly my AARs end up incomprehensible enough as it is). Therefore this AAR constitutes my own game, which I am hoping to be full of conquests, and my own words, within the framework of each of these AARs.

As for the game itself; I am playing with the 4.1 beta April 29th patch. The difficulty is set to very hard with all other settings at normal. Lucky nations are historical. I will not be allowing myself to westernise (Oyo has left me forever scarred from attempting to do so).

WARNING: This AAR shall contain a large number of screenshots to make up for my poor writing. Even more dire, it will include a large number of attempts at humour. Sadly these attempts will be quite awful.
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Part One - This drivel should be put down the Waterloo; an attempt on Mamma Mia! The AAR by aldriq

Scene I _________________________________________________
_______________ Scene II _________________________________
________________________________ Scene III _______________
________________________________________________ Scene IV
Scene V _________________________________________________
_______________ Scene VI _________________________________
________________________________ Scene VII _______________
_______________________________________________ Scene VIII
Scene IX & X _____________________________________________
____________________________________________ Scene XI & XII
_______________________ Scene XIII _______________________

Part Two - This AAR is Going FAARther downhill; an attempt on Going FAARther by dinofs

Update One - Update Two - Update Three
Update Four - Update Five - Update Six
Update Seven - Update Eight - Update Nine

Part Three - Khandesh the Bewilderingly Successful - A Seriously Bad AAR; an attempt on Suenik the Beleaguered - a None Too Serious AAR by Iain Wilson

Sultan Miran II - The Ever Helpful (1450-1471)
Chapter 1 - The Sultan is Dead! Long Live the Sultan!
Chapter 2 - Who's the Daddy?
Chapter 3 - Keep Your Friends Close and Your Family Closer
Chapter 4 - For the Glory!
Chapter 5 - Miran's the Name
Chapter 6 - Selflessness Thy Name is Faruqi
Chapter 7 - Feeling Loanely
Chapter 8 - Keeping it in the Family
Chapter 9 - I Lake What I See
Chapter 10 - Uways Look on the Bright Side of Life
Chapter 11 - Toetally Unexpected

Part Four - Khandesh: Perpetuating a Farce; an attempt on Etruria: Forging an Empire by JDMS.

Chapter One: Always Blame the Cartographer
Chapter Two: Sick Diplomacy
Chapter Three: Uways Happy to Help
Chapter Four: A Monumental Erection
Chapter Five: Boy Oh Boy
Chapter Six: A Most Taxing War
Chapter Seven: A Nepalling Chapter Title
Chapter Eight: For the Horde!
Chapter Nine: Genoa Chance
Chapter Ten: Friendly Family Fire
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Scene I​

Outside the barracks of Asirgarh, Khandesh; A newly recruited soldier, Utkarsh Kolte, is being put through his paces. Sergeant Praveer Wagh is training the recruits.

PRAVEER No, look its not difficult to understand. You hold your sword like so, and strike at the target like this.
UTKARSH I think I've got it sarge. I'll have another go.
UTKARSH Uh...sorry sarge. I'm sure his ear can be stitched back on...
PRAVEER You two, get him to the medic. You, get back to the dummy.

Utkarsh limply slashes at the straw dummy.


Alas Khandesh is not the most powerful of nations. Nonetheless I begin to quickly expand her military, as I am planning to bring her forces up to the limit of 3,000 men. As can be seen, Khandesh starts in a horribly scary position, with Delhi, Deccan and Gujarat all bordering her, all of whom are considerably larger nations. I hope to simply be able to catch one of them unawares at some point, and grab some land.

UTKARSH I think I'm getting the hang of it sarge!
PRAVEER Getting the hang of it?! You missed a stationary target, a dummy made out of straw, with your last three attempted blows! Pray tell me private, how does that show you are now beginning to understand the basics of combat?
UTKARSH Well I'd missed five times before that sarge, so its an improvement.
UTKARSH I'll just get back to it then.
PRAVEER Missed again...

Utkarsh limply slashes at the straw dummy.


I am quite happy with Khandesh's sliders on the whole. As I am planning to engage in a lot of combat, without westernisation being possible, I make my first slider move one towards quality. Hopefully with the slider at full quality this can slightly make up for the fact that my units will be of a lower technology, should I survive long enough to take on any European nations. More to the point; I avoided a move towards centralisation for fear of a revolt event, as its very likely any such revolt would crush the mere 1,000 strong Khandesh army. Considering the martial prowess of Utkarsh, I was not surprised when the 'Unsuitable recruits' event fired upon moving the slider.​

PRAVEER Alright lads, most of you have made very good progress. A few more battalions have been raised and it looks as if war may be imminent.
UTKARSH Finally some action!
PRAVEER Not for you Utkarsh, the only action you'll be seeing for a while is with that dummy.
UTKARSH Aww, but sarge come on now, I've been hitting it most of the time!
PRAVEER Yes, you've been hitting it, me, and half the men in this company. You'll prove more of a danger to us than the enemy. Just you continue your training.

Utkarsh limply slashes at the straw dummy.


Having increased Khandesh's army to a mighty 3,000 men, she had completed her first mission. The next; Royal Marriage with Delhi had little-to-no chance of being completed, and the reward was quite pointless, thus it was cancelled. The new mission, providing a very useful casus belli against Deccan, is just what I was after. Deccan are currently at war with Orissa, giving Khandesh a good, if risky, chance to make an opportunistic attack on them, hopefully allowing for some land to be gained.​

UTKARSH Thanks for letting me come along sarge, I didn't want to miss this!
PRAVEER It wasn't exactly my choice lad. When you are fighting a force over seven times larger than your own, you have to use everyone you have available. No matter how useless they are...
UTKARSH I won't let your down sarge, don't worry.
PRAVEER Aye well, you'll be on baggage duty if I have any say in the matter. Hopefully then there will be little chance of you hacking away at your own side.

Praveer savagely slashes at a clump of weeds whilst marching towards Deccan.


Having put off the decleration of war for a few months in the hope that Deccan's forces will be too bogged down in Orissa to quickly repel my attack, war is finally declared. Due to the size of Deccan's forces, I am hoping that I can quickly occupy a few provinces and sue for peace before her far larger armies can be brought to bear upon my units. Thankfully Bengal and Sind should prove unable to reach me, but frankly Deccan alone is more than large enough to crush my impudent attack.​

Great Start!
And, I enjoy the humor...ah, does that mean there's something wrong with me?
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Really liked your first two AARs so I will follow this one as well. *subcribed*

Also putting together an ARR out of other AARs seems like an interesting concept although I don't know all of them, probably should check them out.

As for the country choice: Will this be easier or harder than Oyo? :D
Their starting position looks pretty bad and they hardly ever survive 50 years. Probably they have a chance if CS leaves them alone. :rofl:

No Westernising? Curious how that turns out in the long run (if there is one).

I enjoy your humor as well. Keep it comming. :cool:
This will be interesting to see if you can pull this off. Good thing CS is no where to be seen so far, they seem to have enough problems with their own soldiers without him making their whole army that way.
So he ended in India , this time? if he can survive the start , he will have an easier time than previous attempt ^^
Being one of the (un)lucky authAARs mentioned here, I'm very excited for this AAR. :D And this time around, CS probably won't mess everything up!
So this is what that's all about. YEA! I can't wait. I love that you've chosen a massively small (oxymoron?) state surrounded but what I hope will be prove to be powerfully weak large states. :rofl:

So that you can take them all on and survive - actually not just survive but prosper. And become Hindustan or whatever Khandesh gets to become when it conquers all of India.

I can't wait to see what happens. And your take on the styles of the AARs you're using! :D
So if I want to start seeing CS, I have to let him take over my AAR?
Thank you hugely for the replies!

Range - Thank you profusely for the kind words (your bribe, as ever, is in the post!). I'm afraid to say you need get yourself to a doctor as quickly as possible. Enjoying the awful attempted humour in my AARs clearly shows you must be ill!

Donfodio - A great many thanks for the kind words (your bribe is en route!). I highly advise checking out the AARs I have listed here, they are all great reads. Certainly better than most of the tosh I type! As for the difficulty; the start is undoubtedly tougher for Khandesh, but I'm hoping if I can survive for long enough it will end up a bit easier than with Oyo. Hopefully non-stop declarations of war from European nations can be avoided this time!

I decided against the westernisation this time, as I felt it would take too long. For westernisation to really work, I'd need to keep Khandesh relatively small whilst going through it, otherwise waiting for stability to recover after each phase of westernisation would take far too long if Khandesh was a large state. Furthermore, I truly have been left rather scarred by it after the Oyo game!

You too need get yourself to a doctor if you like this awful attempted humour!

History_Buff - I am certainly hoping I can pull it off! The start is the worst part I've found, in my trial run games. It all just depends on how things fall. Thus far I've been incredibly lucky, as will be shown in this update. I'm just hoping my luck holds, and CS remains unseen!

sprites - Agreed! Or I hope so anyway. The start is the toughest part, but without westernisation, the latter part of this AAR will likely prove interesting too. As for CS? He is still awaiting trial (fear the slow pace of justice!), whether he is freed or not, I will have to see!

Sybot - Thank you, I hope it proves a fun AAR too. I certainly hope it proves more fun than having my backside handed to me with Oyo! CS is, as yet, nowhere to be found, hopefully he will not have a chance to ruin things once more!

dinofs - I'm glad you are looking forward to my defiling your great AAR! As for CS, hopefully he will not appear anytime soon.

praskieva - Many thanks for the kind words (your bribe is on way to you!). I'm delighted that you have been looking forward to this AAR, and too, that you made your first post one regarding this nonsense!

Marco Oliverio - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is, of course, on way to you!). I currently have a massively small state which will hopefully become a powerfully weak large state before sinking into average sized mediocrity! Wait...

Mico94 - I sincerely hope so!

aldriq - Thankfully the courts of the afterlife as no less slow and bureaucratic than those we mere mortals need appear before. Therefore CS is likely not going to be finished there anytime soon, and your scenes are thus likely safe!

loki100 - Stalking?! ah, so its you behind the curtains! I thought I'd noticed them twitching...

naggy - If you even let him within a few miles of your AAR his smell will take it over! CS may well appear at some point unfortunately, but I doubt it will be anytime soon!

Keinwyn - I certainly hope it proves fun! I rather hope the AI is given ideas, it being made even more suicidal suits me perfectly!

Scene II

Inside the Royal Palace in Burhanpur, Khandesh; Minister Hritik is in a governmental meeting with Minister Taral.

TARAL The man is mad! What was he thinking? We have neither the men nor infastructure to take on a nation such as Deccan. We will be ground into the dust!
HRITIK Now Taral-
TARAL If I've told him once, I've told him a thousand times, we need to begin trading. He appoints me Minister of Trade and then never sends out a merchant! I've brought him many detailed plans on how we can saturate a number of markets...
HRITIK Taral, pleas-
TARAL Does he think that Orissa will survive for long enough to allow us to grab some land? He appoints us, claiming he needs our advice, and then he simply ignores us!

Hritik glumly continues with his paperwork whilst enduring Taral's litany.


Things are going surprisingly well thus far. Delhi gauranteed me a few months earlier. Then I was surprised to see Orissa fighting back, actually doing quite well. Orissan troops managed to end Deccan's occupation of Telingana, and I merely hope they can keep Deccan tied up for a bit longer, as provinces are falling to Khandesh.​

TARAL I slave and slave for that man, and what do I get in return? Nothing but worry and anguish. If he had only followed my advice, then even now we would dominate the market for cheap faux realistic iron swords
HRITIK I really think that-
TARAL I get no respect, not even an addition to my portfolio. You were given control of the Navy Ministry last year, despite us being a landlocked nation. That is the kind of plum job I want.

Hritik glumly continues with his paperwork whilst enduring Taral's litany.


Thinking that I may just get away with this shamelessly opportunistic war without suffering any casualties, I end up rather shocked when Khandesh is suddenly besieged. I did not think Sind had any access to my country. It turns out that Delhi is an ally of Sind, and had seemingly given Sind military access. Thus the Sind army took the long route, around through Delhi, to besiege Khandesh's sole province. Things have quickly turned from this being a surprisingly easy war, to Khandesh being close to annexation.

TARAL Look at this! Just typical. He ignores my advice and we end up besieged. If we'd simply taken a trading route this would never have happened.
HRITIK Yes, well-
TARAL And who will be blamed when things go wrong? Me of course. The blame always finds its way to me.

Hritik glumly continues with his paperwork whilst enduring Taral's litany.


The 4,000 men which Sind have under arms is too large a force for me to best. Instead I simply continue besieging Deccan's provinces, hoping that I can occupy enough so as to gain some small concession in a peace deal. Unsurprisingly Deccan are point blank refusing even a white peace at present. Just to worry me further, Deccan's 14,000 strong force suddenly emerges from the fog of war, easily crushing Orissa's army. Things are looking very bleak.

TARAL And now we are occupied! What are we meant to do now? We only have one province!
HRITIK Shutup man! Have you lost your wits?! We're in the Royal Palace and you continually insult our liege!
TARAL What? Is he behind me?! I thought he was on campaign! Uh...truly our Sultan is the most exulted and majestic of all rulers. A wise man inspired by Allah, he will make our nation prosperous and great beyond measure!

Taral scurries off to begin his paperwork.


Khandesh falls, and rather surprisingly Sind merely ask for the contents of Khandesh's treasury in return for peace. Clearly the effort required to recapture all of the Deccan provinces Khandesh has occupied, so as to annex Khandesh, is too much bother for Sind. The choice is to thus give up 14 ducats, or suffer near inevitable annexation. I am therefore left pondering for a long time which option to choose. Even with Sind now out of the picture, Deccan remain a hugely worrisome force. Orissa cannot hold on forever. I simply hope Deccan's remaining provinces fall quickly.

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14 ducats isn't too bad, all things considered.
Zero Ducats in the treasury...now he'll put Taral in charge of the treasury. But, even in a landlocked country being in charge of a navy is a lot being than being named commander of the air force in the 1400's.

Great job...keep it up. I like Taral...he has substance...he's a character for sure.